Feel free to tell people to f$%% off

CrazyKitties

I have decided that I cannot hold my emotions in for someone else's benefit anymore, unless it is for my preteen daughter. I plan on telling my husband, my mother, and anyone else who gets shitty with me to piss off, as the british say.

Mardibra

Amen!  Funny how I feel so entitled to no longer keep my real feelings to myself!  Dont get me wrong, im not mean or rude but as far as BC goes and how it affects my life....i no longer hold back.

nora_az

Oh I hear you!  I am getting soooooooo pissed off with my husband lately. He is acting like, "Poor me my wife has cancer, Im so depressed"  He's not doing ANYTHING. I am 48, do all the housework, cleaning, etc and I am the main caregiver to my son who has autism and 19, drive him to therapies and appointments 40 miles away 4 times per week. My husband has started drinking a lot lately because poor him is depressed. I have to hide some of my diagnosis from him because I have to take care of his feelings. His mom told me "Well, you know he's just sensitive and you need to take care of his feelings"  I told her I am already raising one boy if she wants her boy coddled she can do it, it's not my job, I'm DONE.  I am having surgery May 22 to have a total hysterectomy and remove lung nodules. He's already called his friends (I found this out from mutual friends) and drumming them up for sympathy rather than helping me.

Oh, I could go on and on. Sorry for the long rant, I am just at the end of my rope here!  A little help would be nice.

ali68

Haha I'm british and I say this a lot. My DH is as good as a chocolate teapot as well.

I tell friends and family how I feel, as they say " better out than in"



Alison

Mardibra

My mom told me not to tell her friend I have cancer (I will be seeing her in a couple of weeks) because she doesnt feel like answering any questions.  Its my friggin cancer....I will tell whoever I want!  Cant stand being made to feel like this is happening to other people.  Im the one with cancer!

proudtospin

I was the most recent family member to have a diagnosis, they are not connected but all dif types but most have not faired well.

My mom, an uncle, an aunt, my BIL and my B.  My aunt is fighting it, my B, well he waited 5 years till he decided to be treated.

So me, I am early stage and the family thought I was overreacting and told me, you will be fine, see you later..

Flash forward 4 years, I am NED and my B, well he is waiting for a stem cell transplant and is on round 8 of chemo.  He thinks I should be the donor to him~~~

am I nuts? his family walked away when I said I was sick?  Now he wants my body parts?

camillegal

I'm so sorry people are so insensitive to u'r feelings and u'r situations --no one knows what each one of us go thru together and separately and they just don't think. Even if they have, like I said we're all different with emotions. So it's difficult for me to understand why anyone would not have compassion for any disease.??????

fredntan

I just got pissy with one of tje clinical trial coordinator s. He had the nerve to send me copies of a email he must have sent to his coordinator who said on her report that I was higher stage than 3 a

These people have minimal info on me. I had spoken to another coordinator while on chemo who said I was eligible

CrazyKitties

Keep telling these ass wipes to Piss off and fuck off! I would like to punch every one of the people who are hurting you all!!! I hate the, "Fight like a girl" crap....fight like an Amazon woman warrior and leave no prisoners.

Sommer43

I am British and that made me laugh, nothing pisses anyone off more, than be told to piss off! 

 Fantastic, made me laugh so much. 

CrazyKitties

Tell anyone in your life that isn't kind and supportive to fuck the fuck off and to piss off in the general direction of Hell!!!! xoxoxo

Blessings2011

I'm actually pretty good at doing this already. People who know me know not to piss me off.

Sometimes I do say "Sorry? What part of "I HAVE BREAST CANCER" is about YOU?"

What I didn't realize, however, was how much I resent idiots taking up my precious time when it is not necessary.

I had a meltdown at the gym a few weeks ago. I got on the treadmill, turned on my iPad, and it said "No Cellular Connection". I got off, sat in a chair, found a ratty old Ladies Home Journal, and started to cry.

In the previous four days, I had spent nearly 18 hours on the phone with nine different  "technicians" who gave me wildly inaccurate reasons and excuses for my service not working. I patiently waited and followed their stupid directions over and over - all to no avail - until they all gave up.

I waited three hours for a tech who said he would call me back in 30 minutes. He never did. Finally, I called back, again, and someone got it to work and I thought all was solved. NOT!

