Starting Chemo April 2009

Hi all. Things are quiet here. Everyone is doing well. Next week is a tough week for me. Seeing MO on Tuesday and family doc on Wed. Went for blood work this week so anxious about results. Enjoy the weekend.

Hi all...

Amy...I've always been a gardener and kept digging while on chemo, that's what gloves are for. I'm very careful but there is nothing more theraputic to me than working in the dirt.

I still steer clear of roses, albeit...but everything else is fair game.

This is a month of tons of  drs appts. for me. I've already seen my pt once, np (for acupuncture) once and have two oncologist appts., dentist appt. and three more acupuncture appts. I hate all the appts., plus on top of it all I'm taking a gentle yoga class once a week. I will be doing the happy dance when June is over. Helen, I hope your appts go well.

I'm going to a funeral next Thurs. -they always make me sad. One of the ladys at my church who has been a real support emotionally and mentally for me husband died last week. I spoke with her on Tuesday night and he died Wednesday. She is 90 and full of life. I hope to be like her when I'm her age. She reminds me of my Mom, who I really, really, miss. My Mom died a year ago in May. She has been on my mind a lot lately.

I am also super sad for my sister. She is aged 53 and the plaque in her brain is increasing. It is so sad. My brother said her dh, said he is hoping he has another 5 years with her. I am so, so, sad. My sister is such a loving and joyful person. It is hard for me to believe that she will not remember me in a few years. Cancer sucks...but other unknown diseases are just as bad.  

I still feel like I take a few steps forward then get knocked back several steps by life. I'm trying to stay positive but sometimes it's very hard.

In a month in a half, I'm taking my sabbatical. 3 months of no work, no doctors....just health. I'm really looking forward to it. My sisters are getting together for a sister's weekend, which will be good.

Amy, I know it's emotionally draining when dealing with other with cancer but I'm sure you gave your friend a lot of support and that is worth it. "The good of the many outweights the good of the few or the one."

Wishing you all the best.

Hugs,

Betsy

Helen, good luck with your appointments, I know it is hard and draining with the worry. Please let us know how it all goes.

Amy, so sorry that you have to go to this funeral, I completely understand the "guilt", I feel it whenever I hear that someone has not survived BC. We have so many issues to deal with. Good to hear that you are enjoying your garden, there must be a great sense of satisfaction when you see results in your garden. Enjoy it and enjoy every day to its' fullest, that is also sometimes hard, but a good focus to have when we wake up in the morning.

Betsy, I hope this month passes smoothly and non eventfully for you. I hope the funeral on Thursday is ok. I was sorry to read about your sister, it made me very sad. (((Hugs))).

Keep your Sabbatical in your mind's eye, you are nearly there and it is going to be great!

Geri and Titan, hope you are both doing ok.

We had some not so good news on Friday; My MIL who finished chemo about 4 weeks ago, has had a scan and the cancer has spread. She is not feeling well in addition to feeling very frustrated and angry that she had to go through the treatment. She saw her doc on Friday and he gave her some pain killers and told her to come back in Aug for another scan. He said he will consult with the other doctors regarding surgery, but I am not sure she could withstand that as well. She has had a very rough ride over the last year. So, my husband will begin his trek to and from the UK to visit her and help his brothers, as soon as he finishes work in a couple of weeks. We told my eldest daughter and she said immediately that she wanted to go, but I told her that we can't just take off the last few weeks of school, miss exams and go to the UK. She is going in Aug to my parents, so maybe then she will be able to see her. My son, put his hand on my husband's lap and said "Daddy, I know how hard it was for me when my Mother had cancer, so I am sure it is hard for you...", well you can only imagine, not a dry eye in the room. My middle daughter, who is the most fragile since I had BC was away for the weekend and we are going to ask her therapist this week, what would be the best way to tell her about this. At the moment, my MIL, is back home and carrying on as normal, so it is difficult to gauge what the next few months are going to bring.

It seems like most of us here have been having a hard time in one way or another recently. So I am sending extra big hugs today and am so thankful that we can come here and share with eachother in the knowledge that we all understand what each of us is going through.

I will come by again soon, Judy x

I can't think of anything comforting to say after reading the most recent posts, except that some things just SUCK, and there is no way to make it better, we just have to support each other and get through it.  So, my April sisters, I am sending all of you as much support as you can handle, tied up in a big bow (not pink, I don't like pink for obvious reasons).

I had intended to come here and moan about my man friend and his insensitivity, but you know what?, that is small potatoes, so I'm going to just be thankful for today!

Helen, Amy and all of you; thank you all for your kind words about my MIL, it is good to be able to come here to talk about it. We try to keep things as normal as possible at home, so we don't become cancer obsessed again - that would not be good for any of us at this stage.

