Starting Chemo April 2009

AmyIsStrong

Geri....sharing your sadness tonight. I hope that lightens the burden a little. I am so grateful we are here for one another.

Hugs to you tonight

Amy

JudyNaomi

Geri, such sad news, thinking about you and virtually stretching my arms all the way across the Atlantic Ocean to hug you and let you know that we are all here for you. Just too sad...

Amy, I hope you have a good day out with your daughter, these are the important and precious moments in our lives. Sometimes, I need to remind myself of that.

My interview went well, it is still full time, but less pressure and no after hours stuff so I am considering this one, could be a good way for me to ease back into working. I think the time has come. Just the fact that I am saying that is a step forwards for me.

Sending hugs to all, Judy x

hrf

Geri, so sorry to hear such sad news. Thinking of you

inthemoment

Thank you all for the support - as you know, that means the world when things are difficult, and I am so thankful that we all have each other - for the good and the bad times.

JudyNaomi

Geri, how are you doing today? I think the real definition of friendship is when it is unconditional; always there for each other, both in good and bad times.

Amy, how was your day out?

Sending hugs to all, Judy x

AmyIsStrong

Flower show was very very crowded in the morning. Almost too crowded to walk at all and felt a bit claustrophobic. But it thinned out in the afternoon and was much more pleasant. Enjoyable to be with my daughter, but so much to do/see that we didn't really get to talk that much. She said maybe she would come down in the next two weeks and spend the night 'so we can just talk about life.'  That made me really happy.

I saw some really beautiful things though, both natural and man made (with natural materials). I feel reminded that spring is coming! Can't believe we turn the clocks ahead this weekend. Judy - do they change the clocks in Israel or is that just a USA thing? 

JudyNaomi

Amy, so pleased you had a good day out. Isn't it nice when our kids want to spend time with us! I have two teenage girls at the moment, so our relationship has its ups and downs, but I think for the most part, we are on the right track. It can be very challenging at times as I am sure you know . My 10 year old is a boy and is just about still letting me kiss and hug him, but I can see that won't last much longer LOL!

We do change the clocks forward here, but not for another couple of weeks I think. I can hardly believe that Spring is coming and it is almost a year since we were packing up to leave the USA!

Geri, how are you doing? Helen, hope you are ok.

Sending you all hugs as always, have a great day, Judy xxx

inthemoment

Hi all,

I am doing better - a really lovely spring day today, and even though I worked and did not even get a lunch break to take advantage of it, my desk is alongside a window, so I was able to see the sunshine outside!

Amy, it sounds like you had a nice time with your daughter at the flower show - and Judy, I agree that it is very special to share time with your daughters.  I consider myself very fortunate to have such a great relationship with my younger one.  She is almost 33 now, and we have always been close (not that we didn't have some knock down, drag outs when she went through those horrid teen years).  Since I only have the two girls, I've always been a bit jealous of women who have aboy - imagine that it is a secure feeling to have a male adult child (or do I just dream??)

Thank you Helen and Titan for your support and a compassionate ear when I was so down last week - you are all such good friends!

Geri

JudyNaomi

Geri, thanks for coming by and letting us know that you are doing better. We are also having a gorgeous Spring day here today, it really helps lift my spirits when the sun shines.

I must admit that having a boy after two girls was a bit of a shock LOL! They are so very different! But it is a very different relationship too, brings its' own challenges . I find that the conflict is far less complicated; with the girls, there tend to be so many different levels. But I love them all so much!

We have had a busy week seeing friends and I am looking forward to resting over the weekend. My husband has a deadline to meet on Monday, so I will just take it easy, read, watch movies etc.

Hope Betsy is having a good vacation! Helen and Titan, how are you both doing?

Sending everyone hugs for a good weekend, take care of yourselves, Judy xxx

JudyNaomi

Hi everyone, it has been quiet here over the past few days - I hope you are all doing ok and had a good weekend.

Mine was nice and relaxing, just what I needed. I am starting my new job on 25th March so am trying to get things organized at home before then. I need to find afternoon child care for my youngest, so that is my main project at the moment.

Sending you all hugs, have a great week! Judy x

hrf

Congrats on the new job, Judi. Quiet weekend here but weather has turned very spring like. Yesterday was sunny and over 17 C (about 65 F). People out in shorts and t's. Hope everyone doing well.

JudyNaomi

Thank you Helen! The weather here is also lovely and spring like at the moment, lots of people out and about. Really nice actually .

I am making progress with all the logistics related to my new job. I am finding my days very busy at the moment, but am sleeping very badly. Since last Thursday I have not slept well. That is a big concern for me; that I will be too tired to do my job properely due to lack of sleep.

