diagnosed...again!

Sorry to hear your news. That just stinks. Kids are really smart and in tune to something going on in the family.

Do you know what treatment you will have? Do you have to have more surgery? Do you have a spouse that will be helping you through or close family?

You don't need to answer those questions but, those may be questions you need to be prepared to answer to a child. If you have a spouse or close family, you may want to talk with them about what and when to say something. Find out what your game plan is from the doctors and go from there. You know your child and will know what you need to do to help yourself and them through the whole discussion.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this again.  I had my dx on 2/17 and have two girls 8 and 12. I am 38. With the 8 year old, we originally told her I had a "boobie" problem and would need to have surgery on it.  She was more upset at the thought of me having surgery/going into the hospital than anything.  Anyway, it turns out the only surgery I have had so far has been outpatient (SNB, port insertion, and then another surgery at the biopsy site) because I am doing chemo first.  So when I got my first wig a couple weeks after diagnosis, I told her that the reason my hair would fall out is that "I have to get special medicine to get rid of the cancer cells and that makes your hair fall out" - she just looked at me and said "WHAT?  you have CANCER?" and I explained that yes, I do and we would treat it.  The 12 year old is more astute, she knew from the night I got my biopsy results (we had my parents take the younger one out for awhile).  She cried and was really upset because she knows a boy at school whose aunt has just had a recurrance in her liver.  But with her, again, I tried to be positive and used the old "we can't predict the future" line and they both seem to be accepting it ok.  For the first couple weeks after my SNB (I got sick with an infection) and all, everyone kind of tiptoed around me but now they are back to fighting with each other and arguing with me as usual.

jmf, we're sorry you and your family are facing BC again!

The main Breastcancer.org site has a section called Talking to Your Family and Friends About Breast Cancer, which includes an article Talking to Young Children that you may find helpful.

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good day all

my sister was diagnosed,for the 3d time with cancer of the breast.the 1st time she just had part of it removed,the 2nd time the whole breast and now it has spread to her arm,not sure where exactly.she was told after having readiation done that 2 lymph nodes near to the place would make it very dangerous to operate.she is currently experiencing lots of pain and while painkillers is helping i am afraid that it would not help in the long run anymore.our family is already so grief stricken as we lost our father a few mths ago to lung cancer.she has 4 young children the youngest being a girl of 12yrs.i do not really know what i am expecting in writing this,maybe just some advice,anything.thank you. 

I am truly sorry for your recurrence.

I was diagnosed at age 45 and had an 8 year old. I did not explain cancer or my illnes to my then 8 year old daughter.  I was keen to keep it away from her. I did consult a psychologist at my cancer center. When and If I needed chemo, I would tell her ( on advice of psychologist) that I had a bad tissue in my body, the medicine they will give me will take care of the bad tissue and might make me look funny for awhile.  I'll probably lose my hair.  They then suggest to bring in my daughter in ways she could help. i.e. , help me with finding a hat, help me around the house. They explained children like to help. This process worked very well fo us.

 The Psychologist said to use age appropriate information. Not too much detail. Children of 8 years old, don't need adult worries. 

Good luck to you.  I hope the advise here and of others helps and perhaps if you're looking for other ideas, I'd see a family pshychologist or the Psych at your cancer center.  This really helped me put into perspecive of what I should say, what I shouldn't share and how to approach it.

Good luck and let us know how you do