61 and facing who knows what....double mastectomy

  lorithelion 

Where do you see "Age appropriate"?  In what context is this?

 hi infobabe and curveball,it is written under '' Forum: "older" women with breast cancer. I guess I just took offense at the phrase "age appropriate issues". I am sorry. I must have mis-interpreted it.

Hello Beth:

I'm a 65 year old woman who was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer on my 65th birthday - February 14 of this year.  I underwent a double mastectomy (the right for the cancer, the left to leave the worry behind).  Micro tumors were found on the right side so the lymph nodes were removed on that side.  I developed a mild lymphedema that I'm treating.  The micro tumors were genetically tested and based on the results I was able to forego both radiation and chemotherapy.  I was back at work fulltime in 4.5 weeks.  My family and employer have been tremendously supportive.

Let me tell you what I didn't do.  I didn't have reconstruction.  I don't wear a prosthetic.  I go flat and natural.  It is wonderfully freeing for someone who had large, heavy breasts and whose first action upon coming home was to take my bra off.  I've had no negative reactions from my family or friends or anyone else.  And my body image and self esteem are just fine, thank you.  I did find it interesting that when I made the decision not to have reconstruction either now or in the future it was my doctors and the women in my life who reacted negatively out of fear of the emotional toll they assumed the loss of my breasts would take on me.  However, the men in my life - from my sons to my male friends and colleague, applauded the decision and supported it.  Believe me when I tell you that we women worry far more about what our breasts mean to our appearance than do the men in our lives.  

I believe that as you get older the way you look at life changes and so do your priorities.  Our response to breast cancer and decisions about treatment need to evolve accordingly.  I have 4 adult children (the youngest turned 40 on the 25th of this month) and 10 grandchildren. Having sacks of silicone hanging from my chest either under or over my skin was not going to "preserve" my sense of feminity.  I have 14 people who one way or another owe their existence to my womb who do that very nicely.  But I live with and am the primary support of a daughter who is disabled and two of her children, one of whom is special needs.  So priority number 1 for me was being able to get back to work as soon as possible, to have a short and uncomplicated recovery, which was particularly important since I am a diabetic.  Priority number two was avoiding the need to worry about recurrence, undergo chemo or radiation if I could avoid them because of the high risk that these treatments would themselves result in cancer later on,  and to avoid the need to put myself through additional surgeries later in life.  I will never be any younger, stronger, or healthier than I am now.  Priority number three was the desire to stick around long enough to dance at my grandchildrens weddings (the oldest 3 are 20 but the youngest is only 2, so I have a while to go) and to hold my great grandchildren in my arms.   If I am honest - that was actually priority number 1.

Breast cancer was just one of those things that happen - not the end of the world:  something that could be dealt with along with the other health challenges that come with aging. I take medication to control my blood sugar and I take an aromatase inhibitor to deal with the cancer.  The only issues that I have with the latter is that though I did not have hot flashes during menopause (the only symptom I DIDN"T have) I get them now, plus I've seen both my blood pressure and cholesterol numbers rise (a side effect of the AIs that doctor's sometimes forget to tell you about) - so I now take medication to control those.  I tire a little easier - my surgeon told me that it would take me about a year to feel completely recovered - so I nap as needed.  But I am resigned to the fact that I will never see 30, 40, 50 or 60 again and that's not bad.  Being a "wise woman" has advantages and privileges that are not accorded to youth.  Among those privileges is the right to look in the mirror and see beauty in our wrinkles, cellulite, and other miscellaneous imperfections because we've figured out that these are the "battle scars" that demonstrate that we've LIVED.  The other is the privilege to make our own decisions, disregarding the pressures that others may try to impose to conform to a certain pattern or vision of what a woman is "supposed" to look like and looking inside ourselves to make the decisions that make sense for us along given our age, health, family needs, and personal priorities.  

If you decide on reconstruction - I wish you good luck.  But I hope that you don't feel that you HAVE to in order to still be able to look at your reflection in the mirror and feel good about the woman you are.