How would you react to your nurse if she had cancer?

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cconner
cconner Member Posts: 6
edited June 2014 in Young With Breast Cancer

I'm 28 years old and work as a nurse on a med/surg unit. I just read a few threads about peopke not believing you're sick; sadly many of us can relate. I had a bilateral mastectomy January 23rd and have decided to remain off of work until my chemo is complete. My job is very physically demanding as well as mentally stressful. Right now I'm halfway through my chemo treatments, 3 of 6. I want to go back to work but am terrified. I've stopped in to drop off paperwork to my manager and all I get is the, "you look great and you can't even tell except for the hair." I've been having all sorts of anxiety about returning.

My wig is semi short and styled where the hair is in my face and it gives me headaches after a few hours. I typically wear bandanas when I go out, and nothing on my head when I'm at home. My fear is, what will my patients think? I would probably not feel comfortable as a patient. When I was pregnant my patients always felt sorry for me having to run around so much. How would they feel if their nurse had cancer? How would I answer them when or if they ask? 5-6 patients for 12 hours each day.As breast cancer patients, how would you feel?

Also, ill my co-workers-who just found out last week- treat me differently? What if I do wear my wig and it gets caught by my stethascope and moves or comes off?

I'm so stressed about it. How do ther rest of you cope? Anyone working directly with the public and how do they respond? 

Thanks!

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  • fredntan
    fredntan Member Posts: 1,821
    edited April 2012

    It givesvyou a certain advantage over thevother nurses. After a while your phisical scars wont be visible. You will now know what its trully like to be on the other side of bed. You willl know the fear of putting your trust in someonevelses hand. You know first hand sx pain and the side effects.



    All this to make a better nurse. Thats what i keep telling myself. Last year was my 20th year as nurse. Trust mebthere is nothing like telling someone I know how you feel. Last week my rad tech-tall muscular young handsome- told me those words. I was having some omg this is almost over, im afraid moments. He told me he had cancer. Battled it for four years, finally got stemcell transplant, did chemo, rads, sx. But just those few words of him telling me he felt the same thing helped me. There is nothing about this guy that says cancer. When i first met him at breast rad center i thought well he is nice to look at,but whats he doing here. Now i know.



    You will get your grove back as nurse and you will inspire your patients, but first we have to finish being patients.



    You can do this, i can see the light. 8 more rads!!!

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  • Racy
    Racy Member Posts: 2,651
    edited April 2012

    I'm so sorry you are facing cancer at 28 and have anxiety about going back to work and how people will react to you. I'm sure your patients won't react badly but if you would rather be sure to avoid any reactions from patients or coworkers, I have a few suggestions:



    1. You will want to look as 'normal' as possible, therefore you should have a wig that feels natural and comfortable. Perhaps you could get your current wig restyled, maybe thinned, so that you like it better, or consider getting another one. Allow enough time when getting ready for work to make sure that your wig fits comfortably and looks good.



    2. Tell your boss that you do not want to discuss your diagnosis with coworkers and ask him/her to tell your coworkers this and also tell them not to mention your situation to patients. Your coworkers should respect your privacy if you make your wishes clear. They would be used to keeping medical details confidential.



    3. Do you have a coworker whom you are especially friendly with who can give you moral support by being with you on the first day/s and being someone you can confide in if you have any anxieties? It could help to have someone 'hold your hand' in this way.



    4. Would it help you to do a short visit to work to say hello and reacquaint yourself with the environment before your official return date?



    Being prepared, such as by applying these suggestions, will help ease your anxieties.



    Good luck and come back here if you need any more help.

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  • Kcrab
    Kcrab Member Posts: 18
    edited April 2012

    Hi and congrats for being halfway thru your treatment! I am a nurse on a busy labor and delivery unit and truthfully I had very few patients ask me if I was in treatment. I wore cute scarves or caps, not a wig so I know it was obvious. If someone asked, I answered questions, then redirected back to them and their situation. I never got anything but kindness from coworkers, physicians, and patients and their families. One time a little girl in a loud voice kept asking "Mama, what's wrong with him? Where's his hair?" I have found that being able to laugh and see the absurdity of the situation has gotten me thru. The first time I made a macabre joke with coworkers about cancer, it was total silence. But helped them see that they can relax around me. And I'm still me! So so sorry you are having to go thru this and I am anxious to hear how it goes for you

    Kelli

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  • dreaming
    dreaming Member Posts: 473
    edited April 2012

    I work in a cancer center, I am not an RN but I am present at all times with patients, I and nobody I know will disclose they were diagnosed, the only time I saw a doctor tell a patient in a short answer, was a oncologist in the pediatric department that was examining a child and he was curious why his doctor had a chemo pump connected, the doctor told him , " I have cancer like you and I am on  my chemo ", that was it, and the child did not asked any thing else.

