feeling scared

Options
tanya01
tanya01 Member Posts: 74
edited June 2014 in Triple-Negative Breast Cancer

I am having a little bit of a rough week. For some reason this weeks seems to be harder than most. I was done with chemo on Oct 13 and I have my first follow  up visit in Dec.  I have recently been having some minor pains under my right breast.  Keep in mind I also had a double mastectomy.  The best way I can explain it is the pain is right where the underwire of your bra would sit if I wore one. It doesn't hurt unless I touch it. Its seems tender and maybe a little bit inflamed.  I feel like I am going crazy I can't stop thinking about my cancer coming back I knit pick at every ach and pain. How do the doc know if you have recurrence? Does it show up in your blood or is based on symptoms and then you get a scan.  I think I am driving my doc crazy.  I have thought about support groups, but im not good at talking about how I feel in a group of people.  I just don't know how to live my life with knowing the cancer could come back. It just doesn't seem fair that we beat it once and we may have to do it again. I have not found anyone that has the same cancer characteristic as I do. I am BRACA 1 positive,  I was stage 2a no nodes involved  EP+ ONLY 2% So technically neg. PR- Her2-. My sister is also positive for the BRACA1 gene. She is only 22 and is getting ready to have a preventative double mastectomy next month. All I want to do is try and live a normal life and I just can't seem to get that moving

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • Luah
    Luah Member Posts: 1,541
    edited January 2012

    Tanya01: Sorry you are feeling such anxiety - it is a very normal side effect, as many, many women here can attest... and it does get better the farther out you get from diagnosis and treatment. So don't be too hard on yourself... and try and stay busy with other things that give you pleasure. If your anxiety is interfering with normal daily activities, you should talk to your doc about that.   

    My doc's rule of thumb is that if I have an unusual, unexplained symptom that lasts beyond 2 weeks, I should call and get checked out. Having this plan of action helps ease my mind when a new ache or pain crops up (as they inevitably do). Of course, I'd act earlier if something seemed extreme or urgent. Have you mentioned your pain to your doc - what does he/she say? 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • yellowdoglady
    yellowdoglady Member Posts: 349
    edited January 2012

    Tanya,

    If you are like a lot of us, you first felt angry and fought like hell to take care of the immediate problem that could take you out.  After that, there is a void to fill, so we go back to our usual programming, but worry for a while.  Sometimes a lot.  And rightly so.  We have to be diligent to be sure we are on the right path.  So if you are troubled, have it checked out.  The general advice is good; if you are troubled after two weeks, get it looked after.  The docs are happier to tell you it is nothing now than to hear a year later that you were troubled by something that actually turned up to be something and you didn't want to bother them back then.

    And Luah is exactly right.  The more distance you get from the bad news, the better you will feel, and the less you will have those moments of fear and panic.  I thought at first that there was no way I would go through such hell and torment again.  Then I got stronger and felt better and moved back into my life and I realized that of course I would do it again if I had to.  I have people here I don't want to leave and things I still want to do, and I'm going to need a lot more time to get it all done.  I'm hoping I'll have that.  But if you sit up all night worrying about mathematical probabilities, you'll be wasting perfectly good time that can be spent sleeping well and enjoying the next day.  And the day after, and so on.

    My advice to you is to LIVE!  Just do it, and enjoy it and keep an eye out so you can keep yourself well.  People say that it's odd that we should worry so much when we could each be hit by a bus tomorrow.  I agree, but say that I've seen my bus and have stepped to the curb so as not to be run down, and I'll do the same anytime I see that bus because I recognize it now.

    In other words, you know your enemy and can recognize your enemy.  Now get some sleep and live your life and enjoy every day because you are in control now.       

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • westbrook
    westbrook Member Posts: 4
    edited January 2012

    To Tanya:  Your feelings of anxiety and fear after treatment are 100 per cent normal.  Time will help, but there are some other strategies that will help you heal from the emotional scars of cancer which, surprisingly, often turn out to be more complicated than the physical.  First of all, share these feelings with others who are likely to understand. For example, if you have a good relationship with your oncologist, tell him or her how difficult these last several months have been. There may well be a social worker available at your treatment center who specializes in talking to cancer survivors.  Or, even though you're skeptical, I urge you to find a support group.  Speaking with others who have been in your shoes is immensely helpful.  First of all, it will be a relief just to express your feelings out loud. And, others who have gone through the same situation, will tell you their own strategies for coping. Being a member of a group can be hugely important in the healing process.  I urge you to at least try it, then decide if it might work.

    And, last of all, if panic attacks and extreme anxiety continue to exist, make sure to speak to a psychiatrist who may prescribe medication that will help you live a normal life. This need not be forever, but it might allow you to function while you sort all of this out.

    Good luck going forward.  Please don't wait to seek help and support. I know first-hand that it can make a great difference.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • minxie
    minxie Member Posts: 484
    edited January 2012

    Tanya - very normal after BMX to have all sorts of binding, numbing, stabbing pains all around that area. I know how easy it is to drive yourself crazy over it. After a year of being so terrified I was almost incapacitated, I found I was having severe PTSD. I got on anti-anxiety meds and did some therapy and while I'll never be as carefree as before, it's a lot better. I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist - there's nothing to be ashamed of. After all we've been through, I think it's perfectly normal!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • tanya01
    tanya01 Member Posts: 74
    edited February 2012

    Hey Ladies.... I wanted to give you an update. First and foremost thank you all so much for your support and well wishes. It really helped me get through all of this and helped me stay strong.   I had my Scan done on Monday and I got the call today. It was a very long two days. I hope I never have to go through that again, but my scan did come back CLEAN!!  I was the best birthday present I could have received. Again thank you all so much for being my support when I needed it the most. You all rock!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • mccrimmon324
    mccrimmon324 Member Posts: 1,076
    edited February 2012

    Congrats on your CLEAN scan!  Wishing you many many more!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories