Calling all TNs
Comments
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Melissa,
We all understand. Take all the time you need and don't hesitate to come back when you are ready. We will miss you. Good luck with your last A/C and Taxol. It will be a distant memory soon. Much love and support to send you on your way.
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Good luck Melissa! Please check back in once in a while!
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well ladies,
Went to sleep crying and woke up crying. What a hot mess i'm gonna be today. I have to go break up with a friend today. One who also happens to be a sister. She just can't stop lying to me and I can't take it any more. As an adult she is free to make her own life choices, regardless what others think, but she can't seem to own her decision and finds it necessary to lie and be deceitful about it. I deserve to be treated with respect, with or without cancer. I can't do much about her being my sister, but I can make the choice about our friendship and right now it is just not a healthy one for me. I feel the break-up steam building. I just hope I can convey my feelings in a strong loving way before I burst into tears. Who doesn't love a good challenge? Well, me at the moment.
Quick poll: Is it a me, you or off kinda day? All of the above is also a correct answer.
Much love to all my sisters today. Since I can't hug each and every one of you I will begin hugging strangers. I will report back later on how that goes.
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I didn't know beccad, but am so sad to hear of another loss - thoughts to her family and friends. Oh! my..
I just dont have the mental ability to respond to you all, but love reading your posts.
Inmate... its a definite "all of the above" day today. Yesterday was without a doubt an OFF day. Had a total meltdown last night - fucking cancer, I hate it. Have fun hugging strangers.
Love & hugs to all of you xxx
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So sad for Beccad's family and friends..... Very sad.
Dawn - I've 'fired' Two freinds who were very close and long standing (or so I thought). I 100% respect people's decisions as long as they are being true to themselves and to me leaving the BS out of it. I will either tell the whole truth or not tell at all (I usually talk too much :-)), so liars and thieves do not sit well with me! We should surround ourselves with people who enrich our lives.... Love deeply, laugh often and Live honestly! Good luck today.
Hugs to all! -
Tazzy - you posted while I was writing so I missed it.... So sorry you had a meltdown last night. After what you've been throught recently, the F-word should be part of your vocabulary. Glad you don't live near Desertmama :-). Hope you have a better one today.... Hugs
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It was definitely an off day for me yesterday and today feels funky, too.
I went to the State Fair with a friend yesterday. It's too long a story to get into, but suffice it to say she has had a shitty last few years. Work, family, health, finances, emotions... but lately she's been making a real effort to pull herself back together. Then yesterday, she showed up drunk at 10:30 am! I couldn't smell it, but her gait was very unsteady and she was spacy and repeating herself. I point-blank asked her if she'd been taking anything or had been drinking. "No. Wish I had, though." So then my mind goes in a million directions as to what could be wrong physically. She was also in pain walking (she did have an artificial hip replacement about 5 yrs ago), but kept insisting she was fine.
We took the train to the fair, but as soon as we got off, she wanted to sit down on some benches as she was in pain again. I asked her if she wanted to do this another day, but she was adamant that we were "going to have some fun, dammit". When she tried to stand up, her foot slid in her flipflop and she fell backwards over the bench and clonked the back of her head on the bench behind. I yelled for help and we soon had emergency people from the fair all around us. She was the only one who didn't think she should go to the hospital, but she's an adult, so we couldn't make her.
It was a horrible day. Halfway through, she admitted she HAD been drinking before I arrived, but didn't understand why I was so mad at her for lying to me. I had a headache, she had a headache, it was hot, the food was horrible except for a chocolate ice cream cone that promptly dribbled down the front of me. I convinced her to leave early and then she admits that she is now nauseated, too. Symptoms of a head injury! "I'm fine, I'm fine, I just want to go home and sleep." And I did get someone from the fair to take us back to the train pickup location via golf cart. She spent the half-hour train ride trying not to barf. The conductor was wonderful; got her ice for her head, a bag, and some water and hovered nearby. They helped her get off while I pulled the vehicle around. I wanted to stay and watch her, but she almost pushed me out of the house and said she was fine. *sigh*
I'm worried about her and I'm completely pissed that she won't take care of herself or seek help.
And then I stopped by the apt I'd nearly finished moving out of and found it burglarized - they even took the cleaning supplies! I filed a police report, went home (I'm currently staying with my brother until the new apt opens up later this month), took a sleeping pill and an anti-anxiety pill to make my head turn off long enough for me to get to sleep. I'll just say there's more going on with this "burglary", but that's another long story. I'm pretty sure I know who's responsible, but I won't be able to prove it. The only items I really cared about was my Dyson vacuum, some nice curtain rods and an expensive table lamp. I also cancelled my renter's insurance this spring when I was having financial difficulties, so I'm screwed for reimbursement. *sigh*
Sorry, Inmate, didn't mean to step all over your problems with your sister. I've been fortunate enough to have a family that gets along even though we wildly disagree on some issues. Hope your talk with her helps. I hate the thought of you crying because she's hurting you. (((hugs)))
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(((Tazzy))) I remember a couple of days after my surgery, I had a total meltdown too. I thought I was sooo strong during all the treatments. I guess all of the emotions of it all had to come out someday. My friend, who is also a nurse and came everyday to change my dressings picked me up in pieces that day. So I can totally relate. It does get better..................
