Bad Experience at the fitter?
Has anyone had a bad experience at a store that is to fit foobs? I have been to this store several times, and it only seems to get worse. While I consider myself a good communicator, I am starting to think my brain must shut down when I have my shirt off in front of a stranger and we are looking at fake breasts.
Why does everything seem out of the 1950's? bulky, massive. Way too tight. Why did the fitter seem so surprised when she asked me what I wore to bed and I replied "nightgown". She seemed to look at me as pathetic since I admitted I don't wear foobs to bed...actually I don't wear them at all. Which is why I was there, to try to find something that doesn't hurt.
Why did the fitter tell me my posture would go wrong if I didn't wear breasts?
Anyway, this visit ended up with her showing me a compression "cami" that was hard-core, meaning I was shocked at all the hooks and eyes and zippers and velcro and crushing tightness...and when she called my doctor to get the prescription, he had me immediately come over. (because he could not remember any serious swelling on me, and indeed, there is none).
Well I am rattled. This all just feels like a foreign language to me, actually I bought 3 new sweaters for the holidays and I plan to learn to do this sans breasts and make my own fashion statement...but this fitter really has my confidence shaken.
Before this, if I needed foobs, I wore a Barely There bra with those microbead foobs TLC sells, and just not skin tight tops to make it all work... but now I am pretty unsure of myself.
Maybe part of it is the horror of seeing me in the mirror?? but I don't react with horror at home...Ok, thanks for reading...
Comments
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Ummm...I don't think it's all you. I had a pretty bad experience at my local fitter and hated everything she had to offer. I am 61 and always wore simply constructed bras (I was a 34 C) and when she came with the heavy prosthesis and wide strapped bras, I knew I was going to have a problem. I ended up buying a pair of "chicken cutlets" that fit me better than any true prosthesis. I ordered a couple of bras from TLC and the microbead foobs. I don't like those foobs at all, and the TLC bras were ok but still more structure than I like.
Then I read about Coobie bras and ordered four of them. They arrived today and I put one on...ahhh! So comfy! Little bitty straps, no hooks, my B-sized "cutlets" fit in the pockets and they sit on me exactly right. These are not for everyone as I am a petite person and I don't think they would fit a D cup person or anyone bigger than 36 around.
http://www.shopcoobie.com/shop?c=bras
I also had placed calls to two Nordstrom stores hoping to talk to someone and make an appointment for a fitting. No one ever called me back.
I think I have solved this problem on my own. The good news is that my solution has to work until late next summer when I have DIEP recon. For those of you looking for more permanent solutions, my heart goes out to you!
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Haven't had a bad experience with a fitter because I decided to just go flat - but you would think that a person in that job would be somewhat sensitive.
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So I am not the only one! My fitter was so depressing. Rattled on about her medical probs, I ended up trying to cheer HER up. She told me something the same, about how I needed to wear breasts for balance or posture or some damn thing. Well, for sure that was wrong. She thought my minimal bras looked like "tee shirts". Bottom line, she coudn't relate to me at all. She wanted me in these huge heavy things. Those aged me a good ten years
. Anyhow, she was all wrong for me.
Btw, I use Barely There bras w TLC foobs too and those work for me. I also use foam foobs with a all nylon unstructured Sears bra when doing athletic stuff or if I want to wear a very tight top, which looks great btw. -
crystal and beacon, I am pretty sure you must have gone to the same mastectomy supply store I did. At least, your stories sound a lot like what happened to me there. I was a 34B/36A before my left mast/SNB, and all I wanted was a simple, soft, stretchy bra like the ones I wore before my surgery. You'd think I was asking for illegal drugs or something. I actually went to that store 3 times, but I've finally given up I think.
