I know I should feel grateful...but

13

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited May 2012

    I so can relate to your feelings of being out of control.  The waiting and waiting and not knowing.......then having all those tests done and them telling me - "well, we dont know anything FOR SURE until the pathology report after surgery!!  WTF?

    I find comfort in friends, having those quality moments, xanax, walks in nature, margaritas.....exercise.....the little things in life.  Im on the other side of surgery, almost ready to figure out treatment......and feel much more in control.  Yes, moments of sheer terror creep in here and there, but not as much.  The xanax, while i hate takng pills, has been a godsend!!  I have to get some sleep, and it helps me sleep, and keeps the terrors away.  Esp good before tests and surgery.  I breezed thru surgery, laughing and having a great time. Im serious.  

    My path came back yesterday, clean margins....no surprises - meaning the biopsies were all correct, no invasive cancers, they go it all.  Met with naturopath to talk about completely changing my diet, mostly vegetarian, mostly vegan, lots more fruits and veggies, healthy oils, nuts, seeds.....some supplements....and that has given me SOOO much control back in my life!!  Exercise is another.....tho i cant go back to the gym just yet this week.....ive been hiking and its been so awesome!!!  

    Hang in there.  You know the things that make you happy.  A good support system is crucial!  Take care of yourself the way you know you should.....there is light at the end of the tunnel.....i can see it now.....and its brilliant!!   much love to you!!

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  • OM12
    OM12 Member Posts: 56
    edited May 2012

    Shayne - you made me laugh - - I wasn't sure if WTF was an acceptable acronym on the site... because literally, it's pretty much all I've been thinking for the last 3 days!!!  Glad to hear your results - definitely calls for a margarita!  This site is a godsend as I haven't yet told anyone in person (other than my hubby) about this diagnosis, because I want all the info first, so just being able to share is huge.

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited May 2012

    I kinda feel like "ive got cancer.....WTF is what it feels like sometimes....."  so pulling the cancer card.  Cancer is not appropriate, so it calls for a wtf sometimes......

    ok....glad i could make you laugh.  Laughing

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  • LAstar
    LAstar Member Posts: 1,574
    edited May 2012

    Congratulations on your clear margins, Shayne!  You must feel like a million bucks!

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  • greenacres
    greenacres Member Posts: 144
    edited May 2012

    Another densey here...significant dense breasts is what they told me or "hetergenerously dense" so that's why I have bilateral breast MRI's 1x/year in between my mammograms.  Dense breasts are definately a risk factor and not enough Dr.'s tell people this. It's a shame and it's WRONG!

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  • BLinthedesert
    BLinthedesert Member Posts: 678
    edited May 2012

    Great news Shayne!!  

    And, WTF indeed.   

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited May 2012

    My naturopath told me to give up coffee bc of it gives fibrocystic breast changes......and makes mri s harder to read.  Switched to decaf......tried green tea, but it tastes so bad.....ugh.....tasted the the pretend grass tea i used to make as a little girl for tea parties......

    blahgh! 

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  • 1openheart
    1openheart Member Posts: 765
    edited May 2012

    Shayne...just saw your post with the good news about your path report.  I'm doing the happy dance for you.  I know you and your family are relieved.  So....what's next?

    Nan and others.....I have been right where you all are.  My dx. was last April 28 and my UMX was last June 15th, so my mind keeps returning to where I was a year ago.  So many questions, so much second guessing, so much uncertainty and fear at first.  But, I promise it gets better with time.  A great piece of advice that someone gave me is to try to do something everyday that has nothing to do with bc.  I know it is hard during the diagnosis and decision making period with all of the doctors' visits, testing and research you are doing, but I found it really helped to keep me sane during that time.  Even if it is only taking a walk or talking with a friend, try to put the c word out of your mind, if even for a few minutes.  Take lots of long, deep breaths and think of all of the good, positive things and people in your life that help to center and focus you.  You will get through and see the other side and you might even surprise yourself in a few ways.  I'm not one to gush about "being strong" and "courageous"....I think we all do what we have to do when faced with something like this.  What are the alternatives?  I'm not willing to just curl up and give up.  I still have a lot of life to live and if I have to do it with one real boob and one foob, then so be it!  

    I'm sending wishes for ease, peace with your decisions and healing energy to you all.   

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  • agrp1
    agrp1 Member Posts: 37
    edited May 2012

    Shayne, I've been thinking about you; glad to hear you got such a great report! My LX was yesterday; should get pathology report tomorrow. I hope it's as good as yours :)

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited May 2012

    Thanks girls!!  I am happy!  Celebrating this weekend by going to Flagstaff for concerts, hotel, and hanging out eating whatever i want before i go on my new green diet for life.....