Hope you are all ok, sending you all hugs, Judy x

AmyIsStrong

Judy - Congrats on the new job.  I have had sleep challenges since my diagnosis - never had ANY problem sleeping before, so this is all new to me.  At first it was due to the stress of the diagnosis, and then from chemo, then from hot flashes, etc etc.  Now I find that I wake up around 3 to use the bathroom and sometimes I can fall back to sleep, other times I am awake for an hour or so.

I have found the following helpful - 6mg melatonin before bedtime. I use REGULAR, NOT time-release (which made me too tired in the mornings). Seems to help.  No caffeine.  I also find that when I do not eat sugar, I sleep better. Regular exercise helps too, but you know I am fanatical about that. And to be honest, NONE of these things make it perfect.  Last night I was up from 3:30-5am. But since I work at home, I don't get stressed about it, I just lie there, look at stuff on the IPAD and then go back to sleep when I feel the first bit of sleepiness.  If I had a set time that I had to be up and out the next morning, I would definitely be worrying about it as I lay there awake.

So I guess I have suggestions but no sure-fire solution for you.

Also, I have been reading a lot about rockets being fired into Israel and the Iron Dome. Is that anywhere near where you are? If so, I am SURE that would add stress.

You have a lot on your mind - with the new job, changes it will bring at home, getting after school care for your youngest one. All these details can run through our minds at night and cause wakefulness, I believe.  Once you start the job and things are working out, you may find yourself sleeping better. (Plus you will be more tired.)
Good luck.

Three years ago this week was my surgery. I definitely do find it on my mind more than usual. But it is warm, sunny & beautiful here, so I am trying to focus on and enjoy that instead.

Love to all.
Amy 

BetsyBuzz

Today's my 3 yr anniversary...the day my life changed forever.

We had a wonderful vacation. The weather was great until we got home, so it worked out wonderfully. The Oregon coast was absolutely beautiful, blue sky, cold but very nice. I read two books and completely relaxed. My leg is still swollen but I have a PT appt on Friday, hopefully she will give me pointers on what to do to improve the swelling.

Today we woke up to snow! It's been snowing most of the morning but the temp is just warm enough that it melts when it hits the ground. I'm on vacation this week too...boy I could get use to this pace of life.

Judy congrats on your new job. Remember starting a new job is very stressful, so take care and be kind to yourself. Now you have one more ball to add to the balls you are already juggling.

Titan...sorry to read about the others on your TN thread. GRRRRR...bc sucks. 

Geri- sending you a belated hug. Sorry to hear about your friend and little one. Each time I hear of another loss, it makes me feel sad but then I'm thankful to be breathing today. It helps me stay focused on living each day to the fullest.

Amy - my dh has taught me two things re: insomnia. First if I can't sleep its most likely that I have to pee. Also, if my mind is working and can't stop thinking about something...usually work related. If you get up and jot down what you want to remember or are thinking about it helps. He keeps a pad of paper and pencil by the bed. Neither of them help hot flashes or chemical insomnia but they do help me from time to time.

Helen - I hope you are doing well and enjoying your retirement. Have you felt like you've gone through a major transition?

I decided to call my onc yesterday as he wanted me to come in to discuss AI's but I left a message for the nurse saying that I will not go on AI's and plan to stay on tamox. If that's not ok, he can call me back. It's either tamox or nothing for me. I re-read all the AI SE's and I just can't go there. My dh supports my decision. I also plan to take myself off of tamox. for my three month sabbatical to avoid the potential of a blood clot when flying to Eastern Europe. They have told me to stop it several times now, so I guess it's ok. I will go right back on it when I return from my trip. I haven't decided whether to tell my onc about this decision but I have plenty of time before I fly so we'll see.

Still no news on the genetic testing front, they are still dealing with my insurance. The nurse thought I'd hear my results sometime next week.

hrf

Today I had appointment with radiation oncologist - I alternate between the MO and the RO. I waited over 2 hours and then ended up seeing only the resident who did an exam but I didn't think it was thorough. I missed my exercise class. I was really annoyed. And it also cost $20 for parking. I could have requested that the "real" doctor come in but by then I just wanted out of the place. It was a beautiful warm day so my friend and I went for a very long walk. Anyway, not important enough to think about it any more.

AmyIsStrong

Wow Helen - 'annoyed' is putting it mildly.  I have never understood having to pay for parking to see a doctor. It seems crazy to me. My parents live in NY and they have mentioned it.   I would have been sorely tempted to ask the desk person if they were going to validate my parking ticket or pick up the tab after having made me wait so long.

GOOD FOR YOU for  putting it behind you. Where in Canada do you live? We are having warm weather here as well this week. It is delightful. I was just saying how much more relaxed I feel as opposed to when it is so cold.

