2012 sisters

Update on my email about telling people I don't want to hear their horrific stories:  As of today, absolutely not one email response to me (very unusual) - like nobody has anything nice to say???? LOL. 

DH received a call from his Mother (one of the people who had actually mentioned something) and one of his sisters.  Both of them "Wow, I can't believe people do that".  DH wanted to tell him Mom  "Hey Mom, you were one of them" but DH didn't say anything because that would just spiral into something else.  Just amazing.

teeballmom... that is pretty funny, in a sad kind of way.  I think it proves that people really have no bloody idea of what they are saying or what it means to us.. ha ha!

2FriedEggs - Yes, I really do feel that I saved my own life by getting a mammogram.  My tumour was deep and it would have taken it to be a much bigger size for me to feel it and who knows where I would be by then.  I would definitely sign up to help on that ebook!

teeballmom - I think everyone is scared to say anything, but give them more time and they will come around.  I think sometimes people don't actually listen to what they are saying.

Tazzy, 2ftiedeggs, tballmom.... check THIS ONE OUT.



So 2 weeks ago I called a friends wife who has BC to ask her some questions on her experience with rads. She just completed radiation and I was trying to make a decision between lump and rads or MX.





I was at a 50th birthday party for my friend the next weekend and she was also there. She called me over to her table and then, as I stood on the other side of the table cake in hand, with 7 other people sitting there she asked, "so did you decide what to do?". WHAT?! SERIOUSLY! Did she really think I was going to tell her across the table? Not to mention that I was in the middle of enjoying my friends birthday party in the last thing I wanted think about was, that I had breast cancer! I was absolutely dumbfounded that somebody with breast cancer would be so inconsiderate and unaware!



Than yesterday my father called me once again I ask me if I was sure that I was doing the right thing and reminded me of how difficult this is going to be when I can just have a lumpectomy. I had to tell him that I spent a week agonizing over this decision once I was given all the information and I need him to stop questioning my decision because not only is it not going to change my mind it's not helping. does he think that I haven't done my due diligence before making a decision like this?



I'm so sick of people asking how I am , and expecting intimate details that I'm just not answering anybody's questions anymore if they ask how I am I tell them I'm great. And the and the next well mean person who offers who offers to help me if I need anything might find themselves cleaning my house...just saying!

MissAngie-Glad to have you finally come out of the woods, sorry you hav eto be here but we're here to support each other and rant, and scream and cry and compare notes. Wish that you're on your way to a full recovery by now. 

2FriedEggs-I like the "Cancer for dummies" idea a lot. Wonder if they don't have one already? And I can't believe you PS asked if you're done with fills already! 

Tazzy-Hope everything goes well by the doctor and keep us posted on what's next for you.

juneaubugg-I can't believe that your friend who had BC did that to you, very inconsiderate of her and your father's questioning your decision. Its hard for them to understand how you feel and that you want to have the best chance of cancer not reoccuring. Hang in there, its what you want to do and always listen to your guts. I had a hard decision to make at the time as well, I went with what's best for me not what everybody "thinks" is best. BIG difference.

moonflwr, this is a "No Apology Zone" for your information!!!  No saying we're sorry for what we're feeling or for venting.  This is our safe place and everyone here knows what we are going through. 

juneau, glad you are solid in your decision.  I probably will always question my decision to not get a bmx.  Too late to change that now.  Just gotta hope that "atypical lobular hyperplasia" just sits there. 

Ladies, have a great night and I will check in while I'm in the BGC. 

juneaubugg that's pretty crazy that she thought you'd want to launch into the whole thing at the birthday party. You could have told her that you were looking for a mic so yu could all sing Happy Birthday and that you would then follow that up to announce your decision. I've heard an occational woman on here say that rads  shrunk their breast a little but this is the 1st time I've heard of them shrinking a brain. Lol No she probably just wanted to "show interest" but like everyone has said, people just don't think.

