Alone - recent double mastectomy

You're not alone. My mom can be very cruel...which is why I don't intend on telling her of my diagnosis til after I'm done and healed, if that. She tends to take failures, and misfortunes and throws them in your face trying to make you feel inadequate. I surely don't care to hear things that will make me more depressed, or lower my spirits. I need positive thoughts during this time..ya know.

Theyaregone please know you are not alone I just had a double mx in jan with no reconstruction every nite that you get one more hour of sleep it gets better. When those drains come out and you take that hour shower it makes a big difference. I had some horrible lonely thoughts but dont let them control you spring is just around the corner you sound like such a beautiful lady takes small steps everyday i am new to this site but already i feel the love sending warm wished your way

theyaregone wrote: I have a great idea - everyone come to Maine.  I want to look at your beautiful faces and give you all hugs.  Thanx for being here for me last night and I am sure you'll be here again when I reach out.  I hope to get to a point where I will be able to reach out to someone when they need it too.

I've always wanted to see Maine!  I really wish I could just jump in my truck and come spend time with you.  Since I can't, please feel free to message me and I'll blab until you beg me to stop! *wink*

I'm so happy to hear you got some rest last night and I'm glad you found us & we found you!

Hang in there!!!

Myleftboob - I echo your question.  Now that she is widowed, and seemingly estranged from her daughter, it might be JUST the time for a new start. I have heard about places where they say you are an outsider even after living there for decades. I could never stand that!

Theyaregone -  I also would be curious as to the positives of your community and why you stay. It sounds as if you didn't grow up there, if you have only been there for 20 years or so. (Which still sounds like an awfully long time to me!).  Do you have a job you can't leave?  Being with a military background, you probably are good at and comfortable with relocating.  MIght be something to think about - not NOW, obviously.

PLEASE be very upfront with the doc when you see him on Friday. The various services just never showing up is UNACCEPTABLE. Hopefully he can push for you, and you can advocate for yourself as well.

Please keep us posted.

Love

Amy 

There was a woman on one of the threads I follow - she lived in NJ and HATED it beyond belief. She lived in a bad neighborhood, felt trapped in her house, was afraid of the driving, and on and on. Finally (after 25 years), she worked up the nerve to move and packed everythign up and moved to New Hampshire.  It made a WORLD of difference (although she had a tough time adjusting to all the snow) and she was so much happier.

I also hate the limited resources you seem to have there. 

Hope to hear from you soon.  Meanwhile please have a good night's rest. 

Well, so you are depressed . At least you recognize it. Now try to get help. Maybe some Meds will work for you. You have a right as to how you feel, and this disease is not fun, going it alone is worse. But there is help, don't be afraid to ask. I had a depressive episode some years ago, and meds helped. I am not telling you what to do, but just trying to give you options. Take care.

Okay....here's the Real Estate Broker in me coming out. Call your Realtor and ask for an updated market analysis, and also ask for the fair market rental value. In the Northeast, the best time to market a home is actually March on thru October. The buyers that want to move when school is out in June typically start looking late February, beginning of March. If you can't sell, consider renting your home and moving to where you will be happy. You can instruct your Realtor to keep the house on the market and your tenant would have to agree to showings and vacate in 90 days (or whatever you agree upon, 30 days, 60 days, etc) if you get an acceptable offer.

Big Hugs to you and a slap for that FRIEND of yours!

I know all about the isolation in Maine! Spring might not get there until May!

I am sure they still consider you "FROM AWAY" even though you have been there for 20 years.

If you live in the county, do you get to Canada? or what about Presque Isle? 

I was slowly driving a stick shift at two weeks after surgery. I made small trips at first then took myself to every support group meeting I could possibly get to. I had just moved into a new town and knew no one had no neighbors either and my doctors were an hour away and the only time I left my house was to go to support group each week. It was the best thing for me and I have made fabulous friends there that care for me and we do more than just talk about cancer.

Grocery shopping will be tough but make lots of little trips in from the car with one bag a t a time. I avoided reaching too high on the shelves. As it was just me to feed, my trips were few and when I did cook, I froze single portions to eat later.

Hopefully once you get to support group, you will make friends that do care and will show up when they say they will. I had offers to help me and I was overhwhelmed... No one knew me but they offered to help.  Then when it came time, I hosted a member after her surgery at my house for a week.

We are both single and had no family and it was easier for her to stay with me because I have pets. I drove her to the hospital and brought her home to my house. I know there are wonderful people at support groups who would offer anything to help you through this.

I hope that you find a way to get there tonight - it will change so much and you might make a new best friend!

