2012 sisters

Shaved the hair a little while ago.  DH and our 2 boys did it for me.  I lost it emotionally when my 4 year old said, "mommy, you're hair is white but you're so beautiful".  Then my 6 year old told me how beautiful I was.  No coaxing from DH.  Coulnd't help it.  Been crying ever since.  Everyone keeps telling me how pretty I look and that they love me.  I'm so lucky to have my DH and 2 little men.

It really brings it down to reality to me that chemo has started.  The shaving today was my choice.  Didn't want chemo or cancer determining when that happened.  Still hard, but at least SE's are doable so far.  I'm Day 4 out from treatment day and just feeling loopy and sad (about the hair).   Oh yeah, things aren't tasting so great, but not awful.

Take care.

Good morning all!

teeballmom-your boys sound so sweet! My DS had his hair shaved to same day I did. Wish mine was growing as fast as his.

Beckers- hope you get your question answered.

I think I'm ready for my surgery on Thurs. Still have to find a place to send my DS for a few days. Because we drive 2 hours to get to the hospital we are going up the night before. I don't see the need for him to be stuck sitting in a hospital with us. I was really nervous when it got scheduled but now I'm fine and ready to get it over with so I can get healed up and get to the rads.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend. It finally cooled off some here so I can actually go outside! 

Good Morning Ladies,

I finally got to go out to a local winery with a friend. It was perfect weather and I might have overdone it a bit because I am a little tired today but I am used to this and it was worth it. I was celebrating being done with chemo! I still get hercepton but no real side effect with that so I am saying I am done. I am trying to plan a short vacation once I get my surgery date this week but not sure where.  

 Teeballmom- Your story today brought tears to my eyes how your boys responded:) I am sure you look beautiful! I remember the day I cut my hair, I called another family member who is a cancer survivor and she told me to remember it was temporary and it will come back. I miss it but this summer it has been way easier not to deal with it:) One thing I found is in the beginning I was embarrashed to go out in public but now I love the compassion I get from people and especially when survivors come up to me and tell me their stories like my 80 yr neighbor who came over one day and said I had BC 20 years ago and I am still here:) I will be thinking of you as you start your next journey with Chemo. hugs!

lostinmo - I also will be thinking of you on Thursday and wish you a quick recovery. I find out this week my plans for surgery dates and I am very nervous but I have been reading a lot about others journey and it helps so much to be brave. There was a really  good utube video from a women called postively pat that I watch yesterday. I hadn't seen anything from her before but this video showed her going through prep and after surgery. It was actually a good video for me to watched. I need to get off my computer this weekend and take a break from BC research:)  

 I hope everyone enjoys their day! Hugs to all!

jp - I also have not had my hair grow back under my arms yet but a little on my head and more and more each week.   I hope the same that it does not come back out. I only have a little growth every where else right now. same as you it started growing back when I started taxol so maybe it just take a little to grow in certain places? remember we lose hair everyday when we had a full head so maybe that is what you are experiencing? Hope so:) I haven't heard of this but maybe check out the blog on hair? I would be pissed off and sad too but hang in there:)

Mcook, you are right we do lose hair in cycles so the couple of strands that come loose from my head when I ws worrying with it is probly just that. I haven't gotten anymore to come out. I just hope it stops at the armpits and doesn't affect more. I will just be happy to have all this behind me and be able to run my finger through my hair again. This is all just so painfully slow.



Jennbell, I am so sorry you are in this situation but so glad you found this group. I hope you will find as much comfort and support here as I have. This is a great bunch of women. You have already made it through the worst by having that AC behind you. The taxol is nothing compared to that. I worked the whole time through chemo and I finished about 3 weeks ago. I am waiting to have my surgery in a week. Best wishes!

I forgot to mention that I am ER PR and HER + and I have 12 weeks of weekly treatments.   my mass was 5-6 CM  but now can not be felt from the doc so it has shrunk with Chemo.  I am also in NC

Jenbell- Hi! sorry to meet you this way. I agree with beckers and jp as this site has lots of great women and tons of support. Great news about your tumor shrinking! I also put off a few months bf I went in to get checked so understand thinking, " it can't be anything" Big hugs! Hang in there and we are all here to share and support.

I just saw this quotation and thought of all of us:   

When something bad happens you have 3 choices:
1. You can let it define you:
2. You can let it destroy you:
3. You can let it strengthen you:

I know from all our posts we have chosen #3.

Stay strong ladies.

Funny, today I had a meltdown and burst into tears in a big shopping mall. My eyes were taxotere -watering like full-on crying. My nails with lots of purple pink and brown. All the people looked so healthy with

Lots of hair and and regular breasts in tank tops etc. I just felt

" I have been destroyed, I am not the same and never will be ." I won't be defined by it but I am

Not feeling stronger. Today I felt Ike I was being tested and not doing well. Sorry for gloom. Better now after wine tasting with DH- wine started to taste good after 3 months!

Lisa... meltdowns become part of our daily lives - least they have mine.   Hey and nothing like a wine tasting afternoon to make us feel better   Please never apologise for gloom, that's why we are here - bitch and w(h)ine all you want. 

Welcome Aruba, you've found a great place to land.  Go shopping, the best therapy ever -even if it is for button down pj's or tops

Aruba, that was fast, sorry! Already got your pathology report, I think mine took two weeks.

My big meltdown was at a restaurant. It was their fault, really, we had a bottle of wine and their portions were really tiny. I remember crying on my daughter's shoulder, poor thing. At least I don't think I made a lot of noise.

And I still tear up a little almost every time I talk to someone outside of my immediate family about it. That's why I haven't told a lot of people. Anyone else do that? 

Hi everyone.

Just popping in for a few minutes.  

I will say that I had a crummy weekend, but not how you'd think.  Had my first treatment last Weds.  Side effects are manageable, and I slept most of the weekend away anyway.  I'd say I was just going to shut my eyes and be out for 2 hours at a time.  One time I woke up 4 hours later.

I probably should have thought the whole idea of shaving my head the same weekend as my first treatment a little more.  Too much to take in too quickly, but I'm o.k. today and am sporting a t-shirt turban on my head (it's god awful pink but I bought a bunch of pink t-shirts before my diagnosis and it felt good cutting one up - already sick of pink).  The hardest thing this weekend was facing my 6 and 4 year old boys with my shaved head and my 4 year old son when he looked at me and said "Mommy, when are you not going to be sick anymore?"  O.K. I lost it and had to rush upstairs.  My poor husband was trying to console me (and it was his birthday that day) but it made me feel like a failure as a mom.  I know I'm not and I'll be stronger when I'm done, but boy, doesn't that hurt when you unintentionally must be hurting your kids somehow? 

Sending hugs to everyone!!! 

Take care.

DianaNM, I have the same problem as you when I tell someone new, so what I did was write up an email and sent it off to the people I wanted to know.  It worked out well for me...I still cry sometimes when I get an email back and it touches me in some way -- most people are so very kind.  The unfortunate thing is that one friend forwarded it to some former co-workers, I was not happy about that at all but eh, they probably would have found out at some point anyway.  Oh well, I guess that was better than talking behind my back!  ;-)

I can't wait to have a meltdown when I lose my hair -- I am an ugly crier to begin with, that will only get worse.  :-/