2012 sisters

I love the convo and opinions about change our diets etc! So let me say I am totally wo judgement with anyone's choices or beliefs:) I was a marathoner but a closest smoker! I was am a lover of good wine! I am confused as hell,as an person,who back in the day study every thing she could about exercise and nutrition. I want sicentist to research this and understand if some day we can fight and prevent this dam fucking cancer with making different choices! I want my friend's children and my nieces never to have to worry about the stats 1:8 as we do... I want there not to be a "standard of care" for all of us! I pray that we all fight and get well! I pray for day for all of us, that we can move beyond this "c" word being every converstation we have w our friends and family. I want to have sex with my bf wo worrying about how different his life could be right now. I want normalcy, but I don't know what that would be anymore. You know what I want more than anything? To wake up tomorrow, and for maybe two minutes not think about BC, how to prevent reoccurence, when is my next appointment, what will my new fboobs look like, will I have do chemo again or is this my new life? Sorry ladies I just need to type this shit out and although I think I have learned so much about myself through all of this. I still yell at the top of lungs "fuck off cancer" you do not know who you are messing with!



Once again Ladies! Feel my arms giving all of you big hugs! And tu for letting me just type out my feelings!

MrsCich... I had MX to right side and no TE's or any form of reconstruction. BS said as I have such a high % of recurrence he advised I wait at least a year. I have been off since dx in January. Had a very good sick bank and LTD package - so I took it. I bet your job is amazing. When I watched Armstrong first walk on the moon I turned to my Mum and said "I want to do that, I want to be an astronaut when I leave school"... as you gathered I did not attain that wish... but space has always fascinated me.

I had a craving for Brussel sprouts when I was on AC... could taste them so well. That with mashed potatoes too.

Jpmom: way to go running 3 miles today. An achievement in my mind. Never been a runner/jogger myself, love walking though. And I have just had a glass of wine and had a beer earlier on. I, like you, really like my alcohol and do not intend stopping. I will not drink through the week though, unless I go for wings on Wednesday at the local pub.

As for survivor/fighter. I just asked my DH how he sees it ? He said that at this moment I am a fighter and until I get the all clear after rads that is how he will see me. For me I feel I have been a survivor since dx cos I wasn't going to let this bastard take me down... but also I am a fighter of cancer. Nothing like sitting on the fence eh? My body knows how to grow this beast and that does concern me.

There was a lot of interesting and helpful reading this weekend.  I haven't made major changes in my diet but am working towards it.  I am like jpmom, feeling that it would be difficult with my family and schedule to make those changes.  We have a garden and our own chickens for eggs so at least I feel good in that category.  Here's a thought...as much as I never want to get cancer back I do not want it to rule the rest of my life or cause me to live in fear.  I feel that if I become obsessed with my diet and nutrition that the cancer will continue to rule my life even when its completely gone.  Just a thought, but again I am trying to make positive changes.  Even small changes are better than no changes.

My youngest son and I started an exercise plan today with the hopes of doing a Turkey Trot.  I started doing 5K's in 2010 but haven't run at all since my dx.  This week for me is fast walking only.  Next week starts the running.

jpmom- I feel the same as you.  Because I know that I still had cancer after chemo and my surgeon cannot positively say that all my cancerous nodes are removed I will not feel that I am without the disease until I finish rads and have that PET scan.  I like to think that it is all out of me but my MO said at this point there is no way to be sure.  I know that radiation will do amazing things and I am so ready to get started.  Way to go on the three miles.  I'm hoping to be able to do that by November!!!

Thanks for those who shared the oncotype information.  It has had me confused for a long time. Hope everyone has a good week. I'm happy that I only have one appointment this week.

Cottontail, my DH is the same way. He treats me no different when it comes to his attraction to me and his desire to be intimate. He is understanding of my down times, had a rough morning today, and he just says he wish he could take it from me or help in other ways than just being there for me. He is amazing and he too says I'm too hard on myself.



With his help, I was able to put a baggy t-shirt on today. When I looked in the mirror I cried. I feel so flat chested. Something I haven't experienced since I was 13. I've always been so busty and even though my initial fill in the OR for my TE's was 500cc, it's a huge difference. He just holds me and makes sexual comments about how he can't wait to see them when they're done.



I'm blessed to have him. He truly is my rock.

Men really are different aren't they? I hate looking at my surgery sites so I have taken to wearing a tank top to sleep in. Used to just wear not much. This BC stuff hasn't slowed him down in bed at all. He will reach for the surgery side fairly readily, it doesn't seem to bother him to touch that withered scarred semi boob. I don't like it because one, it feels weird and is still very sensitive and numb at the same time and two, it's ugly to me. I should be more like him I guess and just not let it bother me so. But it still does. It tried to kill me.



I have my last rads planning appointment this afternoon. As much I dread starting radiation, I can't wait to get it started. I want it to kill those leftover nodes that I imagine are growing into monsters. I am right there with you Tina. Until that pet scan tells me I am cancer free, I will remain skeptical. My MO is more optimistic. But she doesn't have cancer.