Titan

Thanks Betsy...Suze and Laura Jane ,,,it really hurts...such strong beautiful women...I hate this

JudyNaomi

Good morning everyone!

Amy, thanks so much for your support. The most frustrating part of insomnia is that I am so tired! By the end of the day, I am so ready for my bed, so I take my book, get into bed, read for a while and as soon as I turn out the light, it is like "HELLO!". I just don't understand it. I take 10mg of melatonin and it doesn't seem to do anything. I had a few sleeping pills left from the US and even they didn't work. It could well be lots of things going through my mind as it is probably the only time of day that I am really alone with myself. What usually happens is, I become so exhausted that one night I just fall into bed and manage to sleep. I excercise regularly, but I find that pumps me up even more. Maybe, as you say, once I start working, I will be more tired and sleep easier.

Yes, there are rockets being fired into Israel at the moment, but thankfully they have not reached where we live. It is very worrying as it is a very small country, so one feels like everything is happening on your doorstep. That is one of the things that always struck me in the US; that it is such a large country, that each State is almost a country in itself. Thank you for asking.

Betsy, really pleased that you had a good vacation and that it continues at home! I could also get used to a pace like that. Thank you too for the advice on insomnia.  You seem to have so much going on at the moment - sending you (((hugs))).

Helen, I am not surprised you were annoyed after your Onc visit. I also used to have to pay for parking when I visited the doctors. There would be a sign on the receptionist's desk saying "sorry, we do not validate parking"! However, it is good that you wanted out of there and were able to somewhat put it behind you and enjoy a walk with your friend.

Titan, sending you (((hugs))) and hope you are doing ok. Geri, how are you doing this week?

Anniversary time is hard, so glad that I have all you ladies for love and support.

Have a great day everyone, hugs to you all, Judy x

inthemoment

So we all have the 3 year passing this month.  I actually put off going to the oncologist in March, because I did not want to relive the experience this month - so I am going April 12th.

Judy, I go through cycles of having difficulty sleeping - I find if I put the TV on in sleep mode and turn the volume down, I can fall asleep.  When the room is really quiet, I seem to be bombarded with intrusive thoughts and it keeps me awake.  I also notice that if I consciously think about my muscles, especially neck and back, when I am having trouble sleeping, they are all tighteded up - once I realize this and focus on it to relax, I am more likely to fall asleep.  Of course, I only have my dog to bother with the TV on - if I had a bed mate, I might not be able to do the TV thing Stay safe Judy.

Helen - I am so looking forward to retirement!  I think it will be 2 or 2 1/2 years.  I could also get very used to not having a schedule to keep! Of couse, having to pay to wait for a junior doctoe would not make me very happy regardless of any other plans I had - very inconsiderate.

Betsy, it sounds as though you had a nice, relaxing vacation - sorry that you are still having issues with swelling.  I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to add AI side effects to what you have had to deal with.  I am on Arimidex, and other than some bone/joint pain which I can manage ok, most times I am fine on it.  I consider myself fortunate, especially after hearing Lena's experience with them. Thank you for the hug!

Amy - isn't the warm weather a spirit lifter...I just feel so different when it is sunny and warm.

Titan - I hear you still hurting from the losses in your group - sending a hug!

I leave for 5 days in Florida on Saturday - staying at my roommate from nursing school's house on the west coast.  That was where I spent the week before my surgery - do we ever get past thinking about this.  Oh well, this is a much better time in my life.  I will sign on when I return next week.  Before bc, I would never have scheduled two vacations to warm climates in a matter of a few weeks, but, now I don't really worry about time lost from work - it will be there when I get back!

hrf

Today I had made arrangements to meet my former assistant for lunch and then planned to visit a former colleague who is in hospital and very very sick - he may not get to go home again and then had a list of errands. Got a call during lunch from my very pregnant DIL telling me that she had rear ended a car and had all the aftermath to deal with including going to the doctor so I was needed to pick grand kids up from school. Got to hospital for visit and then picked up kids. Couldn't have done that if I was working. I expect to be on duty more as the baby gets closer. While I miss some parts of work, especially the people, I like having the freedom to be available for my family.

Titan

Thanks for the hugs!

Helen..didn't know you were going to be a grandma again..how exciting..how your DIL is okay...so frightening....I hear from retired people that they are often busier not working than they were working....!

I'm not much of a sleeper either..guess it goes with what we have been through...

Judy..glad to hear that you are safe but freak out whenever I hear any news..I'm nervous for you...

hrf

I've got 2 babies on the way. Both DILs are expecting.



I also don't sleep well.

JudyNaomi

Hi everyone! So, we all don't sleep well, we should arrange video conf calls with eachother during the night LOL!