My first visit was just a few weeks after my surgery -- too early to be fitted, but I wanted to meet the fitter(s) and find out what styles of mast bras and breast forms they had available. A very kind and sensitive woman took me under her wing and, even without a doctor's orders, spent nearly an hour with me, showing me various styles. She gave me a "temporary" puffy form that I found out later was simply a breast form cover stuffed with fiberfill. It's triangular-shaped and looks a lot like a real prosthesis only much softer and simpler (and adjustable). I still wear it regularly because it works so much better than the silicon form I eventually bought.
Two or 3 months after my surgery (approx), I went for my official fitting. That first fitter wasn't there anymore, and everybody acted like they'd never heard of her, even though she'd given me her business card. This time, my fitter was the store owner (big mistake!). She measured me and said I should wear a size 2 form, but after stuffing it into a couple of bras she decided it was too small and I needed a size 3. That was another big mistake, because the size 3 form is noticeably larger than my real breast. Otherwise, it's an okay breast form. It ought to be -- it retails for around $400 and my out-of-pocket was about $150. One problem with it is that it's too "perky" -- my right side has a bit of droop to it (I'm 59), and the fake boob doesn't.
So, the fitter decided I needed one of those iron-maiden bras to give me proper "support". I declined one after another of the stiff, pointy things she thrust at me. Finally she brought out a seamless, smooth bra that looked a lot like my regular ones, except the cups were lined with a very thick, stiff foam. Heck, I don't even need a breast form -- the empty cup sits out there ("projects") just as much as the one with the boob does. I was so tired that I just gave in and accepted that bra. Of course, it cost much more than my insurance allowed; so I had to pay around $75 out-of-pocket for it. I picked out another plain cotton bra but it turned out to be too pointy when I got it home -- my right (normal) boob doesn't fill it out. I had that problem a lot when I was younger and had tried to wear regular, non-stretchy bras.
I have never worn either of those bras or the breast form. Never. What a waste of money.
So this past year (3 years after my surgery), I went back to that store to ask for a breast form and bra(s) that actually fit. I was wearing my temporary fiberfilled prosthesis cover (the free one), and my regular (pre-mastectomy) stretchy bra. The fitter (yet another one) gasped when she saw my bra. "That doesn't support you at all!", she exclaimed in what sounded like disgust (and maybe some pity). "You need to be wearing a real breast form in a proper, supportive mastectomy bra!" She gave me the party line about damage to my spine if I didn't have symmetrical weight on my chest. I challenged her, pointing out that a size 34B/36A breast was probably not going to weigh more than a pound, and the lack of that much weight on one side of my chest certainly wasn't going to make me tilt sideways. She glared at me.
We tried on another half dozen bras, but no breast forms because I didn't have a new prescription. None of the bras were satisfactory (IMHO). They were all way too tight. According to the on-line supply store measurements, I should be wearing a 38AA or 36A; but this fitter, like the previous one, insisted that I needed to cinch my chest up in a 34B. She denied that there was any such thing as a "cover" for a breast form. (I wanted a new one to use as mine was in the laundry.) So, I left with nothing and I was almost in tears.
I am NOT going back there. I know I am "hard to fit" -- I always have been, ever since I wore my first bra. And, I have never, ever found a bra fitter -- mastectomy bra or otherwise -- who could provide the personalized, compassionate service they boast about. I get much more concern and help from my BC sisters here on these Boards.
otter
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I am appalled but, sadly, not surprised to read about these experiences. This isn't the way it should be. I don't know where these fitters are being trained but their outdated information is just so wrong for so many women.
Bras don't need to be tight, first of all. I can't tolerate anything tight and wear my bras (mastectomy and regular) very loose. They always stay in place and look very natural.
Second of all, regarding balance and posture, if you've had a bilateral mastectomy, there are NO issues with balance or posture, no need for weighted forms, no need for any forms at all unless you choose to wear them. If you've had a unilateral and your natural breast is small, you most likely won't need to balance the weight, either, since the difference isn't great.
