Do I have PTSD or Major Depression?

I don't have an answer, exactly. But I do have a few questions. This seems from what you wrote that your frustration and depression are LIMITED to your work challenge.  Are the other parts of your life doing well? Maybe it ISN'T about cancer (or fallout post-cancer) but really job related? I dont see the cancer connection. I see what is possibly an untenable work situation - or at the very least, a bad fit for you. Long hours, no time with family, no support from upper management. Sounds like time to job-hunt to me, not necessarily time to drug yourself into accepting an awful work environment. 

If you were doing fine before this change, which it sounds like from what you wrote, maybe the change is what isn't good for you.

I hope this isn't offensive or upsetting or missing the point.  I know we're all changed forever having gone through bc (and for you, twice). But you wrote that you have never been this upset even going through the bc stuff, which makes me wonder if it is more directly related to the job.

At least this train of thought might be worth exploring with the professionals.

Sending love and support to you - this sounds really hard.

Amy 

Personally I'd be running as fast as I could from any psychiatrist who is not willing to consider PTSD as a possibility. There are so many that have little to no knowledge about it. It is VERY real and can effect anyone who has dealt with something traumatic - not just 'battle' related. It effects/affects every aspect of your life and all your loved ones.



Just throwing more drugs at it is not the answer - yes some do work/help with some but not all the same. There can also be other underlying issues also. But without working on PTSD - the others can't be 'fixed'.



I don't remember all the right terminology but very basically there are changes within the brain with PTSD and the sooner it is handled correctly the better the outcome. I know of several quite good sites for PTSD info but it'll be tonight before I can look them up for you.



I go to a Women's Retreat (http://www.blackhills.va.gov/Womens-Retreat.asp ) twice a year that the main emphasis is on PTSD. It is at the Black Hills VA at Ft. Meade, SD. It is the only one like it in the country and is for Women Veterans and the women collaterals of male/female PTSD veterans. It is free and uses no government funds - the staff all volunteer (most are VA) and the costs (lodging/food/supplies/etc) is covered by DAV. (Sorry for going OT a bit but perhaps there are those who might gain from these Retreats - time to look into it as this one will be the end of this month and is full but the next one will be in Oct.




I can't begin to tell you rather or not PTSD is in your life or not but if it's come to your thoughts - check it out with some knowledgeable.

MeliC:

Cancer changes us, and sometimes these internal changes take time. It sounds like you no longer want to put up with some of the things you used to put up with with regard to your job. It is natural that you are having a reaction to these new challenges; you're no longer the same person. Your priorities have changed.

Whether you have PTSD or depression or anxiety or none of the above, I'd encourage you to keep listening to your inner voice. It is very wise and will help you move forward and make the right decisions for your future.

Regarding therapy: Besides what you are doing, try tapping into a cancer support near your home. These places often offer free counseling for cancer patients.The cancer support community, for example, has 8 locations in CA, there may be one near you. Another resource is Cancer Hope Network, where they match you with a volunteer who has gone through what you have gone through and you talk to them on the phone. And of course there is great support right here on BCO!

Melinda, I too am having these feelings you describe. Yes, it is triggered by other stresses in my life at the moment but I do think, after 2 dx ( as I have had too) we really do get physically and emotionally depleted. I sailed through my first round of treatments and did kind of ok on the second. Now, a year on, I do feel quite flat and frustrated. I think you are right to have sought help and I will be doing the same during my next appointment. It's a tough call to get dragged through this twice in a short period of time. Stay strong, we have been through too much to fall apart now! x

As a clinical psychologist, I have to weigh in here and say that what you are describing does not sound to me like PTSD, but rather that you are having depressive symptoms in response to a very stressful situation at work.  However, your history with BC has no doubt left you more reactive to stressors of any kind.  I'd encourage you to work with your psychiatrist to find the right meds (this is often more an art than a science and can require some tweaking) and to use psychotherapy also to explore what about the current work situation is most disturbing and how you can cope with it.

Hmmmm. I wonder how long it takes for PTSD to develop, as I am early to all this. However, my nerves are shot. I am extremely irritable and extremely depressed. I am pulling out in front of traffic saying go ahead and hit me. My mother will get more money from accidental death and dismemberment than if I die from cancer. My feelings are hurt so easily, especially on these boards and in the chat room. I'm not doing it their way. I'm going alternative, unless they get me any more depressed, in which case I think I'll do everything I can to make the cancer grow grow grow, because I have had it. I don't even want to be alive anymore.

