Ugh. February is not my month

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clariceak
clariceak Member Posts: 752
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Supposedy February is the worst month for those of us in northern climes that have seasonal affectional disorder.  My February seems to be on a downward descent to a giant crap pile.  I started out the month by wrecking my suv and nearly killing my daughter and myself.  We hit a patch of black ice on the way to school, spun around in a 360, hit a snow berm, headed over what amounted to a cliff instead of ditch and flipped over.  The first words I heard my  10 year daughter say was "Mom, are you all right?" and then "The seatbelt is hurting me."  she was hanging upside down from the ceiling. The car was nose down in the ditch and not visible from the road so we are lucky to be alive.

 The car is totaled and my husband doesn't believe in insuring used vehicles so I don't have a car.  We're building a new house (crazy, I know) and due to various circumstances work has completely stopped because there is no electricians available.  The drywall guy is threatening to leave town for other work.  We are at least two months behind schedule and I'll be kicked out of my rental in April for summer visitor season.  

Nearly killing myself again, i realize I'm getting close to the end of my 9 lives.  My onc appt in Seattle is Friday and the deaths of two cancer bloggers in one day is weighing heavily on my mind. Both were wonderful women who had so much to live for.

Now I feel like a whiner.,  I know many people have it much worse than I do, and this whole experience makes me remember how it is to live on the edge.  

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  • cj81842
    cj81842 Member Posts: 31
    edited February 2012

    Clariceak,  Just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Having cancer is enough without all the other negative things that happen in our lives.  You have a lot on your plate but I'm glad you and your daughter are okay from the accident and hope the other issues in your life get better... 

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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited February 2012

    Wow!  You have had a rough month and I'm so happy to hear you and your daughter are ok....I am dealing with some things also and thought I was having a bad month :)  Sometimes you wonder how much more can I take but you are not a whiner.  Life can be hard and I think when you don't feel good (living with fear, no ER, AI & chemo SE's) it makes it even harded to deal with other stresses that come along.  I sometimes feel guilty that I'm not more "Pollyanna" about everything now that I survived.  But I never have been and this sh*t makes you an even more hard nosed person or at least it has me.  I hope things get better for you and again you're not a whiner that's a lot going on, it would stress anyone out.   

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2012

    Clariceak - sending Light and hugs to you (and everyone having such a terrble time right now).  What a frightening thing to have happen and so glad it came out as well as it did.

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  • everyminute
    everyminute Member Posts: 1,805
    edited February 2012

    stupid cancer - if life isnt hard enough (car accidents - thank God you are ok - and contractor hell) cancer makes life so hard to deal with.

    so hold on - if you had to have a horrible, least favorite month, Feb is a good one since it is shorter I guess.

    Sending you peaceful thoughts and ELECTRIC vibes

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited February 2012

    Winter months are tough on anyone! Put cancer on that, and other struggles, and it can be very taxing. We understand, and send you energy, light and optimism. Spring will be here soon!! 

    Thinking of you,

    Your Mods 

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited February 2012

    (((HUGS))) Clarice,

    Yup you have had one hell of a month.  ENOUGH now!  Time for things to turn around and go your way!  Glad to hear you and your daughter are OK though.  That would have scare the you know what out of me!

    Take care,

    Sharon

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  • clariceak
    clariceak Member Posts: 752
    edited February 2012

    Thanks to everyone!  you are the best.  I'm detemined to make tomorrow a better day. 

    SherriG - I think I will try your trick.  I typically use the "My Life as a Dog" movie approach.  The little boy was growing up in tough circumstances and to feel better, compared himself to the Russian space dog Laika who was doomed to orbit the earth. 

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited February 2012

    Clar...oh honey, what a start to the longest short month ever! You are a wonderful mother. Her first thought was you. She spoke and I can't imagine how you felt at that moment...your baby was ok. And, what an experience to have together. She's been there for you through BC, and everything else that life brings.

    So, here's something you might like...piggybacking with Sherry (hugs):

    Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence. The idea is to create a visual of what you can change (influence) and what you cannot (concern). Just look at the thing or issue (no car) and decide where it should be. Can you do something about that? The things that cannot be changed, don't spend time on. Stay in your circle of influence.

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