I say yes, you say no, OR People are Strange

Morning Everyone!

As usual, it's hot and humid here.  Didn't walk the dogs today as the grass is too wet and the humidity was already at 100%.  arghh.

I had more work come in, so I'm a happy camper.  Need to finish up the reports today and then start working on the brochures for the marketing.  I've already got a couple hundred names and addresses of psychologists to mail them to.

Guess what ... I have more dental problems.  The bone is coming out of my gum on an upper area where he pulled a tooth about six weeks ago.  That makes two missing teeth and bones poking out of both areas.  I could just cry.  Thank god you can't tell I'm missing teeth when I smile.   

Kam .. So glad tomorrow is your last chemo.  You've been at it a long time, and I'm sure it will be so wonderful to be done with it.

Susie .. Hope you're feeling better today.

Blue .. Good luck on your DBS appointment today.  I hope the team can adjust the settings to alleviate some of your back pain.

Hope everyone has a great day,

Bren

good morning all. 

Bren  the dental stuff sounds awful.  I've never heard of such a thing. Should you be thinking about consulting with someone else?

Blue--fingers crossed on your scans  note that you never did respond to my kindly offer to taste test your cookies.  no worries!--I am still on standby and I bet others will join me in the project. 

Kam  happy end of chemo!  give yourself a treat to celebrate!  heck I think I will give myself a treat to celebrate the end of your chemo.

susie--hope you feel better--whatever summer cold is running around on this side of the pacific is quite nasty--DH took MIL to the doctor yesterday -- she couldn't breathe without going into coughing fits.

sitting here on a foggy morning with more than a little anxiety going on.  it is my performance review day and I confess, ever since that performance review two years ago (you know the year of stupidbreastcancer when I was doing rads and dealing with radiation pneumonitis) where the newer boss complained about me not being very productive and declared that no one in my office wanted to work with me (while the other higher ranked  boss sort of sat there and dreamed of golf perhaps), well review time has been a bit stressy for me.  Mind you they can't really fire me (theme of recent meeting with shrink) but all things considered I'm just not good at dealing with being told what a crappy employee-daughter-spouse I am.  You get the drift.

eta i know its going to be a miserable review because i got a heads up a month or so ago.  and honestly I do realize I have been off my game but good heavens universe, if one can't be off your game during your own cancer treatment OR while supporting a parent through cancer treatment then what sort of society are we?

sigh......I will be so very glad when this day is over. . . I really must find a better way to deal with the stress in my life.  I am not doing nearly as well as I was a year ago.

Ah, 3m, I'm sorry for crappy-feeling review day. It hurts us super-hyper-overachievers to be told we aren't living up to our potential or aren't pulling our weight or aren't carrying our load or are a disappointment ...we want to do well, we want to please, we want to do a good job. Been there, done that. It sux. Your mother's criticisms echoing in your head from past and present don't make it any easier, either.



No, they can't fire you. Keep holding onto that. And keep repeating a variation of the mantra I have used when things are bad at my work: "This is not my life. It does not define me. It is not the sum total of my life here on earth. It is not what I will think about when I think of what my life is."



They should be grateful that you continued to work during treatment, and they should be grateful for what you do for them. I cannot believe that you are doing an even mediocre job ... It sounds like you have a bad case of new supervisor.



You ARE doing as well or better than you were last year. You are coping with some different -- and harder -- stuff and making it through.



You haven't been PIPped, so they can't give you a terrible review. And then you'll understand what they want and get better. (((((3M)))))



Kam, congrats on end-of-chemo!



Bren, congrats on new clients! Bones sticking out? Could it be bone chips from trauma to the jaw?



Cookies, Blue ... Cookies!



Love, hugs and big waves to everyone else!



L

3monstmama, good luck with the review. My advice is that if there are negatives, you should ask what they are going to do to help you to improve. That is part of the role of a supervisor - to help.

(((((3monstmama))))) Ack. That sucks. 

Mary 

3monst - I was supposed to have my review meeting yesterday - I expect the same. I seem to be in trouble all the time for no reason and I'm not looking forward to hearing what is said at all. I agree with you - how are we supposed to be normal with all the shit we've had to go through. I was being "watched" for being negative last year. That's over, but lately I've had a couple of ridiculous complaints made against me - last week this stupid bitch compained I interrupted her conversation with some one at a morning tea!!! I walked up and said "Hello" WTF???? This bird is totally loony however and once my team leader talked to me, I think he got the drift. I told him I want to make a counter complaint for her making trivial accusations and causing me a sleepless night and considerable upset

I'm ok - not 100% - but definitely have some sort of flu, but it's not bad. I just feel a bit weird and have a wee cough. Not sure if I'll go in today - don't want someone to complain I made them sick. There is a bad flu going round at the moment, but I don't think I've got that.

Gumby - the whole negative thing was because I was complaining I had no work to do - you would think they'd appreciate people speaking up and looking for work.

You're right - it is probably a theme - they have no idea what we've been through and could never understand. Unfortunately all of my bosses are men. I was quite depressed while I was on Arimidex - no wonder I was negative. I have been a lot better since I started on Aromasin, but while I was away, the management changed and they hired lots more people, so it was all quite different when I went back.

Been away for awhile, dealing with some family craziness regarding my youngest DD, but things seem to have stabalized.

Blue, hope you get a grip on that pain soon! Pain = UGH! But, on a bright note, I totally LOVE the shoes!

Sue and 3monsta, I went through total hell my last 3 years of work. The stress and anxiety I felt on a daily basis was off the charts. Felt like I was a punching bag for several psycho supervisors and more than one or two vicious co-workers. I do believe those nightmare years contributed to my bc. I retired 2 years earlier than I really should have, but I was definitely done. My best friend at work was going through similar stuff and retired early too. When I was debating it she said "This job is not worth your health." Unfortunately it already had cost me that. But I wonder how much worse it could have been if I'd stuck it out 2 more years. Plus, DH is happy I'm no longer a daily mental case. He feels it was more than worth the loss of income.

And speaking of bc, I've got my reconstruction coming up this Friday. It should be pretty simple. They are reshaping my right,bc, boob, building a nipple, and resizing/lifting my left boob to match. PS said it may take a couple of hours mainly because she has to keep checking and tweaking for symmetry. I'm nervous about going under anesthesia again, but I'm sure everything will be fine. And I will hopefully look and feel more normal again. YAY! 

Everybody have a great day! I'm taking the grands on an outing to a game arcade, and giving my oldest DD a much needed reprieve. 

Blue - Love the shoes - hope you get some relief from the pain.  I was on gabapentin (for neuropathy) dh was on it at the same time for "itching" (associated with his constant dialysis) - all it did for both of us was put us "out" for 24 hours - we didn't take any more - I think for some of us who are pill sensitive it is just too strong (we were both on lowest dose) - it is a miracle drug for others - here's hoping it is the answer for your pain.

Wow, gardengumby, we have so much in common! I really get what your hubby said. Stress is the LAST thing we bc survivors need, at least if we want to remain survivors. I'm about 1 1/2 years from social security. I think "they" won't touch ours, it's the kids' and grands' I'm worried about.

We must share notes about our Friday adventures in reconstruction land. My PS said no tattoos for a few months. My skin has been radiated, and though it is doing great, she's not totally sure how the new nips will turn out. But I'm completely confident (naive?) that they will be awesome.

I also have a wonderful vacation coming up in December! 

yorkiemom - did you do a DIEP recon?  My PS also said no tattooing for a few months - which would put it in the October time frame - and my kind of luck I'd probably get an infection (or something) and there would go my time in the water.  I'm not going to take the chance, so will do the tattooing in January.  It's not as if anyone is going to care - God knows my hubby as seen far worse than an un-tattooed nipple over the last few years - and he hasn't lost it yet!    I'm currently 5 years from full social, and won't draw until then - even if I do retire within the next 1.5 years.  The big sticking point is medical (of course).  Unless things change drastically, if I can hold off retiring until autumn of 2013, then I can do cobra until medicare kicks in.  Overall, I've really been happy with my coverage (except for the part where they denied my stage II recon at first....).  The insurance co. blames the doctor for (using the wrong codes) the dr office blames the insurance co for the wrong info - I really couldn't care less who's to blame as long as I am not on the hook for $25,000!! (yeah, I'm still po'd even though it's over now...  )

Riley - so sorry that your friend lied to you - and really REALLY sorry that she didn't "get" why that would bother you!  I'm glad you didn't lose "TOO" much in the burglary - but just what you needed - more stress.  SO good that you're out of that apartment now!!! (and away from the terrible landlords)!!

Blue - great shoes - what's the dress like?

Yorkie and Gumby - good luck with your surgeries. Hope you're not under for long.

Riley - did you find a home for the kitty yet?

Going to work today, I never got too bad but stayed away so I didn't infect anyone. I can always come home if I can't take it.

Riley, it's awful that your place was burglarized, and you lost "stuff".  The only silver lining is that because you weren't there, you weren't hurt. 

I understand that you have suspicions about who was involved, but you can't be sure what anyone who would violate your space like that is capable of.  Stuff is replaceable, you are not.  You definitely made the right choice to move from that apartment.

Looking forward to hearing only good things about your new place. 

Sunflowers, if you are reading, WE MISS YOU!!!!