Nine year old - obsessive worrying

Dear lanagraves, 

Ahh- You have a very loving and concerned son, and we feel for you and him.   While you wait for other members to chime in, you may want to check out the main breastcancer.org site which contains some tips for talking to family and children about breast cancer. 

We hope for better dreams. 

The Mods 

I actually took my 2 oldest to a therapist when I was diagnosed. It gave them a safe place to talk about things without me.  I would also then talk with her separately to work on things to help them. My kids also gave up sleeping in their own beds and slept on the floor of my room for several months.  They are all back in their own rooms.  My advise to you is to do whatever you need to be there for your son.  I let them sleep with me, I took them to see the radiation machines, I had them shave their heads with me. I included them in as much as I thought they could handle (at the time of diagnosis, I had a 8, 5 1/2, 2 1/2, and 3 month old).  There are several books that might help explain things if you need them.  Mostly, I was patient with them and their changes in behavior. I would make sure to talk with the school and teachers about the situation so that they too can help. 

I wish you all the best.  It sucks to see them hurt.  You are a good mom and they love you. All you have to do is love them back.  

  I have been done with my treatments for 6 months - 1 year.  I feel like I have returned to being the mom I used to be. Hang in there. Hugs.

lanagraves: Im going through the exact same thing with my 10 yr old daugther.  She will not go anywhere without me and will not even step foot in the car with my husband.  It has been very difficult but things are getting a little better.  These are somethings that I'm doing to help her out.  I always talk to my children about whats going on and never leave it a secret, on days that I might absolutly feel horrible I never tell her that I don't feel good (i usually say im tired if she asks) so she doesn't think something is wrong, I take her shopping and she just got into a dance team at school so I always try to watch her at practice so she can see I'm ok. I also signed her up for counseling at school and the counselor comes twice a week to meet with her and to talk to her.  Every morning she wakes up and says she doesn't feel good and I tell her that she has to go to school and cannot miss.  I absolutly feel so guilty that im just taking her and she is begging me to come home, but I know I'm not helping her by taking her out everytime.  When I was a child I suffered from anxiety just like she did so I know exactly what she is going through.  I know things will get better and all I do is try to make her feel comfortable and show her that if Im ok then she needs to be ok. It's a tuff road but you'll make it!

Dawn 

I'm sorry you're going thru this. Last year when I was diagnosed, my two youngest were 7 and 9. They were quiet, worried, never left my side, too. My MO and my RO actually encouraged me to bring them to an appt with me, and I did. My MO (mother of 3, mid 30's) was positive and upbeat, told me in front of them that I was doing great and that I'd be feeling a little sick for a couple of days, then I was going to start feeling better. They were a lot more comfortable once they met her and toured the whole treatment center. It wasn't an unknown anymore...

When I had radiation, my RO did something similar. Gave them the tour, let them press the button giving me the radiation, weighed them, etc. Told them that 'your mom is doing fantastic!' Again, they were much more comfortable. There were a few times they were with me and the brought their school books, sat in the lounge, had a snack and everything was good.

Hi, sorry I didn't read through all the posts, so I may be redundant.  My son is a worrier too. He's 9 now, but 6 at the time I was going through treatment.  I'm also the only parent so, he has big worries on his shoulders.  All I could do at the time was to reassure him that the doctors were doing everything possible to make me better.  I told him I would try my hardest to get back to my old self.  He slept with me and even though everyone around me insisted he had to be in his own bed after the mastectomy, I put a bumper in the middle of the bed and let him stay.  It made him feel better. 

He still worries periodically, like when I went through DIEP reconstruction a month ago, he was furious that I did have the surgery.  Things will get better when you have hair again, when you're not worn out by chemo, he will see you as you were before.  Just constantly tell him that although it may look bad, the drugs are working to make you good again. I also brought him to a couple of radiation appointments so he could watch me on the monitor and he could see it was not all that scary and that this was also making me "better".  Good luck and be well.

It will happen in time.  These poor little babes shouldn't have to have this stress.  But, I believe it makes them more compassionate, loving little human beings.  My best wishes all goes well.

Let me add: the phone calls also are worrying and could be an obsessive ritual that relieves anxiety.



I am not an MD, but I have a PhD and work in the mind sciences. I could be completely wrong, but I see two worrying symptoms. I do know a fine kiddie psychiatrist, and I could probably get you a good referral. PM me if you want one.