Starting Chemo July 2012

virginab, thanks for providing some hope for an end to the horrible sweating.  I try to ignore it, but it does get tiring after a while.

Maddie57, I came to the same conclusion about old injuries and chemo.   It's like it finds every former problem you ever had in your body and makes it flare up again.  I'm really curious what's going on.  Makes it seem like things that were healed were never really healed, they had just stopped hurting.  Now they hurt again. 

I am having a complete breakdown tonight. I feel like this disease has taken so much away from me that I've worked so hard for. Had to drop out of college, take a leave of absence from my job, try to keep this very beautiful relationship going while battling ghosts from my past. I left an abusive marriage seven years ago to rebuild and just felt like I was getting there and then this. And all I can think tonight is - it's not fair. It's just not fair. Nothing is fair. I hope I cry it all out tonight and wake up in the morning feeling better about everything. But for tonight, it's just not freakin' fair.

Oh Lifeonitsside - wish I could say just the right thing to make sure feel better. This disease can't take away all of what you have accomplished so far - thats yours to keep. Its just going to stall you from moving forward for a bit. But when its over - you'll get that momentum right back. Hang in there - be strong! We are all right by your side (you just cant see us

Virginiab - after reading the posts on this site- I asked my doc about the 4 vs. 6 issue. He said something very similar to yours...there is no data to date demonstrating that 6 TC treatments gets a better result that 4, but there are trials going on now. My doc has told me over and over that he is very conservative, so he strongly recommended 6. I figure I am two thirds of the way through and as much as I want to be done - I can hang in there for another 2 treatments (or 6 weeks). Good to know we are at least hearing similar things from doctors in two different parts of the country!

Hi Lifeonitsside - Boy have you had it tough. You have every right to have a melt down. Get yourself a drink, tea, coffee whatever relaxes you and some easy to swallow junk food. Make sure you are on your own and really wallow in your depression!! Sob for a few hours - grieve for what you have lost and are having to face and get it out of your system. You will feel so much better in the morning. As I said make sure you are on your own - it is not easy to really let go if there is someone else there. The breast clinic sister has said she has never seen me cry and I don't usually let it get me down, but I did have one really, really bad day when the BS told me the skin over the TE was so thin I would not be able to do any exercise for at least a year. This line from a song always made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck even before any of this happened - "The wolves they howled for my lost soul, I fell into a big black hole...". Boy did that describe how I felt that day, and I sobbed from the bottom of my boots on and off all day. I felt much better the next day!! If you can leave an abusive relationship you are one strong woman - you can get through this.

Ann and teeballmom  - have you tried Evening Primrose Oil for the menopausal symptoms? I have heard it helps, but check with your Onc first, as I am not sure if it contains Estrogen.

PAeaglesfan- thanks for the good wishes. I am on premeds for chemo. Guess they will just have to be a bit stronger for the 3rd one.

With regards 4 or 6 chemos it is a difficult choice. It depends on your risk of spread. I had 2 tumours, but apparently as my sentinel nodes were clear  my risk of spread is small. I have only been offered 4 chemo treatments, but will be on herceptin for a year. I think I  am happy with 4 as a precaution.

Good Morning everyone -

Life I am sending you the biggest {{HUG}} I can. I hope you allowed yourself to cry and that you are feeling better this morning. This disease does take a tremendous amount of energy, spirit, and hope out you at times but it cannot take away all that you have accomplished before it and all that you will do after it. You've been a huge support for so many of us, with the right words or advice and know we are behind you!

About these menopause symptoms -I have some hot/cold flashes and I sweat occasionally at night. I'm 31 and going on 6 weeks w/o getting my period. I recall at one point the doctor saying that the drugs could put my body into menopause but I am unsure if this is what it actually occuring now. I will definitely be asking the onc about this later in the week when I see her to get my clearance to begin Taxol on Monday.

itsalltemporary: I'm in the fourth round of six of TAC. Fifth is next week. So I'll still be lurking around the chemo boards for a little longer. Is anyone starting to feel muscle burning/fatigue? This started for me just a little bit here and there at the end of the third cycle. Still not terrible, but I'm really worried about what condition I'll be in after the last two treatments.

I've been having what I think are allergy symptoms. Itchy eyes, watery nose. Onco nurse said chemo can create allergies in people who have never had them. It's amazing what this stuff does. Fortunately, it also kills cancer.

Lifeonitsside, you sound like a very strong person to have made it through all of those challenges. You're kind of inspirational, really.

I hope you are feeling better Lifeonitsside. I don't know what to say except I feel for everyone when we are having the hard days....and we all have our hard days and weeks. When I had my blood drawn today there was a man there I recognized. I thought he was one of my daughter's old soccer coaches. But then I remembered I recognized him because I saw him when he was doing his chemo training. I remember thinking that day (chemo training day) really sucked (amoung other days). When I saw him that day, I remember thinking what a sucky day it must be for him too. Everything was so scary on that day.... Now I was seeing him getting all hooked up with the chemo bags, his mom with him. I felt like holding out my hand, to say I know, I know this really sucks. But, of course, I didn't....that would have been awkward and he would think I was off my rocker. I just smiled...maybe next time I'll talk to him. When I see everyone in the room I just wonder about their stories. Everyone seems so nice and I know they all have a story. Anyways.....best wishes to everyone!

Hi Susan HG - you have a tough regime!! I am so sorry about the sores, digits and ankles - that would be enough to make anyone depressed!! Hang in there - big hug from me.

