2012 sisters

jpmom-your right hair is hair even if it is white.  I had a lot of white before so most of it being white shouldn't surprise me.  I tell my 14 yr old it's white because of all the things he did when he was little that scared me to death. Like climbing on top of our trailer behind DH when he was 4, stacking chairs on other objects to reach the top of the refrigerator when he was 3.  We will be thinking of you today.

lisa- I like your reasoning for the housekeeper.

juneaubugg-hope your are able to come to a decision about the chemo.  I haven't been given any choices really so I don't know what to tell you other than do what you believe is best for you.

firestorm-my Brother and SIL brought us out dinner last night. Roast and potatoes. My DH told them thank you we might starve if people weren't bring us food out. My DS jumped in to say "no we wouldn't I can make quesadillas" . And he can if all you want is a flour torilla shell with shredded cheese inside thrown on the George Foreman.

Tazzy-I hope you get your date soon. The wait is going to start driving us crazy for you!

I seem to be having more pain in my arm than I am my incision at this point. It is about to drive me crazy.

Well back to see if I can get some sleep. 

Thanks all. Spent the last 12 hrs crying. SO TIRED. Trying up remember when my DH and I kist sat around laughing. We used to do that a lot. We'll be married 3years on Halloween; first time for us both. Doesn't seem right. I'm just do angry and dad and scared and in pain and and and.... I don't have to explain myself here. Thank you for that. And in two weeks I am to start a new job....wherever will I find the energy?!



Off to the PS for another fill. Maybe I'll get driving privileges back finally. It's been 4 wks tomorrow.

jpmomof3 - my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today, looking forward to hearing from you soon



juneaubug - is there any possibility of seeing another oncologist for a second opinion?



Lostinmo - I hear you about the arm pain, I'm told it can take a long time, mine was really aching yesterday



Tazzy - hoping your call today to the nurse navigator has good results re: date



Off to get ready for the day, hoping it's a good one for everybody

Good to hear from you again Jazlaumir... happy your move went well. Good luck for tomorrow... thinking of you. Please let us know how you got on.

Juneaubug... lots of hugs being sent your way. Hope you find solace soon. And its OK to cry... we are going through some really scary shit. Hang in there honey.

Moonflwr... don't you hate it when that happens ??

Lostinmo... hope your pain eases in your arm. I have heard that from so many people, that if they have nodes removed and/or SNB that is more bothersome than their actual mx.

SusannahW - welcome to the thread. That's all you can hope for is to be at peace with the decisions you have to make. Wonderful that it worked for you.

Websister... sending you and lostinmo positive healing vibes for the arm pain/aches.

Firestorm... hope you've got those ducks in order - nothing worse than unruly ducks running around.

Jpmom.... Thinking of you today - check in when you can.

To every brave sister out there - have a good day, any fears, anger and just plain being pissed off...come here and share with us all.. just don't bottle those emotions up. And don't forget to try and see the beauty in each day. Wishing you all a wonderful day.

My docs will have until Noon today and if I haven't heard from them, they will get another call. Until that time though I am going grocery shopping and cleaning my bathrooms ?! Woo hoo dont get much more exciting for a Monday

Soyaandpepper: I think my final decision is going to be to NOT have chemo. I've been through enough and I am waving my flag at their percentages. Tamoxifen will hopefully be enough to keep this bitch from coming to knock on my door again. I also have Crohns Disease which is an auto immune disease of the colon and small intestine; it would just pour salt on the would.



That all said, i am still struggling to 100% get to a place where I'm sure, as I was with lump vs UMX. I hate this. I hate every summer wasted, fun lost, painful moment. I'm sorry bad day.



Tazzy- I'm in a mood today. Whats the number of those people who won't give you your damn date?!

:-)

Tazzy, thank you for the welcome! Like all the rest on this thread I am praying for you to get a date for your surgery so that you can get a little peace.

I might get to get the drains out Wednesday!

Hey lostinmo, glad you are doing so well, sorry abou tte nerve but a lot of that sensation can come back eventually.



Juneau. How old are you (don't answer if you don't want to:) You have the hardest decision to make and I hope that you can make it and feel good about it. It sounds like you have decided not to go with chemo at this point. Hopefully when that day that you were supposed to start chemo passes you will know even more that you made the right decision. You will probably have a gut feeling that tells you if it is right for you soon if you haven't already. Did they tell you a percent that they expect chemo to help? Chemo is no joke. Especially with your other medical issues I am glad that you are thinking so carefully about it. It really sounds like things are very borderline for you on the benefit of chemo, otherwise they would have pushed it.



As much as we hate to think about it, fact is things can recur with or without chemo and you will be monitored very carefully from now on. And doing chemo now actually makes it harder to do chemo later. There are some medicines you can't take twice. And cancers actually can become resistant to medicines just like bacteria can to antibiotics. I am not a MO and I am not you, but I think I would decide the same thing as you based on the little I know about you. All I can say is trust your MO and trust your gut. Also did your case get presented at tumor board? If not you may want to see a second MO and see if they agree. It may make you feel better about your decision.