Geri, you can come here and vent about whatever you like! We all have our own issues going on and it doesn't matter what they are. Some things really do suck and it is great that we do have eachother here to lend support. I hope that whatever was bothering you has been resolved and if not, come and have a moan here .

Amy, I was so sorry to read that the funeral was so difficult for you. You did a good thing by going, I am sure it meant alot to the family. I don't even know if I can say that it will get easier to do these things in the future. I know that I am not convinced that I am going to progress any further than I have. It has been almost three years now since the end of chemo and I think I have just got used to it or just accepted that this is the way it is going to be. I hope that after my surgery, I may be able to close the circle; that is what I am hoping for anyway. It gives me something to focus on and aim for. I don't know if it will get easier for us as time goes on.

My mother in law seems to be doing ok at the moment. The have not got back to her about possible surgery or hormone treatment, but my feeling is that she doesn't want to do anything which is going to put any physical strain on her. She is very tired, both physically and emotionally.

My husband is doing ok and is not sure yet when he will go to see her. The kids are also ok, and yes, they are lovely kids. I can't complain really. We have the usual challenges and issues, but that is fine.

Betsy and Titan, sending love, hope you are both ok,

Sending you all (((((hugs))))), Judy x

Titan, good to hear from you and thank you for the birthday wishes! Hope you are doing ok.

Have a good day everyone! Hugs, Judy x

Hi all,

Judy your son's words just make be burst into tears. Out of the mouths of babes. It was such a loving thing for him to say to your dh. Sending you and your family a big {{Hug}}.

Went to my onc appointment last week. I guess I've moved on as they have now given me a newbie onc. She meets with my regular onc prior to my appt. I really like her. All is well on the cancer front. She wants me to go to my GP for the edema. My bp was very high 154/105. I think they may mix up my bp meds.

Also went to acupuncture on Friday. For what ever reason the needles in my left arm (non-bc arm TG) caused all sorts of problems. My wrist, hand and elbow are all inflamed now. I may step back from acupuncture if the swelling doesn't go down. So now both elbows are bad. My weak arm currently feels better than my good arm. All I can say is WTF!

Tomorrow I have an appt with my GYN onc. I think all is well on that front.

Amy-I know exactly how you feel. I hate funerals but I'm sure your presence was a support to your friend. Crying is a part of healing from emotional trauma and we've all been through a mental trauma in addition to a physical assault.  Occasionally a good cry is very healthy. You never know, your cry may give others the freedom to cry when it's their time to mourn.

Judy gave me a good healthy cry by her post of her son and I feel better for it. So thank you Judy.

Sending you all hugs.

Betsy

Just stopping in to say hi.  In the high 90's here today. Nice inside with the a/c on and the windows closed! I often fight my DH about turning it on, but this time I suggested it! 

I am going to a 2 nights/week bootcamp with several women from my gym. It is REALLY hard but I am hanging in there pretty well. Last week they went around saying their ages and I was the oldest by a number of years. Made me feel pretty good! 

We ate the first 2 tomatos from our garden a few nights ago. That was exciting.

I have had a really hard time getting my onc's office to call in a renewal on my Tamoxifen Rx.  I only have 4 pills left and have been calling them for a week now. My pharmacy is faxing and calling as well. I have no idea what the problem is. But I DO KNOW I don't like having to call that office very much, especially repeatedly. I HOPE it gets resolved tomorrow.

Judy your Abba story made me laugh. I would certainly call that show 'something completely different' !!

Love to all. Stay cool.

Amy 

Happy Summer to you all!!! Hope it is a healthy and good one for all of us!!!

Amy, it is so hot here too! I am so impressed that you go to Boot Camp! I am still excercising twice a week in addition to weight excercises, but I just cannot shift those few extra pounds that I want to. I am trying to eat carefully, but find that I am hungry alot. Sometimes, I just think that this is the way it is now and I have to live with it, but sometimes, it is very frustrating. My clothes all still fit me, that is the mystery to me - I don't get where the extra weight is.

Helen, there always seem to be bumps in the road, don't there? Nothing is really plain sailing anymore, but as you say, we seem to be managing. I am so pleased that the baby and your DIL are doing well; time to prepare for the next one! It is all good stuff, enjoy your family! How far is your youngest son moving away? Will he be near enough to visit? I imagine it will be different not having anyone at home, keep us posted on how that goes.

I am glad that your doctor appts went ok, I have my Onc check up on Monday, will be glad when that is over.

Geri, Titan, Betsy and all, hope you are all doing ok.

Sending you all hugs, Judy xxx

Geri, so nice to hear from you! Enjoy your outing to Manhatten! I love visiting NY, it was definitely one of my favourite places in the US. So sorry that you are feeling discouraged...We do all know what you mean, sending you hugs! I don't take any medication and my hair is also thinning. I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes that is easier said than done, as you all know.

