Calling all TNs

Oh! minxie...my heart goes out to you - hugs don't seem enough. Here am I bitching and whining about my first surgery. I cant even imagine what your mind must be going through. I'd be with you on the drug taking to find a happy place.

I am amazed at how much strength I get from you ladies - at how much strength we get from each other.

Love and hugs to you all xx

Thanks Karen.  I am just not a weepy person,  but here I am today able to cry at commercials !

Borntosurvive,

I had my last chemo in may and my BMX May 29 th, I still take half a Xanex to sleep at night and another half when I am feeling anxious. I would love to wean myself from it, but sometimes it is what gets me through. Does anyone else take an anti anxiety? Is it normal to still be on it after tx is over?

T

I am so happy I found this forum. All of you are so supportive.

 I have been feeling really lonely lately. I feel like nobody understands and then I read the post of women going through so much more than I am and I feel guilty for feeling the way i do. I am not sure how I am supposed to feel. Sorry I think I am just venting. Had an issue with tachycardia yesterday after my taxol/cisplatin therapy and feeling a bit scared.

Thanks for listening.

good eve ladies.  So i got a callback from the dermatologist from the 2 biopsies I had done on my back and one has come back positive for cancer.   crap and crap....it is just a basal cell carcinoma not really all that serious but does have to be cut out on Aug 28th....what's 1 more scar anyway.  At least it is not melanoma!  My ma had that a few years back and has to go every 3 months for life now. Ever feel like you just need a break and wonder why you just can't catch one?!

Maggie

30yearold - Welcome! I'm glad you found us. Having this dx and going through treatment, is a bit like falling down the rabbit hole. We're here for you. No one trumps anyone here. We all have our own journey, we just share our light for those behind us or for those who's lights are dim.

Minxie.....I hope your skin is getting better each day.  I was fortunate to not get too burned from rads, but I think the fact I had Tomo therapy helped.  Did they give you anything to put on it?

I can understand the challenge at keeping the fear at bay.  My most challenging time is in the morning. Putting on happy music helps for me.  Once I get on with my day I can fill my time and head with happy activities.  Keep taking whatever helps and let your doctor know how you are doing both mentally and physically.  Big Hug from me!

Love to you....dawn    

Ladies, ladies, ladies so sorry to put you through all that worry.  Just before I went away I spent two days trying to clear all my work thinking I would catch up with you all when I arrived at the lodge.  What did I do, left my bleeding lap top at home so couldn't do a bloody thing.  I didn't want to give my family my log in because this is my private site and if they read my posts they would worry so I had to wait until I got home tonight.  So very very sorry to make you all worry.

The Lodge was quite an eye opener for me. The first and second nights I was there I was just so lonely. I knew nobody and it  seemed very strange without my family, home and animals around me.  I could so cheerfully have walked all the way home. But gradually I started to make some friends and by the time I left today it was so much better.  I was so freaking scared about rads and so far it has been nothing to get uptight about.  I just hope it stays like that cause I'm back there on Monday morning.  The last week has flown by so quick though.

I will catch up with everybody's  posts tomorrow but I must say how sorry I am to hear about Hope and Inmate.  I just can't take it in. I was so hoping you both would be ok.  I just cannot believe this has happened to you both again.  It is just not fair. You have both been through so much and it's time cancer realized that.  Just think of all the  worst swear words you can think of and that's how I feel right now. I've just got to get my head around this somehow as I am sure you do.  My heart is with you both with lots and lots of love.   

On a brighter note baby Baker James is absolutely gorgeous.  Can just imagine his giggles when blowing raspberry's on his little tummy.  Congratulations to the new Nana Luv as well.  What a lovely little baby. You must be so proud. 

Tazzy hope everything goes ok for you my mate.  I feel so flaming down after reading the posts on here tonight that I will have to reply properly tomorrow.

My tears and love are with you all and I will be thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful night.  Annie                                     

Mags:  Sorry about your recent news.  But yes it's good news that they can just "cut it out".  Battle scars are not something that anyone wanted but be proud of them - you're a Warrior!!!!

30:  Welcome to the group.  I am assuming that you're a young mom (just from your name).  I too am a young mom so if I can offer any support or anything while you're balancing the treatments and mom thing let me know.  

I had a horrible dream last night that my cancer came back and I had to say "goodbye" to my kids.  I woke up in a sweat and bawling.  I feel very shooken today by it.  The dream was so real that it scared me awake.  I was snuggling my kids SO tight this morning and kissing them all over their faces.  I think my oldest thought I was nuts.  He said, "Mom I am trying to build my lego".  Oh to be innocent like a child and what I wouldn't give to go back to the way things were before cancer!!!!

