Advice about going back to work

puce

Hi,

I am a college professor, I was diagnosed with Her2 + grade 3 in April 2011, took the fall semester off to go through 12 Taxols/Herceptin treatments and BMX with DIEP reconstruction.  I am now working part-time during Herceptin.  My last Herceptin is scheduled for September 12, I need to get my port out and get my tatoos done at that time (sometime during the fall 12 semester).  I have 3 small children, 8 months, 5 and 9.  I am exhausted and emotional.  I can't concentrate and my memory is still not 100%.  I requested to work part-time in the fall 12 semester (course preferences have to be in before Feb. 24), they send me a nasty letter saying I needed to commit to working full-time from now on.  Am I really asking for too much? Is everyone working full-time through all of this?

thefuzzylemon

Oh how terrible ... good that you have a letter.  Have you taken FMLA?  You can use that intermittently and stretch it out for how ever long it takes you to use 3 months.  Also, don't you have long term disability as a professor?  You might be able to get in on that as well.  And then, there is reasonable accommodations ... you should do all of this in writting ... check out the ADA and EEOC guidelines, and have an attorney at the ready.  FROM NOW ON???  Sounds like they decided since you are sick, they want to change the rules...which by the way is a violation of EEOC. 

Oh, sorry...I skipped the questions....NO YOU'RE NOT ASKING TOO MUCH!!!  And, yes, I have been full time after my FMLA and it was so dibilitating ... and you have babies ...

Now, the emotional part ... do you have a psychiatrist?  There are some in the Oncology department that specialize in cancer patients...mine is just the sweetest little lady.  Or call ACS and ask them about what you are feeling ... but it usually takes someone 2-3 days to get back to you...so posting here is the greatest thing ever.

If you would like any more information from me, just PM me ... and, what do you teach professor?

thefuzzylemon

CoolBreeze

I worked full-time through my inital treatment, yes, which was the same as yours.   My son was 12 though so I didn't have the young ones like you do.

I had half my liver removed in October so my last day was a few days before the surgery.  Then got a major c-diff infection in November (went septic, was in ICU two days and hospital a week and almost lost my colon), so I haven't gone back to work yet.  I start back half time next week. They will give me a month half time but I am almost positive I can't recover enough to work full time in a month but we'll see.

Sometimes when you go back you start to feel better and get in the swing of things.  Being home - even with young ones, makes you kiind of keep your own schedule.  You can eat when you want and get dressed when you want - even with an 8 month old.   Going back to work puts you back in a routine and it kind of helps you take your mind off yourself.

I am a high school secretary, which is a very busy job that requires a lot of juggling, and I'm interrupted a thousand times a day.  Keeping notes became my friend.  Since I've been on chemo for about 2 years, my memory is shot.  You'll find workarounds.

I don't know what the workplace rules are for a college professor but it sounds like they are telling you to go back, so you may have to unless you haven't used your FMLA and your doctor can write you out for more.

Good luck to you. 

profbee

Hey, Puce!

I'm a college prof too!  I started chemo back in April, finished out the semester and took the fall off.  I am back full time this semester, and I'm just taking Herceptin and Tamoxifin.  I'm tired, but I have a good teaching schedule, so it isn't awful.  They've held off on giving me too many advisees, but I teach in a graduate program, so there's always tons to do.  Going back has been good for me--it's nice to be me again and not just cancer me.  

Are you just doing Herceptin now?  For me, long-term disability just wasn't an option since I'd only get 2/3 of my salary, and we need every penny!  The Herceptin and Tamoxifin are making me achy and tired, but it's nothing like the chemo drugs.  

