Starting Chemo July 2012

Looking for Ideas about what to Drink

I'm curious what you all are drinking. I'm having a hard time drinking enough because everything tastes so icky. I've had the best luck  with hot water and can often get about 8 ounces down. Other than that, I sometimes manage hot or iced tea, ginger ale, or diet 7Up.

So what do you drink on those post-chemo days? I could use some more ideas to try out.

On a related topic, I found sugarless cinnamon disks at Walgreens that are helping me cover up that nasty taste in my mouth. They are Walgreens house brand Nice, and are smooth so they don't irritate my mouth.

I'm sorry to hear that a bunch of you are having a hard weekend emotionally!

I guess it is the sum of facing mortality. As a nurse educator I have had Mental Health/Psych students write their own obit for years. But--they are generally young and healthy and wise.

This entire process terrifies me. My 3rd AC is Thursday. After the 2nd had to go in for fluids and drugs to break the vomiting cycle. And I know 3 and 4 will be worse. There is no preparation.

I am so angry at my #$#% husband for walking out day of port placement and moving in with someone else. He was a long-time jerk. Screwed around just to prove he could. But-to walk out in the midst of this. Who does that!! I just want the opportunity to tell him he isn't welcome.

I just placed ANOTHER order for quilt fabric--because if I have quilts to make I cannot die. Would just be wrong.  

I am seeing a psychologist who wants me to journal. All i want to write is #$#% Cancer. @#$#% Husband.

I feel like a sissy for whining. So many in much worse situations than I. Lack of sleep, bone pain, mouth blisters, nausea, Mega Mass living in my right breast and his friends in my armpits inviting others over to play all add to the overwhelming black hole of depression right now. 

What to drink? Will tell you what NOT to do. The blisters in my mouth were awful last night. Finally thought--will numb those nasties. Got a shot of ice cold scotch and swished. OH MY GOD! Was like a fire ball in my mouth. Desperate act did not work.  

We all need a group hug.  

Hi Susan, I hope the journaling and counseling gives you some relief.  I tried screaming and beating the mattress with a pillow but I'm not sure if that helped much.  Writing usually helps.

Virginiab, I've been unable to drink plain water, it just tastes bad.  Yet I don't want to be drinking sugary liquid all day either, so I'm diluting it with water.  Lately I'm drinking 1/2 water, 1/4 cranberry cocktail, 1/4 gatorade mix and that's hitting the spot.  It's a bit like pink lemonade.  When I was utterly sick of sweet taste I drank diluted 100% cranberry juice (unsweetened).   Also sometimes having diluted ginger ale.

Solantio - I too am having a tough time with the "am I going to live" piece of this disease. It's usually the worst on days 5-8 post treatment. I cry, I look up stupid statistics on the computer, I take care of things around the house that I can do for that "just in case" reason. It's so dumb. We are going to beat this, we just have to keep reminding each other of this.

Ann - I laughed when I read your last post. I didn't beat the mattress but I did destroy a throw pillow about ten days ago. Sheer anger and self pity. Poor pillow didn't see it coming.

I'm getting round 3 of AC tomorrow morning. It's an earlier appt. than the last two so let's see if the timing impacts my side effects.

Hugs to everyone!

First of all it makes me feel so good ( I am about ready to cry - go figure) to hear that you are all having the same emotions as me.  I was thinking this morning that I must be going crazy - I really thought that I can't do this anymore - that my family would be sad but would get over losing me - and now I am feeling like I can do it - and will do it. Since I was 10 I wanted to live to be 100 so that I would have 3 numbers in my age.  I still want that. 

Cafe Press has some really great t-shirts for us Cancer Babes - one of them said "does this t-shirt make me look bald?".

We are awesome and strong - even when we don't feel that way - we are. I love you all.

cvm 

I think it's impossible not to cry sometimes.  We are constantly reminded of the way we used to be before BC.  I was definitely getting into a funk-and not drinking enough fluids and eating the wrong foods- and in turn, this third AC was the toughest-I mean it really blew.  

My neighbor three doors down came down with AML leukemia a year ago- a great strong woman, child psychartrist-helped many kids.  She had the bone marrow transplant, but unfortunately it came back even harder.  AML is a rare but deadly Leukemia-please don't confuse it with other types of Leukemia, I don't want family members more depressed if you know someone with another type of Leukemia.  

She was always fighting...even though she knew the outcome.  They were scheduled to celebrate Christmas next week because her time was limited.  They created a bucket list of things she wanted to do with her family-she only got to do 2 of them.  

The last time I saw her was about a month ago, she was upbeat.  She told me worrying NEVER changes the outcome, and being sad will only make it worse.  Why spend time depressed when I could call an old friend and laugh about better times.  The morning she died, she was working with the physical therapist at John's Hopkins in Baltimore.  She lost lucidity and passed away peacefully with her family around her.  Even in the final hours she never ever gave up.

