Random thoughts about the people who love us.

dj59 · April 2012

Last night, I was thinking about all of us on here. There are so many of us. It breaks my heart that we have to go through this ourselves, but also that our spouses, children, siblings, parents, friends have to watch us go through this.

I spent time with my parents yesterday. Mind, they have both been through their own bouts with cancer. My mum - bc twice (age 59 and 2 years ago at age 75) my dad, last year, at age 83, with prostate cancer. They handled their own cancers like champs, but watching me, their baby (even at 52...still their baby) go through this for the second time is just breaking their hearts. They are doing their best to be upbeat and remind me to stay positive ... but this is so hard on them. That makes me sadder than dealing with the stupid thing for myself. Last time I went through this, my ex husband had a tough time with it...my dad, my hero, took me to all of my chemo treatments. He would sit next to me and make me giggle and chat. He has always been my hero, but in those hours, being blasted with hideous chemicals, my dad was my knight in shining armor.

And my own kids, who are now all young adults - the first time they were just babies (6, 9 and 12). Now having to suffer through it again with me. My youngest, who will be graduating from high school this year, is doing well. We chat about it and he seems to be taking the whole thing in stride...he did last time too. My middle son, now 21, a very laid back person, and probably the child that reminds me most of ME (not the chill part, but on many other levels we are such kindred spirits)....talks about it with me and tries to be supportive...though I know he has a tough time finding the words. My daughter, now 25, has got to be worrying for herself at this point. She does not like to talk about it. I don't push. I just keep her informed on treatment plans etc. and just try to be upbeat with her and talk of other things.

My new husband (not even 2 years married yet) is being a champ. He takes it all on the chin. He lets me lean on him hard, and I do at times. He is the most relaxed about it actually. We watched his mum die of lung cancer. He knows how it can go....so anything less than death will be handleable. We even laugh about it all, at times. He has said he will even shave his head when I lose my hair. I won't hold him to it...but just him offering to do so makes me love him even more.

Friends...some dive right in to help or offer prayers etc....others just avoid me. It's ok, I understand.

The people we love are so important in our recovery, at least in my book they are. How are the people in your life handling your bc? Would love to hear your stories.

Sending out love to all.

xo Dorrie

Elizabeth1889 · April 2012

Dorrie, Thank you for starting this wonderful thread. I just want to give a shout out to my husband of 35 years. He has been my hero throughout everything with BC. He sat by my side for all of chemo infusions and was my cheerleader every day. I asked him once what I could do for him in return and he said that all I had to do was get well.

dj59 · April 2012

Elizabeth, your husband sounds like a wonderful man. That is so nice to hear.

It is so important to give a shout out to our cheerleaders...they get tired, scared, confused, .... and sometimes fed up with the whole rigamarole. They definitely need to be reminded how much their efforts are appreciated!!

So glad to meet you. Sending warm thoughts to you and your wonderful husband!

xo

Dorrie

Elizabeth1889 · April 2012

dj59, Thank you so much. You made my day!

RaiderDee · April 2012

Dorrie, what a great topic! My DH of 7 years (had only been married 4 years when I was Dx'd) has been my hero. He took me to all of my chemos and waited through my 5 surgeries. I'm now 3 years out and things are starting to get back to "normal" whatever that is. I promised him when I was first Dx'd that if I lived through this, we would have a big party with all our friends and family and we'd renew our vows at our 10 year anniversary. Only 3 years more to go. He's far from perfect but he's perfect for me. Here's a toast to all the cheerleaders and Knights in shining armour who helped us throught the darkest hours.

Moderators · April 2012

There;s a forum here, For Caregivers, Family, Friends and Supporters, where members often encourage and give advice to those who do so much for their loved ones who are dealing with BC.

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dj59 · April 2012

Elizabeth,

So glad I could make your day!!

Dorrie xo

dj59 · April 2012

RaiderDee, It will be a fabulous party!! What a great idea. The new normal - yep gives you a whole new perspective on what is normal.