Melissa- We understand. Take all the time you need. I remember at the beggining of my BC journey and while in chemo, there were a couple of ladies that died or got diagnosed with mets and it just scared the hell out of me. I came on here and left crying and just plain scared that it you happen to me too. At one point, my DH didn't want me to come on here because I was just so sad of it all. I can tell you IT DOES GET BETTER WITH TIME. Yes I get sad when one of our sisters here gets bad news or pass away. But as time goes by, I get less and less frightened and can pick myself up faster and move foward. Live everyday to it's fullest! (((HUGS)))
((((((I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A GROUP HUG)))))))
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Thanks Babs...like you I believe I've been so strong, still crying doesn't make us weak either eh? Just hate it that bc has made me have these melt downs... they come from nowhere - one moment I am OK the next a babbling wreck. Thanks for your encouraging words.
(((((((Group hugs))))))))
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Yesterday a slightly inconvenient rash started - side of neck; lower belly; at panty-line between my legs - itches like poison ivy - incidiously!, seems to be spreading - it doesn't LOOK like poison ivy and I haven't been in the weeds or outdoors . . . last night 2 benedryl's and a sleeping pill later after a colliodal oatmeal bath and reading for 4 hours, I finally slept for 3 hours - I'm at work today - no problems (except itching) . . . IS THIS A SYMPTOM OF ONE OF THE CHEMO DRUGS? Anyone have similar experience? I showed the oncologist the rash yesterday, he was NOT impressed - no "biggie" - actuallly wasn't a biggie to me either until it kept me awake all night. THANKS for any opinions.
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I am so saddened to learn of Becky's passing.. I had just received some really nice PM's from her a few weeks ago.. My prayers to her Husband and family.. Will miss you Becky.
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Hi Fern.... I believe that the rash is a SE of taxotere. The chemo nurses told me it may happen and to use a non-alcohol moisturizer several times and day and to keep the areas clean. I never got the rash, but had the most awful itchy feet and hands for several days after infusion.
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Riley......no worries about raining on my shit parade. We all have something, and not just cancer. Life does not stand still while we put up the good fight. I wish it would but oh the things we would miss out on. Sometimes I just want to shake people and make them realize the things that are important. Being true to yourself and those around you is a good start. I won't let someone be mad at me for lying, let them be mad at me for what I said or did. Those things I can own. Lies will always own you. As with my sister, it sounds like your friend has some other issues to address. I hope she finds the strength to get better. Very sorry it ruined your day. Here's hoping that Dyson shorts out the first time the thieves use it and the curtain rods don't fit their windows. It doesn't help you, but karma has a wonderful way of paying it forward, so to speak.
Tazzy....hang in there babe. It gets better. Today is today, tomorrow has so much hope!
Fern.....Taxol gave me terribly itchy feet and the funkiest rash on my elbows and arms. Looked like Mars had landed on my elbow. Even the nurse took a step back. Nice! I agree with the no-alcohol lotion. Mine did go away once I was finished, but a huge bother until then.
By the way, it went well with my sister. She said she was sorry and I was able to keep it together and explained that the lies are what hurt the most. I deserve to be treated with respect with or without cancer. I told her I love her very much but cannot be her friend right now. The relationship is too toxic. She cried, I did not. A little dehydrated in the tear duct area at the moment. Thanks for all your encouraging words. I feel much better and have let it go.
Ladies, I love my little BCO village. I just want cancer to stop raping and pillaging, thank you.
Love to you all! With an extra big hug!
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THANKS LADIES - - I've got a call into the Oncologist's office . . . I'm also developing a general RED GLOW - like a sunburn without the sun???
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Fern......keep us updated. Are you running a fever?
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DUH, hadn't thought of that . . . my face feels SOOOO flushed and tingly . . I am leaving work now . . . I'll take the temp when I get home. THANKS INMATE.
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{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to everyone...this is unbelievable to wrap my head around. Another sister gone from this s****y disease.
Inmate--totally get it with your sister. Mine was just here visiting ( she lives 400 miles away in Atl GA) and I could not wait for her to leave. She is so self centered that I just cannot take it anymore. I avoid her phone calls and only answer when i feel I can handle having a conversation with her. I have decided that I can no longer be around anyone, even if they are family, if they just do not give me the emotional, physical, and mental support that i need. My own mother is soon to be added to that group if she does not stop turning everything to be about her. She made a crappy comment today something about bras as if she had completely forgotten that my breast have been replaced with a scar from pit to pit...seriously?? Never feel guilty for sticking up for YOURSELF...esp now!!
