Starting Chemo April 2009

So ..I probably missed something..but I didn't have the genetic test..the only person in my family to have BC was my paternal grandmother...do you think I should have it done? 

Titan, you should probably ask a genetic counsellor. Usually it's more likely if at least 2 members of the family have had either breast or ovarian cancer. In my situation my mother had it as well as several of her first cousins - everyone coming from the same grandparent. 

Judy, good luck with the job search.

Oh ladies, what a sad day I have had. The sister in law of a very close friend, passed away last night from BC. She had survived it several years ago and then it came back. She has left behind a young husband and two small daughters. We just came back from the funeral and there are just no words.

I watched him standing there speaking about her and could hardly believe that someone so young has had his life turned upside down like this. He has so many challenges ahead of him now I cannot imagine how he will cope with this enormous loss. I am also so angry that this disease has claimed such a young life.

People asked me afterwards how I felt standing there; I replied that I honestly didn't know how I felt. Did I think "that could have been me?", I didn't really think that at all. I was just thinking that this is the most horrible disease and someone, somewhere has to find a cure for it.

On the way back in the car, my husband wanted to know how I was feeling, but I just couldn't put it into words. I knew that I would be able to come here and when I started writing, my thoughts would begin to flow.

Thank you all for listening as always, sending everyone extra big hugs today,

Judy xxx

Thank you for your support Helen. You put it so beautifully and it is so very sad.

Hope everyone has a good weekend, hugs, Judy x

Judy, we all feel the pain when a life is lost to this disease, young or old, but especially the young who have so many years of life cut short.  I heard of two deaths from BC this week from a business associate who is aware of my history and she was telling me why she was training for the Avon walk - because two friends of hers had very recently died from BC.  I could tell she felt uncomfortable saying this to me, as though her speaking about death from BC might push me over the edge, but I honestly didn't identify.  I am an individual with BC, and my experience with it, then, now and in the future, will be my path alone, not necessarily the fate that anyone else experiences...good  or bad.  I just felt the sorrow that anyone feels when hearing of a loss.

Your job search sounds like you are excited, yet a bit concerned of meeting all your family obligations.  That's pretty normal for most of us, and somehow it will work out - good luck!!

Titan - you are too funny.  I haven't done that since I was twenty, and I did not have a good experience - just became sleepy...a real party pooper when I was supposed to be "flying high"...just call me a dud!  However, I love Bob Marley, so I will raise my first glass of some wonderful tropical rum drink with an itsy bitsy umbrella in it, to the day of his birth - thanks for the heads up!

My bathrooms are almost done!!  I am thrilled with how they have come out - not thrilled with the layers of dust all over the condo, or the price tag, but it is well worth it.  Can't wait till I christen my new shower.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone

Geri 

Hi all, thank you so much for your supportive posts. I think that you have said it all. It is very sad and I think about it alot of the time.

Titan, I definitely get a bit of the "survivor's guilt" - I cannot even explain it to myself, but it is there. We are going to visit the husband later on today. I am sure that will be a very sad visit.

Geri, I am so pleased that your bathrooms are coming out as you wanted - enjoy the christening!

Amy, I am always in awe of people who pick themselves up from a personal loss and turn their focus into something positive. To run a camp for children with cancer is an amazing thing to do, it must bring happiness to a great many people.

Hope everyone has a good Sunday, hugs to you all, Judy x

Hi all,

Betsy, thank you too for your support. We do re live some part of our experience with every loss, her husband was so brave when we saw him last night. He looks so drained, yet was talking to us and smiling and playing with his two young daughters, it breaks my heart.

I am sorry that it is taking so long for your results to come through, but if you are ok with that, at least that is something.

I am still in the job search process, sending out resumes and letters and hoping that something will come back to me. I had one offer, but it was a lot of hours and didn't feel right. I have not turned it down, I just need to be sure that I want to take it on.

Hope you are all ok today and sending you all hugs. I miss Lena.

Judy x

Amy - thank you so much for your post and you did not offend me in any way at all! I think that everything you have written is spot on! You certainly seem to know me well .

I am a person who often goes with my "gut feeling" and even though this job sounds like it could be interesting and fun, I think my stress levels may actually go off the charts LOL! I did speak to them about being more flexible, but they were adament that all the hours were necessary, so I may have to put it to the side for now and keep on looking.

We are under a certain amount of financial pressure, my husband is a school teacher and as valuable as we all know that is, it can be difficult financially. This week, I have been sending my resume to a variety of different places and have also signed up with recruitment companies so I hope that something may come out of that.

After the phone call where they told me that they could not be flexible, I realized that as attractive as it was having a full time income, I just couldn't do it and what is more, I didn't want to do it. I think it would reduce my quality of life too much.

So, no, your posting was not offensive in any way at all, I am so pleased that I have friends like you who can help advise me on stuff like this. Thank you.

