I know I should feel grateful...but

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited June 2012

    yea - ive come a long way from dx day.....thats for sure.  

    Im thinking of writing a book on my experiences.....terror mixed with comedy and self reflection........ 

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  • 1boob
    1boob Member Posts: 23
    edited June 2012

    That hit a chord for me. Yes, I am very grateful I only had DCIS and because I had a mastectomy I did not have to have radiotherapy. Yes, I am very grateful that I am still alive. Yes, I know many women are going through far worse than me. Yes, but..... but.... but... do I have to be gratefull ALL the time? NO.

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited June 2012

    Today i went to a funeral.  A friend I had not seen in over a year, died last week - dx at the end of last summer with bc and bone cancer.  She had chemo and was doing fine friends said.  Then memorial weekend she lost her balance.  The doctors couldnt find any cancer after numerous scans.  Then they found 2 lesions on her brain.  Within 3 weeks she was gone.  

    Today, I am sad.  AND I am grateful that with now 5 friends dx with cancer within two years - something made me go get my first mammogram.  No lump was ever palpable by me or my doctors.  When I walked away from the funeral....I felt scared.  This could have been me. I wish I had seen my friend before she died.  Ill always regret that. 

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  • 1openheart
    1openheart Member Posts: 765
    edited June 2012

    I am sorry for the loss of your friend, Shayne.  So sad.  

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  • LAstar
    LAstar Member Posts: 1,574
    edited June 2012

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, Shayne.  Such a loss shakes one to the core and reminds us why we are going through all of this crappy treatment.  Let's keep our eyes on the prize and hold our loved ones tightly.

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited June 2012

    thx - yes, a powerful reminder........

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  • maize
    maize Member Posts: 184
    edited June 2012

    Shayne, I'm sorry about your friend.  It seems that when things are already rough, they get rougher.  My neighbor, who was a really nice guy, very kind-hearted, died from an accident a few days ago.  He wasn't that old, and he had children. "Only the good die young".

    I am so sorry about your friend.

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited July 2012

    You know, i havent read any of the other kinds of BC.....im assuming she had something v advanced and agressive to begin with....but if she did chemo, how did it spread to her brain so fast....and then 3 weeks she is gone?

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited July 2012

    Do you ever get overwhelmed with fear, out of nowhere?  Sometimes it just comes over me......  I thought Id be passed this, but guess this will be something I will need to deal with....

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  • SelenaWolf
    SelenaWolf Member Posts: 1,724
    edited July 2012
    Yep.  It's like it's lurking in a shadowed corner of my mind and, if I try to shine a light on it, it scuttles out of sight.  Then, when I'm least expecting it, it mugs me.  Sheer, unadulterated terror.

    It's becoming less of a problem as time goes by.  I'm determined to not let it win, but it still sneaks up on my, nasty bugger.  When I try to talk about it, I'm told I should be "over it" now.  That treatment is done, that I am fine.  However, it's like I said to my husband one day, "... sure, breast cancer does not have to be a death sentence for most women, but it is a 'life' sentence for every woman touched by it..." 

    We will, always, remain a little bit afraid.
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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited July 2012

    yep.....you pretty much nailed it.  Sometimes the smallest thing will bring it on.  A baby, a pregnant woman, some small irrelevant thing someone says......It doesnt always go in to a full anxiety attack....but the beginning of one, then I can usually breathe thru it. 

    If i could get back to my exercise routine, I know Id be better, mentally.  Its driving me crazy not going to the gym.  I think Im a little depressed from not going.  It was such a part of my life.  Three more weeks seem like an eternity! 

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  • alexandria58
    alexandria58 Member Posts: 1,588
    edited July 2012

    So Shayne, in those three weeks before you can exercise - get a start on your writing.  I write fiction - and it helps me get through bad times. 

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited July 2012

    thats a good idea!  

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited July 2012

    It seems the universe is INSISTANT that I feel grateful.  

    As I said I went to a funeral for a friend who had bc.  Now another friend has been dx with IDC.  

    I think its time to feel gratitude......stop feeling sorry for myself......

    Ok Universe.......i got the message! 

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited August 2012

    Today I got word that my young neices' husband, that she just married two weeks ago, collapsed and died suddenly yesterday.  We are devastated at the news as you can imagine.  

    Just another message that life is so fleeting......say what you mean, say what you feel..... Tell your loved ones that you love them every chance you get.

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  • Beesie
    Beesie Member Posts: 12,240
    edited August 2012

    Shayne, what a shock that must be. My condolences to your niece. For the next few weeks she will be surrounded by family and friends; it's once everyone else moves on with their lives that she will really have to face the changes in her's. I know a bit more about that than I wish I did. My heart goes out to her. 

    It's another sign from the universe that in the big scheme of things, DCIS is not such a big thing. It can be pretty awful and very scary at first, it can be difficult as you go through the treatment, and it might leave you with doubts and fears and new concerns that you never had before. But it doesn't change your life unless you want it to or you let it (and that could be for the better) and unfortunately that can't be said for a lot of other things that can happen in life. Sadly your niece is experiencing that now.  

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited August 2012

    Truthful words.  I know when i was first dx, it felt like the end of everything I knew to be true.....and that I was facing death.  Now on the other side of treatment.....I feel like ive made changes for the better......and now this.  I wish I had the words to share with them to make them feel something other than pain and sorrow.  Ive been searching thru my favorite books and just cannot find anything.  Praying for clarity and strength for my brothers family. 

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  • Infobabe
    Infobabe Member Posts: 1,083
    edited August 2012

     Shayne

    I was wondering why you hadn't been on the boards lately.  

    I am so sorry about your niece.  As said, life is fleeting.   You family certainly have had enough heartache this year.

    Hope to see you back here so we can talk. 

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited May 2013

    ONE YEAR ~ CANCER FREE!!

    Cool

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  • Beesie
    Beesie Member Posts: 12,240
    edited May 2013

    YEAH!!!   Congratulations!!

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited May 2013

    THANKS Beesie!!

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited May 2013

    wOO hOO! Congratulations, Shayne. What a difference a year can make!

    • Your Mods

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited May 2013

    you can say THAT again!

    in fact, I knew a few weeks ago that the day was coming up - but it wasnt till later the evening of that it dawned on me.....i took that as a good sign!

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  • Momcat1962
    Momcat1962 Member Posts: 665
    edited May 2013

    Shayne, just getting those people to get mammos is awesome. So many put it off until it's too late. XO!

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  • lunchlady61
    lunchlady61 Member Posts: 19
    edited May 2013

    Just reading through this board on the eve of my lumpectomy.... I am just curious as to why some of you chose the mastectomy over the lumpectomy when your dx was similar to mine?  My surgeon was pretty convincing that my results wouldn't be any different and the only thing that was different was that if I chose mastectomy  I wouldn't need radiation.... of course I am worried about all of things that you ladies have written about over this last year since this thread was started... I can't wait for the day that this thing isn't the only thing I think about.... where is my "normal" life?? I suppose I have to give it time. Any advise for tomorrow and after that would be much appreciated. 

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