Calling all TNs

My MO told me I had to keep my port for one year too and I said NO, I do not plan on ever needing that thing again!  Postitive thinking!  I had it done under a local, but it took several shots to get me numb!!!  Glad I made the dr check first or I would have been hurting!  It was no biggie getting it out though.  I am so glad it is gone, just he idea of a foreign object in my body made me nauseaus (sp).  Anyways if you want it out tell them!

Bak- Sending you good wishes today! We will all be with you in spirit today!! Keep chanting...clear scans, clear scans....

I saw the rad onc yesterday for my 1 month followup, he says it all looks great! No bad lumps or bumps, skin clear, 10 out of 10 recovery.

This stupid boob - it's had a lumpectomy, then mastectomy, then TEs with lattismus dorsi reconstruction which has altered my back forever, then an implant, then implant removed 3 years later - and now my plastic surgeon is waiting to see if I can get away with just a new implant, or if I'll need a tram flap to reconstruct it! If he says TRAM I'm saying screw it. I am not going through any more major surgeries for this train wreck of a half-boob.

Awww, nerves, anxiety, Bak, OBX, and everyone else, I so know those feelings. Some days I do great, and then reality hits me... Reality is highly overrated. I've actually been quite happy the past few days, and the awful thing about this whole BC ordeal is that I now fear happiness - because I'm waiting for what inevitably seems to be around the corner. My new mantra, which I keep repeating to myself when the what-ifs come calling, is "Live in the present. Live in the now. There is no past, there is no future. Just be".  It helps sometimes.

Inmate are u at the tumir institute today? Im always looking for you:) im th chubby one with short dark hair ans no boobs! I didnt wear them today. I am usually in black.

**sits down with Bak, takes hand and squeezes gently**



Hope, please don't stay away because things are hard right now. We are here to share both the good and the bad.



Belle - I'm at about the same time frame you are and I've been going through the same thing for the last couple weeks. I finally came down with a sore throat and spent the last 34 of 36 hours sleeping. I'll see if I turn the corner after this, if not I'll be talking to my doctors if it continues.



Cocker - I believe in the power of positive thought also, but in your case, with the odds they gave you, I think I would leave my port in for awhile. Consider it superticious (?sp), but a way to tell CA, don't even think about coming back......I'll kick the shit outta you!



Thank you everyone who has mentioned being plagued by the "what ifs". I've been going thru not the "what ifs", but more the "when's". I think I'd be able to cope better if I could live my life the way I wanted, but caring for Mom inhibits that (not that I'd change that). I feel better knowing I'm not alone in my feelings, so thank you for sharing ladies.

Scans clear! Very happy then hubby was being mean to me and i blew up at him. More on that later. So i am quietly celebrating as i am crying my eyes out.

Hello everyone!  Christina1961 - So sweet of you to think of me.  I am so very sorry for not writing, but I do read the posts here as much as I can and send loving thoughts to each and every one of you.  I have created beautiful mental pictures of each of you in my mind.

I wish I could describe in words my recent experiences with a brand new diagnosis involving the most important organ in my body, my eyes.  It has been one appointment after another and I think what happened to me is gross negligence on the part of my Ophthalmologist, who failed to tell me the condition of my eyes in Nov. 2011.  6 months later he sends me to a retina specialist who finds a bunch of things wrong in both eyes, even needing surgery.  My goodness.  I am back to learning as much as I can about eyes, eyesight, surgery, etc.  But surgery is never gonna happen, no way.  I have basically been told that my diagnosis is age related, what the fu...k!  I am only 54, if I was 65 or 70, I could take that crap, but I am not.  I am figuring out that dryness might have caused this problem and am so mad at the Opth. that, had he told me about it, I would done something about it, and not gotten to this point.  It is SO SIMPLE - MENOPAUSE equals Dryness...... which equals dryness at the back of your eyes which they call Aging.  Each day I learn a little more by visiting one specialist after another.

A friend at work has recommended an eye drop which has healed her of her eye problems.  She sits next to me and for months and months, she suffered from discomfort, pain etc. in her eyes.  I am really hopeful about this new eye drop and can't wait to try it.  This afternoon I have an appointment with another Opthalmologist. I plan to ask him if he thinks dry eyes could have caused my macular pucker (this is what I have been diagnosed with in the left eye).  I am sure he is gonna say it is aging.

Sometimes I do wonder whether chemo had anything to do with my eye diagnosis.  I hope not.

Anyway, my BS said due to having had too many scans in the past, she is not going to give me anything this time (which was my 6 monthly visit).  So, I am not getting any MRI, Mammo, Ultrasound or anything this time.  3 days after visiting her, I am now feeling a tiny little something on my left side, which is freaking me out.  But it could be just glandular.  She said to come back in Feb. for a mammogram.  I argued with her about getting an MRI which I believed to be free of radiation.  She said that the liquid they inject in you for a contrast MRI, is radioactive glucose.  I just shut my mouth and did not fuss with her, I am glad she is helping me avoid radioactive stuff.  I was lucky to get 6 monthly MRI's since my diagnosis in July, 2010.

I can't wait to get to my Oncology appointment at the end of September.  I want to see the results of my tumor markers.  Those are what keeps me sane.

Inmate - Honey, I am so sorry you are in pain.  We all have those dark thoughts, but please don't even go there.  I hope your next treatment kicks the ca..... shit back to where it came from.  I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

Everyone, I am sending healing thoughts your way.

bak - Happy, Happy, Happy, Angry   

Good morning ladies

Thanks for all the posts on the port.  I had decided to see if I could get it out until I read Kathys post. I forgot I was 50/50 so I think I will keep it for a while longer just in case.  They have never been able to do blood draws from my port (don't think I have much blood lol) but if I do have to have more chemo at some stage I would have to have it put in again as my veins always hide so keeping it will save me the trouble.

Bak94 - wonderful wonderful news all clear.  Doing the happy dance for you.  You can stop worrying now. Why are hubbys such dicks at times like this.

Jan69 -  spring in NZ is a wonderful time of year.  We have all the blossoms out now and the days are getting warmer. Not only that we have summer to look forward to as well, I feel like I have been waiting so long for it to come.

Minxie - so glad everything was good for you, about time, and glad you have more energy.  I think that makes us feel better on its own.  Nothing worse than dragging yourself through the days.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if they could say to us "you have gone through treatment and are cured.  The cancer won't come back".  It would take away all the when's and what ifs and make us feel so happy again. But like Minxie I fear happiness now because we just don't know.  It's like sitting on a ticking time bomb and I'm not sure I will ever feel normal again.

Loveyface - hope you get your eyes sorted. You certainly seem to have had your share of problems with your specialists etc.  Hoping the new eye drop will help.

Well ladies I seem to have done nothing but clean since I got home and today is no different. I am gradually working my way through the house so god help the old fellar if he mucks it up. I might have a coffee before I start though.

Hugs to you all.  Keep well and stress free. Annie     

For Bak. *HAPPY DANCE -KICKS UP LEGS*. *HAPPY DANCE -OOPSIE KICKS HUBBY IN THE ARSE*

You ladies make me die with laughing but I agree.

((HUGS))) Hope.  So sorry for your diagnosis

Hope - Oh, I'm so sorry.  Sending hugs and prayers.

(((((Hope)))))) so sorry !