Wow - I missed a lot this weekend! Knowing AC round 2 is coming up on Tuesday, I felt kind of like a pregnant woman nesting. I ran around like a mad woman stocking up the fridge and freezer, doing mountains of laundry, cleaning up around the house. Felt good to do all my normal things though. For me - ditto on all that jpmom said. With a 2 year old and a 4 year old, a full time job, and a husband who loves to eat - making drastic changes in our diet seems like more work than I can manage. And I too don't want to let cancer rule my life. That said - I think there is a lot of truth and value to all the suggestions out there, and plan to do more of my shopping at whole foods when I can, and making smarter food and beverage choices. We'll see...

There is no way I'll even bother trying to respond to all with everything I missed - but Juneau, you've been on my mind. Hope you're doing ok out there. Not sure if any of you watched that Stand Up to Cancer special last week. We recorded it but wound up not watching much of it as it just hit too close to home this year. But I did see Michael Douglas (a survivor) say a few words at the beginning. I don't recall exactly what he said, so I'll paraphrase. Something about how cancer tries to knock us down, but instead it made him get up on his feet. And it got me thinking about you Juneau. We can't let cancer win. We have a whole bunch of tools in our arsenal. Granted some of those tools downright suck. But they are tools nonetheless. Knowing I'm heading into round two and will have another week that will just plain stink makes me kind of depressed. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna give cancer even the tiniest opportunity to steal me from my boys and my husband. Juneau - we'll all be here to support you in your decision, whatever it is. But know that you are strong. Cancer is no match for you honey!

Hugs to you all. Hope you have a great day.

I am a July girl and am having an awful time with swelling. It has now travelled to my back. I called the PS last Thursday, but no returned call. I am a tough girl, but I am in tears. I think it is lymphdema. So uncomfortable. Anyone else struggle with this?

June56 - sounds like a rough weekend. Please call your PS office again this a.m. There is also a lymphedema thread where you may be able to get some more advice or reassurance in the meantime. Hugs ((()))

If I is that uncomfortable, I would suggest emergency

June I don't see any posts from you in the LE threads.  Do try again, sometimes things just disappear.  Those ladies are quite literally life savers.  With your swelling, do you have any redness? Heat?  Do you feel ill?  These are signs that you need to follow websisters advice and head to urgent care or the er if you can't get an answer from your PS.

june - hot to the touch, I'd maybe consider going to an urgent care facility if you have one near you - especially if you are seeing redness too. Or if not - when you call the PS office again, let them know all these symptoms and ask if they can see you asap. Good luck!

jp & MrsC and others in the same boat - It makes sense to me not changing diet right now especially when feeding more kids. There's just my husband, son and me at home and 2 of us already have to eat gluten-free for celiac so cooking from scratch has been the only way to eat and stay in budget for us since celiac dx. So I was already doing this a while before bcdx. I often just keep it simple: Rice, veggies and some protein for dinner. If both dh and I were employed at the same time I still don't know what I'd do because I don't have many choices for gluten-free convenience food.

I say, "I *had* a breast cancer tumor that was completely removed, no nodal involvement, and the chemo is to prevent recurrence." So basically I say HAD not HAVE..

ramols, your sig makes me wonder if I can get metallic gold tattoos on my right boob... hmmmm... Tomorrow is my BGC day for taxol #2. I will think of you & maybe pretend we are going in together. That'll help my brain.

 all the best, everybody! Keep bugging your Drs for answers!

Just left the dr. And no surprise; they don't have any studies for TWO rounds of AC. "I'm almost done, you're no a quitter". SHIT!!!! Next round is on a Thursday instead so I can come in for fluids freiday and Monday and perhaps get through it faster. She said I'm doing great and my port is fine. It mIght have raised up some but it's still in the right position....take more pain killers for it! Great now I can go back to being a junkie!!!! I think not. I'll suffer thanks. This disease sucks!!!!!

Haven't forgotten you all; I read the posts everyday and most days I just sit and shake my head at the crap and decisions we bc ladies go through.

I followed all the convos about diet.Some of you have so much willpower I have to hand it to you.For those with small children that work, I would think changing diets would be impossible for now too.I'm not big on the diet stuff although I have cut out sugar in my coffee- a big step for me lol. My BS will probably refer me to a nutritionist my next visit-she says she likes her bc patients to visit one atleast once.

June if your PS didn't call back you might want to contact your breast surgeon as they deal with LE issues as well.

MrsCich- so funny my husband was fascinated by the numb thing too-seeing if I knew he had his finger on me etc. It definitely sounds like we all have keepers with our DH's. I'll say a prayer your onco is real low and that you don't have any major decisions to make.

Ramols-thats funny about the TE- we can only leave it to our imaginations as to how frisky things were getting to make you think you popped and expander. lol Nah, I understand because I always feared they could just explode; the implant is so much thinner than the TE so now I'm afraid it will get poked by a button or a zipper and leak. Dr reassured me that it isn't that easy though. lol

JPmom I'm tired thinking about you doing 3 miles let alone doing it myself! Thank goodness for tank tops, huh? What you're hiding doesn't sound near as scary as whats behind mine though. lol

Juneau hang in there. Not what you wanted to hear from your doc but chemo will come to an end and things will get better. Plus it's great you had no NS issues and that skinwise you match!Believe me that's a big positive!

Well back to organizing a few things. I've used this BC to put things off long enough. Hope you all have a good day and no se's or yucky decisions to make.