I am kinda loopy right now. I hope I haven't said anything dumb.

juneaubug Dang so sorry you are so down about all this. Can't say I blame you. Maybe  a 2nd opinion would help? It is such a bummer to lose the summer to this crap.

jpmom bummer about the node but it seems great that it was only that one? Anyway hope you get to feeling better. If the loose tongue (as you put it) helps then unwind that puppy.

lostimo won't it be great to lose the drains- dang nusiances. sorry about the armpit nerve but if its anything like mine it doesnt seem to be as numb as often anymore.

Taz! Did you get your date yet?   I'm working on my exchange date for my fluffy squishees. 

Jpmomof3, warm

hugs, hang in there , it's been a big day. Hope you resting comfortably.

Tazzy, I hope you hear soon. lost, glad those drains are out. 2fried, is it really time for squishes, already? Wow. And Jp, on Mythbusters they did an experiment on whether things hurt less if you cussed. Guess what, it was true. People held on longer if they were cursing! So cuss away, there is scientific proof its good for you! much love to all

cinnykay-sorry your going through this but glad that you have found us. We are here if you need us.  We share the good and the bad, rant and celebrate. Whatever is needed.  Sending you warm (((hugs))).

cinnykay, I can relate and we are close to same timeline on things.  I was DX on July 12 and had lumpectomy and SNB same day as you.  I too am a bit sore but not as bad as I thought...pretty good bruising under the left arm where they took a node.  I hope to get to see the Dr. on Friday before he is gone for vacation for two weeks.  Called today and they will get back to me with date and time.  I was told I may also have an onco test to help determine if chemo is beneficial if all nodes are clear...so still lots to find out.  Trying to stay calm as we have taken the first step with surgery to fight this awful disease!  Let us know how it goes...the support and education on this site is fantastic.  you are not alone!  ~Aruba

oh, and jpmom - your comment about the ringtone you have for your kids cracked me up. We are big family guy junkies in this house and happen to love that bit where stewie calls for lois over and over again.

Cinnykay so sorry you had to find us but we're here for you.

Moonflwr Yes I can't believe it is almost squishee time!It's just a matter of scheduling surgery for me now! Yea!
Mythbusters-one of the best shows ever! Can't believe I missed the cussing one. lol

Super Taz They must be saving the best for last with you! I know how you feel though. When I needed my biopsy last fall, I waited and waited for a date then they scheduled it about a month and 1/2 later. I called to see if they could move it up and the phy-ass(should put the it on the end but she didn't deserve it) said" it will be fine, it's really not that long to wait." Then after it was done she came in to give me the results and said "see all that fuss and worry for nothing" I said "oh wow really?" and was all relieved. Then she looks at the pathology again and says "oh I'm sorry you do have atypical cells. I didn't see that. I'm going to send the doctor in" then ran out of the room. That was the beginning of all this crap. When I would go for more results she would never come near my room or even look at me in the hall after that. But rarely does a doctors office get how hard it is to wait for tests, wait for surgery, wait for results etc etc.I've been going thru this crap since last september and that was just all the tests, biopsies, lumpectomy and nsdmx. Crazy how long they keep you hanging sometimes! Hope you get a date soon and that it's a relatively close date-not out of any fear the cancer will grow but just because it's so hard waiting.

Ramols I had thought I would really be upset when the bandages came off but I had healing issues with my incisions that I had to address so I just got down to business with the ointments and bandages etc. I don't think I "really looked" at the whole picture just each wound". I guess for a bit I was in denial too but then would get relieved when a small part of an incision healed-baby steps. Then one day I did just look and laughed at myself because my chest reminded me of the 2 fried eggs. I guess enough time had passed. Think you do kind of go thru denial a bit then acceptance and maybe even a tad bit of relief. One thing though that always puts it into perspective for me though and makes me feel so blessed is that my mom was only 40 and they gave her the very mutilating halstead mastectomy in the 60's and she had no reconstruction options what-so-ever. Poor mom, if only she was alive for me to tell her that it's only now that I really realize what she went though.

Juneaubugg make that 8 scrambled Ostrich eggs! Aren't these things the hardest, weirdest things ever? I think I just had my last fill today and mine are SO popping out under my arms-I swear if I wore sleeveless shirts I would have brush burns on the upper part of my arms from them rubbing against these things! lol They don't budge a bit either.  I got 100cc a couple times then 75 but I just got 50ccs the last 2 times. Nothing like trying to sleep on your back with a hard heavy boulder or 2 on your chest huh?

Well ladies going to go give sleep a shot. Probably be right back up in a few but we'll see. Hope every one can get some rest and dream of the day that all this crap is behind us.