Why Such A Crabby Attitude?

I agree with Nancy - sometimes a good vent helps. And with outfielder's great observation about projection and people feeling the need to have theor choices validated....which helps to explain what Beesie observed.



I wonder what other types of cancer boards are like. Do people get reamed if they don't agree to lose a testicle or have brain surgery....I wonder. Crazy cancer leads to crazy meddling sometimes.

I actually thought about this....

It makes sense in a way that somebodys strategy to facing a life threatning illness could become almost a religion.

Bessie is the best, once she (or was it Otter?) explained in a post that taking accepting a 10% 15% or even 20% chance of mets and passing on chemo is a very different decision than someone with an aggressive pathology doing it.

Two years ago I seemed to be the first declining chemo with a positive node, now there are a number of us and there is even a study of intermediates !!!! 

Howerver I totally understand someone who has had chemo and is alive and well saying, take the chemo.

Same for lump vs mast vs bi-lat.

I admit I kind of root for woman to try lumpectomies first, but I can totally respect people who make another choice.

I never thought of myself as an Alt kind of girl but my path with Lymphedema has lead me to try some very untraditional things...I have gotten both concern and support and I appreciate both.

 I think most of the time, most of the women are pretty good at supporting reasonable decisions and expressing concerns over risky ones. 

I fear that sometimes. Too many women, not enough men. I love BCO but we need more testosterone.

OK -- this may seem a little off topic but I read the comment below by norahamby re: chemo and I am stunned by this statistic -- is this true?  --- 5% advantage? I ask because people throw a lot of different stats around re: chemo and it gets frustrating and it matters.

"Many people feel chemo is dangerous, as it offers only a 5% advantage versus the very real lasting effects. "

tamD - 50% reduction in recurrence for HER2+ve bc with chemo/herceptin and aromatose inhibitors.

Just a point to make - why is it that the alt treatment ladies are the ones who most often get posts deleted by the mods?

@tamD

I am not sure where that number comes from.

But for some ER+ low KI67 type cancers the benefit can be even smaller..2-4%.

For a tripple negative it is very effective....that cancer responds well to chemo in general. 

There is a grey zone with chemo, and it is shifting...and it can be confusing.

The tiny her2 tumor group is a good example of that, though there seems to be a shift towards treating that group more aggresively, it's controversial.

The best we can hope for is a doctor who takes the time and care to really look at us as an individual and explain the options well. 

I am going to respond only to the initial posting about negative and cranky people.  I do find that to be the case in just a few women not on most threads.  The mods have done a really good job of keeping track of them and deleting posts, they are quick to respond to a report this posting.  Most often the consequences are fair and justifiable.  I do admit following certain posting to see what is going to be said next, it is something like watching an accident.  I find that most of these attitudinal challenged people are widely recognized as promoting nastiness.  Just as you find nasty people in life you will find it here, it is a shame but it is what it is.  I stick to my threads and have found many truly wonderful people I would not have had the pleasure to meet were it not for bc.org.  I am thankful to have them in my life, generally when such a connection is made, we take it "off road" to a P.M., so many wonderful, insightiful women have I had the pleasure to call my cyber friends.

Unfortunately, feelings can run really high when it comes to any kind of cancer discussion.  It's such an ugly disease with no prevention and no cure.  There are no definitive answers.  All the studies seem to contradict each other.  Every oncologist has a different interpretation of the current data.  And, when you get cancer, it's very frightening that there just doesn't seem to be any one "right" thing to do, so each of us grabs onto something that we think will give us the best "edge".

But... that "edge" is really just an illusion because no one really knows why someone survives and someone else doesn't.  If they did, they'd figure out how to cure this demon!  Maybe that's why we get crabby... we all know that everything we're doing, everything we're trying, everything we're trying to understand is just really up to Fate.  Uncertainty is a Bitch.

I think people just need to be grown ups and deal with it on their own.  If you don't like somebody; if you think they are crabby, put them on ignore and you won't see their posts.  One person's crabby is another person's refreshingly honest.  Maybe you all are talking about me, but if you aren't, I couldn't name one person I thought of as crabby,  so I have no clue who you are complaining about.  

As in the real world, you cannot chose who is at work with you or next to you in line at the grocery store or in your support group or whatever.  On a discussion board, people should be able to have a difference of opinions and not everybody should be expected to communicate exactly the same.   But, at least here you have the tools to make them disappear so I suggest that you all try it.  If you don't know how, click on the member you want to ignore.  Their profile will come up, and on the right side it says "ignore this member." Click on that and you will not see their posts again. 

Norah, you are a newbie who has been here a month; maybe you should give it more time.  You might end up finding that the people who you think of as crabby now have great information later.  

Norah, Thank you so much for linking to that study.  Sorry this is off topic.

Under the Index forum of "Tests, Treatments & Side Effects" I noticed 2 threads re- complimentary and alternative treatments.

Thanks everyone for sharing. Yes, our community is much like a very diverse small city. We appreciate the discussion on this issue. We do our best to put reasonable rules in place, and equally do our best to try and adhere to the rules and moderate where necessary. We sincerely appreciate your assistance with this. 

Also, as was mentioned, tomorrow morning (around 9am EST) we will be launching a new version of our discussion boards. Although we haven't been able to implement all suggestions, we feel it is a great start. We'll be eager to hear your constructive feedback.

Wishing you all a good Monday,

Your Mods