Here's what cheezed me off today

I made 2 e-mail lists. One for family that wanted to know every detail. The other for close friends, who genuinely wanted to know. I would update every week or two. It gave me a chance to say if I was tired and sleeping a lot or in the mood for company and conversation. Maybe say that you're looking forward to having enough energy to chat. I don't think people realize how tiring it is to go through this.

lisag-----when you need to rest leave the phone off the hook. If you have a safety concern work out a system with someone. Like-----call  whomever "going to nap now will call you when I get up". Others-that want social calls, set limits. WE found that absolutely stopping visits during low immune states was a must. Someone elses minor cold can --kill those in a low immune state. My first and only chemo------temp 104.8, neuts 0.5, wbc 1.5. ----and  4 day hospital stay.  The chemo week, I was out to eat twice. Believe it or not no one explained that it was the second week that chemo "hits".  My DH ---dx'd with lymphoma 3 months after me, we got real good at "isolation". As his immune state deteriorated isolation was our routine.  It was lonely, but when the phone was our friend we used it. When it wasn't ----it was off the hook.

After the fabulous advice from Wren44, I sent an email to friends and family. I briefly explained how I felt (wanted to divulge some info) and said I was getting better each day. I clearly said that i would see them and pick up our friendships where we left off when I was better able. I received many kind responses but...2 friends asked to see me. I realize these peeves are trivial in the scheme of things but, again, I felt obligated to respond and come up with a thoughtful way to decline. I feel imposed upon and want to be left alone to take advantage of these quiet moments and my healing.

Rocky get The eff over it. But --------I said it only cuz you said you wanted someone to say it. Think that every month gets better--------and the hair will get longerSAS

I does get better, when my hair started growing back it was all white--I told the dr. I had a problemm with this. I always died my hair (which was so ugly (my hair)) and now it's all white when did this happen to me? OMG I had this bald head with white "stuff" coming in. here wasn't enough to dye yet so I hd to wait. Finally it was of spiking lenght, all white, but soft and straight as silk. I was in a wave of happiness. Then instead of dying my hair black, my dgtr foiled it in black so it looks like I had platumun put in. and I do keep it rather short cux I just tossle it and it's done. And it's so soft I hope it stays like this  So it comes back.

FLWarrior, I suppose we can both hate it together :-)!  I think the biggest issue is that I do not feel feminine with this short hair.  I couldn't even give a crap that my period is gone and my estrogen is low...Looking back I think about how I was all prepared to lose the hair, got the wig, shaved the head and thought I was a bad ass for dealing with chemo, etc.

Never really thought about the idea of the damn stuff growing back and how long it was going to take to look in the mirror and see me again.  Oh well.

Hey all! Glad you brought up the short hair thing....I'm actually someone who always had very short hair and pretty much always wear a pixie cut or very short bob. My husband loves my hair short as do 99 percent of my friends and family. And most importantly I love it short. So shaving my head was no big deal.

 I had brain surgery (mets) 3 months ago and had the back of my head shaved, and it's pretty much grown back in by now.  

Sorry it's taking me so long to get to the point: People keep assuming that I have short hair because of chemo/surgery, not because of preference. Six times a day I get asked, "Are you upset about your hair?" or "Are you going to let it grow back now?"

News flash: Some people actually LIKE short hair!! I get so upset when people assume I'm "living with it" instead of doing it on purpose!

I know, seems petty, but hey, it cheezed me off.

I do want to add that I feel really badly for women who have to lose their long hair and miss it. That must be so horrible. Just as short hair is my identity, long hair is theirs and it must suck not to feel like "you." Sorry

Thanks for listening!

Yesterday I took a shower for the first time since my lumpectomy on Wednesday.  I got a good look at my incisions (three - two from biopsies and one from my lumpectomy to get rid of the rest of my DCIS).  Talk about ugly.  Also, my right nipple looks like it's pointing to the right.  Instead of a wandering eye it looks like I have a wandering nipple.  I got out of the shower and hubby says, "The Dr. said that they glued you in a way that might look awkward, but will heal correctly."  Talk about cheesed off!  I yelled at the poor man saying, "and you couldn't have told me this BEFORE I got a good look at everything and was horrified?".  He said, "I just now remembered!"  I said, "If I am under sedation it's your responsibility to remember everything 'cause there's no way I'm going to remember anything from post-op!"

Poor guy, but wow that cheesed me off.  Guess I had some anger to get out  

neeners poor guy is right---he's going thru his thing and u'r on him hahahahahaha

Okay...so I have to say I am way ticked at the number of people commenting on my hair.  I mainly get the ones who ask if I had waves or curls before BC.  Some of these people actually knew me and KNEW I had long straight hair!  I also get the "I wish I had body in my hair." comments.  I feel like saying, "Well then let's just shave your head and give you some time to see what happens."

The other situation that is ticking me off are the people who want to tell me all about who they knew that had chemo and what happened with that person's hair.  I DON"T GIVE A RAT'S ASS what their friends, neighbors or co-workers hair did after chemo.  What a stupid conversation.

Ok, I am hurt by the comment my son made yesterday. I have not been working for 3 months now while going through tx. I am having trouble with my breathing since rads and made a decision to close my shop for a while and concentrate on my well being. My son says to me the day before he came home from college for the summer, "So what do you do all day, just sit around the house?"  Now, mind you, my shop is in the basement of the house so I was always "home". I joke that I found a way to be 2 places at once: home and work.

Anyway, it is not just his attitude, when I am out people stop me and ask if the shop is open or when will it be open? People pull into the driveway while I am watering the plants and want to drop off items for me to fix. They all say how great I look and isn't it great the tx that can be done today? Meanwhile I want to just cry.

So I guess I am more sad than angry.  I do that a lot, feel anger when I am really sad.