    I kept my diagnosis separate from my professional life. I did not want nobody to see me as a patient but as a colleague.

    During my treatments , I did not disclose to anybody, In my Department only my manager was aware because I needed time off.  I had a nice wig that was exactly like my real hair style, and was taught how to do my eyebrows, etc.

    Even now that I had 3 surgeries for non melanoma skin cancer, I do not explain the scar on my face, and  if somebody asks I would tell I had Mohs surgery, but nobody has.

    Away from work I am as activist and advocate for breast cancer, for me cancer is something that happened, but it doesn't define me as a person.

    I was a stay at home corporate wife when diagnosed, I got a volunteer job in a cancer center and soon I was working, I know my survival had to do, that I did not have time to feel sorry for myself, and I learned to cope and so many things from my patients.

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  • sherry67
    sherry67 Member Posts: 556
    edited April 2012

    I to am a Nurse on a med surge floor like you and I just returned back to work this past October. I also had a lot of anxiety about returning but everyone was very supportive when I returned. I had the same feeling as you is everyone going to treat me differently now but they haven't to much..wore my wig for awhile which looked like my original hair style, color and all..Funny was when I stopped wearing it received comments from people who new me by face and not by my situation like wow you cut all your hair off..Now I just hear wow it's growing fast..but I can understand where you are coming from your still the same person you were before your Dx you feel like you get that poor you tone..well hope things go well for your return to work things get better as time goes by..good luck

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  • Califgirl12
    Califgirl12 Member Posts: 92
    edited April 2012

    My first memory after coming out of surgery from my lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy was being greeted by a nurse. I asked her for more pain meds and while she was setting it up she told me she was a 5 year survivor with tripple negative. She looked healthy and strong and it gave me confidence that I too would be just fine. It was such a blessing to hear her words and to know even though I was nervous and in pain, I would be ok just like she was. So to answer your question coming from a non-nurse patient, your patients will appreciate you sharing and your experienced care. I have always had a tremendous amount of respect for the wonderful care and hard work that I have experienced from my nurses.



    I wish you well in your healing.

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  • AmyIsStrong
    AmyIsStrong Member Posts: 1,755
    edited April 2012

    When I was waiting for my lumpectomy (in the preop area) i was terrified beyond belief (first surgery ever, and for CANCER!!!).  One of the nurses came over and quietly shared with me that she was just finishing chemo. She showed me her wig under that 'shower cap' thing  that OR staff wears. (Sorry I don't know what else to call it.)  She talked about how she had been able to work mostly through treatment (which was something I was worrying about a lot at that point) and just reassured me it was going to be ok. I don't even remember what else she said, but her gentle reassuring presence and the knowledge that she TRULY UNDERSTOOD made a huge difference.

    It meant a HUGE amount to me and gave me peace going into surgery that I would not have had otherwise.  Nurses are my heroes for many reasons and that is one of them!

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited April 2012

    I can't even imagine u'r patients feeling anythin but respect for u. u'll be ahead of rhe game with them, cuz u know all the feelins that are felt. I'm so sorry u have to go thru this--this is such a dreadful disease. But don't let it stop u from doing what u'r meant to do--and who knows maybe even better now.

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  • Pegs
    Pegs Member Posts: 198
    edited April 2012

    when i was first diagnosed, my onc nurse shared her story and it made me feel better, especially knowing that she had a bmx several years ago too and she was doing fine.  instead of feeling doom and like my life was going to be cut short, she reassured me that yes its a long journey but its all doable and life can go on.  as far as peoples comments, just remember that they really don't know what to say and they are trying to show compassion , some things people said to me pissed me off at first , then i put myself in their place and they do the best they can, its all so scary.  for everyone.  good luck

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  • cconner
    cconner Member Posts: 6
    edited April 2012

    Thank you for your responses. It's pretty inspiring. I didn't discole my dx to my collegues until just last week after already being out for about 3 months. I don't know why I told my manager after weeks of asking, that it was okay to share my situation. Now I'm not sure it was the right decisioin but oh well right. I think it's just one of those things that you decide and have to trust it was the right decision. I do anticipate a lot of what people will say may irritate me but good point, that they have no idea. Ironic thing is, I worked in an oncology unit for several years before my current position and now more than ever, I miss it. I loved my oncology patients. They were always just a little different and I've always felt close to them. Good luck to all of you who've replied and I'll surely update you when I return to work in a month or so. Thanks again!!!

