My mom has cancer

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bmwtg2
bmwtg2 Member Posts: 4
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My name is Britney I am 26. Yesterday I found out my mom (my life, my best friend, my everything) has breast cancer.  Not too much info yet just that it is ductal breast cancer. I am in shock and scared of whats to come. She is only 47, well she will be 48 in one week. We have no family history of breast cancer. I keep asking WHY. I can't lose her. I need her for when i graduate with my Masters next year, I need her whenever I have kids and get married. I need my mom. And I need your help for some positive words. GOOGLE is the devil and makes me feel worst.  Please tell me it get better.  How will she be when she starts chemo? How long will she suffer?

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  • GrandmaV
    GrandmaV Member Posts: 1,267
    edited June 2012
    bmwtg2 - Just finding out the diagnosis is a big shock and it takes time to get over that.  When I found out last September I knew nothing about breast cancer and immediately thought the worst.   If she had a biopsy the pathology report from that will give you some information about the cancer, but only after surgery will you know the whole story.  Find a good breast surgeon she feels comfortable with.  Also if you can, get a breast cancer navigator, to help her get the information and doctors she needs.  It's so overwhelming at first but just take it a step at a time.  We really can't give you any specific answers, until we have more information, but most chemo regimens for early stage breast cancer takes between 2 to 5 months, and she can take medications to help with the side effects.  Sometimes they give chemo before surgery, and sometimes after, it all depends on the pathology report and doctor preference.  I'm so sorry you and your mom have to go through this, but it does get better once you have your plan and doctor's and know what direction this journey takes you.  She will need all the support and love you can give her.  Please  ask us any questions you have, some one here will know the answer.   I wish you all the best.  
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  • GrandmaV
    GrandmaV Member Posts: 1,267
    edited June 2012
    Britney,  Just checking back to see how you're doing and to bump your thread back to the top so others will see it and respond.  Hang in there.  Lots of hugs.
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  • Jackie620
    Jackie620 Member Posts: 2
    edited June 2012

    bmwtg2,  Grandma gives excellent advice.  My Mom got bc about 13 years ago.  Finding out one's Mom has breastcancer is a shock, and scary especially when your Mom has always been there for you.  And as noted it takes time to get through that and you will.    Just find healthy ways to cope. I think I watched too much TV!  But when going through difficult times, I found it's ok to have a cry now and then, and it's also ok to have a laugh now and then.   Try to live life in a balanced way.  Your Mom is going to get through this.  Keep up your positive energy and give lots of hugs.

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  • bmwtg2
    bmwtg2 Member Posts: 4
    edited June 2012

    Thx for the advice and I appreciate u checking back. I'm crying as I' type but I be ok. Just want my to be ok. As soon as I find out more info I'll post. Who knew complete strangers would care so much thanks so much

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  • GrandmaV
    GrandmaV Member Posts: 1,267
    edited June 2012
    Britney, We do care about you and your mom.  I'm so sorry you have to go through this at such a young age.  Lots of hugs
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  • bmwtg2
    bmwtg2 Member Posts: 4
    edited June 2012

    So we found out the cancer is in stage 3, and she will need to start chemo asap probably next week. Anything I need to know about taking care of her during chemo. Dr said she will go once every two weeks

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2012

    bmwtg2---Sorry u'r here, but u really have come to the right place and u'r Mom is very lucky to have u to help and count on.  If she starts chemo right away she'll no doubt have surgery after a few months--trying to shrink the tumor(s) and making sure this is a good chemo for her. She'll pretty much guide u on how she feels daily, it's totally different for everyone.  But no doubt she'll lose her hair so u can make sure she has some cute scarves and/or summer hats if she chooses (maybe a wig?) Ask what kind of chemo and anu questions that u want, hair too. See if they recommend a port---then they don't have to find veins--a simple way of making chemo and blood tests so much easier for her. A  surgeon does that they usually recommend it. I wish u and your Mom prayers and more will come on to help u, I never paid much attention about mine so I know very little--it worked for me. LOL (Oh and if u'r mom likes earring this is the time to take them out and lots of lotion for her skin (dry) it's soothing too)

