Feel free to tell people to f$%% off

I apologize Frank, I just read in your profile where it said you are being treated with herceptin for something other than breast cancer. It's still a very scary time regardless of what sort of cancer you have. I had herceptin as well. I hadnt a clue that other cancers could be Her2+  How did they even know to check for that?  I'm impressed that they even figured that out!   My friends here complain about the NHS over there but it sounds like you're doing ok with it?  I surely hope so!

Does having B/C make it acceptable for your inner mean grrrrl to run free?  

Everyone here who finds this to be a glorious freedom, remember that it cuts both ways, and the people that you told to f-off are on another website posting about what a stupid, moronic, b*tch you are because they don't have B/C, they don't get it and never will and are not going to get any flash of enlightenment at hearing the f-word either. They just know that they hate you, which is o.k., if that is what you are going for.

It might make you feel good for about a minute to use the saying, but then the feeling wears off, so you have to find new expletives and new people to hurl them at, to get that same rush of empowerment.  "F*ck off is a gateway phrase.  It's going to lead to more and harder phrases.  Pretty soon you'll have a vocabulary that is an amalgam of a longshoreman, the entire Sopranos cast, and Kathy Griffin all rolled up into one tidy package of scathingly vulgar expression.  That's cool, if that's what you are aiming for.

Hey, I'm just messing with you, but here's what I really mean:  This thread is a rant about how our non-B/C friends, family, acquaintances, and the world at large can be so utterly thoughtless and annoying.  I get it.  Far from squelching anyone's personal expression, by all means tell others whatever you want to but don't play the cancer card.  I just don't think the fact that having cancer gives any more or any less privledge to speaking one's mind if they choose to.  Own it, and don't kid yourself that you will be safe from the fall out.  You own that too.

Other than all that, I thought "Namaste, b*tch" was hilarious also.

So so so agree with you all!!!  I'm an Aussie (living in Sweden) and we tell people to piss off too

A "friend" told me 4 days ago that she doesn't ring me because she gets upset...... stupid me comforted her.   Still feeling angry about doing that when I should have given her an ear full.

Elimar - I can only speak for myself.  BC has certainly been a clarification of relationships for me.  It has been a very painful revelation.  And you know, sometimes all of our suppressed anger just reaches a boiling point. 

I do think BC gives us more freedom to speak our minds.  I've read countless studies that the majority of women who are diagnosed with BC tend to suppress their emotions especially anger.  When that unfamiliar anger rises to the forefront, sometimes things come out in a not-too-pleasant manner.  So I applaud the women posting here who feel they have the freedom to be honest and own their angry feelings!   

This whole anger issue has been a major part of my BC journey.  I am grateful for it.  I've warned people that Chemo has taken my mouth filters away, at least for now while I am going through it. 

For me, freedom has come in getting rid of relationships that are a one-way street or relationships where I have been used.  Honestly, I was always so busy people pleasing, I didn't know when this was happening to me!  The incredible friends that have stepped forward to help me--their kindnesses will never be forgotten.  But I am a different person now.   My anger during BC has formulated that new person.  I will always be grateful for BC helping reveal these things to me no matter how difficult the road is.

re: I do think BC gives us more freedom to speak our minds.

Denise-G,  My perception is different.  I think we have the same freedom to speak our minds that we always had.  Also, the same consequences when we do so.  I'm sure there are even more opinions on this very subjective matter.

re: I do think BC gives us more freedom to speak our minds.

 I'm not all that eloquent, so I hope this makes sense,  I don't think it gives us anymore freedom than we had before. For me, it has changed the way I look at things. It made me come to the sobering conclusion that my time here might be very limited and I decided not to waste it. I consider being polite to save the feelings of someone who doesn't care for mine a waste of time.

I may have 1 year or 30 years, who knows, but I refuse to spend one more damn minute of it putting someone else's feelings above my own. Other than my kids of course. Everyone else can deal with it or piss off!

I know people have their own little universe. And that's fine. I have my own little weather system that follows me about everyday too. There are many times I've held back saying things because of the situation, social or work, but I refuse to put myself or my kids in an uncomfortable situation where people are just using us for their convenience again.

I referred to a former friend who claimed we were like family. In hindsight her actions over the years were at her need, things always had a purpose. It wasn't until I needed her that I realized what had gone on for years. Unanswered calls, previous plans and so on, so only things she wanted to do or host were a go. So, this is kind of an open place where I know she is not and I'm kind of safe to vent about numerous things, not just her, with people who "get it."

So cancer, having had it twice, makes me a little bitchy at times. I don't "play the card" but I sure as hell don't have to put up with irritation, stupidity, use, abuse or nonsense from anyone over anything.

i'm coming close to what i like to call *surgery part 2* for my double mastectomy and feeling very anxious and snappy... i went into cardiac arrest during during my 1st surgery (Nov 2011) so they could only take 1 breast, put in 1 expander & my remove my nodes.

ANYWAY, i was chatting on the phone with a friend yesterday explaining how my lashes still have not grown back (i won't even go there on the eyebrow subject) and i feel so un-feminine. she told me she knew exactly how i felt and forgot her mascara one day. she's a blond so he lashes are not that noticeable. i was a bit stunned because i thought: are you F'ING kidding me!?! one day without mascara??? i've been wearing a wig since January 1, 2012 & lost all my brows and lashes 5 weeks ago. one day of being mascara free clearly does not equate. sigh, some people are so out of touch...

btw, Namaste, bitch was my favorite too

This is my take ...

it's not that I think we have  MORE freedom or more of a right to express ourselves. First of all, let's remember we are all (just) venting on any internet forum. 

Having said that, I DO believe that some of these people who offend or insult or pry , are not simply ignorant, but truly are jerks. As such, I have no problem with cutting them off with my words, or not indulging them.  Everyone is different ( the' jerks') just as every one of us who has cancer is different.

 I also believe that we all got dealt a lousy hand. I have not (yet?) played the cancer card, but I damn well will if I want to , since that is the card I was dealt.   Everyone gets to play their hand in whatever way they want.  I'd like to think I am not here to judge anyone else, and I  would also like to think nobody is judging me either.

Took my youngest daughter to her youth group ( church) and I was feeling really down and shitty. I dropped her off and didn't speak to anyone as I had a falling out with DH, thrown my best vase on the floor with frustration.

When I went a few weeks later the leader who is ok said" glad to see your in a better mood this week you didn't look very happy last time"

I turned to him and said " that's because I have Stage 3 Cancer and I was upset" he was a bit stunned then said " are you going to be ok as Cancer is very hard to get ride off "

Steam was coming out of my ears and I said " I don't know watch this space" then walked off.

Don't you just love people who don't have Cancer but moan about silly things. My mother-in-law moans about the stress she has with her husband because he keeps forgetting things WTF they are 85 I want to live for the next ten years.

Gumshoe - i want your doctor!

F professionalism....that was perfect!

barbiecorn - Yes, I think that's definitely part of it. Maybe they think we're all contagious!

Ok, please forgive me for what I'm going to say- to my DH you are really p$$ing me off big time. WTF, who do you think you are? Please f$$k off and leave me all the money and never come back. I lied when I said he was crap in bed he was better than you.



I feel so much better