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  • mebmarj
    mebmarj Member Posts: 380
    edited April 2012

    My first dx back on 2003, I was in nursing school. I did do-rags, being afraid a wig would possibly fall off and freak out somebody more than me just in a do-rag. People were good about it. I'm sure they knew or assumed what was going on there. A few asked and I told them I was going thru chemo for breast cancer. That was it. Easy enough. The less you give them to speculate about, less questions later :)

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  • babysammy
    babysammy Member Posts: 74
    edited April 2012

    interesting thread.  Not really sure how I would feel.  But it is nice to know they understand what life is like.

    I am a home visiting RN.  I recently went to a BC support group in my home town and there was 2 ladies I had visited.  Today I was at the Cancer Clinic and saw 2 diffrerent people I visited.  Everyone is really supportive, but its different being on the same side as people I took care of.

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  • MoQi
    MoQi Member Posts: 4
    edited April 2012

    I was diagnosed in 2010, when I was 27. I would imagine that i'd actually prefer to have a nurse who have gone through what I was going through. Of course I would try to relieve her of her burden, just like I would with a pregnant nurse, but that does not mean I have less respect for her ability to do her job. .

    I am a grad student and am in the process of getting back to school. I feel the same kind of stress that my fellow students and colleagues are kind of tip-toeing around me, and I secretly suspect that they would be less willing to collaborate with me on research projects just because they are not sure if I could commit to those a hundred percent coz I certainly could not do long nights any more. It is indeed difficult...but doesn't mean it's not doable. I think things will get better, albeit gradually, and I wish the same for you. :-)

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  • rn4babies
    rn4babies Member Posts: 409
    edited May 2012

    Kcrab.....I also work on a busy labor and delivery unit.  I chose to take the time off during chemo tx's (I start on Tuesday). I'm scared to death to return to work. The young population can be so cruel. I'm also afraid of a wig or scarf coming off.  I also have to go to the OR for c/s's and have to wear a cap. What kind of cap did you wear? I always get so hot and always wore my thick hair into a ponytail. Everyone in the hospital will know what's going on. I have never been one to draw attention to myself anyway. What suggestions do you have for me?

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  • coraleliz
    coraleliz Member Posts: 1,523
    edited May 2012

    I'm also an RN. The admitting nurse when I had my surgery told me she had BC. Since I was having BMX(for bilat IDC) without recon, she asked me if I planned on having recon later. I thought she was being nosey. She said if she got BC again she'd have a MX. Maybe I just wasn't in a chatty mood that day.

    When I went back to work following my surgery( I didn't have chemo) my coworkers who knew about my situation were overly protective of me. I work on a cardiac stepdown unit. I got easy assignments for a long time. They wouldn't give me isolation patients even though my blood counts were fine.

    If I needed chemo, I was going to take off work like you. When I had RADs, I only worked weekends. On my unit weekends are easier(less busy). I don't think that's the case for L&D.

    Good luck with your treatment, hoping you sail thru chemo

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  • rn4babies
    rn4babies Member Posts: 409
    edited May 2012

    While I realize it's doable, my director actually made the suggestion for me to just be off. If I reduced my work schedule, it would be more of a blow to my finances than getting short term disability while I'm off (plus I risk losing my full-time status) You have to be off 10 days before you even start to get paid. I've also exhausted my PTO from surgery. So....if I needed an extra day off or two, I wouldn't get paid anything or have to wait 10 days.  I worked through RADS last time without any issues. I did have to take 4 days off because I got so burnt I had to take a few days off to allow it to heal.  Thanks for your response!

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  • Kcrab
    Kcrab Member Posts: 18
    edited May 2012

    Dear rn4babies, so sorry you are going thru this. I ordered the cutest scrub caps from Kimscaps online. They have great coverage with contrasting trim. When I go to or, I covered them with the blue disposable. I felt like in L and D, it's pretty easy to get away with wearing a scrub cap all the time.

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  • rn4babies
    rn4babies Member Posts: 409
    edited May 2012

    Kcrab.....which style did you wear? Did you wear anything underneath it? Do they fit pretty snugly without fear of it coming off with all the bending and stooping we do? Do they cover enough that it's not super obvious that you have no hair underneath? I'm so anxious about all this!

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  • Kcrab
    Kcrab Member Posts: 18
    edited May 2012

    rnforbabies, I got style 4. They tie in the back and I had no problem with them fitting snugly. I bought a few stretchy hair bands about 2 to 3 inches wide and I would wear around my head underneath. They absorbed sweat as we run around having our hot flashes and covered the tiny opening in the back at the tie. The hats are so cute and they wash great. They sure got me thru that rough time. I was like you. I did not want to draw attention to my baldness. How is chemo going?

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