Soyaandpepper- no it was my bs that said that not my ps thank goodness. My ps says "still lots to go" and although that's encouraging I don't want to end up having to change my name to 2watermellons either. lol No my PS said "we'll know" so I'll trust her on that. Like I said I just want to be bigger up there than my hubby. 

vickilind61 you're right about the venting and I think it's very therapeutic.    Like you said we all understand what each other is going thru. Even though some have definitely had a lot tougher situations than others, we have each had to go thru a situation and make decisions that have affected our lives and have been extremely tough for each and every one of us. So like you said vent on-no apologies needed! (ok now I have to go to the abbreviation cheatsheet to see what BGC stands for- I hope since you are going to check in from there that you are ok) 

lostimo You aren't a slow learner-you have been thru alot and you have the right to blame it on chemo-brain. I don't have a reason for the way I am but the so-kind Tazzy says since I have empathy for my cancer sisters who have had to have chemo,  I can blame it on "empathetic chemo-brain". She is such a sweetheart giving me an excuse like that!  Since all this started and I've had to make one decision after another, I just feel like I clogged my brain or something- wonder if there is anything like a plunger or drano for the brain that could help me lol. I had 3 surgeons in there at the same time-a gyn, a bs and ps. I told them that I know one of them must have nicked my brain while they were waiting around twirling their scalpel for their turn but none of them will own up to it. Your vacation/margarita idea sounds just wonderful. But since I'd like to relax at the beach for my vacation, donning a bathing suit with bandages sticking out of it that are covering these two little beat up fried eggs could cause a considerable distraction, cause people nightmares and bad vacation memories, so I'd better just settle for the margarita for now too. Good luck with your yard sale.

ok Tazzy how did your dr visit go? Hope ok.

ahhh Tazzy it is always something.I was the same way thinking this was it especially since I didn't need chemo or rads. However at my last visit to my mo he said he'd like to tell me that this had a good turn out and it was done,but he said with such a strong family history, we still have to be vigilant of "stomach type cancers etc etc, ordered blood work and another visit in 3 months and gave me the little white pill for 5 years. Sounds like I have more tests in store that I didn't plan on.  The instant recon postponement is a disappointment I'm sure, but since I had skin issues after surgery and couldn't fill these things I just found I have to "artificially enhance" my figure with "fluff" for a bit longer-no biggie -my hubby says no one can tell-hopefully he's telling the uth lol. I'm glad to hear that about the snb. That's what I had too but mine turned out to be 6 that were taken out. That is a controversial area right now as far as doing the axillary node removal. Ofcourse all the docs are using different studies these days it seems, but my bs rarely if ever removes the additional axillary nodes anymore even if the sentinel nodes are positive. She said some of "the studies" are showing that radiation of the auxillary nodes if the sentinel nodes are positive (and I'm not sure what she said about chemo with the nodes)  is just as effective and that removing the axillary has been proven to affect quality of life more often than the rads to the nodes. The radition oncologist would probably agree with that but who knows what the bs or mo next door would say lol since the doctors all seem to follow different studies these days. Well keep your spirits up-it will get better. Get caught up on those posts and go buy some fluff so you too can have fluffy foobs like me.lol

2FriedEggs & Juneau, thanks for the words of encouragement.  I know its for the best, I mean being cancer free is our sole aim eh?  And it has taught me a lesson not to have in my head MY idea of what will be happening, we all do it I suppose.   And if the docs are all looking at different kinds of studies maybe one day they will come up with a cure and better treatment. 

Our Cancer Centre here has exactly the same kind of service for prosthetics and everything which goes with them.   I remember when I first went there... they held the Look Good Feel Better workshop there, and the volunteer took us in to show us the room and all its contents - and me, being cocky said Oh I wont need this, I'm going for immediate recon.. ha ha ha !  that will teach me.  But thank goodness for it being there.

Juneau you are going through so much already - we're there with you.   But yeah, dont it suck having to put our life on hold and to carve our bodies to save our lives - CANCER SUX

But 2FriedEggs said it gets better... and I believe you - hey any particular brand of 'fluff' you would recommend.