Here's looking to better days ahead.

Google Adjustment Disorder......then discuss it with Your shrink....it can be very serious...

I too am extremely depressed about the BC but the funny part is if I am with good company, people I love and want to be around, I actually feel okay....I don't get it...if you are depressed, I would think it would be all the time but it is not....I am going to my doctor tomorrow to change my medication (anti-depressants) as I don't think they are helping any longer...been on them too long...when I am okay, I eat better, am happier and then when I go down, I cannot eat and feel hopeless...I don't get it???  Today I could bearly work that's how down I am and just want to cry - also I am not getting enough sleep which is just making matters worse...and I have to be up for Sunday is my daughter's bridal shower and I am hosting it at a restaurant...talk about stress????????????????  I can't wait for it to be over with and that makes me feel so quilty...this should be such a happy time for me and I just can't help it, but it is just more stress for me...what bad timing...my daughter (only child) is getting married in June and I have never felt this bad and of course, I can't show this to her, it would just ruin her wedding...I am under so much stress from all of this!!!!!

Oh I jad a great post, I screwed it up as usual. Sorry

DWhether it's PTSD or whatever you want to call it, we need emotional health as much as physical.  Thankfully when I was at my worst I knew I could go to a free therapist where I was being treated.  (Part of my anxiety was about the money I was costing my family to get medical help.)  He specializes in working with bc patients.  I told him I could not understand how I could be so strong throughout so many surgeries, infections, loss of te's, a 2nd scare, etc. then fall apart afterwards shortly after my son had a car accident (he was fine; can't say that for the truck).  It was like the last straw and I just fell apart.  Just red another thread with a quote saying "Depression isn't about weakness.  It's about being strong too long".  SO TRUE.  My therapist told me he sees just as many survivors after it's all over as during and that what I was experiencing was similar to PTSD in that every time I experience something negative, it joins all that cancer stuff and is just overwhelming.  It really helped me to see him and my family doctor for help.  PLEASE SISTERS:  Get help.  We are not weak to need help.  It can be trying to go on meds because it's not always successful the first time--it's trial and error and that's depressing in and of itself.  But this too will pass.  You are loved and prayed for. 

Geez Kathleen! You sure have been through a lot. I hope you feel better by the time you read this.

I didn't even know several events in my early life could be classified as traumatic until I talked with my therapist.  She said that multiple traumas are more likely to make someone have PTSD, or PTSD-like syndromes.

kmccraw423, oh my gosh, you are sooo not alone with that abandonment button thing! Eeeks. It is not a pretty sight. Then I just feel like an ass for, well, forever!!! LOL

Take care of that hip. There is nothing like not being able to do something to make you realize how often you do it.  Let it get good and strong.

This post is about a month old but I hope people might still be reading. MeliC I completely relate to your situation. I was diagnosed with bc for the first time last year at age 25 - it was an early stage, I had a bilateral mastectomy and chemotherapy and am seemingly "cured". I finished all of my surgeries and chemo in December of 2011 and felt like 2012 was a new year. I'd be a new woman - done with all the cancer stuff. I took a vacation to Hawaii to clear my head, went back to work, and have been scheduling all the follow-ups I'm supposed to.

But work was never the same for me. I used to love my job and get along with my coworkers - but since we moved into a new building and hired a couple new people, the dynamics have changed and every day I just hate it more and more. It is so stressful. I want to quit but I need health insurance, so I try to look for other jobs but I have very little motivation.

For the past couple of weeks (and I should mention that it was recently my birthday and the one-year anniversary from when my hair started coming out) I've been feeling severely depressed. Crying at the smallest thing, feeling physical symptoms of anxiety like shortness of breath, lump in my throat, and nausea, and just feeling overall not like myself. I guess it feels like everything from last year caught up with me. Just last night I was telling my boyfriend that I lost a whole freaking year of my life to breast cancer. At just 25 I wasn't supposed to be dealing with this, and now I feel so pressured to plan my future bc I don't know how much longer I'll be around. I also feel depressed that I can never go back to being a person who HASN'T had cancer, if that makes sense. Every little pain and abnormality in my mood/body conjures immediate thoughts of recurrence, and I know that those feelings will never go away because the reality is that I had breast cancer and it can and DOES recur. 

Sorry if this post is all jumbled - I just really need to write these feelings out and know that I'm not alone. I do have an appointment next week with a therapist and an appointment with my PCP, and I have told my oncologist about the physical symptoms I'm having.