Buddhists

Hey Maya,  many hugs back to you. Maya I have had those thoughts too.  The hardest time was when my godmother died of ovarian cancer, when I was just about 30.  She called me on the phone and her last words were that she was proud of me.  I wept.  When she died I felt like I had lost my mother--you know, the person who is proud of you, who always wants the best for you no matter what.  And I had one of those "bad" daughter thoughts--I wished that it had been my mother who died and not my godmother.   Somewhere in your life, perhaps there is that mother daughter relationship, its just not with the person bearing the label of "mother."

We had both mothers--mine and my husbands-- over for a cook-out on sunday. It was sad to see how easily my MIL interacts with the kids as compared to my Mother.  The difference is not simply because my MIL has spent more time with them but because she listens to them and is interested in them. My mother wants them to admire her and listen to her stories.  She is not the type who would ever play countless rounds of the same children's game just because her grandchildren are having fun.

While we were eatting dinner on the porch my mother announced that she wanted to trim our lilac bush--sounds like such a nice offer except that one has to walk down a steep driveway to get to it and then the bush itself is on uneven ground so there is no place flat to stand.  Mind you the woman saying she wants to do this is the one who is always telling us she is shaky and wobbly and dizzy.  I said no thank you 3 times and finally said I will not help you hurt yourself, the ground isn't level, it isn't safe for you, I don't want you to get hurt.  My mother as always started talking to me in a denigrating fashion, calling me uncooperative and bossy--that I am 50 and the mother of three makes no difference to her.  I even saw my oldest's eyes pop.  My husband and MIL then joined in saying it was not a good idea, even the youngest spoke up.  My mother pursed her lips.  Later she went in the house and saw out the back window that everything I said was true and acknowledged to my MIL that her idea was not a good one.  Not a word did she say to me. 

When the time comes, I will mourn my mother's death as I would the death of any other human being.  And I will likely mourn again the end of the chance for the mother-daughter relationship that I never had.  And I will hope that --if there is reincarnation--she has a better time around next time.  But I won't be mourning her in the way that I mourned my godmother or that I will some day mourn my MIL.  That still makes me sad but I have come to accept it.

If anyone is familiar with Tricycle magazine, they are starting an on-line retreat on Monday, June 4, 2012 dealing with the Four Protective Meditations.   website is www.tricycle.com

I have signed up.  I have never done an on-line retreat before so it will be an interesting experience.

on the atheist thread, notself kindly posted a link to the latest in Pew Research on Religion in America.  It appears that self identified Buddhists are currently .7 percent of the population.  I guess that explains why we are so quiet here! 

for the curious, there are only .6 percent Muslims which happens to be another very quiet group on this board.

nature, small n created the universes

bumping us up just in case!

I finally went to a new sitting group that I have been wanting to check out for  a year or so.  It is so hard to mesh practice, parenting and full time work.  Anyrate, this is a mindfulness group in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh.  They did a 25 minute sit followed by walking meditation followed by another 25 minute sit followed by more walking meditation and a dharma talk. I enjoyed all of it including the dharma talk after (impermence, attachment and Higgs Boson particle all in one package!) although I confess that I did get a bit dozy (1am bedtime the night before and a hot room are not conducive to alertness). 

The differences between this tradition and Zen were very interesting to me, particularly the walking meditation.  I am ALWAYS out of step in walking meditation--I have taken to going to the end of the line because I am never in synch with the group.  But last night there was no synch!  Much better for me!

Anyrate, I plan to go again next week.

I just stumbled across this forum in active topics. I think I saw it once when I first came to the boards. I'm not actively sitting right now, but consider myself Buddhist and always put that down when asked. It did keep the chaplins away in the hospital lol. I just read it through from the beginning and found it a good learning experience. I felt calm throughout my experience (after the biopsy results finally came back) and think that's because I didn't feel attachment to the results. Right now I'm having a problem getting motivated enough to do anything--even stuff I'd like to do. I don't feel depressed, just not energized. Thanks for being here.

welcome wren44,

I know too well the not energized sort of feeling.  For me that is a sign of depression.  As much as I am not too keen on adding to my medicinal load, I have been helped by a mild antidepressant.

Still I fell off my cushion months ago and can't seem to climb back up.  We did our annual family retreat which in the past has served well to get me back in the habit but this time, I was tenzo and my cushion and I did not spend much time together.  I am hoping this weekly group will work for me.

Notself, it does seem like every flavor of buddhism can be found in the PNW.  I knew about Thich Nhat Hanh when I lived in California--we had good friends who went to Deer Park (Thich Nhat Hanh's california monestary) often.  I wanted to visit but could never get it together.  Last night I heard about a family who was on a one month retreat at Plum Village (the main location in France)---parents, a high schooler and a middle schooler.  Talk about creating feelings of "wants"  --the luxery of a month of no work, a month in France, you name it! 

Is the deer park hahn in the mtsw of ca?  I recall a group there, zen I think, who had an afternoon tea ceremony but with black tea.  the abbott was/is an english woman

I sit every day now, before my laptop.  say mantra there sometimes.......

Anyone still out there?

Just found this thread. Sorry i missed sam52 b/c i am also nichiren and have much simpler practice than other posters - primarily chanting. Have had some very deep experiences w/ cancer. Nothing like confrontation of death to make prayers sincere