2012 sisters

In the interest of getting to know one another: I'm 48, a California native, writer/editor by trade - I haven't published the novel I finished recently, but I have been able to keep a roof over my typewriter with tedious financial writing. I have a 15 year old border collie/coyote hybrid dog named Dancer who is closer to me than my shadow, and who saves me all the time in one way or another.



My D and only H died on New Year's Eve in 2009, a week shy of our 13th anniversary. He had a rare brain condition that showed up when we'd been married for six years, and it was unusual enough that his docs couldn't tell us whether he'd die in a day or a year or a decade. This kind of uncertainty was very hard for me to deal with, and I developed a positive, tough superwoman facade I did so well that I couldn't stop doing it, which is why I asked about singing the blues earlier. I'm trying to let myself have some feelings, and I figured you guys would get it.



People really do say the most hideous things with good intentions - my own story on this one was that when DH got sick, several people took me aside to tell me that it was a good thing we didn't have any children for me to worry about, when we had desperately wanted them. Someone just did it again on learning about my illness. Maybe I'll just clock the next person who does it!!



OK, that's the most you'll hear out of me in a minor key. I have terrible trouble keeping track of everyone at first, a condition in am choosing to call pre-chemo brain, so sorry if I mix anybody up.



;-)

Hi everyone!  I am the "original" vballmom and I did NOT start this thread!  I am not surprised that you are confused, because when I saw it I was confused, too!  I really thought I was losing it.  That being said, I am a 2012 sister and obviously a volleyball mom. I have two girls that will be playing in college in September.  I am very  irritated that BC is interrupting my empty-nest plans.  I want nothing more than to be at every game!

I found my lump myself, in the shower. It was, of course, a shock. I have been getting mammograms since I was 35 due to family history. I just figured one day the technician would say, "Oh, we see a suspicous area...blah blah blah..."  Never did I expect NOT to find it early.  I was three months overdue for my mammogram.  I have no excuse, other than being busy and procrastinating. I try not to beat myself up anymore.  What's done is done.  I can't change things, although I am a nag to my friends.  Living with that guilt is the worst feeling ever.

I hang out mostly at the April/May chemo group and lurk on the Triple Positive!  

I really wonder about some of my family and friends.  I get stories from "Oh, her cancer came back after one year" to the best one the other night "I know someone who had BC and she died and left 2 really small children without a mother, so sad".  I wanted to smack her silly (and she knows I have a 6 and 4 year old so not something I want to hear).  Last night I sent an email out to friends and family requesting that if they don't have something encouraging to tell me, please at least refrain from telling me the horror stories because my mind can come up with those stories on its own.  I don't think that specific email account has ever heard the sound of crickets churping.  Complete silence from everyone.  Kinda nice but wondering "O.K. who did I irritate now".

2FriedEggs (I love your name):  When I read your post this morning it reminded me of a conversation I had with our 6 year old last night.  Our 6 year old had a tummy ache and asked me to sit with him in the bathroom, then he kept looking at my chest.  I asked him what he was looking at.  He asked if he could see my scars.  I told him they were private and only me, Daddy and the doctors were allowed to see them.  He asked if they were scarey.  I said not really.  He asked if they would make him run away.  I said I don't know but Mommy's not going to let him find out.  A couple hours later he looked at me in the eyes and asked if my chest was going to grow back.  I told him no, they won't grow back.  Then he said to me that he hoped he would be brave like that someday and then went and played.  After that comment I just about choked up.

Take care everyone!

Teeballmom, your story choked ME up. Kids can say some really profound things. 

Was supposed to meet with my MO today, but the Oncotest is not back yet. Kind of sweating that one out. Really don't want to do chemo, somewhat willing to try HT but will ask about DIM. I am right at that cut off point where the study says limited benefit for women over 60 HT, I am age 59.  

Been down with an infection, but doubling up on antibiotics seems to have cleared it up. I hope it stays away.