As Ann said above, notes!  Teaching notes!  To-do lists!  Lots of notes!    I know it's scary to get up there in front of a class when you don't feel 100%, but you can do it!

profbee

Oh, and gosh...I only have one son.  He's five...3 little ones and the youngest 8 months?!  You have to be good to you too.  Did you have your son during treatment, or is a mistype and he's 18 months?  Either way, love, you've got a full-plate.  What's your teaching load?  I don't know what field you're in, but would they be able to give you a teaching assistant?  Take care!

puce

My daughter is 8 months.  She was born at 36 weeks after induction, 4 weeks after I got diagnosed, so they could start the chemo.  My mom passed from BC and even if my prognosis is excellent, I would like to spend some quality time with my kids now that I feel a little better.  I can't have any help at home. I have no family around.  My husband worked from home in the fall and now has to go to work.  He makes the money, I do my job because I enjoy it!  Well...hummm...not sure I will enjoy my co-workers anymore.  I've been trying to negotiate accommodation since Nov. and had an agreement with my Dean and then I got this letter.  I teach psychology at a community college, have a 1hr commute 1 way and would probably spend more than half my salary in childcare if I went to work full-time in the fall.  No teaching assistants at a community college! My load is 5 courses andI would only need to be on campus 3 days a week to be able to do full-time but I still think it's a lot.

Profbee-I'm in MA right next to you, what college do you work for?   When do you go for your treatments and appointments if you are working? Who teaches your classes?  Are you all done with your reconstruction?

susan_02143

I have worked full time through all of this, but not with small children. But, it doesn't really matter what any of us have done. What matters is that your employer has said you need to return to full time work [with the implication, they will open a position search if you don't.]

As I see it, there are three options. One is to return to work full-time with the Fall semester, one is to quit, and one is to get a lawyer involved if you can find any basis for this action. [i.e. is there a male colleague who was given more accomodations for something like a heart attack or prostate cancer.]

This decision isn't easy, but there aren't that many professorships out there. If you want to keep this job, you might need to readjust in ways that allow you to give some of your best energy to your employer and your students like hiring someone to clean the house, watch the children, prepare your food until you are strong enough to work them back into your daily life. If you don't want the job, walk away and stay home with the kids.

You have to consider what you want in your soul, and create a strategy to make that happen.

All the best,

*susan* 

Kadia

I second what fuzzylemon said. Please start with your uni's HR department, and find out what your options are for--

FMLA: can always be used intermittently, to reduce your work hours

Short or long-term disability: can sometimes be used to work part-time 

Reasonable accommodations: including a reduced work schedule

If your HR department is not helpful, please consult an employment attorney ASAP.  

puce

Thanks for the advise everybody.

Kadia-The HR department sent the letter!!!  I am contacting the union representative tomorrow.  How do you consult an employment attorney?  How do you find one and how do they get paid?

Susan-You are right, once in a lifetime job!  Not great pay but great benefits, oops..except for this little argument!

susan_02143

Puce,

Sounds like you want to keep this job [please correct me if I am wrong.] So, if that is the goal, create a strategy that is focused on three years from now. [The rest assumes that your college is well within their legal rights to terminate your contract.]

Year 1, assume that your entire salary will be used to hire the help that you need. After all, if you had no job there would be no income. The salary will pay for the transportation expenses, house cleaning, and maybe having personal chef prepared meals delivered. With three children, I would seriously look at securing an au pair.

Year 2 you should be able to drop the personal chef and the house cleaning. The au pair would still be a great help, and since the youngest will be older, perhaps they can do some of the meal preps.

In our country, we don't have the luxury of keeping our jobs and having time to enjoy our children. We have to choose one over the other. Being sick or being tired doesn't change that. I suppose that you should thank your lucky stars that your husband is employed and that you have been able to live with less than full employment as long as you have, but I bet it doesn't feel that way right now.

Do let us know if your union representative was able to give you any information that helps your cause.

*susan* 

puce

Susan: I feel really lucky indeed.  I You are right about hiring more help.  We did this through chemo but my husband hated it.  They wouldn't pickup the toys and put them away (just clean-they would pile the toys in the corner) and then proceeded to scratch all kitchen appliences. I wish I could get an au pair but I have no where to put her, my house is not big.

I did however hear good news.  I called the Dean who had just called HR, she got cc'ed on the letter.  She told me what the doctor should write verbatim and said HR should be happy with that and what we had previously negotiated still stands.  I hope she is right.