Well Cheers to all our wonderful supporters! They deserve lots of gold stars.

xo Dorrie

dj59 · April 2012

Thanks to our moderators! I will spend some time in the caregiver section. I did see that after I posted this here in the relationships area. Love this site!! All topics are covered so wonderfully. Cancer is such a complex issue, from the physical to the emotional. It definitely is better to have somewhere to let off some steam about it all. Otherwise, it can be very overwhelming.

Thanks for all BCO does here!

Dorrie xo

carolgs · May 2012

Dorrie, that was a lovely post. Thank you for expressing those feelings so beautifully and sharing them. I lost my mom last year to lung cancer. She was such a trooper through all of her surgeries and treatments. She set a wonderful example for me as I begin dealing with my BC. My older sister died 20 years ago at age 34 from BC and my mom was and remained heartbroken. So oddly, while I miss my mom terribly, I am sadly grateful that she is not alive to see me go through this. I don't think I could bear knowing of the worry and pain that this would cause her.

dj59 · May 2012

HI Carol!

Thank you so much. Gosh, I am sorry, after seeing all of that cancer in your family, now you are dealing with it. Yes, it would have broken your mother's heart. I was reading some of your other posts. Thank you so much for adding to the hospice conversation and the others. You have such great insight and a fabulous attitude on it all. You are a great asset to this forum!

Cancer gets so dark and murky sometimes, I am now waiting on BRCA1&2 results to determine what we may do after Chemo. I had a lumpectomy at the start, but the grade of the cells and my Oncotype along with the fact that this is my second primary (have now had it in both breasts), has given us pause. The line of cancer in my mum's family is starting to look like we may have one of those two genes - still pretty rare, but waiting to see. At that point, if positive, we may opt for a BMX instead of radiation. If I am susceptible to more, I would rather give myself the best chance and "go for the twofer" as you said. Ovaries too.

My mother is beside herself that I am being tested for the gene. She already feels so guilty about this. I try to reassure her, but this has been so tough on her.

I read that your surgery is coming up soon. Will be thinking about you. Sending much love your way.

Dorrie

carolgs · May 2012

Dorrie, thanks for the good wishes. And, for what its worth, 4 of the 12 women in two generations of my family on my mother's side have or had breast cancer. None of us tested positive for the BRCA genes. (My sister's cancer predated the test.) And while that is some comfort to me as the mother of two teenage girls, I am not sure that there is not some other as yet discovered gene mutation that runs through our family. That, or there was something in the water up in NJ/NY where we all grew up. Or perhaps it was the Jewish cooking - too much chopped liver and chicken fat! Who knows, really? Anyway, I was sure that I was going to have a UMX if BRCA test came back negative and a BMX if it came back positive. Well it came back negative and only then did I realize that I didn't want to keep my "good" breast after all. But I still needed that piece of information before I could really process my feelings about it. Whatever you finally decide, it WILL be the best decision for you.

dj59 · May 2012

Carol, My oncologist said that they are on the cusp of zeroing on a couple of other genes that may cause BC....Like you say, however, I would rather think that I didn't pass any of this on to my daughter...actually they told me the BRCA2 is also related to raised risk of Prostate Cancer...that would make me fear for my boys as well.

As far as what causes most cancers...personally, I think that some bodies are more prone to it. I have known so many women with incredibly healthy habits...did everything right...but still ended up with it. So chopped liver, chicken fat, roast beef and yorkshire pudding (my english background that is the favorite Smile ) .... As my onc says...It wasn't anything you did...it is a mistake in cell growth. Not sure that's anymore reassuring but...there it is.

I have thought so much about the BMX, that I seriously will consider it, positive or no for BRCA. It certainly would reduce my risk of going through this yet again. Thanks for your support and encouragement.

Well...my hair goes tonight...it is falling out everywhere...so later this evening, we will have the ceremonial shave.

Dorrie

Random thoughts about the people who love us.

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