Hope everyone has a good weekend, sending (((hugs))) to you all!

Judy x

Helen, so sorry that you are feeling this way, I know how hard this has been for you. I shouldn't have complained, I have a full head of hair, it is just thinner than it used to be and thinning more now. I am so sorry if I was insensitive. I am sending you (((hugs))).

Now summer is here, I have two teenage girls on vacation who are both going to be working summer jobs in July and my son finishes school this coming week. I can hardly believe that we have been back here almost a year now. The kids have transitioned very well overall, I am so proud of them all. I think if we look at the big picture, we have come a long way over the past year. I am still not feeling completely settled, but we are definitely on the right track. I still miss the US very much and we are actually meeting up with friends from there who are here on vacation at the moment. We are all going to have a BBQ together this evening, so I am looking forward to that.

Hope you all have a great Sunday, I will come by tomorrow after My Onc check up.

Sending everyone hugs as always, Judy x

Thank you Helen. We are always here if you need anything at all, you know that. I don't think we will return to the US, although I do miss it very much. Maybe one day, who knows?

Just came back from the Onc, all is clear, she wants me to redo some tumour marker blood work, but apart from that, she was happy with me.

Sending you all hugs as always and thank you for always being here.

Judy xxx

Hi all,

TG June is over...I am so sick of doctors appts. The dr. stars seem to align in June. BUT...it's done. I quit going to the NP, after my arm flare up I've decide if I want more acupuncture I will go back to my Chinese dr. He never hurt me. The NP, was just guessing, I could tell she wasn't certain. The good thing is, even if she wasn't certain, my leg swelling is going down. It may just be coincidence but regardless it's moving in the right direction. I went to my GP and got a script for lasiks for when I travel. She said, plan on swelling. It's going to happen...so just plan on it. She also recommended I go two days in advance of my tour. It all depends on airfares as to how realistic that will be. I'm just happy I have a plan B. I've also ordered a Jovi pack for my leg...it really helps with my chest when it swells so I'm keeping my fingers crossed the same will be true with my leg.

I love my gentle yoga class. I actually think that is what is changing my physical being. It feels so good and I think that's why my leg swelling is improving.  

Judy it sounds like you are starting to do really fun things and focusing on LIFE. You go girl! 

Helen..sorry to hear you are still struggling with hair issues. I casually mentioned to my DH that if I lose 10 more pounds, I'd buzz my hair again and he said REALLY?. He made me stop and repeat it...in an excited way...and said he loved my hair that short. I was SHOCKED. So even though I was hoping to grow my hair out, I plan on a pixie cut soon. I never imagined that this would be the outcome from chemo. So the hair one person treasures may be an opportunity for another. Strange how life is? Sending hugs.

Hey Geri, Amy and Titan...hope you are having a good summer.

I know most of you are experiencing heat...here in the NW, it's been wet and cool. Happy summer to all.

Betsy

Hey all....this summer seems to be even busier than last summer when I was planning the daughter's wedding!  My son is home from college for the summer...he will be a senior at OSU this fall so I'm thinking that this may be the last summer that I will have a kid home with me...it hurts..it really does..I just want to hold onto time but it just doesnt stop...after bc getting used to the new normal, then getting used to my daughter married, now my son will be moving on...oh well..I just enjoy the present as much as I can...that is one thing that BC taught me...live for NOW..dont worry about the future...(easy to say..but you still have to plan a little..)

I have a good friend who was just diagnosed and just had her first chemo..I'm trying to just be with her and help her...sometimes it is not easy...to deal with this again..but I absolutely love her and she needs me...poor kid..she is having a rough time with her first chemo....I just don't know what to do to help her....I've passed along tips but everyone is so very different with their se's....

glad you are settling in Judy...I can't believe it has been a year already either.

Betsy...you are still my favorite Duck...I can't wait until football season...it has been so dang hot here...hopefully fall will brings some coolness...it is just freaky with the storms but virtually no rain...hot humid dry....nasty stuff

Time flies and everything changes. Titan so sorry about your friend but glad you can help her. And my youngest son is moving out in a couple of weeks. He's been living in his private space in the basement and although he does all his own stuff, at least there is someone else in the house. He and his fiancée have bought their own place so they can finally have their own home. His fiancée still lives with her parents as well so it will be a big adjustment for them as well as me. I've recently developed a new pain in my hip area so I'm worried. Am waiting to hear back from onc office regarding a next step. It's just 3 years so I know this could be a time for recurrence. I've been on Arimidex as well as Zometa and taking Metformin so I've done everything possible. And I exercise almost very day and I have lost 30 pounds since early March. I guess as all of you know better than anyone, this never goes away.