Third, there really are comfortable mastectomy bras out there. Many are still too structured for me, but I'm a person who (even before my BMX) wore only unwired, very comfy bras, and I have found some pocketed (mastectomy) bras that are as comfortable as any regular bras. Anita makes several like this (Natasya and Gloria are two such styles) and Amoena has an increasing number that are comfortable, Marlena being one. ABC's tee shirt bra, style 114 is very comfortable for me, as well. I also wear regular bras, like the Barely There Crop Top (with my Silique Comfort Lite forms). I use little Maidenform bralettes with lightweight silicone forms, too.
In order to get my insurance to cover new forms, I'm forced to go to mastectomy shops and I've found a few nice fitters, but I always do my research ahead of time and make it clear that I know my body best. That makes it sound so easy. It took me a while to realize that I had to do this, otherwise fitters would be telling me what I needed rather than the other way around. I know some women do have really positive experiences with fitters, but clearly from all the previous posts, many of us do not.
It does make me feel sad to realize that some of you might actually like to wear breast forms rather than go flat if only you could find comfortable alternatives. Going flat is a great if that's what you choose but it shouldn't be the only alternative if you'd rather have the appearance of breasts.
Barbara
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Blech, Otter, so sorry you had to go through that. I haven't gone for a fitting yet. I wear those puffy forms you describe, and to make them stay put, I baste them into a regular bra. I just ordered some mastectomy bras from TLC, comfy, soft ones. I will let you know how they work.
Granted, I had a bilateral, so at least I do not have to worry about matching an existing breast, but when I still had breasts, bra saleswomen would also try to squeeze me into tight bras with bigger cups. The amoena lady who gave me the fiberfill things also tried to talk me into bigger ones (but backed off nicely, when I insisted that I really, truly did not want them).
I hope you find a solution that works for you.
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I have been to the fitter twice now. Both times disapointed. They put me in these iron maiden bras with really thick straps that rub on my port. I opted for a weighted foam foob over the silicone one. I also took my Bali bras and sewed pockets in them. The straps are thinner and a little more feminine than the ones they were trying to push on me.
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Run to another fitter....I went to three before I found one that I liked and had pretty bras that I like.
Do you all like the micro bead foobs ? I have been thinking about them...I am really not found of the light weight silcone ones I bought .
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Tappy, I will let you know, since I just ordered a set of microbeads.
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wow i had a very similar experience, i left depressed at both the cost and the look. i wanted small but they didnt get that and also told me that since the fitter was a nurse she knows about posture and if i dont get a proper fitting bra and foobs that i will end up hunched over. i never went back. i also struggle with should i stay flat or use a padded bra. personally i just like being flat and wearing scarves, vests... i was lucky to find a bra a kohls that had a built in layer that you could stuff a form into. i generally just buy little girls bras and stuff them with fiberfill. only problem is to make them even adn after washing its a bit tricky to get them back to same size. anyone else "cheat"?thanks for posting i feel sooooo much better knowing i am not alone. I live in the metro detroit area and wonder if others went to the same store?
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OMG, I am soooo happy you started this thread, crystal! I went to our local shop a week or two ago, the fitter was very young and kind, but seemed rather clueless. I am small, have been going "flat and fabulous" since BMX in October, have been wrestling with whether I even want to do anything, but not wanting to look like a 10-year old in some of my holiday dresses. Well, that's off for this year, as the fitter didn't have anything in my size, showed me only one type of prosthesis (light silicone), had nothing to compare it to. She is ordering some smaller items in and may have them this week, but I was in tears of and on for a few days feeling sorry for myself.
My youngest sister was a plastic surg. nurse years ago, and she gave me a lot of support, told me to get to a better store (not as convenient, but maybe better) and gave me a couple of places nearby. I just can't even seem to get those fiberfill things to work for me - I tried to put them in the little breast forms that otter mentioned, and put them into my regular bra, but they have bumps and seams that show through any t-shirt or clothing that drapes close to my chest.