Haven't noticed anyone looking at my chest. I've got like a little girl bra i got from a mastectomy site, and it has some fiberfill foobs that velcro inside. It's that or a foob pinned inside a vest since I still can't wear a bra or cami! It's a little lumpy. 

I am glad to see so much activity! I had to take notes as I read...  chemo brain, fatigue brain or just plain air headedness.

 Tazz, my last chemo is the 25th, i am right there with you.  just counting them down.  I can't wait.  Your story about your SIL was great.  I hope the venting on her was therapeutic.  These poeple mean well and most people just want to hear the canned "i am good" answers, but they shouldnt ask a cancer patient that without expecting a real answer from time to time. 

Kjberty your story about your hives and co-worker's response is classic too, people are in their own little worlds most of the time.  sometimes i just want to give people some perspective.  I hear them complaining about things that dont seem all that import in general but obviously concern them.  I think "at least you dont have cancer..." I want to say it but dont.  we never know what it is like to walk in someone elses shoes and we dont have all the information.  I have to remember not to judge, even though I want to sometimes.

I work in an urgent care and had a 19 year old perfectly healthy girl come in with cold symptoms and she complained about how tired she was... I wanted to shout at her, you have no idea what tired is... but i didnt.  I get surprised sometimes.  she was fine but i have been surpised when blood work shows a severe anemia or thyroid problem- in that case they do know what tired is.

My husband has been a rock for me through this, couldnt do it without him.  When I am feeling sorry for myself and express it he brings me back to reality and checks those negative feelings.  but man, sometimes i just want to shout out how crappy i feel and how horrible this situation is and get some sympathy.  My mom is good for that and thank goodness for websites like this.

MaddyMac, so sorry to hear about your DH and those horrible comments about the kids.  They meant well i suppose. But people really just dont know how to respond to hearing such bad news about other people.  My father was diagnosed with a brain cancer at the age of 29 and died when he was 32.  Its the worst.

2friedeggs I laughed when I read your story about the doctors office worker.  I am glad you brought it out in the open like that.  humor helps everyone and sounds like it broke the ice. Its normal to feel self concious about all thesse body changes we are gong through and it will get better soon.  probably people arent looking as much as we think they are but who knows.  This country is obessed with boobs. 

I slept better than expected last night with the steroid, yay Ambien!  Slogging through a 12 hour shift at work now...

Hi -



I have a general question: does anyone NOT have a sentinel node procedure instead of going directly to axillary dissection these days?

Whoops didnt finish my thoughts on sentinel node procedure vs axillary dissection.  The studies are showing that women with no evidence of metastisis to the nodes or women with positive sentinal nodes but no evedince of involvement of other nodes did just as well with recurrence rate and survival rates whether they had just the sentinel node procedures vs axiallary dissection.  if there is evidence of more extensive metastasis like matting or clumping of the nodes then those women would need axillary dissection.  Only your surgeon and oncologist can determine which is best for you since everyone is different.  But ask ask ask. 

Thanks much, JPMom. I met with my surgeon shortly after my MRI, for which I had been tranquilized like a horse, and I'm not sure I remember everything - like whether she will be doing the sentinel prcodeure or not. I will indeed ask. And ask and ask!

jpmomof3:  The same gal (aka idiot) called me today to ask me a work-related question.  Again, she started out with "how are you?".  I told her I was doing just okay and she said, Great!  How nice.

Teeballmom... that story choked me up - cant imagine how it made you feel.  Kids can be so precious eh?

Jpmom... here's to us and the June Chemo Grads - cheers !

2fried eggs...loved that story - thank goodness for humour eh?     And you have chemo brain because you are empathetic to your sisters on chemo   And I love the "How to talk and act around cancer patients FOR
DUMMIES" idea.

Kjiberty... good to know you are doing OK - ha ha !!