Hope everyone has a good day, sending hugs to you all, Judy x

Geri, 5 days to go! Very exciting! I hope you have a wonderful trip. Thank you for your kind words, I know you are right, taking on more stress now would not be good and I am not sure I want to be in such an inflexible environment. My husband is a good teacher, he is very gifted and his students love him. But yes, you are right, it is not recognized fairly financially - it definitely should be.

So, the job search continues, I will keep you posted.

Helen, hope you are doing ok. Betsy, thinking about you.

Hugs to you all, Judy x

Betsy - all the news has its up and downsides.  But try to remember that knowledge is power, and whatever the results are, they will help you and your family to know more and be better advocates for your own health.

When I went to the counseling for the BRCA test, the genetic counselor said that to some people, a positive result is good news, whereas to others, a negative one is.  She said that to families that have a lot of cancer in their history, a positive results explains why and helps them with future testing.  Others wanted to not have the mutation, so a negative result was good for them.  I found it very interesting, and I guess in your situation, it is similar. 

I went through a rough patch about 2 weeks ago - not sleeping, lots of ,ot flashes, feeling very out of sorts. VERY unlike me, and it made me  a little nervous, as to how long it would last, etc. But it passed and I feel much better now. I wonder if, even though we are not menstruating anymore (at least I'm not), if we still have hormonal times-of-the-month.  Does anyone else notice anything cyclical like this?

Hi everyone. Sorry to be missing for a few days. I've been trying to keep busy. I have some good days and some not so good. I'm in the process of trying to start a small consulting business, putting my expertise to work. I don't know if it will work but I was thinking I'd like to be a coach/navigator for parents who are struggling with the school system so they can help their kids. Teach them what they need to know so they can better advocate for their kids. I still have many days when I feel lousy about myself - it is such a struggle as I have never come to terms with all the se's and the impact that BC has had on my life. I got my BRCA2+ dx after I had my first BC dx which was TN. Doctors were not surprised and had warned me that it was a strong probability because of my family history. So after lumpectomy, chemo, rads, I had my ovaries and tubes out. Docs were pressuring me to do bmx but I didn't want to do it and opted for surveillance which included MRI. Also started seeing dermatologist at cancer centre to watch for possible melanoma. There is no screening for pancreatic. Then 3 1/2 years later got second BC dx. This one was 100% ES+ and I think 90% PR+ despite having ovaries removed. It had already spread to at least 4 lymph nodes despite surveillance. So had to have bmx along with chemo and rads again. So I do feel like BRCA 2 is a cloud over my head and it's just a matter of time until something else happens. My oldest son has found out that he also carries it so my grandchildren are also at risk. Betsy, I do hope you get good news.

Hi all,

Thanks for all the great input. Judy you are right, I'm not alone with my thoughts and I so appreciate everyone on this board. Helen, thanks for sharing. I knew parts of your story but not the entire story. I did not realize BRCA had a pancreatic cancer component to it. Maybe I heard it at some point but didn't recall it. So in many ways I'm struggling with some of the same issues a BRCA+ dx has caused the rest of you. 

I still haven't heard from my counselor, so know appointment is scheduled as yet. At least today, I'm feeling better about everything.

Judy...you cracked me up worrying about me and "ignorance". I do feel ignorant about most of this medical stuff, there is far to much information to digest most of the time. You can call me ignorant any time...but not "an ignorant slut"...as I recall that is what Dan Akroid called Jane on Sat. Night Live. LOL

Amy - I do think we still have monthly fluctuations in our body even after menopause.

I hope Geri is enjoying warm sunny weather.

Betsy

Good morning everyone! Hope everyone is doing ok today and had a good weekend.

Geri, I hope that as I write, you are sitting on the beach, sipping something very colourful with a little umbrella sticking out of it! Have a great break! .

Betsy, I am so pleased that I cracked you up! There is so much information to take in and it is hard when the internet is also at your fingertips all the time, it can be very overwhelming at times. My Onc here in Israel, sent me for an endoscopic ultrasound to look at my pancreas as part of my follow up as a BRCA1+, so I guess, there is a connection between the gene and the pancreas. Let us know when you hear anything.

Helen, of course you worry, it is a constant worry, but they did tell me that by having the mastectomy, I had significantly reduced my chances of a recurrence. I think that every date along the way, signifies something. I think I am much more stressed and low at this time of year, as we pass from the anniversary of the diagnosis, to the surgery, starting chemo etc. Everything you are feeling and all your concerns are, in my opinion, justified and expected, so keep on coming here to share them with us. I hope that the family dinner was nice, I think that Family Day is a great idea!

I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon tomorrow and an Onc appt on Sunday. Will let you know how that all goes.

Sending hugs to you all for a great Monday! Judy x

Judy - I am glad the appt went well and that you like the PS.  I think that what is tiring is the re-entry into the medical world, more than just the travel to and fro. At least that is what I find. I LOVE not being a patient. I see the BS for mammo/exam next week. Am not too nervous but will be glad when it is behind me, as I am sure you understand.

Thinking of Geri on the beach makes me smile.  I hope it is a wonderful trip.

Love to all

Amy