Stride- I noticed the muscle burning in my thighs after cycle 2 - only occasionally and not too bad. Only have my third one Monday, so will let you know. My fingers and toes are now almost permanently slightly numb right at the ends whereas before it came and went. Can't say it is sore - just weird. I have read the runny nose is caused by the hairs thinning in your nose, and the runny eyes are because of the eyelashes thinning. Apparently if you use an earbud, and coat the inside of your nose with vaseline it stops the allergen touching the mucous membranes. Some hayfever sufferers also coat the eyelash line. Hope this helps you.

Ann - you will always have bloods taken before your chemo. It's a wonder we have any blood left!! They have to check your platelets and white cells etc are normal enough for your body to withstand a dose of chemo. If they didn't do this the chemo dose could kill you or make you seriously ill.

Roadwarrior- as you have done so well on the AC I am sure you will do equally well on the Taxol. Most of us who have suffered with Taxol or Tamoxifen seem to have suffered with terrible joint pains. You look young and gorgeous, and I don't think this will be an issue for you. The neuropathy is a different matter. I only have it very slightly so far - not enough to worry me as I told Stride- maybe it will get worse I don't know. We are all so different. I wish I could be there for your first treatment to give you some support. My sister goes with me for my chemo treatments- is there anyone to go with you? Let us know how it goes- big hug !!!

Hi Roadwarrior- is the Neulasta shot the one to encourage your white blood cells. They call it something different here. If so- the onc was not sure when I had my first reaction if it was the Taxotere or the injection to encourage white blood cells. She lowered my dose of Taxotere, so she would not have to give me that injection- just in case it was the culprit. She said with the lower dose it was not necessary,so it is worth asking about it.

Stride, I am on TAC-4th treatment will be September 20, and every 3 weeks, neoadjuvant before surgery. Before next treatment I will see breast surgeon for check in.   My least favorite SE is the mental fog and exhaustion, which for me lasts about 4-6 days or so. I said from the beginning I would not let my weight drop,as my Oncologist and Nurse Pract emphasized that nutrition, caloric intake, and filtering toxins out of kidneys and blood as the chemo runs through, were of utmost importance. So, though my taste buds are slightly affected, as is my sense of smell (like a spidey sense!), my appetite is good and I continue to eat everything I was eating before.  Recently I didn't want to eat anything 'smokey'.  I did get tired of plain water pretty quick, but I just mixed in a shot of apple, cranberry juice, or gatorade or other drinks to mix it up. It definitely feels like my side effects are dragging a bit longer than they were earlier on, which the doctor said may happen (cumulative), but I take good care of my skin scalp, and overall mental well being (besides the occasional breakdown of course) , by staying as active as I can (friends, social functions, time spent with wife, and just good 'ol stress relief). Monday, for the first time in years I got out my Tennis racuet from High School and hit for 20 min or so with my wife. I had cleared it with doctor during last chemo, and as long as I don't overdo it they said it was good for me. I get my treatments Thursdays and Neulasta shot Friday, and then am quite annihilated for 5-6 days between all the digestive (I get constipated) and other lovely side effects. This past Saturday I went to a pro Baseball game and Sunday to a good friend's baby shower. So the Monday I went back to work I was a little tired (I go out for 11 days for treatment and recovery and then go back to work for 7 days before next treatment).  But the work and its regular stressors have helped keep my mind sharp and engaged in my 'professional' life as much as possible, which for me has helped tremendously. 

 I just want this thing to shrink enough to get it out of me, and then start the next phase (radiation)....ugh.

Life-I had a day like that a few days ago, and yesterday....feels like an asteroid hit you. The combo of all you 'were' (and still are!), and the strength with which you will emerge will build the bridge out of this for you. Sometimes we have to cry this out-moodswings and all. Feels like we're nuts when it 'comes on' and won't let go until its out. So unpredictable sometimes, but it too shall pass. Keep smiling and staying creative to keep that brain moving:) Big hugs and smiles to everyone on this complicated inner missions.

Road my onc told me that once I start Taxol (next Monday) I will probably only get the Neulasta shot for every other treatment. She explained that Taxol does not effect the WBC as much as AC did. I am definitely going to double check this info with her on Monday. My feelings are similar to yours - my onc said I had an "Easy" time with AC so the prospect of Taxol has my head imagining all kinds of crazy things.

Susan I am not sure if I've mentioned this before - sorry chemobrain here- but you and I appear to be on the same treatment plan dose dense 4 AC , 4 Taxol with Herceptin every week for eight weeks of Taxol then switch to Herceptin every 3 weeks for the year. I went for my muga scan today in prep for Herceptin.

Went to the support group at WeSPARK today and feel so much better now. Tara, the facilitator, was great at putting my crazy anxiety and emotions into perspective without diminishing them. She gave me some good advice on how to approach my DBF about a few things I need from him at this point due to my neediness from my treatment. And... I actually got a wig from them. It's actually very cute - short and sassy, just the way I like my hair. It's kind of sandy blonde, which is weird cuz I've been coloring my hai black for the past few years. Gonna spring it on my BF tonight. He told me a whiles ago he thinks wigs are sexy so we'll see...



Thanks for all the love these past few days. Been a huge help.

stride, they take 2 vials every time from me.  They do a complete blood panel, not just the white cell count.  I've never had a finger prick test from a lab.  It's always at least one vial. 

I told my oncoloist about the Stand Up to Cancer thing and he told me I do not have permission to check an web sites except for Travelocity and Expedia  I like him.  For all that each of us is going through the important thing to remember is that it will hit each of us differently and we will each have our outcomes.  It's good to share but we have to remember to keep things in perspective.