Wild Thoughts

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thatsvanity
thatsvanity Member Posts: 391
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My sister died of stage IV BC on feb 14, 2011, I've been grieving since her diagnosis and since her death but the times between tears and strong emotions have been longer spaced than daily tears, but today is a hard day. Its like I have flashbacks of me,ories of spending the night with her in the hospital and the doctor talking about pallative care and seeing her sweet face listening and remembering the tears rolling down my cheeks, or driving the car close so she didn't have to walk far, and giving her lorazepam with a syringe when she was dying, just theses glimpses of her illness just flash through me like electricity, but I thought I was getting more normal or with it then wham it comes again, why didn't I do this or that questions flood my mind. I miss her when will I see her again? Why did we have to leave each other so soon? It just is all unfathonamble right now and confusing and sad and heartbreaking all over.

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  • tuesdays
    tuesdays Member Posts: 12
    edited June 2012

    (((((HUGSSSS)))))

    Im so sorry sweetie. Vent all you need to, its good for the soul. Were all here always to listen.

    nikki

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  • Blessings2011
    Blessings2011 Member Posts: 4,276
    edited June 2012

    thatsvanity - I am so sorry for the loss of your dear sister. Cancer just sucks, and affects everyone.

    It sounds like you were a devoted sister to her, and I believe that lovingly escorting someone out of this earthly life is a privilege and an honor.

    The grief and pain are normal, and take as long as they take.

    But if you feel like the emotions are coming back (flashbacks) in ways that interfere with your daily living, then perhaps it's time to see a professional.

    Counseling can help you see things in perspective, get a handle on what you are feeling, identify triggers that bring back those strong emotions, and help you learn more ways to cope with them when they come.

    It's like mental housekeeping....and learning new ways to live your life so it is not so painful.

    Your family and friends can be wonderful support, but a therapist can really listen, non-judgmentally, and  instead of telling you how you should feel, or what you should do, can help you decide what would lead you back to being emotionally healthy and happy again.

    And, of course, there is this awesome forum where women really "get it".

    I see you went through your own mastectomy shortly after your sister passed. You've been through so much! Counseling is a gift you can give yourself. Life can be easier.

    My faith is strong, and I DO believe that I will be reunited with my loved ones who have gone before me.

    Praying for healing and peace for you.....

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  • thatsvanity
    thatsvanity Member Posts: 391
    edited June 2012

    Thank you blessings,

    For your supportive and kind message, I've never gone to counseling but I think I will give it a try or a support group. I'm able to cope and live each day, but I'm surely not at my optimum self. Thank you for your direction and strength from you post. I'll give it a try sometimes I just need to let my thoughts out especially the thoughts that needle me and I can't just tell anyone.

    Love Amy

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  • silentbell
    silentbell Member Posts: 266
    edited June 2012

    They say there are three stages to the  grieving process, denial, anger, and acceptance.  As they say, we are all different and no one can feel your loss like you and time is most likely your best friend when it comes to this sort of thing.  For different prospectives google "three stages of grieving"  and maybe it will help.  I hope it does.  Good luck.

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  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited June 2012

    Your feelings sound absolutely normal to me.  I would like to share two things and I hope they will help.

    1)  You loved your sister and did your best for her.   That's about all you can do.  I'm sure she knew that and appreciated it immensely.  Try to stay away from the "what if thinking."

    2)  Your sister deserves to be remembered.  Every day.  If you find the grief to still be incapacitating, or like a lingering depression, then counseling might be a good idea.  I'll never know your sister, but I am still 100% sure that she would not want you to live your life in a fog of grief over her passing.  She would want you thriving in your own life and having many happy moments.   It truly is a way to honor her, by living your life to the fullest.  She would want that for you.

    O.K., I thought of a third one too.

    3)  Once in a while, get together with someone that you can remember your sister with, and remember out loud.  It just feels good.

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  • thatsvanity
    thatsvanity Member Posts: 391
    edited June 2012

    Dear Tuesday's, silent bell and elimar,

    Thank you for your posts and I am thankful to post here and have the understanding and advice from you all! It's true it's good to talk to friends who knew her and they can relate to memories and her personality. The what if thinking is useless... I know hospice provides free counseling I'm going to check it out. Love to yu all and thanks for listening.

    Amy

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