At the funeral, my friends and I cried like babies, like I said earlier, no having nose hairs can be a real bit@h.  Her family and 3 kids were amazing. I sobbed liked a faucet having flashes of "wow, this is what my own funeral would look like with a lot of the same people."  What a pity party of wasted energy!  There was so much to learn from Kathy and I was completely wasting time worrying about all the wrong things.

Girls--EVERYTHING WE ARE GOING THROUGH IS TEMPORARY.  We will get our life back!  We can do this and get it done!

We all talk about the healthy food options for our body but we need to keep our emotions healthy too.  Feeling sad is fine but when is rolls into days and days it doesn't help anyone.  Find ways to do things that really make you happy.  Sometimes thats not always possible when the bills are piling up.  Kathy gave me great advice once and told me to find 3 things that you are grateful for everyday.

Sorry to ramble on but I thought maybe this would help as just knowing Kathy helped me tremendously.

Hey Emilybrooke- just a want you to know I was at a party once and I met a woman who had the most incredibly toned arms I had ever seen.  I asked her if she lifted weights to get the result.  She said all she does is cycling and yoga.  She doesn't touch a weight.  Trust me she had killer arms!

Girls I wish you peace and love... 

Yes I've had the extra-sensitive sense of smell too.  I used Febreze on my cloth car seat because it suddenly smelled bad to me.  Now the Febreze smell seems even worse :-(   Seems like this one comes and goes-- it was worst when I was still a little queasy from the last infusion

PAeaglesFan - good to hear that I am not the only one suffering with this smell business -- I am washing my scarves and headcovers constantly, even have considered getting a stronger shampoo as I can smell dirty all the time, yet my DD and husband say they can't smell anything....it is terrible, I would just hate for somebody else to notice it on me.  I am washing my pillow today, think that even smells.  Have tried Freebreze but don't like the smell of it....

Ann-I love the water/cranberry juice/gatorade combo drink.  I have #4 AC Wednesday and I want to start hydrating now and THIS is very easy to get down.  Just plain water tastes awful these days...your suggestion was great thanks!

The smell thing is suddenly heightened for me as well. Hits me all of a sudden and my wife has no idea what I am smelling. Like a weird "Spidey sense"...my friends told me about theirs when they were pregnant. Odd I am experiencing it because of this. But I guess taste is dulled so now smell is increased in the body's typical compensation effort. Lol....

Well I'm feeling pretty down today.  I'm really dreading AC #3 on Thursday.  I'm even dreading my pre-infusion blood draw tomorrow.  Just so sick of needles already.  

I have a meeting tomorrow with a nurse, my insurance has a program where they assign you a nurse advocate.  She sounded very nice and I'm looking forward to going through my questions with her and seeing if she can fill in some of the gaps.  My various consults with the doctors have been so brief.

I'm down to 114 pounds, which surprised me.  I thought I was holding steady at 117.   I don't want to get to a point where I feel I need to push food on myself, on top of constantly pushing myself to drink fluids.

These may be my last days of going into my office for some time.  I was trying to do half time but I don't think I can keep it up, so I'm planning to go to full time disability after the infusion.  It's like there's nothing left of my pre-BC life any more.  Just three months ago I had a totally different life, different preoccupations, a different body, and a different future.   It's tough to comprehend.  I'm fighting feelings of hopelessness a lot lately.

Thanks for the hugs, PAEaglesFan.  Dragging my butt out of the house now...

Hi Everyone - Just had #3 yesterday - and feel tired.  I too am being bothered by smells - yesterday they used something alcoholic to wipe down the chairs when someone left and I was thinking that really theyc an't use something less icky smelling.  I took all the meds I have to keep the nausea at bay and so far so good. Just feel tired and wonder if and when something icky is going to start.

Thank you all for being here and I know we share a special bond. I agree here I can be real.

Take good care-

Marilyn 

Somehow, I lost this link off my fav topics so I'm so behind!



Glad to hear I'm not the only one on the emotional rollercoaster. I think between losing my father and chemo and all this, I'm just done emotionally. Spent more than 48 hours with my DB and was absolutely convinced he wanted to break up with me the entire time. He was fine, behaved like he always does. But my head got in the way and the therapist at my support group today put it in great perspective. There are so many things out of my (and all of our) control right now that I'm overly sensitive to everything. She helped me work through it and calm down.



I am going on disability for the duration of my treatment because I just can't teach. Too much energy and a few other factors. It's killing me because I love teaching. One of my kids today gave me a card saying I'm the best art teacher ever. I almost cried.



So just dealing.



Have 3rd round of chemo a week from today, which means I'll be halfway through. Yay! Looking forward to the end, which is still a long way off.



Love and hugs to all of you!