2012 sisters

Maddymac: no my surgery was actually on the 27th.

Thanks for sharing so much. i hear knowledge of how hard it is, even when all is going ok.



MyDH asked me if I wanted to go to Santa Barbara for a few days. I felt a huge sadness wash over me as I remembered that we had gone there at New Years, right before I got my MRI biopsy results. I suddenly started to cry and said I can't go back there...I didn't know then what was about to happen. Life changed. Trying to stay upbeat, but there are moments.

Thanks for listening.

Sorry I  just can't respond to everyone today.

Yesterday was a kick in the gut. Went for my last taxol and the MO informed me the tumor is larger than last time. On the bright side he sent me for an ultrasound when did show it larger but filled with pockets for what they believe to be dead cells so we went ahead with the last tx.

I get to meet the the BS on Monday to get that going. Just want this crap out of me! 

Taking a few quiet minutes for myself before my family wakes up and starts the day so thought I'd say good morning. Feeling a bit brighter today and thankful that surgery day is almost here and I can get this show on the road already.

lisa2012 - consider yourself hugged; you are not alone.

lostinmo - I'm sorry. What crappy news to have to hear after going through all the chemo. But it sounds like maybe it did do something, even if not everything you hoped it would do. Sending you giant hugs today.

Hope you all have a bright, sunshiney (but not too hot) day!

LuvMyFam, my lumpectomy was determined by a few things like: how operable my tumor was - if it had looked to be invading the pectoral muscle that might have changed the approach and concerns; the fact that I'm in a rural area and though we have a good cancer center we do not have a dedicated breast surgeon - it would have taken longer to go to a larger hospital and consult one and I wanted the cancer out, out out! and then I would not have been at home for part of recovery and that's a big problem for me with a special medical diet; I still think I want a BMX after chemo is done but now at least I don't feel quite so urgent about figuring out where to go and how to do it.

I woke up after 7.5 hours of sleep again so if that's my post chemo sleep pattern I'll take it. My stomach has definitely not been hurting as much but I absolutely had to get some calories in me this AM. I have a lot of frozen smoothie cubes in my freezer so I grabbed a couple of those and that seemed to be just the ticket. Being frozen they kind of numbed my mouth so I'm not tasting the chemo meds, just nice cool soothing sensation. I'll keep the meals small today and for a few days, not that my body gives me much choice if it's like the last time through. Neulasta later today and then in my bed for a few days of fever probably... I have lots of DVDs checked out from the library and lots of documentaries and oooooold movies downloaded from the youtube. I like being prepped.

Good morning ladies! Hope everyone is feeling better today.



Lisa, we are here to listen if nothing else! Maybe Santa Barbara will be a nice place to go for you again, maybe you will just find another beautiful place to go instead. I hope you are feeling better. This is a roller coaster ride...from hell.



Lostinmo, I see you have hit a low point on the roller coaster too, I feel your pain. Sorry to hear that the tumor didn't shrink. Don't lose hope though, the fact they think that there are lots of pockets of dead cells is good. According to my pathologist husband, he says that he puts no stock in size of tumors during or after chemo. Sometime all the dead cells cause a inflammatory reaction that causes things to swell. And scar like tissue gets left behind. Those cells don't just disappear, they die and something has to happen to them and something is left behind. They will know when they take out the f'ing cancer and look at it under a microscope. Now chemo is behind you, time to look forward as hard as it is, and get the damn cancer out of us.



Luvmyfam, I did chemo first because I am trying to preserve the breast and do a lumpectomy. I have a large aggressive tumor and teeny tiny titties. Doing chemo before or after has no affect in my case (or any case I think) on survivor rates or recurrence rate.



Allurbaddays, hope the side effects and your stomach calm today. Sounds like you have a plan!



My surgery isn't for a couple of weeks. I will probably think way too much about it between now and then. My husband keeps shoving aside the topic and saying that this part is easy. Maybe he is right but it isn't him getting pieces of him whacked off soon. He has never (thank goodness) had surgery. I am finding the sympathy lacking a bit. Though I think that he means well and generally we arent ones to dwell on things we can't control and mull and worry. He and I are of the general attitude to take care of business and move on. And maybe that is what I need, talking about it might just get me more worked up. But I don't think he has any idea how this is affecting me. This is deforming surgery. I know it isn't a vital organ but still I am kind of used to what I have being where it is.



Anyway despite that rant I am feeling pretty good. I am going for a walk before it gets any more ridiculously hot out there. Best wishes sisters!

Thanks, ladies. Today we are having a small party for son (turning 24 today) and me (57 yesterday.)

First social event at our house in 3 months. Just family and some friends, maybe 15 people. It's a beautiful day, will probably be about 75. I'm a bit nervous but once it starts I'll be fine

Ok, don't be in a huge hurry to get your drains taken out. Mine came out at 8 days after surgery and were both draining under 15cc a day. Now I have a seroma on my lymph nodes that is not going away at almost 7 weeks out. I don't want to get it drained becuase I've already had an infection there but guess will see what my surgeon says next week.

Allyourbaddays, report back on how the fasting went. Just wondering if it actually helps.

And yes, I do get sick of talking about BC! Sometimes I just resolve to have a BC free day and pretend it didn't happen. I think it helps.

Happy birthday, Lisa! After my surgery I was super hungry and wanted carbs. Thought I would lose some weight from major surgery, but no! 