I'm sorry a rambled, but just leaving the house once a week was all I had to look forward to for many months. 

It did something for me to help someone new as others had helped me. 

They - this 'friend' sounds like a bit of a user. Please be careful. You are vulnerable now, but she is showing her true colors.  Not good.

Could you perhaps call the coordinator of the BC support group and see if you can get a ride? They, above anybody, should understand about recent surgery and hopefully someone can stop for you. It's a small town, right? How far out of their way would they have to go?

Nighttimes are the hardest in ANY time of stress. Fear, sadness, worries are all magnified in a dark quiet house.  My suggestion - do you have an IPOD? If so, download some podcasts - NOT MUSIC which can make you sadder - but talking.  I used to use travelogues - people's accounts of trips to various places - kept me focused and I would fall asleep. Wear the IPOD in bed and in the dark. Then when you wake up a little, just slip it off and push it aside and keep on sleeping.

It works - I promise.

Good luck about tonight. I hope you get to go. 

Did she give you another time slot?  Sounds like a social service agency not a private therapist.  I know that they are tremendously overworked. NOT making an excuse - the treatment was unconscionable especially after you told her how you were struggling. But unfortunately, these workers and the friends that you have are not coming through. Better to not get your hopes up re their promises than be disappointed.

Are there any taxis in your town? Many have an 'affordable' rate for seniors or disabled. Not sure if you are a senior (no disrespect intended if you are not) and you are not disabled (although temporarily limited). Maybe call the town government and the local taxi co (if one exists) and see if there is ANY type of transport for people with illnesses. I know there is something here called 'paratransit' - it's not perfect, but it does work. When I was getting rads, a woman who was there with me would take it.  I think you are going to have to be your own advocate, make LOTS of phone calls, see what services exist in your town/county or from the state and take advantage of those. 

I echo the advice of  DLB823 about starting a new thread with Maine in the title. Or even do a 'search' with Maine in the search field and see who/what posts come up.

Try to feel like a detective- scoping out hidden gifts for yourself. One thing you do have is time and a computer (well that's two things).  Between those two things, and all of us here cheering you on, perhaps you can feel a touch more empowered.  I really want you to get to that doctor's appt tomorrow. I WISH I was closer! 

TAG- PLEASE call your VA!  they have groups that take vets for appts, they should be able to get you to your apts.  Even if you have to go to the VA hospital that is farther away, that would be ok.  Also there is usually a COPE help hotline or county Agency that deals with diabiled people, or even the council on aging- they have volunteer networks, even if you don't qualify - they may be able to hook you up with someone.  Worse come to worse, you can get groceries on line. I am sorry you have to do all the work for finding help when you feel like sh*t, but as you said no one is helping you.  One question, does your "friend" still have your car?  If she does, demand it back ASAP.  If she doesn't, CALL the Police- she has proven she is no friend.  I don't know your age, but if you are on social Security- they have people to help with Elder abuse- this qualifies.  Even if your neighbors are thinking you are an outsider, they will help you- It is in the New Englander code- they will help- please try calling- We are all concerned about you.

Theyaregone:  Hello Dear., I hope you are sleeping peacefully right now..  I felt such pain when I read your words of pain and lonliness.  I would have liked to have been able to put my arms around you and let you cry on my shoulder.  I have never been in a predictamint like you are in but I have dealt with lonliness when I was left alone sick.  You have been very strong (crying doesn't mean you aren't strong.  I was happy when you said you had been praying.  Get to feeling close to talking to the Lord.  and sometimes just sit quietly and listen to see if he speaks to you-----maybe not in words but inknowing his presence.If you ask, he wilol be there for you and you will never be alone again.   I've wondered if your husband had been sick very long and how long since he died.  I give my deepest sympanthy on that loss.  It must have you very sad.  If you want to talk about your daughter you can send it instsnt message..Sometimes, we wshouldn't shut these angry, hurt feelings up inside of us to ferment.  I I was so sad to read about your plight and when I read some of the other womens's stories, I was tearful..  But as I started reading the answers sent to you by these bighearted, caring, loving gals I just knew that they would prop you up til you can stand alone.  You were bound to be so encouraged by their outpouring of love that you knew you could make it.  Aren't they something to write home about?  Makes you know that most people are good. May God bless you muchly.Look for things to make you smile.Find out about an antidepressant(If you are going to take Tamoxifen agood antidepressent would be Effexor because it doesn't act against  tamox and helps some with hot flashes and cholestorol and bones .  I was already on it.You are going to be so proud of yourself after you come out on the other side of this.  With love and caring hugs, Joyce