Advice about going back to work

Oh how terrible ... good that you have a letter.  Have you taken FMLA?  You can use that intermittently and stretch it out for how ever long it takes you to use 3 months.  Also, don't you have long term disability as a professor?  You might be able to get in on that as well.  And then, there is reasonable accommodations ... you should do all of this in writting ... check out the ADA and EEOC guidelines, and have an attorney at the ready.  FROM NOW ON???  Sounds like they decided since you are sick, they want to change the rules...which by the way is a violation of EEOC. 

Oh, sorry...I skipped the questions....NO YOU'RE NOT ASKING TOO MUCH!!!  And, yes, I have been full time after my FMLA and it was so dibilitating ... and you have babies ...

Now, the emotional part ... do you have a psychiatrist?  There are some in the Oncology department that specialize in cancer patients...mine is just the sweetest little lady.  Or call ACS and ask them about what you are feeling ... but it usually takes someone 2-3 days to get back to you...so posting here is the greatest thing ever.

If you would like any more information from me, just PM me ... and, what do you teach professor?

I worked full-time through my inital treatment, yes, which was the same as yours.   My son was 12 though so I didn't have the young ones like you do.

I had half my liver removed in October so my last day was a few days before the surgery.  Then got a major c-diff infection in November (went septic, was in ICU two days and hospital a week and almost lost my colon), so I haven't gone back to work yet.  I start back half time next week. They will give me a month half time but I am almost positive I can't recover enough to work full time in a month but we'll see.

Sometimes when you go back you start to feel better and get in the swing of things.  Being home - even with young ones, makes you kiind of keep your own schedule.  You can eat when you want and get dressed when you want - even with an 8 month old.   Going back to work puts you back in a routine and it kind of helps you take your mind off yourself.

I am a high school secretary, which is a very busy job that requires a lot of juggling, and I'm interrupted a thousand times a day.  Keeping notes became my friend.  Since I've been on chemo for about 2 years, my memory is shot.  You'll find workarounds.

I don't know what the workplace rules are for a college professor but it sounds like they are telling you to go back, so you may have to unless you haven't used your FMLA and your doctor can write you out for more.

Good luck to you. 

Oh, and gosh...I only have one son.  He's five...3 little ones and the youngest 8 months?!  You have to be good to you too.  Did you have your son during treatment, or is a mistype and he's 18 months?  Either way, love, you've got a full-plate.  What's your teaching load?  I don't know what field you're in, but would they be able to give you a teaching assistant?  Take care!

I have worked full time through all of this, but not with small children. But, it doesn't really matter what any of us have done. What matters is that your employer has said you need to return to full time work [with the implication, they will open a position search if you don't.]

As I see it, there are three options. One is to return to work full-time with the Fall semester, one is to quit, and one is to get a lawyer involved if you can find any basis for this action. [i.e. is there a male colleague who was given more accomodations for something like a heart attack or prostate cancer.]

This decision isn't easy, but there aren't that many professorships out there. If you want to keep this job, you might need to readjust in ways that allow you to give some of your best energy to your employer and your students like hiring someone to clean the house, watch the children, prepare your food until you are strong enough to work them back into your daily life. If you don't want the job, walk away and stay home with the kids.

You have to consider what you want in your soul, and create a strategy to make that happen.

All the best,

*susan* 

So, your news is encouraging. That is great.

But, you will need help. I know that you are in Massachusetts. Surely there are other house cleaners you could try? Or a housekeeper? Someone that you can train to put toys away, fold the laundry, etc., and keep the house as your husband wants it. If your husband doesn't want to allow you to bring in help, then perhaps HE should do those tasks. [Just don't like hearing obstacles to YOUR success.]

One step forward!

*susan* 

puce,

The first housecleaners that I hired [well, it was a gift from a friend] surrounded me without warning, put their hands ON MY BODY, and began to pray in a foreign language. It was a scene from a really bad movie. Needless to say, I didn't rehire them.

A month later, their supervisor showed up at our front door and threatened to sue us if we didn't give them more money. What a nightmare!

I have an Angie's List subscription if you want to send me a zip code close to you. Could send you a list of providers with good scores. [offer open until March 1 when my subscription is up.] Another idea is to find a senior who can't make more than $900 a month, and hire them for $899/month to be a "household helper." You might be able to get some names from the Senior Group, a religious group, or a neighbor.

*susan*