Geri, the TV is a good idea, thank you for that. I had never thought about it before, but the quiet in the room does allow thoughts to intrude into my mind. I think it was a good call to put off your appointment. Have a great time in Florida, you are right, work isn't going anywhere, so enjoy yourself as much as you can. We look forward to hearing about it when you get back.

Helen, I hope your DIL is ok. It is good that you are around to be with your family. We miss that, what with our families living in the UK. It is great for your kids and also for your grandchildren to have you around. Family is very important.

Titan, and everyone, thank you for your concern, I am ok here, I am not close enough to feel the effects of the rockets, but follow it on the news and FB etc. How are you doing Titan? Sending you (((hugs))).

Sending you all love and hugs, take care, Judy xxx

Titan

Wow Helen...2 babies on the way...lucky you and how exciting!  I know my daughter and her new husband can't afford a baby right now..but sometimes I think about it... I really enjoy my two little nieces but I want my OWN...if you know what I mean...grandma's have more rights than great aunts...

I'm doing fine Judy..thanks for asking....its just learning to face reality...

I don't have any pointers in going to sleep...I read before I go to bed...sometimes that helps...I keep a bottle of water close too...try to keep the room as dark as possible..

Last night we had the windows open and the stupid cat started howling at at something outside.....guess we should keep the pets out of the bedroom also...

AmyIsStrong

We had what sounded like gunshots at 2:30 am.  Twelve in a row.  Really loud. That kept me up for a while. Turns out it was somebody pretty far away setting of firecrackers. Yeesh!  I love sleeping with the windows open most of the time, but that wasn't so good.

Someone should start an "I Can't Sleep" thread on this website. I bet it would get TONS of responses.

Met a new client last night (well, talked to her on the phone, anyway). Turns out she used to be on the board of BCO. Isn't that crazy? Small world!

Love to all

Amy 

BetsyBuzz

An alternative to the TV on is a fan. I love the white noise plus it keeps me cool when the hot flashes hit! I sleep with one all year round. Any hoo it works for me.

Helen - Congrats on the two new babies on their way. My neighbor said he felt pretty young with one grandchild, then both his two children had a set of twins within days of each other. He went from one gc to five gc's in one week. He said it aged him tremendously but he loved it! LOL

Hugs to all...

JudyNaomi

Titan, glad you are doing better. We are always here for you.

Helen, really excited for you and your growing family!

Thanks everyone for the advice on sleeping!

Hope everyone has a great weekend, hugs to you all, Judy x

hrf

Well, it's been an exciting 15 hours around here. Yesterday was son #1's birthday .... and we always get together to celebrate birthdays. We went to his house because it's easier for the little ones. Ordered in Chinese and I brought the Baskin Robbins ice cream cake - his request -  While I'm sitting across from him during dinner I notice a funny kind of rash on the sides of his foreheard. So I finally said something - he poo pooed it .. told me it was eczema and he had already put cream on it ... I wouldn't let go, he got annoyed. But....he did go to doctor first thing this morning and what he has is an extreme reaction to a drug he's on (for 5 years) and this reaction could potentially be life threatening if left unchecked. ...so the moral....listen to your mother. And son #3 has just received a job offer within his existing company that is a big step up for him .... And son #1 ... is living in a house in an area where there is a lot of development - condos ... and a developer is coming around giving offers that are over market value .... so another possible change. And baby due in 6 weeks. Son #2 is also doing just fine ..

inthemoment

Helen - it sounds like you have a whole lot going on, but good things, which is what we all like to hear and share. Really good thing you kept after son #1 to get his rash checked out...could have developed into something very nasty!

You all may be wondering if I am writing this from Florida...and the answer is, unfortunately, no!  We had to cancel last minute last night, because Kevin's 14 year old dog developed congestive heart failure.  The vet put her on diuretics, and they may have to be adjusted, so he couldn't just up and leave her, which I fully understand.  I have a 10 year old Maltese, and I dread the day she begins to have medical problems.  Kevin doesn't have children, so this bond between he and the dog is even more significant.  Any animal lovers among us know that this is the purest unconditional love.

So, while I am very disappointed, as is my girlfriend, her husband, and of course, Kevin (who also feels very guilty, which I have tried rather unsucessfully to talk him out of) I also am able to put things like this in much clearer perspective than if this was three years ago! It's merely a bump in the road, the weather in NY is beautiful, I will take off Monday from work as a bonus day, and all is right with the world.  Hopefully, Abigail (the dog) will either improve, or pass on without suffering, so we shall see how that goes.

Have a Happy Saint Patrick's Day and a great weekend!

Geri

Titan

Love your story Helen...mothers DO know best...my son is coming home for spring break tomorrow....he's only staying for a few days but I plan to feed him and hug him for the next 5 days..he will have to deal with it...

Oh man Geri... I certainly understand but how disappointing for you....ah well..Florida will still be there...