Fear of Metasteses - How to cope

Don't you just hate when people tell you all the people they know that died of breast cancer. Talk about stupid. I have a story for you. There is a woman in my building that is a 35 year survivor! She went to my LE MD in the 70's and refers to him as a "young man." He's currently around 72.

Yes lots of us do remain NED. I would recommend reading some of the threads with long term survivors. If you really get overwhelmed then don't be afraid to get some help. My neighbor had to. She is doing fantastic now. 

The thing I post a lot is this: The chances of you getting into a car accident is pretty high. You don't think about it though. You just put on your seat belt and live your life. So now you take your ESD (Estrogen Sucking Drug), keep your weight down, exercise etc and live your life. Yes those things are your cancer seat belts.

(I know I'm not a stage III but I'm only 1 lymph node away from being a stage IIIA. My neighbor is a stage III)

Elizabeth if u can hold down the worry it will help--there is no productive reason for it  I'm so sorry u'r caught thinking about it so much--it is what it is. And I agree we hear so many stories abou this dreaded disease, but alot of stories are good ones--we hear the bad ones. Please try to think of all the success they are having and more will come. U've come this far and u can go alot further and are u taking anythin for anxiety--maybe u should for a while until u start feelin mentally better. And I know I don't know why people like telling US stories that are dreadful--do they really think they are making us feel better??? Get out of u'r dark place and get into the light--not the sun it's very bad for u--I know someone who would sit in the sun and ooopps  LOL

How do you fight the fear?  Keep planning for the future.  The women that post here that are past 5 and more are just a drop in the bucket for the success stories out there.  Lots of them are not aware of this discussion forum but are out there, just the same.  

When you plan for the future you are saying "F you, cancer" and you're not letting it win.  Once you let fear (and by fear I mean the constant fear, not the once in awhile fear) take over..you are letting it win.   Don't let it win.  

I have the same fears all the time: trying to live your regular life while fearing there won't be much left.  I think the analogy to the car accident isn't quite right because we DO have a higher risk. A low-stage woman told me "You'll be fine. Once you are through treatment, you'll never have to think about it again.  You'll be like everyone else, not knowing when your number will be up."  But that isn't quite true because of recurrence risk. 

I would make the analogy that everyone fears being killed by some crazy stranger.  But we BC survivors actually have a stalker.

I don't have any answers, but I know that some days are harder than others.  A casual comment from someone can set loose a spiral of fear and anxiety.  All we can do is keep moving one step at a time. There will be joys along the way.  Sending good thoughts your way.

All i can talk about is my own experience. 

 i am 10 years out.  this is all an individual process......it has to do with lots of things'; support, your doctor...friends...family....time...scares along the way, treatment.  i think the hardest part for me was initial diagnosis; i was totally shocked and this threw me into a fear i had not experienced in my life.  i think that fear is what kept me on the edge for many years; always worrying about more cancer showing up. 

the unknowns in life are what rock our world.  there are so many things in life we do; get married; have kids....change jobs...we are not thinking about divorce when we get married.  however; 2 out of 4 marriages end in divorce.  we have our kids without thinking about "what could happen to them" until something does.  we still get married and we still have kids.  we still change jobs with the unknown in front of us.  the difference with cancer.....for us....is that it COULD eventually kill us.  if it comes back.  so, we are on the edge.....and some days it is just so hard.

 well. i really believe now, after these years of doing this cancer thing; that for me; you have to just practice and practice being in the day.  the moment.  who knows what is down the line; but what is down the line may or not make a difference in your cancer outcome.  what finally really helped me; was acknowledging the truth, that i am a cancer survivor...that so far so good.....and i know if cancer shows up again...i will do what i need to do to deal with it.  there is comfort along this thinking; as i try to acknowledge the cancer but at the same time...find a balance in accepting but also not getting too far ahead of myself. 

we are dealing with our life.  it is not a divorce, a new job...or our kids.  you have already shown your strength by doing the treatment.  you are strong.  you are alive.  today is just one day.  tomorrow is another day.  you will and can deal with what comes down the pipe. 

hope this helps. hang in there.  keep on. don't give up.  time is your friend not your enemy.

diana

My mom has a friend who is a 22-year survivor of BC & says "it'll be all right until it's not." Something I keep reminding myself of: modern treatment is a moving target - the longer we can stay NED, the better the chances of a more effective treatment when/if we do need it. Lots has happened in the medical world since I was diagnosed six years ago!

I'm right there with you though - I've never been able to let go of the fear completely, but I do make plans further in the future than I did at first (Costa Rica on New Year's Eve 2012!)

Love to all, Julie