But you have all given me a few ideas here, so back to some experimentation! And a new fitter!
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I have had the same problem!! The first time I went for a boob and bra, I just got what ever looked better than being lopsided. I realized when I got home how bad it looked and went back. Still not happy. The next year I went somewhere else. Happier with the foob but after I paid with my credit card the full amount, I kept getting collection notices from the store. I had to write them a nasty letter about taking advantage of breast cancer patients. Now I am looking for another store, but am ready to order from TLC. The only prob is that I am like a 42D one my remaining side, and hope I get something passable. This crap stinks!!!!
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I echo many of the experiences described... I guess what demoralized me the most is not being able to find or have them find anything to cover the deep hallow across my chest... Nothing to wear to bed that I could feel sexy in... And seeing the look of pity and horror at what I look like under my clothes. I cried all the way home...felt so sorry for myself... Ranted I would never feel like I was a real woman ever again... Had a royal meltdown. I am not going back to either place I tried. The foob weighs 2 lbs. I weighed it. I hate it. I have 4 mega bras I don't wear. I am using my old Bali bras too.
Otter... There were covers I have three of them that the second store clerk gave me... Your clerk was so full of it. I am going to try one more place this year after the holidays... If they can't help me I will have to learn to help myself. I don't feel confident ordering without trying it on, but by the time you total up the gas and time to these stores... I could have taken a chance on online and sent it back for less. -
I am so relieved to hear all of your responses, it is helping me soooo much to know I am not the only woman going through crap with these fitters. How they looked at me and made me feel, and all the lines they were feeding me....well, I am so glad I posted because I really was at the point where I thought something was wrong with me and my thinking.
Just to share something funny, The fitter seemed disgusted when I said I do not wear foobs to bed, and she said imagine how turned off your husband feels when he sees you. Later my daughter commented tongue in cheek "oh for sure, all good marriages are based on trickery and deceit". She cracked me up.
Anyone who has had an experience like the ones shared above, join in. Today I am feeling stronger and better about myself, because of all of your responses!!! which makes my posture fabulous!!!
Nothing is more attractive than confidence and a smile.
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Starbeauty, I am really sorry to hear what you are going through.
Would something like this work for you: http://www.tlcdirect.org/products/sku-7643__dept-14.html for, uhm, evening wear
I ordered some stuff from there (which hasn't arrived yet) and figured it was worth the chance, and as you say, you can always return it if it doesn't work.
I am also thinking of looking for tanks with built-in shelf bras and sewing pockets into those. I am thinking it would be comfortable and easy for everyday wear.
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@. Good heavens!
I rarely wear foobs around the house and NEVER to bed. My husband seems to like me just fine.
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Thanks momine... It just might work...
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I have been using the fiber filled foobs in a genie bra and in my old reg bras...I have to do some adjusting to fit each bra..
I bought the ligh silicone foobs but dont think I can wear them till my port is out...and yes the fitter kept wanting to get it tigh/the brat...which was very incomfy..
I am thinkin I will go with the micro bead ones from TLC or just the foam ones (not fiber filled) - let me know how you all like them...
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I went to our boutique a couple times now. First was to get my camis for the drains after my bmx and the second to see about getting a bra and prosthetics. Because of my severe PMPS, I had to get a HUGE bra, and only foam like prosthetics. I just didn't like them because they were so darn perky! My breasts were saggy and I guess I wanted that look again to feel more like me. Maybe if I could wear different prosthetics, I could get that look. I found the ladies our local boutique wonderful and they had a HUGE assortment of bras to wear. The only think I didn't like was that she was very pushy about sexy, fru fru, and lacey stuff, when I am a in the garden and dirty, comfort kind of woman. I came home with a bra and foam like prosthetics and have never worn them.
I like being flat.In fact, I love being flat. I love not having to wear a bra, even if I could.
I am so sorry for all the women that found vulchers out there. It is such a shame after all we go through to experience that in a place that should be more sensitive to us.