     AGRP1 - ill say a little prayer for you - visualizing clear margins like i did for myself! 

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  • BLinthedesert
    BLinthedesert Member Posts: 678
    edited June 2012

    Shayne!!  I was in Flagstaff this weekend too! Funny, we probably passed eachother on the street.

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited June 2012

    HA!  Yea, i was at the Hullabaloo at the park saturday.....then at Gillian Welch at the Orpheum Sunday.....long fun weekend of great food and music!  I bet we DID pass eachother!!

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited June 2012

    Here's a great one!!

    “Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope”

    ― Elizabeth Gilbert 

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  • 1openheart
    1openheart Member Posts: 765
    edited June 2012

    Beautiful.  Thanks Shayne.

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  • Amy332012
    Amy332012 Member Posts: 35
    edited June 2012

       I would just like to say from reading on here how every ones cancer is so different. How it affects our live differently. And how all doctor give different advise.

    I was told yesterday that I would have chemo b/c of my age{33} and I would have radiation since I only had a Lumpectomy. My thought is Anything to prolong my life is fine with me:)

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  • agrp1
    agrp1 Member Posts: 37
    edited June 2012

    Lovely quote, Shayne, and so true. Upon diagnosis, I felt so alone and scared, then I found this site which helped immensely. And THEN, people I know, who I never knew had had bc, or who were dx'd and treated just ahead of me, started coming out of the woodwork to support me. That made all the difference.

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  • Mtalsky
    Mtalsky Member Posts: 14
    edited June 2012

    Tomorrow is the day! The catheter (ballon) is being put inside my breast so that the internal radiation can start on Monday. I'm scared but everyone's comments really helped a lot. No showers until late on the 15th is the biggest drag, but I'm not complaining. It was either this, 5 days twice a day or once a day 6 weeks. Not everyone has this option. I know I should feel greatful, it's hard to be.

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  • proudtospin
    proudtospin Member Posts: 5,972
    edited June 2012

    stay strong

    while I had the 6 week type of radiation, I found it exhasting but doable

    good luck, go to bed early with maybe a sleeping aid, just get some rest

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  • 1openheart
    1openheart Member Posts: 765
    edited June 2012

    Mtalsky...good luck tomorrow and next week.  Sending healing thoughts you way!

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited June 2012

    Mtalsky - im getting internal rad catheter put in today - and starting rads next week too!  hope you keep in touch on this site so we can compare notes!!  good luck!

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited June 2012

    Mtalsky - im getting internal rad catheter put in today - and starting rads next week too!  hope you keep in touch on this site so we can compare notes!!  good luck!

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited June 2012

    Mtalsky - im getting internal rad catheter put in today - and starting rads next week too!  hope you keep in touch on this site so we can compare notes!!  good luck!

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  • Mtalsky
    Mtalsky Member Posts: 14
    edited June 2012

    I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but hangin in. After getting the cathader implanted I went to work. Lasted a few hours and went home. I'm having pain and was told there would be no pain. I see the RO tomorrow and will see what he says. Thank god for Xanax or I there would be no sleep for me tonight. Why do we have to go through this hell? Feels like they are killing an ant with a Matt truck (overkill).

    Shayne, hope you Are feeling better then I am today! Hope it went well (as well as can be)!
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  • Chickadee
    Chickadee Member Posts: 4,467
    edited June 2012

    This ant, left alive, can become deadly. Stomp it out sweetie.

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  • proudtospin
    proudtospin Member Posts: 5,972
    edited June 2012

    M. cut yourself a break and try not to be superwoman,

    rest girl friend, rest

    it will help you in the long run

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  • Mtalsky
    Mtalsky Member Posts: 14
    edited June 2012

    You girls are awesome! Thanks!!

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  • 1openheart
    1openheart Member Posts: 765
    edited June 2012

    Feel better, Mtalsky.  I hope you get some rest tonight.

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited June 2012

    Im your partner Mtalsky!!  Misery loves company!  They told me that itll hurt tonight.....so im definitely taking something.  Superwoman does not live in my house  :)

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  • vickilind61
    vickilind61 Member Posts: 338
    edited June 2012

    Shayne, congratulations on your great surgery and path results!  It's all good from here.  Interesting, I just read the entire thread and to see how your tone changed is wonderful!  Keep your chin up.

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  • 1openheart
    1openheart Member Posts: 765
    edited June 2012

    Shayne...glad that is behind you.  Take the good drugs and get some rest tonight.  Hopefully it will all be alright when the sun comes up.

    Take care 

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