Love you girls xxxxxxxxxxx

lol Juneaubugg "sarcastic sense of humor"- hum doesn't sound so bad when you put it that way ! (Especially if you're willing to admit that you have the same sense of humor) My husband says sometimes I'm a "smart a_ _" so I'll show him this so he'll have a better  appreciation for my humor. lol Actually he's one to talk-we've been married along time and he is way worse than me but I think humor does keep us all going sometimes.        Is your friends wedding out of town? If not, believe it or not you may actually feel up to it for atleast a bit. (especially with the help of a pain pill) We all do recover differently but I had the dmx and was out shopping 2 days later for new big girl blouses that I could knot at the waist to hide my drains and the "expanded waistline" that they created and 5 days later my husband and I met up with out-of-town town friends for lunch at a local restaurant. While we were sitting at the table waiting for our food, they launched into how great we both looked since they last saw us. My hubby said,           " Thanks but isn't it crazy how good she looks and feels considering she just had that surgery; the dmx and ovaries, a couple days ago." Talk about "blowing lunch" lol My husband didn't know that when they called the week prior to my surgery and said they would be in town for a convention and would love to meet up with us, that I just told them there was a possibility that we wouldn't be able to make it because I was having a little procedure done. hahaha They both spit their drinks back into their glass at the same time and said NO WAY. So the cat was out of the bag. We did have a great time and when it was over I went home took a pill and napped. So unless your friends wedding is too far away, don't rule it out yet because you might not feel as bad as you are planning on (if that makes any sense lol. ) The boat ride sounds a bit precarious but if they promise to be gentle and not slap that boat on the wakes, it may be a possibility as well.  ....My cousin had a dmx  years ago (that dang family history) and eventually had to have her implants removed but she has had lots of cute halters, bras, pjs, etc from the mastectomy shop where she lives. We were talking about it about a month ago (she doesn't know I had a dmx, nor do my other family and friends) but she was telling me about how great the shop is and that she got a real cute bathing suit with built in floatees which she said is especially nice because now when she goes to the beach, she won't have to worry about drowning.  As far as swimming goes, I can't swim yet because I had some skin issues so I still have to smather cream all over and wear bandages. fun fun and oh so attractive. It's great that you have a friend that just went through this (well you know what I mean-I'm sorry she had to go thru it but glad she is there for you)    As far as putting my life on hold, I have just conveniently redefined mine a little- I told my husband that I couldn't vacuum or lift anything heavy, or cut grass or empty the dishwasher (I can't get those heavy dishes up on the shelf)  etc etc but  when it comes to my social life we still take rides over to the beach to eat and go everywhere in town that we went before. I wonder how long I can get away with this......   We love listening to you, good or bad, so feel free to keep it coming.

Hey ladies,

I am trying to recover from my last taxol dose. This is day three, for me it is the worst day.  I havent had too bad a time of it in reality but with three days of not sleeping well from the steroids behind me i get a bit tired and now that the steroids energy is wearing off a bit dark mooded.  I had two long days of work too but now i have a three day weekend.  My three kids are all home and while they are being good their energy is really aggravating me.  I feel bad saying it but I just want them to go do something on their own and leave me alone.  I have been putting the TV on way too much and letting them play too many video games.  I keep telling myself that this is temporary.  A few months of TV shouldnt rot their brains too much I hope??  They are the loves of my lives and i usually give them my all, but I am having to take more time for myself.

I am just starting to feel a little neuropathy after my tenth taxol dose.  It is bothering me more in principle more than actual physical symptoms.  This stuff is damaging things i kinda need.  Its times like this that I really just can't believe this is happening to me.  I cant wait to finish my last 2 doses of poison and be doen with this.  Sorry to be so dark, I know that is killing the cancer more than it is killing me but I am disturbed nonetheless.  

I am so with you guys on the "just let me know what i can do" statements.  The most helpful people have come and borrowed my kids for playdates at their houses.  The kids get fun and i get peace.  but most people say that and I never hear anything again.  It is likely that most people dont really know what would help and feel like they might bother us if they offer.  Most people close to us would love to help and it helps them for us to ask.  but I am also shy about doing it.  I want to try to do things myself and be tough and also have things be as normal as possible.  but this is not a normal time and it has taken a lot of effort on my part to be able to ask for help when I need it.  I still dont do it enough.