CMartin-I'm 9 weeks out from my NSBMX with 1-step to implants! Now in the process of deciding whether or not I'm going to do chemo. No radiation since I do not have node involvments, but the chemo part is very diffcult since I'm not sure the benefit outweight the risks in my case, still waiting on my hormone receptors and had a consultation with one MO who was an ass cause he assumed I was doing chemo and I was there to just talk about my benefits and risks. He went on and on about the different cocktails he would use if my Er was + or - and her2 + or -. He also downplayed the side effects a lot, my main concern is putting toxic chemical in my body. There's no stat. for someone my age (35) and even my oncoplastic surgeon whom I trust a great deal told me that chemo is optional for me. 

MaddyMac: Thanks

lisa: Hoping you and your son have a great birthday celebration with your family, wishing much joy and laughter!

Lostimo: I'm sorry to hear about your tumor not shrinking but I'm sure these feelings will be eased when you go in for surgery to get this stuff out! There is a sense of relief when you get it out and hear clean margins! Hang in there

Luvmy fam: I think my surgery before chemo was determined based on my tumor size and positive nodes? Not exactly sure, but I remember the doctor saying something like that.

Ramols: Glad you're feeling better, hoping that you enjoy a peaceful and happy weekend heading into surgery on Tuesday!

allurbaddayswillend: good idea about the smoothie cubes, I'll save that for when I start chemo, enjoy your movies, hope you feel ok.

Jpmomof3: Sending you hugs, I think that our families think that being strong and positive means not talking about our feelings and fears, I think that it is good to rant and talk things through, it helps me to move forward; anyway,  to be able to do that from time to time and get it out of my system. Hope you enjoyed your walk..

DianaNM, I have come to agree with you regarding rushing to get the drains out after hearing so many stories about taking them out to soon, I have an infection in one of my drains but worry about getting them out to soon and dealing with different side effects so I'll just deal with the one I have now. I'm sure all this will pass soon.

allurbadday - I hope you are feeling well and your stomach is cooperating!

jpmom - My husband is the same way. Don't get me wrong, he's a super support and his rock-like way of handling all this is helpful at times, but I wonder if/where/what the real emotions are for him. He has trouble allowing me down/sad times, as he's afraid that is me giving up the fight. To him, this can all be boiled down to removing and killing contained cancer and getting new boobs to boot. I know he gets that there is an emotional component to this for me - and I know he is scared too, but every so often his rah rah attitude kind of pisses me off. But in the end, I know he means well and is there for me 100%. Men just deal with their emotions differently. They are very practical.

cmartin - you are obviously a very strong woman. I'm going to hold onto your comments and try to be as stong post-surgery!

lisa2012 - I hope all went well today with the party!

dianamn - sorry to hear about drain struggles. I hope things clear up soon for you!

teeballmom - good for you about your hair! I don't start chemo for several weeks, but got myself a pre-surgery haircut where I cut off MANY inches. It sure felt liberating. Go get 'em!

soyaandpepper - I'm curious to hear more about your concerns on chemo, and if they have to do with your age. I'm 37 - not much older than you, and was told that because I'm so young, they are going to be very aggressive with my chemo. Wondering if I should be doing more research about the SEs in relation to age?

As for me - had a lovely (although obviously early) date night with my husband and am set to relax tomorrow and spend some quiet time with family on Monday before the big day on Tuesday. Hope you're all feeling well and have a restful evening!

Ramols. - I never thought of myself as strong and was certain I couldn't do this. You sound equally sound and will find the strength In the time that its needed. Thinking of you.

Thinking of you. Update us when you can.

Good morning
Ramols - glad to hear re: nanny, hope today's interview is all it promises to be. Thanks for your comment about my blog post - I'm sure as Mom's all of us look at our children that way, I do love looking at them and it reminds me of something Maya Angelou once said on Oprah -
'Every child deserves to see their parents eyes light up when they enter the room'. Wishing you well for your surgery.


Firestorm - I know what you mean re: whirlwind of scans, I was thinking I would glow in the dark. Invasive means that the cancer broke through the walls of the duct, not that it has metastasized. What they are proposing sounds reasonable if your sentinel node is clean. Re: concerns about needle in nipple - they have you use Emla cream (a topical anesthetic) prior to the procedure but I can't speak to how it feels as I haven't had one. The wire localizations are easier than the core biopsies, they use local freezing before inserting and then tape them down, a bit of a nuisance to deal with prior to surgery but not bad, I had two prior to my lumpectomies in 2009. Hope you can rest and find some time to enjoy the beautiful summer days before your surgery, glad to hear your scan results were clear.

Party was fun! dH cooked wonderful food, weather was perfect, I made it through fine, just skipped the family walk after guests had left cuz I had run out of steam. I even had a fresh strawberry daiquiri and a piece if cake- two foods that I have not had in three months.

I was reading these posts and got stuck in teeballmom 's one. Could i have had the oopharectomy and mastectomy at the same surgery in November if my doc had done the MRI sooner? Why look back, I know.

Re oncotype: strange how they do or don't do it. I did have it, with clean nodes. It came back a 38 but confused matters about estrogen positivity. I think if there are other indicators that make it seem like chemo is important, like grade and K167 and shape and such, the onco isn't that helpful. I don't know. And the risks if chemo weren't really discussed with me, more the side effects during. Too late now! Done!