How did/do you deal with the waiting?

Hi

this is indeed the worst part... for everyone.  I had to wait 18 days between dx and surgical meeting--thought I would go out of my mind.  Doc gave me ativan--anti-anxiety drug-I used it a couple of times and it was really great.... you might consider it.....

I hear you. The waiting is (one of) the hardest parts. (Tom Petty was right Really. So much agony, and not just for me but my DH and other family members. arg! And as you say, you wait for one thing, then the next etc etc.  It feels endless. This might not ring true but please remember that these waiting periods do end at some point, relatively soon in the larger scheme of things, so even though it's really stressful, it won't last forever.

In my experience, different things help different people. When I get stressed out, I like to take action (any action; even if it doesn't help. ha)  Here are some things I tried:

--distraction therapy: Is there anything you like to do to give you mind a rest? Take a walk, hike etc? If you're up to it, I recommend getting out of the house and finding something to take your mind off it, at least for a little while. Think of it as a little vacation. i.e. for the next 1/2 hr I'm not going to think about BC. You may choose to watch movies. If so, I recommend comedies. Nothing that could be too serious or sad.  Since I was freaked out by my Dx (and we don't know what caused it) I bought some cancer cookbooks and taught myself some healthy recipes. It made me feel like I was doing something positive--never hurts to learn a new recipe. This suggestion might be over-the-top for normal people but it helped me get through Dx and Tx.

--take care of yourself: I found that little things helped, like taking baths, and just moving slowly, not rushing myself or expecting too much, related to BC or anything (if I could help it). Also, I made a trip to the cancer support center to check it out and see what services it had. I was a little nervous driving there and when I walked in and had to tell the volunteer why I was there, I started to cry.I felt like a basketcase, but the volunteer at the front desk (and everyone else) was SO understanding!!!  (so you may or may not be ready for something like this. just an FYI. You know what's right for you). I took home info, including flyers with all the classes (etc) in the area. I went to a healing imagery class two nights before my surgery. That helped a lot. (it's like meditation). I met long-term survivors including women who'd had Stage 3 BC and were now 15+ yr survivors. Personally, I was afraid to go to a full-on support group; I couldn't handle other stories yet.

--limit your time on the internet and other cancer research, esp. anything that sounds too scary or triggers anxiety.

--You may have friends/family whose company can help. But sometimes people really don't know what to say, it's not their fault, so feel free to spend time only with the folks who can support you. It's all about what helps you right now. 

--"be here now" (if you want to be Zen). I know the Dx is super scary but chances are you may not have serious physical symptoms. This may change as you go through Tx. For example, if you have surgery, you may have a short period where you may need to limit the use of your arm. So if you're up for it, you may want to do things you enjoy doing with your body if you're feeling good physically. i.e. if you play tennis or whatever. This might be too much. No need to push it or stress but FYI.

I'm sure other members here have other suggestions. Good luck! This is a stressful period but you're going to get through it!!!

Yes. I felt like I was cramming to learn everything after Dx and for awhile I felt like radio station KNRC, all cancer, all the time. It felt like a new hobby I didn't want.

RosesToeses wrote: I haven't told everybody in my life yet, which stresses me out, but it also stresses me out that having told my and my husband's family and a couple groups of close friends that now everyone wants to help and know how I'm doing (which was comforting at first) but now I have nothing to add and I'm sick of feeling like people are seeing cancer before everything else about me. And then I feel like such a nasty person to be complaining that too many people care!

Yes, I felt exactly the same way. I'm an introvert and get can get overwhelmed dealing with people. I know some BC patients send out a blast email to everyone they know, but that's not me.  I told people in waves. My mom sent a group email to our relatives and I got many emails, cards and even a call from an aunt I hadn't spoken to in years, which was nice. But it felt like extra pressure to reply. (don't forget: you don't need to reply.) With my friends, I ended up sending out group emails in waves. I also told some close friends in person. (after awhile, telling them in person got to be drain and I even asked a couple friends to tell other friends.). But it's all about you. One of my friends who is much more open than I am (and a big extrovert) said it's perfectly ok to tell people at my own pace or not at all.   FWIW, one option might be to give people certain specific tasks. Maybe ask someone to be the manager and then arrange tasks as needed, such as getting help with errands or something after surgery. Right now, I have a friend going through Tx for melanoma and I found a cheatsheet on "tangible ways to help a friend with cancer." Maybe you can look through that and ask your "manager" to funnel friends' concerns into specific tasks that would help. Your choice. that's one thing I wished I'd done differently. I'm strong (etc) so it was hard to accept help.

Re: the seeing cancer before anything else about me.

Yes, I experienced that and it sometimes still happens.  

FWIW I know some patients set up a private website/blog to post their updates.  I didn't like the "broadcast" feel of that (I don't like that aspect of Facebook). But, it would be an effective way for people to have info. something to consider. Also, one option may be to ask a friend to update that for you. Just a thought... lots of options and you don't have to decide anything now.

take care! sending you good vibes this weekend!

I agree ... the waiting absolutely stinks! I was diagnosed on Thursday evening - which means I scrambled on Friday to make my MRI appt and schedule consults w/my surgeon. Now I'm just waiting ... but as everyone noted above, I'm doing my best to keep busy. Had all my girlfriends over for laughs last night and today will be spent in my 'happy place' horseback riding with some cowboy buddies. I'm here for you sweety ... remember you're not waiting alone!

We did a lot of crying and patron tequila. Will never touch that stuff again. I was going to put on my alkergy bracelets tequila.



Finally got script for xanax. Worked so much better



Go for walk too sometimes fresh air helps. (1030 i am still in bed-almost to top of this bc mountain)

Taking mybown advice and going outside