When I got home from my meltdown, I realized that none of knows how much time we have left on this earth. It's not just a BC thing....my husband has severe kidney disease. Life is precious to both of us. Every minute of it!

So I decided I will no longer suffer fools needlessly.  NO MORE BS!!!! If you don't know what you're doing, don't waste my time. Find someone who does! (Oh, the cellular data issue was fixed in 20 minutes once I demanded to speak to a manager.)

A few days ago, I went to the hardware store to ask about ordering a new handle for a shed we had purchased there. The girl looked at  me like I had two heads. All I wanted to know was could she order a replacement part for me? Stupid me, I thought because she was at the "Customer Assistance" desk she could help me. Wrong! After a few inane comments, and her making several phone calls to other idiots, I asked for the store manager. 

I explained that since we had spent a great deal of money at this store, I'd wrongly assumed that we could expect at least the minimum customer service. But since that seemed to be too difficult, I would deal directly with the manufacturer of the shed, and in the future, would take all my business elsewhere.

BC just boils everything down to the bare necessities. I don't deal with other peoples' psychodramas (never have) and now, I won't deal with their ineptitude.

(This doesn't include someone who is learning to do something and is really trying to help me. I'm not THAT mean!!!!  )

nora_az

Can you please stand one more rant about my husband.

Ok so yesterday I took the SUV to my son's therapies. On the way home I filled it up with gas because the light came on and there is nothing I cant stand more than getting into a vehicle in the morning and no gas in it and running late.

Soooooo my husband takes the SUV this morning, he's happy, full tank. I get into the car and not only is the fuel light on (because he didn't feel like filling it on the way home last night) the tire light was on because there is a slow leak and we cant afford the high performance tires it takes yet and it has to be filled every two weeks. Not only do I have to fill up the flipping tank, I have to make sure the place has air too so I can fill it because the tire pressure was only at 21.  AND I TOLD HIM yesterday that it was close to needing to be done.

OMG I am ready to kill him!

nora_az

By the way I go to England, Ireland and Northern Ireland a lot. (well before my diagnosis) nothing I love more than the words "piss off!!!'   LOL LOL

nora_az

Hadley, if your last post had a like button I'd be hitting it    

mebmarj

I am so freaking happy you people are as fed up as I am about people's inability to do their jobs, prevent their own foot in mouth episodes and fine ability to just piss me the hell off at any moment.



Been dealing with a well known company and their idiots. I have to try to schedule a third service visits. Yes, third. Long story. Been taking notes and am ready to let someone have it. Even the customer service rep who took my original complaint has dropped the ball. So disgusted.



If I hear one more person say, you hair looks nice! It's growing so fast! I may scream. Should I bother to ask if it used to look bad? Can they just let me try to have one day without reminding me about all the shit I've had to endure in the last year?!



I know there is so much more I need to let loose but I'm exhausted and that felt good.

Thank you crazy kitties, having to be "nice" and hold my tongue is really frustrating...

Mardibra

Got a call today from my RO's office asking to reschedule my appt for the FOURTH time. wf? They better be kissing my ass whenever I get there...if I ever get there.

Blessings2011

Hadley - you had your tonsils out as an ADULT?????? OMG!!!! Owwwwwww!!!! That's just pure torture. Had to have the same thing done. Big hugs to you!

Let 'er rip, Sisters!!!!

NO MORE BS!!!!! (And I'm NOT talking about Breast Surgeons here, altho' unfortunately, some of them may be included in this category.... )

Last September, I told an old friend I had breast cancer and what I would be going through. "Oh" she says. "Maybe we can get together next weekend." Never heard from her again. Buh BYE!!!!!! No big loss for me, Dearie.

Hadley....you crack me up when you say "I hate people."

I know exactly what you mean. I don't hate them, I just don't like them very much sometimes. And the ones I really like, I LOVE!!!!!

What's wrong with wanting my life to be happy and easy? I have some crap to go through. I'm dealing with it. All I'm asking is that no one makes things worse. How hard could that be?

Sweet dreams, everyone!!!!

