How did your friends/family help you during your BC journey?

Treat me normally. Just talk to me. My DP just simply asked me about things and we talked easily because he kept it simple and normal. It actually helped me keep my own crazy emotions at bay. He hasn't been cold or distant or diminishing, just easy and simple. And then he bribes me with cookies and champagne before and after doctor appointments - cookies before, obviously.

Mallory107 gave a great list.

I would add that many people just do not know what to say so they avoid it.  I now that prior to my cancer, I never knew what to say.  Still, I tell people who ask my advice, "The worst thing to say is nothing at all."  The abandonment of some was very hurtful.

The other suggestion I would make is to offer specific help or just tell the person you will do something.  "Let me know if I can do anything," is too vague to be helpful.  Offer specific assistance to the family, like, "I am bring a freezable dinner by this weekend, what is a good time?"  or "Let me drive your kids to/from soccer practice."

Finally, avoid positive platitudes.  Maybe this is just me, but I did NOT want to hear, "Stay Positive!" or "You'll be a stronger person for it!"  Barf.  Cancer sucks.  Acknowledge it.

Liz

Helpful things

Friends have sent notes, cards, texts and called to see how I am doing.  Having a little moment of encouragement can be so timely.  

Friends brought meals & picked up my daughter for playdates or sleepovers.  These things gave my husband a break too.

One friend is arranging to have a cleaning service come clean my house before I return from the hospital -- major help!

Three friends pitched in and bought me a 90-minute massage before my first surgery.  It was an extravagance that I could never do for myself, and it helped ease my anxiety immensely.

Another friend drops by with flowers once a week and leaves them at my door.  Those flowers brighten my home and remind me that friends are thinking of me and supporting me.

I appreciated hearing how my friends were googling things about my cancer and learning about what I was going through.  They had real questions and wanted to understand my situation.

Not so helpful

Making jokes about my reconstruction or saying things like "you have to cut your boobies off" in a joking way. I normally have a great sense of humor and use it to diffuse uncomfortable situations, but it can shock me when even very good friends do this.  I don't have a lot to laugh about while I wait for my BMX.

Making light of the situation like saying that this is nothing, you'll beat it, no problem, etc.  It feels like a lot to me & there are no guarantees.  I get this a lot with DCIS -- "oh at least they caught it early."  I get a pass on chemo but I still lose my breasts -- lucky me.

The constant advice on what to eat, how to live, naturopathic approaches rather than surgery, etc.  I am researching all of this too, but it can come across as being judgmental as if I caused this with my negligence.  My alternative health practitioner friends can frighten me the most!  I see a naturopath for nutrition help, but I see a surgeon for cancer!   

The questions about why I think this happened.  This comes from other women who are scared to death that this will happen to them.  The panic in their face scares the hell out of me.

Friends have been very supportive.  Surgery was 1 week ago yesterday.  Since then I have received many cards, 7 beautiful flower arrangements, dinner everynight (for the rest of the month), numerous phone calls and a few visits.  3 friends went to dinner tonight and brought dessert here.  I think I am very lucky but some people have only contacted me through email or facebook.  I think they don't know what to say and don't want to say the wrong thing.  I think the people who make light of it are trying in thier own  way to make me feel better and don't know the right thing to say.