I guess I might of overeacted but the saga is not over just yet.

OMG

profbee

Yay!  I thought the Dean would stand by their word!  Yay!!!

susan_02143

So, your news is encouraging. That is great.

But, you will need help. I know that you are in Massachusetts. Surely there are other house cleaners you could try? Or a housekeeper? Someone that you can train to put toys away, fold the laundry, etc., and keep the house as your husband wants it. If your husband doesn't want to allow you to bring in help, then perhaps HE should do those tasks. [Just don't like hearing obstacles to YOUR success.]

One step forward!

*susan* 

Kadia

puce--sounds like maybe the attorney won't be necessary, but if you have to go there, I'd start with putting out a request for references in your social circle. You could also call the local Bar association and ask for referrals to members who specialize in employment/disability issues. There are probably tons of them around--sadly, there is a big need for them.

puce

My husband is really not that difficult.  The cleaners just weren't doing a good job.  I need to get a good one that is reasonably priced.

thefuzzylemon

Check the cleaners out on Angie's list or with the BBB.  That should help...or maybe you could ask a neighborhood kid and train them yourself!  Cheap, done your way and you probably know their parents! LOL

I am happy to hear that HR knows someone there crossed the line and that department seems to be on your side. 

I would like to offer you one caution...Don't be caught sitting on your tail feathers...Keep the letter, document conversations with detail...and place these somewhere outside of work.  It's not a "just in case" but more of a "it's probably nothing and if I ever needed it for anything at least I wouldn't have to say 'I should have listened to that Fuzzy." 

Did I mention that I work in HR?

((((hugs))))

susan_02143

puce,

The first housecleaners that I hired [well, it was a gift from a friend] surrounded me without warning, put their hands ON MY BODY, and began to pray in a foreign language. It was a scene from a really bad movie. Needless to say, I didn't rehire them.

A month later, their supervisor showed up at our front door and threatened to sue us if we didn't give them more money. What a nightmare!

I have an Angie's List subscription if you want to send me a zip code close to you. Could send you a list of providers with good scores. [offer open until March 1 when my subscription is up.] Another idea is to find a senior who can't make more than $900 a month, and hire them for $899/month to be a "household helper." You might be able to get some names from the Senior Group, a religious group, or a neighbor.

*susan* 

Jodycat

I've just hired a lawyer. I'm also a prof. The lawyer is very expensive. I asked a friend from our law school for a referral.



I love to build things, improve things, etc. I've been active in faculty gov, built a very interdisciplinary center. The old guard in my department hate anything like that. They console themselves with the idea that I am a tricky, sneaky self promoter. This view has even shown up in an anonymous letter to a member of my center. So when I was out for cancer treatment, they took the opportunity to convince a new dean of the worthlessness of my work. So the paltry support I had was axed. Too, too awful.



To my surprise AA/EEOC say they expect to find in my favor. But effective negotiation of a settlement is beyond me. The lawyer will cost about 15k or more.

puce

Fuzzy: you mean you are the enemy!!!  (ha, ha!)  All kiding aside, you are right.  I have what the Dean agree to in writiing and she probably told them that so now their letter has less weight. I am not tenured yet so they could decide not to renew my contract.  That's what I am ultimately affraid of.  I did win 3 awards in 3 years and got promoted to assistant prof last year so hopefully they are not thinking this.

Susan: That's so funny!  I'll PM you my zip code.

JodyCat: I can't believe it.  Good for you for hiring a lawyer and getting a settlement.  What a pain, it's the last thing you need when you are sick or recovering.

thefuzzylemon

LOL....too funny!

Warning about Settlements:

1. The Work Place will basically choose what you could receive.

2. Know what is reasonable, then bump it up some as you are entitled to "a little something more.

3. If and when you sign, you have chosen to give up any rights for *further action, accepted their agreement and are removed from (or Separated ) officially.

4. You can still be involved in another persons case.

5. You can reapply for work at said place...and, depending on the circumstances, if you were the right candidate and they wrongfully denied you employment, that's retaliation and...upheld by law!

Wicked, eh?