Boyfriend doesn't understand my terror

Dear JLS..

i am so sorry for you feeling this way. You must feel very alone.

Your significant other, might be going thru his own emotional turbulence from all this.. but that is not excuse to treat you this way.

Do you have a gf you can call to go with you? you might be better off going with someone who is not so angry?

*celine sends you some purple bubbles *

they are a great way to escape yourself... 

@jls24, in addition to the other good suggestions from CelineFlowers and fredntan, your daughter might be eligible for Family Medical Leave through her job. This type of leave can be used for care of a parent with a "serious medical condition", including cancer, and the employer has to hold the employee's job until the leave is used up. The exact conditions of eligibility may vary from employer to employer, but she may be able either to use paid time off or take unpaid leave (if she is willing to do that) to take you to appointments and so on. I don't think the leave has to be taken continuously--it can be a used day here and a day there.

I also tend to be a worrier. If there is a cancer support group near you, I suggest you try it out. I had never had a surgery before that loomed so large in my mind as mastectomy. I really was afraid beforehand that I wouldn't be able to cope, and have some sort of mental/emotional breakdown/freakout afterwards. I've found the support group very helpful for talking out fears and anxieties with people who really understand what you are going through, and who may have had to deal with the same kind of reactions from other people that you are finding so difficult. You asked, "how do people, especially worriers, make it through this?" Another way support groups can be helpful is that the other people can tell you how they made it through, and what helped them get through may help you cope too. And one big thing about people at group is that they did make it through, which I find encouraging in itself. There are three other women in my group with breast cancer, and others who are caregivers or have had different kinds of cancer. I look at those folks and think how much scarier their diagnosis would be than mine, and yet they are still there and still functional. There are half a dozen long term breast cancer survivors in my church that I didn't know about until they told me after I was diagnosed, and it is so heartening to me to see them just going about their lives like anybody else. I guess my suggestion to combat worry is to look around for any encouraging thing you can find, and concentrate on that. If you can't find anything encouraging, find something that will distract you and keep your mind on something else for a while.

Lastly, often the waiting is the worst part. I was much more freaked out in the time leading up to my surgery than I am afterwards. My best wishes that your lumpectomy will go smoothly with no additonal surgery required, you will have a speedy recovery, an all-around successful treatment and be around to share as much love with your great-grandchildren as you have with your grandchildren.

I am so sorry - I was lucky in that I did not have a boyfriend at the time of my diagnosis. It made things so much less stressful. My two grown sons helped me with getting to appointments. Back in 1982 there weren't that many as they didn't do all the tests they do now.  So the first one was actually done in the doctor's office which was across the street from where I worked. It was a biopsy. Then when I found out it was malignant I had some scans; luckily all done the same day; I drove myself.  My son drove me to the hospital for the mastectomy and my other son picked me up 5 days later. You stayed longer in those days. I had immediate reconstruction and there were a couple of follow-ups with that. But all in all, things went smoothly. I was back to work in 3 weeks.

I hope things will get easier for you - don't know what to suggest about your boyfriend---can you maybe not see him for awhile?