So I had my meeting with my RO today - she is a sweetheart and has all the time in the world to listen and answer questions - phew ! that for me is a biggie.     She believes that I will be having my rads before surgery, but is waiting for my BS to confirm, which he will do when I meet him tomorrow.  Anyway I will likely be having six weeks worth - 5 days per week, with weekends and stat days off.  She told me about the possible side effects - hopefully I wont get them all or that bad.   If I am having them before surgery will likely start around end of July... so after last treatment on June 22...there may be a few weeks before rads when I can feel ‘normal' again -
and I don't do normal.....but you know what I mean.   I have a lot of literature to read and a DVD to watch. She told me all about the planning and mapping session I will have beforehand, and which I said she made me sound like a local Council meeting for a new bus route - she laughed.

I hope you all had good days and will have enjoyable evenings.

Tazzy, great that you like your RO. That seems critical to me. After encouragement from a woman I keep bumping into at the imaging suite (sisters everywhere!) I worked up the nerve to fire my MO, whom I really didn't like. I guess one could work with a doc she didn't like, but we're going to be seeing a LOT of these folks on our teams.

Sammistar it is hard to keep up with sometimes...espcially with chemo brain ha ha !!   I have to say that in school you would've been my biggest nightmare - I could never every grasp algebra or trig.. still cant actually.

Yeah my MO is just so sweet, very quiet spoken and gentle and looks you in the eye - that's what I liked.   Good for you getting rid of the one you didn't like - we are going through way to much as it is not to have a healthcare team with like and trust.

MaddyMac... I  dunno how I missed your post at the beginning of this page.   I am so very sorry for the loss of your DH. And now you have to go through this crap.. and put up with the most insensitve and stupid of comments.   I think you restrained yourself very very well in fact.    And you sing those blues baby anytime you feel the need.  That's what we are here for.

I think for all we are going through and all we will go through we should have one day a month where, if anyone upsets us or makes a really stupid comment we can tell them (with no repercussions) that off is the direction I would like them to fu*k (hope I dont offend anyone here.. and if I did sorry !).  

OK that's my rant for the evening, enjoy the rest of yours.  And for those whose days start before mine... enjoy the day.

Peace & Hugs xxxxxxxxxxx

Morning

Hoping you are all having a really great day and if on treatment very few SE's.

Moonflwr happy to hear your DH is once again a DH.

Off to the BS today - fingers crossed for me girls.  

Peace and hugs to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks 2FriedEggs.  That is a very funny story.  So many decisions to make eh? But least I will come away from the appt. armed with my options instead of just wondering what they are.  

Hope you are having a really great day.

Hello there!  I've been lurking on this site since I was diagnosed and really wished that I joined these discussions a lot sooner.  Reading all of the posts has been inspiring and informative.

My connection with bc began with my friend going through aggressive bc treatment in 2009.  She unfortunately passed away one year later at the age of 41.  She really made me think about getting a mammogram and to convince myself to get one, I told myself last year that it would be my birthday present.  I was quite shocked to know that they could already see my tumour on my first mammogram.  I couldn't feel a lump at all.  I had more follow up mammograms and two ultrasounds for the rest of the year.  And finally had a core biopsy before Christmas.  I was notified that I had an appointment with a breast surgeon. That's what really freaked me out.  In my mind, it was a sign that something was wrong and that I had bc.  I met with my breast surgeon after the new year and she gave me the diagnosis.  It was devastating and I cried even before she gave me the diagnosis. She said she couldn't feel the tumour either. The day I was diagnosed is the day my sister was having a hyserectomy for endometrial cancer.

I had my lumpectomy in January and finished my radiation at the end of April. I've been on Tamoxifen for a month now and am trying to live with the side effects. 

I feel grateful that I have a very supportive boyfriend and family and good friends that are helping me through this.  Its funny that friends and/or family mean well, but say the most insensitive things.  My SIL recently asked me how I was doing.  I told her I wasn't feeling very well and that I had back pain because of the Tamoxifen.  She asked if it was because I was "lying around"!  I told her that I don't lie around and that I actually do things around the house.  She said it must be nice to be off work.  I told her that I don't want to be off work because of bc.  She said you're cancer free, aren't you?  I got mad and hung up on her.  Who knows if I am cancer free? I will only know that for myself once I have my folllow up mammogram.  Oh well... some people just don't understand.