CrazyKitties

Man have I started some crap or what? You ladies NEED to VENT!!! Me too! One stupid bitch implied that if only I had done more yoga, I would not have gotten breast cancer. Namaste, bitch. My mother complains about her knee replacement scars. Now mind you, she is 70, very overweight and out of shape, and doesn't exactly wear shorts. I reminded her that I have 2 gigantic scars on my chest. She says nothing. I reminded her that I am an amputee. She says her knees were amputated.My husband forgets that I am on chemo by way of tamoxifen and that I feel like shit. Oh yeah, and i still continued in college, got a 3.8 gpa for my associates, and now I am starting big girl college at UNCW in May, and I have to pay for it, no loans. I think I kind of kick ass.  VENT, let it out, and then WE HAVE TO MOVE ON. Don't let these people make us sicker!!!! xoxoxxo Oh and one more thing----several "freinds" totally dropped the ball with me. Made room for better people.

CrazyKitties

I forgot this one----last year, went in for yearly gyn checkup---they sent in a PA----she looks at me and says, "so you are keeping up with your mammograms?" and I said,"why dont you read the chart. I had a double mastectomy."

ali68

My long lost mother called the other day after 2 yrs. I told her I had breast cancer and she said " the girl down my road has that and is fine" I'm not joking. If she calls again I'm going to tell her to "piss off"

Letlet

I don' t know if you ladies will start throwing rocks at me but I work at a cancer center which provides my insurance so it's something that I can't really leave. I've tried to transfer to different departments but have had no success.

I work with people who just found out they have cancer or a recurrence, etc. Because of my personal history I have to say that it has made me more patient but at the same time its quite difficult. Yesterday I almost walked away from my job that supports my husband and children. THis lady was screaming at me, yelling at me because no one told her that her reports were in, no one told her her reports WERE in, she had spoken to 3 different nurses. I know she was yelling because she was angry, we've all been there and I tried to calm her down and reminding her that I was actually helping here. She told me YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, IM VERY SICK, I HAVE CANCER. I wish I could have told her ME TOO SO STOP SCREAMING AT ME!!! But I couldn't. I'm tired of being an emotional punching back at work. I try to leave work at work but it's so difficult.

Letlet

A month ago some guy was insanely rude to me and told me " I HAVE A TUMOR, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE????" because he was upset that HIS doctor hadn't sent records to OUR doctor. I had to step away and cry in the bathroom because I was so angry

1CandleBurningBright

I'm with you CrazyKitties!  Isn't it liberating to be able to tell someone to go pound Tar?!?!  I find I hold nothing back any longer in the way of rude and insensitive people.  

The way I see it....they have two choices on the Menu today.  They can either "LIKE" it, or "LOVE" it.  Other than that, get the hell outta' my way!  

"Happy Friday" everyone!   

Stormynyte

Love this thread!

I've pretty much decided the same thing. I've spent my entire life neglecting my wants and feelings to make other people happy. NO MORE! I started telling people no when they called to ask for something, cuz you know, that's the only time they call. Guess what? None of them call anymore.

I started telling people to stop doing whatever it is they do that bugs the living hell out of me when they are around me, so they don't come around me anymore. 

I cut off every onesided relationship in my life and found out I had no real friends. If I wasn't there to watch their kids or taxi them around or lend them money, or help them move they didn't bother to talk to me anymore. 

Now this is starting to sound sad, but it's not! It's freaking great! I have time to do what I want! I spent tons of time with my kids, I can lay around in my jammies all day because I don't have to go taxi everyone else around. LOL

I love it and wish I had had the balls to tell everyone to piss off years ago!

ali68

I say no more pussy footing around people who treat us like SHIT.

A so called friend who is a teacher sent me a text saying. "my classroom helper's sister has found out she has BC but it's not as bad as yours. I have seen this woman at parents evening and she won't look at me, i wonder why.

I good friend of five yrs fell out with me because i didn''t agree with what she said. I was very hurt and thought what a bitch. Guess what she has been texting me after two yrs, well PISS OFF.

NatsFan

About the "are you keeping up with your mammograms" question at a doctor's office - usually from a perky PA - I finally got sick of the question.  So, I just answer, no, I'm not.  And I sit back and wait.  Of course they usually start giving me the spiel about how important mammograms are, etc.  I let them dig themselves in pretty deeply.  Finally I look at them sadly and say, "I haven't been keeping up with my mammograms because I have no mammos to gram.  I'm a breast cancer patient, and both breasts had to be removed."  If I'm feeling extra pissed off about it that day, I'll even whip up a teary-eyed look, just to add to the dramatic effect.  Most of them at least have the grace to be embarrassed.  Hopefully it'll teach them to take a moment to read the next patient's chart before asking that question. 