Juneaubugg, your story about your BC friend was amazing.  That tops the insensitivity pile just because she should have known better.  I also remember that feeling when I was first diagnosed that I felt great, how can I have cancer??? It really is hard to process.  I wish you the best for your surgery.  

Tazzy so sorry to hear about the delayed recon.  You will get there.  I am torn about participating in these research studies.  My MO is talking to me about going on the metformin study.  I haven't gathered enough information to make a decision for myself yet.  I am not excited about potentially taking a placebo every day for a long time.  and dealing with MORE side effects (i have a hard enough time remembering to take medicines in general)  but it is becauses of women entering these studies that they have been able to advance care for breast cancer so much.  So I applaud your decision to participate and help the future.

 allurbaddayswillend, best wishes for your first AC treatment.  I took that stuff too.  let us know how you are feeling!   

It is a beautiful day here too.  I forced myself to go for a walk and am glad for it.   

2FreidEggs-you made me laughed with your son's comment about getting something nicer for your foobs!! LOL!!!! Its good to know that your cording is gone, did you do PT for it or just massage and stretching at home? Mine seems to be getting better every week but just wanted to be gone. I'm just worried that it might stick around , I'm doing a lot of stretching in the gym as well and that seems to be helping a lot. 

Tazzy-So from what you wrote, you're saying that from the 1st MRI before your chemo, the BS wants to take out at least 20 nodes and now after the chemo, he'll have to do anothe MRI to see the tumor hidden in your underarms whether it shrunk or not? So is he doing a SNB or an AND? Or is he doing a SNB and sending for frozen section results while you're on the table and if it comes back positive then go ahead and do an AND in the same operation? I'm just a little bit confused when you said you were getting 20 nodes taken out which is an AND and then the doc called you at home asn asked you if you wanted to do SNB, then why do a SNB when you're still doing an AND anyway? Is it that he just wanted to data for studies purposes? I just thought the reason for doing a SNB is to avoid doing an AND, please don't think that I'm too nosy, just rying to understand for my own sake.

jpmomof3 So sorry that you are feeling so crappy. A couple months of games and tv for the kids won't fry their brains and it will give you some much needed rest and make the quality of the time you are up to playing with them all the better. They know you love them and so does everyone else so you don't need to lay a quilt trip on yourself. They will be fine. Don't be too shy to ask those close to you for help-You say they want to help and if so they would probably be thrilled to help you. Some just don't know exactly what they can do to help and really need you to ask or tell them. Others seem to be real naturals at it. Call them, tell them just what you told us ;that this round of chemo is knocking you down and ask-whats the worst they can say-no? If so, the children play video games and will be fine. I hope you get to feeling better.

Tazzy- ask the doctor how many nodes he plans to remove just doing the snb. I had 6 removed during the SNB and that was more than most get removed when doing a snb. I'm pretty sure the 20 nodes he was talking about was when he intended to do the auxillary node disection and not the snb.

twofriedeggs and Tazzy, BGC =  Big Girl Chair.  I don't know if it'son the abbreviation list, but we use that phrase so much. 

Tazzy, 20 nodes?  Wow, that is A LOT!  That being said, we did frozen sections during my mx; took 4 nodes; sentinal and axillary.  At the end of the surgery, the MS said the nodes appeared clear.  My DH knew not to accept that, given the way my whole dx has played out, and sure enough, on Fri (surg was wedn) the BS called to say that, in fact, two of the nodes were positive for cancer.  .4mm tumor and 30 cancer cells in the other.

MO had the node tumor tested for HER2 and it was +.  No plans to take more nodes, haven't had any scans or other tests to see if this has gone anywhere else. 

Chemo will kill it all anyway!!

As usual my mood clears as day three post taxol finishes... Feeling better. Had pizza and beer at the pool. Have a good night all!