Starting Chemo April 2009

Happy Mother's Day Everyone!

I made it thru AC#2 this past Thursday.  If nothing else, this ride is becoming "predictable."  Had my infusion from 11am to about 2pm and by 4pm the nausea started same as last time.  I was prepared for it though, and have been managing it well with the nausea meds (compazine and zofran) on a very regimented schedule.  The restlessness and flushing was much worse this time.  I could barely rest that night...finally gave up and slept naked on the recliner with just a cool white sheet pulled over me, and an ice pack behind my neck!  I am super sleepy now though and the more I sleep the better I feel.  I followed another thread about what to do to quench thirst b/c my mouth is so dry and nothing I drink seems to help.  Will try some of those tips...plain water tastes weird and makes me a little queasy and I absolutely can't abide the taste of Diet Coke or any diet soda all of a sudden.  I am drinking ginger ale and regular coke (those taste good to me) but I am trying to avoid all of that sugar.  The threatd recommended Cyrstal Lite lemonade mixes and juices cut with water so I am going to try that (I've developed thrush in my mouth and throat so anything too acidic burns).  I know how important it is to stay hydraded, so this is one problem that has to be solved!  On the bald front....I am starting to lose my little "hair nubs" in a pattern of "male baldness"....eyelashes and brows still intact.  I did get news before my infusion that my labs were "excellent."  So apparently the nasty Neulasta shot is working.  Also suffering with extreme dry skin especially my lips and inside my nose. Have had some lip cracking and minor nose bleeding. The chemo nurse was a fountain of good tips the other day.  She says Nivea makes a new lip balm that is mentholatum free..to use it on my lips and take a q-tip and dab just a little on inside rim of my nose to keep it moist. I'm also slathering Lubriderm  lotion all over frequently.

I am concerned becaused onc warned me Thurs. that although I am doing well now, the results of the AC are cumulative and cycles 3 and 4 will be "much harder. " But he promises the following four cycles of Taxotere will be "not nearly as bad."  I hope he is right.  Hope you all are all hanging in there and finding ways around the SEs as they crop up.  Let us continue to be undaunted by the obstacles!!

Pelicangirl

Hi all,

So, I have had some upsetting news this week. When I was in the US and had BC, I had a friend who was going through it at exactly the same time as me. She had a BMX, chemo and radiation. And this week, I heard that she has had a recurrence. We have been trying to talk on the phone, but have not managed to do that yet, so we are communicating by email at the moment.

She said that as it has come back in the breast area, it is considered a recurrence which she says is better than the alternative. As you can imagine, my mind is racing. In addition to thinking about her all the time, I am totally obsessed now with "what if I am next?". She said that when we talk, she will explain everything, but I am so worried about her. I cannot believe that she is going through it all again! I know that there is always a chance that it will happen again, but when we are done with the surgery, treatment etc, we struggle so much to move on with our lives and try not to let the BC define us and then this happens! I am sorry for ranting, I just needed somewhere to vent.

Hope you are all doing ok today. 

I will come by again soon, sending you all extra big hugs today, Judy x

Judy - I think for all of us, when something like this happens to someone we know, it really triggers us and brings it all rushing back. I am so sorry, both for your friend dealing with this, and for you as well.

I find that when someone talks to me about attending a funeral, I will ask what the person died of, and then I hold my breath and if they say a heart attack or ANYTHING other than cancer, I feel relieved. I know it makes NO SENSE but it happens regardless. This is a tricky road we walk, isn't it? 

I am reading the book Man's Search for Meaning - by Viktor Frankl. He is a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist who writes of his experiences and finding meaning in life, in the midst of suffering as well as other times. Very interesting and enriching book. Is making me look at life a little bit differently. 

Hi all,

I managed to speak to my friend last night and she sounds like she is doing ok. She found the chemo very hard this time around and now she is doing radiation. She said that she was very scared this time, much more so than the last. It was good to hear her voice.

I hope you all have a good weekend, I am looking forward to some rest, it has been a hard week.

Sending you all hugs, Judy x

Geri, so good to hear from you, thank you for your kind words and as always for understanding how I am feeling. How are you doing? It has been a while since you have come by, I hope all is well.

Betsy, how are you? Are you back to your string of appointments yet? If you are, I hope they are going well and not causing you too much stress.

Helen, how is the baby and how is your daughter in law feeling? Amy and Titan, I hope you are both ok too.

The weekend has been nice, I managed to rest and spend some quality time with the family. During the week, there is not enough time or energy to do anything at the moment.

Sending you all hugs and hope you are having a good Sunday,

Judy x

Happy Victoria Day Helen! I hope you have an enjoyable long weekend, sounds like you have nice plans and good weather to enjoy them ! Glad to hear that your DIL is doing better now.

I think that now a few days have passed since I spoke to my friend, I am still worrying about her, but I am beginning to feel a bit calmer and not quite as obsessive about a recurrence. I do have an Onc appt in June, so I am sure as the date gets nearer, I will start to feel unsettled again, but that is just the norm now. You have all been great, thank you!

Hope everyone is well and doing ok. Sending hugs, Judy x

Geri, good to hear from you! Thank you for the holiday wishes, I wish you all a Happy Memorial Day too! I hope you manage to have a rest over the long weekend.

All is ok with me, I will try and come by again before the weekend.

Sending you all hugs, Judy x

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been better at keeping up on this board. Judy...yes I'm back to going to the Drs. Had two appointments this week.