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Crystal, your daughter is right on!!!
My DH seems fine with me, as long as I am here and sharing life with him!There is another thread Wardrobe pics for boobless days that some of you might like to check out. I found it before this one, and they have some great ideas for dressing for comfort and self-assurance.
Also, for anyone ordering from TLC, I have to say they have been the most helpful and empathetic folks - I got my wigs from them and the lady was wonderful, even answered my "stupid" questions as if that was the most important thing for her to be doing right then. Also, I had ordered a couple of bras for post-lumpectomy that I thought would be good, but they did not fit right, and even though they were on sale, they took them back. So I have had very good experience with them. But it IS a little hassle to not know what you are getting until you actually see it, and then have to return it, but I agree, better than wasting a lot of gas and ending up with something a high-pressure sales girl sends you home with!
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Crystal,
That is unbelievable to me that the fitter would tell you to wear forms to bed for your husband. That comment shows her anxieties about her attractiveness, not yours. One of the great things about a mastectomy without recon is how comfy it is to go flat. Why on earth would I ever wear a bra and forms to bed? Okay, once in a while I wear forms when I'm intimate with my DH, just for fun and variety (and I take them off when it's time to go to sleep), but my DH loves me just the way I am. In fact, he hoped I would choose not to have reconstruction. A woman who used to post here and sadly passed away from advanced bc once wrote that her husband told her he liked to touch her flat chest because when he did he felt so close to her heart.
Barbara
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Awww Barb - that made tme cry...- that was beautiful
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Oh Barb, tears here too...and this woman is right, wow, are hugs intense and intimate being "flat"...there is that slightly intimate feeling of hugging a person tight without breasts, so you have to trust them...and the sheer closeness of it all.
I really do appreciate all of the posts, this has been building in me for a while now, the bad fitter experience.
I appreicate everyone who suggests friendly online places to deal with...thank you!
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I have been extremely lucky that the mastectomy shop here in Canberra Australia is owned by a woman who has had breast cancer herself. She was absolutely wonderful, and I have exactly what I need.
It seems to me that someone who can totally understand what you are going through and how you feel would be the best person to run a shop like that.
I'm appalled at the treatment you all have received. It's horrible - especially after all you've been through to even get where you are now.
Hmmm... maybe when some of the sisters in the US are feeling up to it - it might be a good business idea lol
Trish
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Hi All - Several of you know me as an always flat from the other threads.
Have to admit that the fitter who I liked and is a 2 x BC survivor, gives the same party line about needing to wear weighted foobs to prevent osteoporosis, shoulder droop, just as much for the BMX as the uni.... I blew it off. It certainly seems to be a pretty pervasive attitude with a lot of fitters.
The fitter in a different shop that I spoke to at the time of buying a post surgical cami for the BMX, was pushing the stick on foobs. Nearly ran screaming out of the shop at the very thought. Same shop that told me I would have to have pretty big cahunas to walk around flat. They were just wrong on all counts!!!
Recently I have had moments that it might be nice to have a pair of foobs just because. Not sure if I would actually wear them or not and not sure how if I would be able to overcome the embarrassment or self-consciousness of wearing foobs one day and not the next. Truly cannot imagine wearing them everyday. In case you are wondering if I am turning to the "dark side" LOL There are life decisions and fashion ones. The no recon was a life decision - I can absolutely guarantee that one will not be changing. Foobs on the other hand, are a fashion decision, subject to whim and the seasons. What has changed is that now that The Mutant dog ears have been removed, it has only now become an option. I am allowing myself to explore all of my options.
