Supporting a friend who's wife has just been diagnosed?

Hi Tony.  I'm sorry your friend and his family are going through this, but you sound like a good friend to be so concerned.  I went through a similar situation about a year ago, when a close friend of mine was diagnosed (she also has two young children).  The thing that seemed to help the most was when I offered to do very specific things.  For instance, when I knew her kids had summer bible school, I offered to drive them back and forth.  When she was off chemo for a week, I offered to babysit so she and her husband could go out on their own.  And when I was coming by to visit, I asked if I could bring dinner or cook something. 

At first, I told her to let me know if she needed anything at all, but I think she still felt like she might be a burden.  And at other times, I think she just wasn't sure what to ask for.  So, I found it most helpful to say "Can I do this...?"  Ultimately, you really do sound like an excellent friend, and that will make all the difference.  Peace!

-KT

Offer all you want but most will not call and ask you unless desperate, I had tons of offers and never called anyone although I could have used the help. 

 If possible take up a collection and send them a gift certificate for a cleaning service. 

Drop by with a fully cooked meal packaged in disposable containers, just ring the bell and hand them the dinner and tell them to enjoy and leave. The last thing I wanted during treatment was company. They may not need a meal that particular night but I guarantee you they will need it the next day.

 If you have a group of people everyone could be assigned a particular day to drop off a dinner.  But if you can only do one night then pick one particular night  so that after awhile they kind of expect it.

If you can help with the kids I would think that would be the best thing, drive them to where ever they have to go, take them overnight, or just randomly drop off a gift for the kids.

When your going to the store, call them "I'm on my way to the supermarket, can I pick something up for you"?

You sound like a great person, your friend is lucky to have you, and yes you are correct this is a great site.

I found it most helpful when people just did things for us as I would never ask for help. These things were helpful:



~My brother taking my son for a sleepover for a few nights when I had surgery

-my sister in law arranging a meal calendar online and recruiting family and friends to make meals and drop them off

-a friend bringing me a surgery survival basket of goodies..magazines, button down pajamas I could wear post surgery, movies, etc...



Other things that would have helped - groceries, help with laundry week of surgery, cleaning (I already had someone clean my house regularly), rides to dr appointments so DH would not have to take more time off work, meals for my family during chemo, random cards and emails of encouragement during chemo....most people stopped checking on me after my surgery and did nothing for us when I went through chemo....also more help with my son during chemo...he was only four and a handful at times!



I hope that gives you some ideas. I am sure they will appreciate your support and help.