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  • GrandmaV
    GrandmaV Member Posts: 1,267
    edited June 2012

    bmwtg2, I know this is a very stressful, anxiety filled time for your and your mom.  Stage 3 diagnosis can be such a shock and it may be a while before you both can come to terms with it.  As soon as you know the chemo regimen she will get, the better we will know what side effects will be the most likely.   There is so much good information on these boards.  There's a stage 3 forum and there are also threads for most chemo regimens, also threads for the month a person starts chemo, so you will get a lot of support from people going through the same things at the same time as your mom.  All of us will try to give as much support and advise as we can.  The following link is a great place to start:  http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/785189     It has tips for getting through chemo, shopping list for chemo, port placement description, headcovering options, wig advice, etc.  This is the most overwhelming time.  As you learn more about chemo and how to care for her and what she can expect, the less overhwhelming you'll feel.  I'm so sorry that you both have to go through this, but there is a lot of hope that she can acheive "NED" status (no evidence of disease, sometimes called remission)and enjoy many, many years of life with her loved ones.  The next year of treatments, surgeries, etc. is bound to be a bumpy one, but most of the side effects are temporary and can be managed, some harder to deal with than others.  I suggest getting copies of all her tests and both you and your mom starting a journal for the day to day experiences and side effects of chemo to share with her doctor, so you don't forget anything.  Tell her doctor every side effect she has even the small ones.  Please continue to let us be a small part of your mom's journey to recovery and thank you.  Lots of hugs for you and your mom.

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  • Butterfli312
    Butterfli312 Member Posts: 2
    edited June 2012

    I'm 31. My 73 year old mother was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday. I'm in shock, devastated, and terrified.



    Hoping to make many friends here and talk to all of you.



    Thank you so much.

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  • bmwtg2
    bmwtg2 Member Posts: 4
    edited June 2012

    I am sorry to hear that.  I am still in shock. Yesterday was my mom 48th birthday and all I can do is thank God she is here. She had a wonderful time with all her family and friends and never complained about anything that is going on.  She says she wants me to be strong and that if she is ok, I have to be ok.  So whatever she ask I will do.  No negatives just the positives. She starts chemo next friday and the doctor said it will be aggressive but we are ready for her to fight and get better and thats what you have to look forward to.  But i understand the inital shock. Its so much to take in.  But stay positive.

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2012

    It's so horrible to hear u'r Mom has cancer after all she's usually been the rock of the family. It is a plus to have dgtrs so concerned and helpful--I know. And whatever decisions she makes it's important that u'r behind her 100%. If u'r moms are haveing chemo (No doubt) and may lose her hair, help her pick out som pretyy summer hats and scarves for her, her skin will get dry give her som nice lotions with a pretty fragrance she likes, this may seem ordinary but as time goes on and she gets a schedule this is so appreciated. She'll be the leader of how she needs u and just follow, Hopefully side effects will be limited for them--I'm sure they will be well taken care of, but she;ll need u for support and u both sound caring so it'll make everything better for her. They are both lucky to have dgtrs like u. 

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  • patti13
    patti13 Member Posts: 89
    edited June 2012

    dear daughters and sons - i am a mother of 2 diagnosed with stage 3c cancer last year.  it is very scary indeed!  but i did get thru treatment and seems like a bad dream to me now.  the best medicine for me was humor and laughter - and i know that will be a challenge at times.  i remember pooping my pants cause i couldn't get to the bathroom quick enough!  how does one find humor in that?  your mom's are very lucky to have daughters such as yourselves - you will find lots of good info and support here - grandmav's advise was right on.  i wish you the best as you start this journey with your mom - b4 you know it you will be coming out the other end - and i'll just bet your mom doesn't want you to worry too much.

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  • nicole2086
    nicole2086 Member Posts: 14
    edited July 2012

    Britney, I'm 25 and my mom was just diagnosed.  I think she's also going to be stage 3 bc she has a palpable lymph node (the biopsy came back inconclusive so they will have to repeat it).  She just started chemo last week.  Keep us posted with how your mom is doing and with her test results.  I'm new to this too.  We'll figure it out.

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