1CandleBurningBright

Hello Hadley and Blessings 2011....I can totally relate to both the Tonsils being removed (had them taken out at age 25....can you say "Ouch".  Would rather have gone through Labor pains again....and ironically, I did, almost one year later....LOL!

With respect to the Friend that blew you off....I had the same experience in June 2008.  It was right after my first Modified Radical Mastectomy was performed.  My then, "so called" Best Friend calls to advise me she just returned from her vacation on the Cape.

She asks how my Surgery went, yada, yada, yada....then says she would like to come and visit me in the upcoming week with Subs/Grinders that we used to enjoy.  She'll call me and make the arrangements.

You guessed it!  She NEVER CALLED.  So I waited about two weeks, gave her a call, received voice mail and left a message to call me back.  Nothing.  Come Christmas time I send her a card with a handwritten note.  Again, nothing.  January is both of our Birthdays.  Mine comes and goes....nothing.  I send her a card and another handwritten note.  Nothing.  

Really?!?!  Is this how Friendship is supposed to work?  I know I'm beyond perfect, however, I could never do to someone what she did to me.  But then again, I had my half-Sister blow me off once I called to tell her about my Breast Cancer.  

She does live in another State, however, last time I checked we still used to email and write each other.  Oh, well.  Hopefully KARMA doesn't come along and give them a huge punch in the face.

Because I'm sure it's gonna' hurt like HELL when it does!  Not that I wish it upon them....just sayin'.  I've also learned that God forbid someone ever comes to me and tells me they have Breast Cancer, that I don't offer unsolicited advise.

People somehow feel the need to display their imaginary "PHD".  What, did you get that online last night while I was sleeping?  All of a sudden, everyone knows your type of Cancer, what your outcome will or won't be.  Begin feeling the need to start comparing you to other people who have and/or had Cancer and that your outcome will be the same.  Like "Effin Really"?!?!

No word of a lie....I had someone compare me to Farrah Fawcett, Patrick Swayze and Ted Kennedy.  Mind you, they all had completely different Cancer than I do.  And sadly, all three of them have passed away, however, I was advised that I will be fine.  And you know this how?

Well, I'm climbing down off of my soapbox now.  But I must admit that I do feel tons better now that I've gotten this off of my chest.  And I have plenty of extra room on my chest....because both of the "girls" are no longer there!

Honestly, I'm really good with it.  I've begun to look at it in a different light.  I get to decide whether or not I want to wear my prosthesis....hmmm, do I want Boobs today or not?  That is the question.  

No more sweating (even after washing, drying and powdering the puppies).  No more disgusting rash (from sweating).  Those "bad girls" were heavy to carry anyway and I'm a few pounds lighter when I get on the scale!  Yessa'.........

Staying positive....but needing to vent on occasion.  Thank you all....for the occasion.  

rosasmommy

Nats Fan -- love it!!  I'm going to have to use that.  My favorite is the eternal "when was the date of your last period" question that I seem to have to answer every time I go anywhere.  I'm 36, but have had an oophorectomy so I'm post-menopausal.  I usually just answer "February 2009."  Confuses them every time!!

Letlet

Hey Hadley, it's not that I'm not allowed to say it but if done so in the past and usually they want to know all the details including who treated me, what kind i had so sometimes its not really helpful. I'm also a little afraid that if I blurt it out, my dept may think that I can't "deal" with my job..I don't know maybe it's all in my head. Also I only feel like saying it when I am losing my patience. THen I think why should I tell them the most private thing in my life just because he's a jerk.

I know I sound like I'm whining but for the most part I am very very patient with everyone and it's hard because I can honestly relate to the sheer panic in their voices when they call, I remember how it was for me and I really go out of my way to help them.

cinnamonsmiles

Yaahooooo.... thank you for this thread!!! i am once again faced with an idiot nurse and dr that cant follow their own logic to see what idiots they are. there is no patient advocate for me at this clinic. he is an arrogant, narrow minded, concided, pompous asshole that won't listen to me and refuses to understand that a patients oral history of symptoms is just as important as the science he can "see." To him and his nurse I say F#%$K OFF YOU ILLOGICIAL BAST#$DS!!!

once again, thanks for this thread. 

and letlet, i am so sorry  were the brunt of his frustration.i have learned to politely talk to the staff that did no harm, but let the folks have it that deserve it. before cancer i would take thier shit, NOT ANYMORE.