FernMF--take care of that rash...watch out for a possible infection (cellulitis) that can creep up quickly and need immediate medical attention!
To all you newbies...take heart. We tend to lose our beloved sisters in batches and then will go a long time without any loss. We can continue to support each other and hold each other through the good the bad and the ugly. We are all so individual and handle everything in our own way. Taking a break once in a while can do wonders for the soul.
Tazzy--sorry about the melt down but get it out girl. Cry scream and do whatever it takes to cleanse yourself of the toxic thoughts. You are strong! We all have those moments of utter sadness and must release it or will explode. It is tough--no impossible- to go through what we have without tears. I am almost to 1 yr from surgery and I miss my boobies so much sometimes that I will look in the mirror sometimes and just cry...I figure I just must need it!
On a positive note....my Field Ops Manager came to visit my store today and we got an excellent report from her. She had nothing but great things to say about our operations! ( I own a franchised children's store) We are up 47% over last year's sales and we won the award for #4 in the country last year for % increase over the previous years sales and are trending up so well again that we will most likely get 2 awards next year. Finally something to cheer about in life!! Also my son and his wife have worked out their issues and will not be getting a divorce after all...my heart feels so good about that! Just wanting to share some good things with you all XOXO
Maggie
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Mags- Congrats on your store's great report! And so happy for your son and his wife staying together.
It's good to hear good news on days like this. Thanks for sharing. -
Thanks for sharing your good news Mags... much needed.
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I am so sad about another loss.
Hard to stay strong.
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Indeed, it is very hard to stay strong when we learn of losses. But what else can we do BUT be strong! Surround ourselves with peeps that can build us up despite the horrible feelings that cloud our days. To hell with everyone else!
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Tazzy, Inmate and others - - no temperature - the insistant, incedious rash has tripled - covering about 1/2 my abdomen and "down there", my neck and arm pit to back on the left side . . . this is "just itching" . . . BUT OMG it drives me crazy . . . so, if "this is as bad as it gets" I can get through this. Oncologist on call (no my doctor) said treat with Prednisone - so, to sooth an allergic reaction I'm pumped for of steroids about the time I think I finally got over the 28 mg of steroid that got last week's treatment started . . . Aveena Colloidal Bath here I come. It is helpful for me to go about my normal life, and I am very thankful that I have a job to go to, and stuff to fill my day so that I don't dwell on myself. Tonight started church choir practice for the fall season, I am a pianist and have played/sung/lead music for 44 years . . . so, this is a blessing to me - went, sang, played, met with friends I haven't seen all summer and enjoyed myself - hopefully now, after 3 hours sleep total last night, and 1 benedryl, 6 prednisones, 1 sleeping pill, I'm gonna get some rest. THANKS so VERY MUCH for answering my questions early - it helped to talk to the doctor with what you all thought was the answer - made me "sound" more intelligent and less of a basket case. Talk with you all tomorrow . . . I am "hopefully" going to sleep here real soon.
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Yes, it's time for a group hug. Big time. Sometimes it's hard to be optimistic even when it's my nature to be so. I'm a year and a half out of diagnosis and am NED, but I still feel totally vulnerable to this blasted disease. Stop the train, I want to get off........
Hug your loved ones and sleep peacefully, we need our strength and courage for tomorrow. Jan
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fern....i hope the bath helped.
yes, mags thank you for the good news.
okay all....the best thing that happened to me today:
I was able to let go of extra stress in my life and be okay with it.
next.......it's out there, some days it is just harder to see.
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I am still here, the doc put me on blood thinners for the blood clot, had a few bad days all I did was sleep. But today food is more enjoyable so can eat at least for now next week is chemo #3 start all over again. Today is a good day, I'll take it.
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dgcote........so glad to hear they got the blood clot under control. Sleep is good and so is ice cream. Just a suggestion.
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Just wanted to say I appreciate all of you gals! This is a safe place to vent, whine, and post happy thoughts! It doesn't matter if you are stage 1 or stage 4, you all are so accepting, even of my 3% er positive self! Sure, we are all on different journeys with our cancer and lives, some will never recur (yay!), some will, and some already have, but here we are, having a group hug supporting each other.
dgcote-glad today is a good day!
Inmate*happy to hear you made it through a difficult situation!
Jan-I want off this train too, but with all of you!
Fern-I hope the rash disapears fast!
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cocker.....you out there?
minxie....missing you my dear.
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inmate - Don't forget that mixie said she was going to the ocean this week - hopefully that is why she isn't posting right now. Hopefully her rad burn is all healed up and she is enjoying the fresh salt air!
Doreen
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