I did go see a ND. She said I needed to reduce stress. My job has been and will be stressful until my sabbatical. She wants me to go to a yoga class or listen to meditation tapes. I broke down in her office and said I'm just damn sick of everything. Dr. appts., what to do lists, everybody telling what I s/b doing. Her perspective is I've been doing everything right but it's not working, so maybe the Western way (drugs, exercise) is not what I should be focusing on. She wants me to pray/meditate daily, no weight barring exercises, keep walking, focus on building muscle mass not losing weight. She had a very calming affect on me. I'm glad I went to see her. In June, we have two acupuncture appts scheduled. She loved the idea of no drs. appts during my sabbatical. She said that's the right type of mental attitude.

My GE appt. also went well. I'm on a stay the course plan. My fissure has not completely healed yet but it is improving. My bowels are working fairly normally with fiber one cereal, miralax and stool softeners daily. About freakin time! I now understand why old people get obsessed with their bowels. I know I'm full of shit but it's a crappy existence! lol

Judy...Lena has been on my mind lately too. I think its close to her birthday. Yesterday was mine...no wonder I'm feeling old. This bd has been harder on me then I expected. I'm closer to 60 now than 50. Mentally it's hard to get my mind around but physically my body is confirming it. I think in June we should all have a piece of cheesecake in memory of Lena.

Judy I'm so sorry about your friend. I know it's difficult on you. But you are such a supportive person, I know your friend feels strength through your friendship. You are helping her by just being there for her. 

Amy...when are you coming West? Do you have final dates when you are heading to Seattle. I have a Lake Cresent  (Olympic National Park)  Day hike map than I keep meaning to bring to work and scan for you. I will try to do it this week and send it off to you.

Titan, Geri & Helen - Hope you are all doing well. Geri...oooh a two hour commute. Sounds awful.

Wishing you all happy holidays (Memorial Day, belated Victoria Day, & Harvest Festival). Wow...we are sort of an international group. Love it.

Hugs to all.

Betsy

Happy Birthday Helen and Betsy!!!!

Lena also thinking of you

Happy Birthday Helen!!!!

Judy...Happy Birthday in advance!!!!

Thank you for the advance birthday wishes! Hope you all had a good Holiday weekend! I like a short week !

Geri, how is the commute going? I hope it is not too stressful for you. Is this a particularly stressful time for you at work?

Betsy, have you started planning your trip in the Fall?

We have booked a few days at the beach in August, which I am already excited about! I have only been working a couple of months, but it is good to have that to look forward to.

Amy, Helen and Titan, I hope you are all doing ok.

Sending you all hugs, Judy x

Happy Birthday Judy. I find that the anticipation of a vacation is half the fun - so enjoy dreaming of the upcoming time at the beach.

Betsy - happy birthday to you, too!  I read with interest of your visit with the ND.  I could truly FEEL the gentle, calming approach of hers coming through in what you wrote. Very striking.  I think it is definitely worthwhile to try her strategies. Please keep us updated on how it goes for you. And of course, I hope it goes WELL!

Our trip to Seattle is at the very end of July. I am enjoying watching it draw ever closer. I never look forward to the flights (I really don't like flying) but with the IPAD to watch movies on, it helps A LOT! Highly recommend.

My dad (84) has always been totally healthy but had to have an angiogram last Friday. it is our first health thing with my parents. My mom is 79 and totally healthy also. They have practiced a lifetime of eating healthy, exercising (both still go to the gym regularly) and taking a lot of supplements. You can REALLY tell how much all that has helped. It's sort of amazing. But anyway, they wanted to do the angiogram. So I went to NY on Th/Fr and drove them down to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital early (!!) Friday morning. There was a possibility he would need a stent put in and have to stay overnight, but he didn't, and we were out by 2pm.  My brother/wife were there with us and it all went perfectly smoothly. My dad flirted with the nurses enough to drive us all a little crazy bu they seemed used to it. I guess the old folks relax on the anti-anxiety meds and say all kinds of crazy things.

So I did well at the hospital - didn't feel like it triggered me back to BC medical stuff at all, which was good. Lately I am feeling more and more that the BC is something that happened to me a while ago, rather than who I am now. And I am enjoying that.

Sending love to all.

Amy 

Have a good weekend everyone!

Hugs, Judy x

Geri, I have heard of that parade, saw some pics on FB. Thank you for thinking of me.

So far the week has been good, I am getting alot of attention today for my bday which is nice. But finding it hard to focus on my work, which is not so good .

Hope everyone is doing ok, sending you all hugs, Judy x

Amy, so sorry to read what you wrote. I think that you are making progress, I think we all are and if hearing about another diagnosis or talking at length about the experience, doesn't affect us in some way, then that would be unusual I think. One of the hardest parts of talking to others about their illness or hearing news of another person who has become sick with BC is trying to compartmentalize and not feeling that we are going through it all again. It is really hard to do this of course because it has had such an impact on our lives. Without wanting BC to define us, we cannot escape the fact that we had it, and it changed us. I don't think that any of us will go back to what we were beforehand. I also get affected if people talk about it to me; I think the first thought that comes to mind is empathy for what they are about to go through and wishing we could make it all go away for them. So, don't give yourself a hard time, I think we definitely need to cut ourselves some slack sometimes. (((Hugs))).

Really pleased that you had a good couple of days with your daughter and enjoyed quality time.

My birthday was nice; I worked and then in the evening, I watched the Queen's Jubilee concert at Buckingham Palace. I really enjoyed it. I felt spoiled at home. My two younger kids made me birthday cards which was very touching, and my 10 year old son added a bit of loose change to his and asked if it would be enough to have a pedicure! I almost ate him there and then! My eldest daughter, wrote me a very long and emotional letter; She was the one who was the "strongest" of the 3 when I was sick. She chose not to have therapy and spent alot of time keeping me company over the months I was having chemo. Sometimes, though, her emotions come to the surface and I think she is simply grateful that I am here with her to celebrate my birthday.

Sending you all hugs, Judy x