Moving foward.

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NeedtobeSTRONG
NeedtobeSTRONG Member Posts: 101
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Why is it so difficult. I was dx in sept finished with chemo and rads just have herceptin through October. I will be having my part 2 of reconstruction on Aug 3rd.



I was offered a great RN position within the agency I work for. I had just completed nursing school and had gotten my license a month before I was diagnosed so my career was on hold. I am so excited and extremely lucky this opportunity has been dropped on my lap. BUT I AM SO SCARED to move foward! The what if's...... But this is what I want so bad. It will help us get a bigger place and be more comfortable money wise. And I will be ale to gain great clinical nursing experience. I can not pass it p and have to give HR an answer tomorrow. Why am I so torn.....it has to be fear!

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  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 1,477
    edited July 2012

    Need ... The fear is the lack of control believe it or not, although cancer has thrown us into reactive mode, we still have (had) others manage us with all of our appointments. The appointments are over and we need to move on and then we get scared. This is a great opportunity for you and it is what you went to school for. One big step.

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  • eric95us
    eric95us Member Posts: 2,845
    edited July 2012

    Tell HR yes......

    Eric

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  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 2,134
    edited July 2012

    be in the moment. if you are doing ok right now; you are ready to move forward.  no one knows what the future holds.

     i think this is the hardest part of having cancer; trying to move forward after the fact.  what has helped me the most

    is i know if i am ok today....i can plan for the future,  whatever the future brings...i will at that time deal with it.

     i am 10 years out,  the first few years i spent worrying about the future.  job, relationships...animals...and i finally decided

    that my fate was way too far out for me to try to control  live your life.  deal with what comes down the pipe. 

    don't give up even on the hard days.

    diana

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  • fredntan
    fredntan Member Posts: 1,821
    edited July 2012

    Hi again,

    Of course you are scared. You have 2 different things you have to worry about.

    The C thing and starting your nursing career.

    When I went back to work after all this crap, I was so scared. I didn't know if I could do it anymore. I didn't know if my brain would remember all the nursing stuff.I had a rough few weeks at first. I actually put in my resignation. Didn't think I could do it anymore. Turns out my NM never submitted it to HR. She knew I would change my mind.

    I love work now. I can face pts with C again. Its like a big support group.

    I remember how scared I was when I first became a nurse always listen to your heart. Listen to that little voice in your head.don't be afraid to speak up for your patients.



    Hey btw what kind of recon did you get. I have that Gawd awful TE in and have to wait til Jan for the new boobs. I want them now

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  • LittleFlower
    LittleFlower Member Posts: 405
    edited July 2012

    Need,

    It's funny.  During treatment you're very active, always doing something... like one appointment or another.  At the same time, it's like the world has stopped.  All you're focused on is cancer and chemo and surgery.. blah blah blah.  Once you make that first move to get back into the 'real world', there will be some powerful momentum, and one good thing will lead to another... it might be a really good part of your treatment emotionally, to remember what it's like to be in control of a situation!  Basically, if you don't do it, you'll never know what could of been.  GO FOR IT GIRL!!

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  • mary625
    mary625 Member Posts: 1,056
    edited July 2012

    Needtobe strong--I was Dx'd just a few weeks before you. I've been done with rads since 4/27. No recon. Stage IIIC. Yes, I am scared too. I am just starting the process of interviewing for a totally new job. It's a great opportunity that I was contacted about. I'm so nervous about the prospect of changing jobs because of the loss of FMLA protection and waiting period for disability insurance, but I also know I can't live that way. I'm glad your opportunity is in the same organization so hopefully you keep your benefits status. I hope all goes well for you. You CAN do this new job! We all believe in you.

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  • clariceak
    clariceak Member Posts: 752
    edited July 2012

    I understand your hesitation, but you have worked so hard for this opportunity. 

    When I was dxed, we were finally talking about building a new house.  It seemed almost foolish to proceed (what if) but then I came to the realization that I needed to go ahead with our plans.  It was firmly planting a foot in the future.  I don't know what will happen, none of us do, but making that decision helped me move a little further away from my dx.

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  • kathleen1966
    kathleen1966 Member Posts: 793
    edited July 2012
    I think it is soo wonderful that you have been offered this job.  Life is moving foreword for you!!!  You said you really want this!! You know what you have to do!!! Good luck with your new job!!!Laughing
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  • faithfulheart
    faithfulheart Member Posts: 544
    edited July 2012

    You go for that job, you are the same person. yes your life has changed you had cancer, you do not anymore................Move on and live your life, we have a very treatable disease............................God Bless you Sistah!!!

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  • NeedtobeSTRONG
    NeedtobeSTRONG Member Posts: 101
    edited July 2012

    Thank you everyone SO MUCH! I accepted the position and I am so excited. I will find out all of the details tomorrow. But I think I needed to take this leap to start and heal and move foward. I am still scared but I am not letting that stop me. I have always wanted to be a nurse and after this year I am determined to be the best one I can be. I was lucky to have wonderful nurses while I was going through every stage of this ordeal that I hope I can touch just one person and even inspire just one person the way some have inspired me.

    Funny thing as I layed in my hospital bed my first day after my double masectomy feeling down and depressed I had a nursing student come in who was taking care of me for the day. She was older than me and we began talking. She was in her last semester and she was going o graduate from the same school as me. I was so upset thinking damm I just graduated and look at me now. I was so jealous of her going to be moving on. Then she told me that she was a 20 year survivor and even showed me her reconstructed breasts. She decided to go into nursing to pay it foward. I started crying, she started crying and I told her she just did 1,000 times. I think god sent her to me that day. I will always remember her and I know one day I want to be able to do that for someone else.

    So even though this is not the best job meaning a hospital job I am taking it. I need to and want to be that person one day who makes someone else believe they can make it and move on. Not letting this fear run my life anymore. ( okay it will always be ther haha who am I kidding.. But....I am not going to let it take over.



    Thank you all so much again! It feels so good to come on hear and vent and have so much support from people who understand and get it!

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  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 1,477
    edited July 2012

    Congratulations,on your new job .... You will be wonderful ... You have experience on the other side and you know how to be compassionate. All the best and stay positive.

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  • Nkb
    Nkb Member Posts: 1,436
    edited July 2012

    Needtobe- I'm so glad you took the job, transitions are hard without having cancer, you will be great.

    I am also fearing going back, what have I forgotten? Will I be short tempered with someone who whines about a hang nail? I told work if I progress to stage 4 I won't be back- but, have decided to let that thought go! I could be in a car accident and be gone in a second.

    I also was renovating the master bath and thought what a waste of money, I don't deserve it, won't be around long enough to use it etc, luckily DH was there to tell me how silly that was, and I am enjoying it.

    I think this dx tends to invalidate us and we shouldn't let it. We didn't deserve the cancer and we do deserve a fruitful life.



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  • lotusbloomsinmud
    lotusbloomsinmud Member Posts: 3
    edited July 2012

    Congratulations!!! And congrats to all!! I so appreciate these posts. Recovering now from removing expanders, skipped implants due to fibromyalgia pain. It is such a help hearing that others hit the "why bother" feelings and overcame them. My husband keeps telling me, "watch out for buses!" He is so optimistic that this is over. I am sick of feeling terrified. I just want to be here for my 6 year old son. I keep trying to remember not to waste any time and to be in the moment. I loved the quote, "you can get busy living or you can get busy dying." I admire the way you r all marching ahead!!

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