The real answer to "Let me know if you need any help"

Be BOLD ...I love what your wrote and I think we all need the same things especially during treatments. I was bold enough (I live alone) and just needed help. I had a friend deliver me food every chemo session that got me through the week, friends asked me what I needed as they headed to the store, I heard every bit of gossip office or otherwise that kept me amused, two friends cleaned my house really really well right before each treatment...friends took me to treatment and called me constantly to see how I was doing and to remind me to eat. It was really nice to have such a great group of friends I could count on. I think you should email your post to your friends and just say...I need help and here is what I need. Who would dare think anything of it. If you need help you need help...you will be surprised at who steps up. You are not being selfish by asking. You are fighting a battle that literally takes all your strength...your friends know that and I bet are eager to help.

Good luck and Happy New Year!!!

Diane

I was so sick on AC,even the thought of people bringing food over made me sick. Friends starting mailing gift cards to restaurants to us so my family could eat and I wouldn't have to see or smeill it.

After my diagnosis, I've had 3 friends diagnosed, and surprisingly I still feel akward about what to say and do for them at times. So, I know people who've never had it are uncomfortable at times as well.

Great post. Love it!!!

You said it girl!

Perfect!!

Now if only our family and friends had read this.....   I too felt a bit let down by people.  I had a lot of help after my BMX with meals but through chemo and my other surgeries, no one really helped.  I still had to cook dinner for my family every night through chemo.  I was glad I did not have nausea or that would have been really hard.  I loved when people just did things on their own.  If you say "let me know if you need help".....I won't be calling you.  How do call and say "hey, wanna come over and do my laundry or clean my bathroom?"??  I just did everything myself and DH helped with our son who was 4 when I was dx last year.  I know most people just really don't get it or know what to do/say, but it feels like they don't care even if they do.  I know having BC has made me much more compassionate and helpful to others...I was always that way before, but now even more so.  THanks for writing this!

Peacock I love your post starting this thread.  This past year I have really had an eye opener about which friends are really friends.  The phrase "call me if you need anything"  leaves me cold.  

Last August, getting my BC DX was the easy part. I thought it was just another bump in the road and I'd go with the flow and do what i had to to take care of this. I'd been disabled since 2009 so I thought I had the time to cope and handle whatever needed to get done. I set up the surgery and I was ready to let my breast go.Then early september, hurricane Irene hit and made its way into my first floor with 4 feet of smelly, dirty, water and sewage. Everything was put on hold. I couldn't imagine coming home after surgery to this clutter and filth that surrounded my home. My DD and I did what we could to make our space liveable in the weeks that followed. My space became cluttered and so did my brain. What do I attack first?

One of the local churches of which I am not a member, sent a crew to help the victims of the flooding get stated w the cleanup. They tore out all the walls before the black mold made its way into the upstairs of my home. WOW. My DD and her friends came to the rescue and sanitized what was left of the first floor. the concreate floors and  bathroom.WOW. The Red Cross came around twice a day with a catering truck with food and warm thoughts. WOW. I was left with my home in complete disarray and a DX I didn't give much thought to. Am I complaining? NO. it is what it is. 

I've been independent and self sufficient all my life. Hard to ASK for help. My friends did show up after a week or so. "Call me IF you need anything." Do I really have to ask." 

Anyway, I finally got my BC journey underway. My DD held my hand through it all. My friends starting bringing me GET WELL SOON gifts. I don't need flowers or a new robe and slippers. I appreciate the gesture but my needs were gettting my surroundings back normal. Here it is February and my brain and home are still cluttered. It is my fault because I cannot ASK for help?

I recently had a b'day and I received alot of gifts from friends and family. It made me cry and the only thought I had was "they think I'm going to die. Better show her that we are thinking of her." 

If I would ASK for the help I may get what I really need. I DON'T KNOW HOW. So here I sit, surrounded by clutter and disarray. Sometimes, ASKING is the only way we get what we need.

Yes, Peacock, an important post. Thank you for that.

I have found that neighbors who I never expected to help came through in the most caring ways. It felt odd at first to accept meals from others as I was usually the one who cooked for others when they were needing it. Shortly after my diagnosis, my younger adult son who lives in the same metro area came to talk with me and said, "Mom, you need to let people take care of you now. I will do whatever you need and let others do that to. You're so used to taking care of everybody else and that has to change for you now." It was still easier to accept the meals and other support from friends/neighbors who were specific about their offers. I didn't have to construct the help, just accept it. But we need to accept that it may be new to be the recipient, yet it is curative, and that is the most important thing. Another thing that was hard for me was asking for help when I was managing to work full time through two surgeries and radiation (clearly would have been a different story with chemo treatment). But so many people understood that and came through. I love your story about the quiet grocery dropper! What a lovely way to let someone know that you are materially and spiritually with them!