I know I should feel grateful...but

Keep strong Shayne, I promise it gets easier as you go along. And theres nothing wrong with pulling the duvet over your head and having a little wallow. Just dont do it for too long :-). Im 18 months or so out from my diagnosis now, and am in for my (hopefully) last surgery tomorrow. Im sure you will feel so much better once you have that action plan. And we are all here if you need to ask questions, or hold your hand while you have a little freakout :-).



Big hugs



Caroline xxx

at the end of the day i still have cancer, i still have to have a lot of radiation, i still have to take tamoxifin, i still have this undiagnosable infection that my stupid surgeon said was a bug bite, are you kidding me.  it has been a bad day, sorry for the rant, but i have not really every got emotional over this whole thing because i know i am lucky but i can't take much more, now the air in our van is out and our dryer is broke

Shayne...I am almost 8 months out from my dx.  I felt incredibly fortunate to have caught it so early.  But I still mourned.  Mourned the loss of my breast.  Mourned the loss of my old life, without breast cancer.  Mourned the innocence my children lost through it all.  Mourned.  I cried and cried.  I don't even think it was wallowing.  It was giving my feelings room.  Making space for and acknowledging the legitimacy of my sadness.  It made it all way more do-able.  I even scheduled time to cry, when things were too busy. 

It does get better.  But that is besides the point.  What matters now is that you are sad, mad, fearful or whatever you are.  There is no comparing that to anyone else.  It just is.  And you WILL find your way through.

Shayne...I did not have anxiety attacks.  Many women here have tried anti-anxiety medications with success.  Perhaps you could look at those threads (if you aren't already taking something).  I was very careful to do whatever I could to alleviate anxiety (I have a personal history of depression and was wary of situational depression occuring).  I was careful to schedule time to continue my exercise.  I allowed myself my feelings.  I made sure to get out in the sunshine.  I listened to my favorite music.  I played with the dog.  All the things that I like.  I cried through it all.  I cried while running down the street.  I cried while driving home from work.  I cried.  But I just kept trying to take care of myself all the while.  I got through. 

Also, I took a couple of extra days off from work right before the surgery and had my first ever full body massage.  I spent a day alone with dh.  (Yes, I even cried during our intimate moments). 

I just didn't judge myself.  I think that helped me.  I just kept trying to do what I could for myself.  I made it. 

I did have one moment of heart sinking anxiety...the moment I called the hospital to know what time I should arrive for the surgery the following morning.  But...I just called my best friend and....cried.

I am now doing really well.  I am very happy.  It has been a long road, and I have been through many many trials and changes...but I just keep working for the better.  And life is getting better and better again.  (In some ways, better than before.  My marriage is stronger and more intimate, though it nearly was destroyed in the aftermath of the bc...  but that is a whole other bucket of worms...)

Hang in there...you will make it through...

Claire

Shayne - Wish I could reach through here and give you a big hug.  I was recently diagnosed, and so much of what you wrote is what I've felt for the past few weeks.  I promise, once you have a treatment plan, you will feel so much better!  My family and friends have promised me a 'cancer-free weekend' as I am so tired of talking and thinking about it, just like you.  I just want to feel normal for awhile.  My best advice to you is let those around you love you as much as they want to, and push to get a treatment plan determined.  You will feel more in control of your situation, which will help.  Hang in there sweety...

Mckenna, thanks for asking. My sis has further mammo, mri, nuclear imaging, & us on may 17. I told her that she was already getting better care than I was! She has had panic attacks in the past, so I worry about her being diagnosed.



I agree - we all got a crappy deal here! My mo doesn't even consider this cancer (um, then why do I have a mo?). As I sit here with a fresh re excision waiting for a path report, I am trying not to play the blame game on why this happened to me or feel sorry for my self (i don't live in the gaza strip, I am free to choose my own husband & be educated & go to school -the lives of women around the world is mind-blowing), and other than cancer I am healthy and strong. i have simplified stressful activities in my life & take more time with my husband & 4 yr old daughter. Out is hard to be sad when I get sweet kisses & dance performances & outrageous stories! I have a giggle of girlfriends that take great care of me, bring me food after surgery, take me out for girls night, and listen when I ned to vent. No matter what is happening in life, these are the things that keep me grounded and happy. This is my medicine. But the oxyco fg one isn't huting right now. ;-)

Shayne, I try to keep my keveching here and now I am thinking I might join a support group.  I know how this cosumes your thoughts morning, noon, and night.  Yours seem even more drawn out.

My husband has been very good and involved, not interfering with my decsions.  But I try to sheild him because I know no matter how emotional for us, others get tired of hearing about it.

So leave it all here and find a support group if there are any near you.

If you have someone who craves the information, that is great.  It is just that I am reminded of the so many who post here who complain that their old friends seem to have desertd them. 

We are lucky to have the husbands we have because so many take a powder.  It is hard to have somemone complaining all the time and you cannot do anything about it.  Shayne will have to make her best judgements and draw on their sympathy as she sees fit.  I sincerely hope she never has to  and a year from now it is all a distant memory.  Given it is DCIS, this is likely what will happen.

You do need to do your own research.  One of the best kept secrets is breast density and how it ups your risk of getting cancer and having a recurrence.  I knew I had dense breasts but didn't know it was a risk factor.  Would have gotten a BMX if I found this info sooner.  I've been trying to spread the word.  See www.areyoudenseorg for more info.

Why aren't doctors telling us about this!  Most women don't even know if they have dense breasts, much less all the implications.