diagnosed...again!

jmf424

I was originally diagnosed when I was 29 and I am now 46 facing a recurrance.  How do I explain this to my 8 year old son???

mebmarj

Sorry to hear your news. That just stinks. Kids are really smart and in tune to something going on in the family.

Do you know what treatment you will have? Do you have to have more surgery? Do you have a spouse that will be helping you through or close family?

You don't need to answer those questions but, those may be questions you need to be prepared to answer to a child. If you have a spouse or close family, you may want to talk with them about what and when to say something. Find out what your game plan is from the doctors and go from there. You know your child and will know what you need to do to help yourself and them through the whole discussion.

Best wishes to you.

Josiekat

My older son is 8 yrs old. I got great advise from a child phycologist before I told my kids. Don't tell them anything more than they need to know, but don't lie to them. My kids have done remarkably well with everything and ask questions occasionally.

My heart goes out to you. I know it's a hard conversation. But, it's amazing how resilient kids are. They are going to take cues from you about how to react.

Good luck!!

kltb04

I'm sorry you are having to go through this again.  I had my dx on 2/17 and have two girls 8 and 12. I am 38. With the 8 year old, we originally told her I had a "boobie" problem and would need to have surgery on it.  She was more upset at the thought of me having surgery/going into the hospital than anything.  Anyway, it turns out the only surgery I have had so far has been outpatient (SNB, port insertion, and then another surgery at the biopsy site) because I am doing chemo first.  So when I got my first wig a couple weeks after diagnosis, I told her that the reason my hair would fall out is that "I have to get special medicine to get rid of the cancer cells and that makes your hair fall out" - she just looked at me and said "WHAT?  you have CANCER?" and I explained that yes, I do and we would treat it.  The 12 year old is more astute, she knew from the night I got my biopsy results (we had my parents take the younger one out for awhile).  She cried and was really upset because she knows a boy at school whose aunt has just had a recurrance in her liver.  But with her, again, I tried to be positive and used the old "we can't predict the future" line and they both seem to be accepting it ok.  For the first couple weeks after my SNB (I got sick with an infection) and all, everyone kind of tiptoed around me but now they are back to fighting with each other and arguing with me as usual.

blondiex46

if he has insurance call member services on the back of the card and tell them to give you a list of drs. preferably that work with children #1 and with children that are #2 dealing with grief, explain to them the situation and they should take it from there.  Also, realize you can interview therapists/drs. just because someone sends you there doesn't mean you have to take that one...

good luck!

sandy

Moderators

jmf, we're sorry you and your family are facing BC again!

The main Breastcancer.org site has a section called Talking to Your Family and Friends About Breast Cancer, which includes an article Talking to Young Children that you may find helpful.

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jmf424

Thank you so much!  Planning now to meet with a child psychologist to guide us thru it.  Worried it will be difficult to keep up my spirits with all of this!

sylvana

good day all

my sister was diagnosed,for the 3d time with cancer of the breast.the 1st time she just had part of it removed,the 2nd time the whole breast and now it has spread to her arm,not sure where exactly.she was told after having readiation done that 2 lymph nodes near to the place would make it very dangerous to operate.she is currently experiencing lots of pain and while painkillers is helping i am afraid that it would not help in the long run anymore.our family is already so grief stricken as we lost our father a few mths ago to lung cancer.she has 4 young children the youngest being a girl of 12yrs.i do not really know what i am expecting in writing this,maybe just some advice,anything.thank you. 

sylvana

good day all

my sister was diagnosed,for the 3d time with cancer of the breast.the 1st time she just had part of it removed,the 2nd time the whole breast and now it has spread to her arm,not sure where exactly.she was told after having readiation done that 2 lymph nodes near to the place would make it very dangerous to operate.she is currently experiencing lots of pain and while painkillers is helping i am afraid that it would not help in the long run anymore.our family is already so grief stricken as we lost our father a few mths ago to lung cancer.she has 4 young children the youngest being a girl of 12yrs.i do not really know what i am expecting in writing this,maybe just some advice,anything.thank you. i would just like to enquire if anyone out there could shed more light on this situatioin please,anything what is her chances of survival,what stage,and what her options are..

bevin

I am truly sorry for your recurrence.

I was diagnosed at age 45 and had an 8 year old. I did not explain cancer or my illnes to my then 8 year old daughter.  I was keen to keep it away from her. I did consult a psychologist at my cancer center. When and If I needed chemo, I would tell her ( on advice of psychologist) that I had a bad tissue in my body, the medicine they will give me will take care of the bad tissue and might make me look funny for awhile.  I'll probably lose my hair.  They then suggest to bring in my daughter in ways she could help. i.e. , help me with finding a hat, help me around the house. They explained children like to help. This process worked very well fo us.

 The Psychologist said to use age appropriate information. Not too much detail. Children of 8 years old, don't need adult worries. 

Good luck to you.  I hope the advise here and of others helps and perhaps if you're looking for other ideas, I'd see a family pshychologist or the Psych at your cancer center.  This really helped me put into perspecive of what I should say, what I shouldn't share and how to approach it.

Good luck and let us know how you do

Letlet

Hello, my daughter was 5 when I was diagnosed. We explained everything to her in the simplest, most honest way. She was 5 physically but sometimes I feel like she's 10 years older than how she is! We went to this website called kidskonnected.org and they send a care package to kids with parents going through cancer treatment and it helped tremendously. They sent a book that explained everything well in age appropriate terminology that was not scary. We explained that cancer cells are cells that do not get the "stop signal" and continue to grow and grow. We explained that I needed the surgery to get the cancer out, chemo was extremely strong medicine that would make me sick and lose my hair and of course the radiation.

She was prepared for each changes and sideeffects of my treatment as it happened and she expected it. The only thing I lied about was death and cancer...I don't think at 5 she should know But all the rest she took it in stride, every now and then she'll say something that I know it still is at the back of her mind but she is a happy, healthy, well-emotionally adjusted 7 year old.

My son was 18 months when I was diagnosed. I was scared they would both freak out at my bald hair or that he wouldn't recognize me so I was anxious. First thing he did when he saw me bald...he took Mr. Potato Head's arm and tried to stick it though my skull. LOL .He will be 4 in November.