On the day I did have a fitting before The Mutant removal, I didn't even step out of the fitting room. Just sharing first knee jerk reactions. Didn't even try on the microbead and foam forms as didn't feel at all like natural breasts and seemed wayyyy too perky for a 60+ chest. Also didn't like the feel of the layered one with silicone in the front and microbeads next to the chest. The one that looked good and felt okay was an ABC 1022 asymmetrical lightweight silicone in an Amoena Greta 2124 bra. Not sure I liked or needed the front and back closures but did need the higher sides in order to smoothly accomodate the underarm fluffy stuff. My other issue with some of the other bras I tried was they cut or pressured along the side from the strap to under the arm which is right on top of the very worst of the nerve damage. Couldn't get them off fast enough.
I have a very high deductible so if I were to buy foobs, they are going to be totally out of pocket. $900 for a set of foobs and a couple bras seems like a bit much in my world. Noticed that the local stores want $150 more EACH for the above forms over an outfit called MetroMedical online. Barbara or anyone have experience with this company?
Just wanted to say you are not alone with the whole fitter thing.
Barbara
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Barbara,
I have bought bras and compression sleeves from MetroMedical online and had very positive experiences. I haven't bought forms from them and haven't had to return anything though. Also once you order from them you'll get emails with coupons and news of sales (they don't overdo the emails). They have a lot of really good deals in their Amoena Overstock section.
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Yes, I agree. I've had excellent experience with MetroMedical online. I've bought and returned forms from them, no problem. And as River Rat says, once you order from them, you'll receive coupons from them. I just got a free shipping coupon and am considering ordering an extra pair of my current favorite foam forms, the ABC First Forms. Some women spend their extra money on shoes, I spend mine on breast forms LOL.
The MetroMedical site is well-organized and the prices are generally among the best around. The only reason I wouldn't order from them is if I were entitled to insurance for new forms or bras. It's so much easier to do that through a local shop. If I did it through MetroMedical or another online site, I guess I'd have to submit my own insurance claim (online sites generally don't accept insurance), which would be a pain. But that's one reason local shops manage to mark up their products so much. Since many women buy from them using insurance, they're just not as price sensitive.
By the way, I really hope you won't in any way view the desire to wear breast forms as some kind of failure or, as you put it, turning to the dark side. Although I didn't want reconstruction, never felt defined by my breasts, and haven't regretted my decision not to reconstruct, I've always worn breast forms. I like the way I look in them. I like that I can take them off and go flat at home. I also feel my mastectomy is my private business. Of course, friends and relatives know about it, but I choose not to go flat before the world. In my case, no matter what I wear, it appears very obvious to me that I'm flatter than any woman with small breasts. I admire women who go flat, but it's just not me. And I don't feel I'm failing because I choose to look like I have breasts in clothes. Okay, I'll get off my bandwagon.
Barbara
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Barbara - I hope you know I was only kidding about the dark side. Certainly "failure" doesn't even enter into the equation. What is the old saying, It's a woman's perogative to change her mind.
Just like a clothes shopping trip, I am not commiting to anything, just trying on my options. We've all been there, doesn't work and back on the rack, looked good in the store but after getting it home never quite wore it as much as expected, or get it home and it becomes a tried and true go to favorite. I have this sneaking suspicion that when it comes to breast forms, it might end up being the middle one. Try it a time or two and it ends up collecting dust on the shelf. The one I liked for 10 minutes in a fitting room might become a whole other thing when worn all day especially when sitting on top of all the nerve damage. Another big reason to not drop a bunch of money into something and have it go to waste.
I love to shop, love to try new things, and it is in my nature to want to look at things from every possible angle. The good part for me is I am happy flat so if it doesn't work out, other than a bit of dust on the shelf, no loss.
That ABC First Form you like might be worth looking into as a much less expensive way to try on the concept of forms.
Barbara (ever notice how many Barbara's there are?)
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Starak, I am greatly amused by the idea that one should have to wear weighted boobs to prevent osteo and bad posture. I was not aware that naturally flat-chested women were unduly prone to such ills. You sort of wonder where they get this stuff.
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Momine, I have to laugh with you on this one. Makes no sense at all.
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