Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    Sweetbean thats exactly how I feel! No way would I tell him before we've met and went out a few times.

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  • paintedlady
    paintedlady Member Posts: 252
    edited January 2012

    Hi Ladies

    I agree with Sweetbean and Dragonfly

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  • twoputter
    twoputter Member Posts: 115
    edited January 2012

    I agree, but I feel weird wearing a wig and wondering if they know it's a wig. 

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    How many guys notice hair anyway? Don't worry about it, I know its hard to do..... It will be ok :)

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    Ah that's too bad, the guilt trip!! How old is he?

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  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 1,931
    edited January 2012

    hadley, ooh, that's super lame.  trying to get you to pity-date him?  i'm embarrassed for him! please run away right now.  

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    Ha ha Sweetbean :) What's the deal about not dating a fireman?

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    Wow that's crazy, after your experience I certainly do NOT blame you one bit!

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  • paintedlady
    paintedlady Member Posts: 252
    edited January 2012

    Think I missed something lol

    Twoputter, I wore a wig for awhile and went out dancing. Now that I am not wearing a wig; my friends asked me if I got a different wig lol

    Don't worry about the wig, go out and have a good time. 

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  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 318
    edited January 2012

    We can all spot a wig a mile away because we know what to look for but most people can't tell.  I had a patient of mine ask me 3 times where I got my hair cut.  I would say "here and there"... finally after she persisted,  I said "its not mine".  I had a nice wig but certainly you could tell it was a wig.  Most people would comment "you got your hair cut". Well, I guess I did. 

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

    No worries about the fireman comment - we are having fun and he's in a town that is pretty safe.  his ex cheated on him so I'm pretty sure he wouldn't do that to me (and we both know too many people in town)

    Kward

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    Safe?? Is any relationship safe? Lol...

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited January 2012

    Even if it was a 3rd or 4th date, would you get involved with someone who was ill? I'm just wondering if we would be as understanding and compassionate and loving if the guy had a serious health issue. At this stage in my life, I don't want to become a caregiver. Is that selfish?

    If I was already in a relationship and the guy developed an illness, I would certainly hang in - I wouldn't walk away from someone I cared about. But to start a new relationship ..........I don't know. 

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  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 1,931
    edited January 2012

    It really depends on the health issue.  Is it a genetic disease that might impact kids?  That's different from a cancer history.  Are you assuming that we will all need caregivers because the cancer is coming back?  That's definitely not my plan.  When I tell the man that I am dating about my cancer history, I will also tell him about all of the things that I do to stay healthy.  I realize that it is no guarantee, but hopefully, he will be encouraged by the steps that I am taking.  I have to say, most guys don't think so much about these things.  The guys that I know are like, "But you're OK now, right?  Cool."  And that's about it.  If you project confidence about the situation, then they will probably be OK with it.   If you are a bit of a bastketcase, then they will get nervous.  

    Edited to add:  This man is purely hypothetical at this point.  I haven't dated anyone enough to feel like I should tell them yet. 

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    Again I agree with sweetbean, it would depend on what the disease is. If it's inevitable that they will need a caregiver then I don't know, especially if we just met.

    Edit: Have to add although it may sound selfish I'm agreeing with HRF. I am a single Mom of an active 11 year old girl, and work full time etc... I don't have time or energy to be a caregiver too.

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  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 1,931
    edited January 2012

    LOL, DF - great minds think alike!

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012
    Amen my friend Wink
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  • paintedlady
    paintedlady Member Posts: 252
    edited January 2012

    Good Morning Ladies

    Thought that I will add by 2 cents lol

    Hrf I don't know how old you are, but with men are around my age or a little older, it is common for them to have some chronic illnesses. I probably would not be interested in someone that had a mobility problem because I do like to dance.

    As for telling someone. I agree with the other ladies. If I don't consider the person to be someone that I would want long term, I would not tell them. It is none of their business. Believe me, most men that I have encountered don't tell you much at first

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    Checking in with everyone, seems to have gone quiet again lately... Nothing new with me. Met a guy last week for dinner, we still talk but he hasn't asked me out again. May meet another guy for dinner tomorrow night. I think another guy finally gave up on me :( I'm so frustrated lately.... Just when I thought I could try dating, my ex starts bailing on his weekends. So it's really hard for me to find time to date, at least go meet new guys often. Weeknights are almost impossible, and I feel guilty leaving my girl for an hour or 2, but how else does one do it? The one guy that I think gave up on me I emailed him tonight some of this but haven't heard from him yet.I'm ok with that, we haven't even met yet and he was a little too flirty/sexual innuendos for me.

    So that's it....

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  • twoputter
    twoputter Member Posts: 115
    edited January 2012

    Nothing new with me.  Talking with a few guys, but haven't met them yet. 

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  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 1,931
    edited January 2012

    Nothing new with me.  Here in Florida for my concerts (which are going really well AND it's 75 degrees out - so much better than Connecticut), so I am just e-mailing with guys.  Will have three first dates and one second date when I return - gonna have to cram them into one weekend, because my exchange surgery is Feb. 2nd.  (Definitely giving the 2nd date priority - that guy was cute and seemed really nice!)  :)

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  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 318
    edited January 2012

    Sweet bean - you'll find the recovery from the exchange easier than the original surgery.  I took a few days off from work but could have gone back easily after a day or two - mostly tired from the anesthesia.

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  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 1,931
    edited January 2012

    Awesome!  Did you have the same amount of cc's in your implants as you did in your TE's?  My PS wants to go slightly smaller, but I don't want to be smaller.  

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    I want to go smaller but not sure it's worth the hassle? I did the DIEP though... You'll do fine Sweetbean, I'm sure of it :)

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  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 318
    edited January 2012

    Sweet Bean - My expander was filled to 420 and my implant is 360 I think - I had the expander placed after rads bc I had wanted to do the DIEP but lost weight and didn't have enough for it. I wish I was a little bigger (I'm a small B) but I'm happy.  The implant sits slightly higher than my other side but in a bra I look even.  Best of luck

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    Funny huh, how many people want to be smaller? :) I was a C before, and supposed to be a C now but not the case. . . Unless they are a true C and just in the right place now instead of the post child boobs!! Lol

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  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 1,931
    edited January 2012

    Hmmm...I definitely don't want to be smaller than i am right now.  How am I going to make this clear to my PS and get her to put in the right size implant?  I don't want to have a revision because of this - I already know I don't want to be smaller, you know?

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    Went out tonight with a guy I met on plenty of fish, I kept putting off going out with him because he honestly wasn't like super hot in the only 1 picture he had posted. He seemed really nice and genuine though and we text a lot. So tonight we met and went for appetizers, beer and a few games of pool. He is cute, his personality makes him even cuter and I can tell he's shy, but real nice and funny! So we'll see what happens next...

    The size sweetbean should be made very clear, it's hard though I know from having the DIEP there is a lot swelling so it's hard to tell the true size at first. I don't know how it works with the implants?

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  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 1,931
    edited January 2012

    I think I will just tell her to keep the cc's the same as I have in the TE's.  That should about do it.  

     The percussionist for the show I am in just asked me out.  He's hot and very talented, but he lives in Florida!  He is going to visit CT in May (!!!) but wants to take me out to this awesome sushi restaurant that we both know when he visits.  (He used to live in CT.)   And that's all the news from here...:)

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited January 2012

    Thats awesome!!!! :)

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  • julianna51
    julianna51 Member Posts: 438
    edited January 2012

    sweetbean - there is a great thread on here about sizing and I understand that whippetmom is the person to contact about helping to figure out what size implants are needed.  Worth a look!

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