Semblance of normality - where to draw the line ?

Anonymous · July 2012

Since my lumpectomy, lymph node removal and starting chemo, my partner wants me to cut down on my usual activities.

I'm a volunteer firefighter and also volunteer as a Girl Guide leader. I also work full time on a cattle station and am doing 2 diplomas through TAFE. I also do dance training twice a week and try to exercise daily (all of this was prior to BC). I'm still trying to do it all although some side effects have slowed me up considerably - for example I don't go to fire calls anymore as I'm too weak but I still go to training when I feel up to it. I sometimes just watch dancing as I get sick from movement and I've slowed up on my assignments as I have trouble concentrating (the usual I guess).

He wants me to give up firefighting, Girl Guides, dancing and TAFE entirely and to cut work back to two days a week to concentrate on getting better.

Yesterday I took a day off and did nothing. No TAFE work, no preperation for Guides, no exercise and by the end of the day I was in tears. I spent all day wallowing in self-pity and thinking too much - way too much.

Where do I draw the line ?? I'm happier keeping busy even though some days it is really hard (mentally and physically) but maybe I'm making my body work too hard to get better by not resting ???

Leah_S · August 2012

Kelpie, my feeling is that you should do what you can do. If you have the energy for work, for dance. for studying, for exercise - then work, dance, study, and exercise! Many women find they feel better if they keep busy and especially if they exercise. Also, many women continue to work in order to keep a semblance of normality in their lives.

Your partner is probably scared and doesn't know how to help you. That's fine, but you should let him know that the best way to help you is to support you in continuing to do as much as you can.

All the best.

Leah

exbrnxgrl · August 2012

You draw the line wherever you feel comfortable! It is different for all of us. Be cognizant of your health and make adjustments as needed. Don't feel you have to be superwoman and pretend that nothing happened but on the other hand , as Leah said, keeping a semblance of normality may be important to you. I was on medical leave for 3 1/2 months and was so ready to go back to work and feel normal. BC has changed some things in my life forever but for the most part, I live like I always did and that makes me very happy. Your partner has some adjusting to do, this is pretty scary after all, but if you are honest about how you feel and your docs think you are not endangering your health, he will adjust.

Caryn

Anonymous · August 2012

Thanks. I don't really have the energy or the motivation for anything but if I am not busy I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm exhaused most of the time but on the positive side that has helped with sleep issues !!

Plus I have a 12 year old daughter who I'm attempting to 'shelter' at this stage so living as normally as I can is important to me as she worries when I don't do my usual activities . . . . . .

It's hard to know how the other half feels about it as he doesn't talk about it (except for saying that he doesn't like to talk about it). And having my own side of the situation to think about, I can't imaging what he is thinking.

mdg · August 2012

I took off work through chemo and just focused on me. I did exercise every day though as that helped me get through chemo. I am glad I did not have to deal with work or other things while going through chemo.

Anonymous · August 2012

Choose your battles, and keep doing the things that bring you joy, but cut back on the things that drain your energy. Don't be surprised that the same activity may fall into different categories on different days.

Try to build short rest periods into your day so you can re-charge in between, and balance staying busy enough to feel some sort of normal in your life, but allowing your self enough down time to ward off exhaustion and allow yourself to fully recover so you can get back to doing everything that you love sooner.

Trisha-Anne · August 2012

Kelpie everyone's told you the right thing - you need to do what you feel you can do. Listen to your body. I worked (mostly) through chemo - but only did what I could. My employers were very flexible with me, and let me do the hours I could cope with. I think if I'd stayed at home the whole time I would have been more miserable.

Don't be too concerned with your partner not wanting to talk about anything to do with your bc - that's what we are all here for - we all listen to each other and support each other.

Also - have a look at our Australian Sisters thread on here, lots of us cheering each other on and listening to each other.

Trish

xoxo

Anonymous · August 2012

Thanks everyone

Trish - where do I find the Australian Sisters thread on here ??

I'm new to this forum thingie (it was recommended when I didn't find the local support group to be my thing) and am still 'finding my feet' so to speak.

Jennt28 · August 2012

Kelpie, You should keep doing what you want to do. Life doesn't have to come to a halt because of your diagnosis and treatment :-)

I kept my fulltime job through chemo but took a semester off from my university course. I am not a daytime tv type of person and would have gone nuts at home everyday when all my friends work. It would have been really lonely...

Jenn (please do come find the Aussie forum!)

Trisha-Anne · August 2012

Kelpie when you scroll down through all the topics - go down near the bottom to a forum called Support and Community Connections. There's a page called Australian and New Zealand Breast Cancer Survivors and our Austrailan Sisters thread is in there. Come join us - we are a great bunch of ladies.

Hope to see you there.
Trish

xox

Semblance of normality - where to draw the line ?

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