December 2011 Surgeries - want to wait together?

I hope you are all doing well. I have been trying to get back to "Normal", then I saw my MO yesterday. Three month check in and she feels a lump in my remaining right breast. My left one still has TE and I am waiting to schedule exchange. I had a mammo yesterday after the MO meeting and now I am waiting on test results. I am going to chop her off if they say I have to go in for a biopsy. I told her not to turn on me....now she has a lump. I don't know where to post this. I am keeping this from my DH and everyone. Do not want to put everyone thru this again. Just a lump, just a test, just another f'en waiting session again. I will put on a smile and go make oatmeal and eggs in the morning. I will say everything is fine and get back to work. I will hang in there until it is time to make and serve dinner. I'm mad, bitter and angry that I am in the waiting game again so soon. Why... Was I that unhealthy? Did I lead that stressfull of a life? I thought by not reading and posting on these boards I was done with cancer. One word...lump...brings it all back.

Carolanne, sending positive thoughts. I had large mass on the other side and it was benign so don't panic yet.



Although I opted for double MX because I couldn't take the waiting game like I did for those horrible 3 months back and forth. Nothing is ever easy, but know we are all here for you.



So here I am up at 4am can't sleep the stress of work and back to reality of life is sneaking back. I have to learn to say NO and not be super woman!



Im reading the best book on cancer now called Cancer is sexy, it's by Sheryl Crowe and its light and refreshing and actually animated and funny. filled with real life stories of celebs who fought cancer.



back to bed up for work in two hours!



Hugs Dec sisters xxx. Be proud of how far you have come.

CarolAnn6, so sorry to hear that! That is just what everyone is dreading. I understand the feeling of betrayal: "I let you stay and you turned on me". But maybe she hasn't. I'm hoping for the best news for you that the MO just found a "nothing" thing.

Chrissilini- listen to the dr and take it easy. I think 75 degrees in march sounds like an invitation to sit and read a book in your backyard. You will eventually get back to work. Rest and enjoy!

Carolann6 - oh my.  I'm so sorry you have to go thru these feelings again!  Let's hope that it is probably benign, just like they always tell us that it usually is.  A good friend of mine had BC 8 years ago and had a new lump just recently.  Totally benign, but I know the fear she went through and keeping it from her family, just like you. Please let us know how it turns out. {{{Hugs}}}

Thanks for your sweet thoughts and prayers. Going back into the hospital felt surreal. This whole cancer feels surreal. I remember well the recovery room. Family members aren't allowed in recovery. They have to wait until we get in our rooms. I do recall horrible pain while in recovery. There was a nurse sitting by me the whole time. I was given pretty heavy narcotics. I was on pain drugs the whole time while at the hospital by IV and pill from. I felt a little drunk, hard to walk. After getting home yesterday around 4 something (afternoon), I felt ok...after dinner fell asleep. I'm in a little pain now but trying not to take pain drugs. My brain gets a little loopy on drugs...need my brain to go into work today.

So...in a week or so I should know more about the implant. Right now it's the drain from under my arm that hurts. I just know the implants are softer like real breast.

Tomorrow is my last meeting with the PS until I get off Optifast Meal Replacement in July.

I'm already having separation anxiety! I love this guy....he's taken such good care of me on such a regular basis since my BMX in December.

But I can't have surgery while on the fast, and that will be over in four months. So my exchange can't be scheduled until August or September. Waaaaaaa!

(He did say I could come in and see him at any time while I was waiting.....)

SIGH......I know it will go by fast, but I will miss him! I'll even miss the fills! He always made us laugh!

there are three kinds of implants, right? silicone, gel or saline?  I thought I wanted saline, but now I am rethinking.  Especially if there is a gel that might work. 

Well, stick a fork in me and call me DONE!!!

(With fills, that is....)

At 620ccs, I have plenty of stretched skin and muscle to put in almost any size implant. This morning, the PS and I went over the implant catalog, and he showed me several options that he would be taking into the OR on exchange day to try.

The only unknown is what I'm going to look like in four months! I'm hoping for 3 pounds a week. I think that's doable, and will help me reach my goal by the end of the Meal Replacement phase.

I'll be keeping in touch with him during the Optifast program, and will be meeting with him in plenty of time prior to Exchange so that we're clear as to how he will proceed.

I think my PS wants me to go with Silicone (gel) I know they are supposed to feel more natural. Until I do more research and discussions with surgeon still leaning toward saline. I like the thought of knowing right away if it ruptured rather than not knowing slow leak...I'm a chicken. However, the new gel in silicone is supposed to be superior to old style with oozing out. Decisions...decisions. I have a long way to go, heck I have to still get my TE replaced. I was just curious why most were getting!

My PS had a silicone implant that was cut in half. I would compare it to a halved gummy bear but with no stickiness.

Bogie - don't rely on what I say, but I did read they need to be replaced...was it every 9 years? Something like that.  If I get thru this BC thing another 9 years, I won't be complaining about replacing some silicone.  Maybe by then, they'll have perfected the art of fat grafting anyway.

I learned that they can rupture but leakage isn't what it used to be. Also, I believe that one must have an MRI after three years and then every other year after that. I also read that they are "expected" to last 10-15 years.

I believe the biggest issue with any implant is Capsular Contracture. That is why one must get MRIs to check them.

Thanks for the info, Bogie. I'll be sure to check with my PS re: MRIs.

Also, I love coconut...just not glued to my chest!