You ladies are amazing.  I wish I could keep track like many of you do and go through and comment to each person.  But the intention is here and I read each person messages.  So sorry for all those dealing with reoccurances.  It is my worst fear and I haven't even started my first chemo yet.  I start on Tuesday.  Finding myself super emotional right now. I am sitting here at work and crying while I type this.  Just had a co-worker check to make sure I am OK.  I am super scared about what is happening on Monday and Tuesday.  I want to hide my head under the covers.  Hiding from the big bad monster under the bed, just waiting for it to go away.  Everybody says how strong I have been and what a good attitude I have but here I sit crying.

Anyway sorry for the rant.  Healing hugs out to everyone.  Lots of Love.

Cocker.......I am so glad to hear from you.  Whew!  It just isn't quite the same here without you.  Glad you were able to settle in and make some friends.  That should make the rest of your time there more enjoyable.  Enjoy your weekend home with the old feller and the animals.  Love.......

Hope....thanks for the giggle on the shower and coffee.  Quite the perspective my dear.  That noodle still seems sharp to me.  I have not gone to the stage IV board either.  I just don't want to admit that I may in fact be stage IV.  I'm using the old ignorance is bliss method on that one.  I don't ask my doctor and he doesn't tell me.  I am guessing that method may fail me today.  I will have to embrace the eyes wide open method soon enough.  Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Mags.....Oh boy, that sounds a bit more like a nightmare.  So sorry!  I can just hear it now "Mom, get off me!"  Gotta love it.  Now where is that time machine?  Do you think we can get a group rate?  Put on some happy music and dance, dance, dance.  That should confirm your crazy status with the little ones.

Thanks Tif....now I want peanut clusters.

Tooky.....The first time was the hardest for me.  It is that unknown that got me.  Remember, if strong people didn't cry they wouldn't know how to be strong.  You wipe your eyes, take a deep breath and say "no more tears, for right now".  You must save a few for later.  What will you do when you stub your toe? Do something this weekend that will take your mind off of it.  Pretend you don't have cancer or doctor appointments or surgery.  My garden was my oasis the first go round.  The weekends were a success if I went through without thinking about cancer.  You can do it!  Big Hug! 

Tooky......This is for you, chemo can be fun too.  yes, i know i said fun and chemo in the same sentence.  here are a couple of pics from my halloween chemo day.  we tried very hard to get kicked out.  never happened!  btw, that's my mom with the wig on and my sister with her wings upside down.

Luv......wow, that is a nice spread!  Your daughter is so beautiful and I love the wig!

Hope, honey!  I am very sorry for not posting for a while but I can explain that later.  I just wanted to tell you that I am so so very sorry to hear what happened to you. You and I were diagnosed at the same time (you in June 2010, myself in July 2010), and we both almost had the same diagnosis, which is TN, Stage 2A, 1/0 nodes, and the only difference was that mine was Grade 2, yours was Grade 3.  I never thought in my wildest dreams that you or anyone for that matter could get brain mets, after such a long time.  You said in one of your prior posts that it has been 14 months - maybe you are counting from your surgery date, but recently I celebrated a 2 year mark on July 10, from my diagnosis date of July 20, 2010.  I hope they got it all from the brain mets.  I have heard real success stories of brain mets, so am hoping, praying, sending you tons of love and prayers that this will once again be in the past, and that you move forward again. Please stay with us and let us know how you are doing.

I have been having real eye problems, and at one point I got really freaked out about losing my eyesight, so I stopped looking at the computer screen except for work.  Yesterday a friend gave me an anti-histamine and the eye redness went away, so I am hoping that it is just an allergy and nothing related to my eye.  I have missed reading everyone's posts.  I recently read the latest posts and noticed people saying how sorry they were for you.  What?  I was shocked, just too shocked, no way, not Hope, I still can't believe it.  Thanks for sharing your story with us.

You are very brave.  Not sure why this is happening to such wonderful ladies.  Why we have been chosen to bear this disease in this life?  I have so many questions.

Hang in there Tooky.  The first is indeed the scariest because you just don't know what to expect.  When I felt anxious in chemo I'd close my eyes and in my head I'd repeat "I am healthy and I'm well......I am healthy and I'm well".  I still do that sometimes when I'm having a "moment". 

For my last chemo I wore a pink tutu, a tiara, my wig and a shirt that my team made me that read "Brave. Hot. Bitch".  They put me in a private room because my friends all came and we had a party.  Cupcakes, sandwiches, I drank orange juice from a wine glass (my friend had a rum and coke...shhh!!).  We had a riot.  Everything is what you make it after all.