T.L.

Octobergirl
Octobergirl Member Posts: 334
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I adopted a frizzy red-headed, very French poodle over 19 years ago. She was just 9 wks. old. I named her T.L. and she has been my constant companion since. When I married 6 yrs. ago, we three became a pack and they adore each other as much as I adore both of them.



Today at 3:45pm, T.L. will be euthanized. She is deaf and blind and completely reliant on her keen sense of smell. Three weeks ago, she quit playing altogether and retreated to her bed day and night. The cold days have made her trips outside miserable now. Midweek, she developed a nasty eye infection and I knew it was time to quit being selfish and make the humane decision. I have spent the day with her, reminising and telling her what a wonderful companionship we have had. Somehow the juxtaposition of my losses to BC and my loss of TL have intensified my emotions...love and sadness.



Please send good energy. T.L. leaves the earth with tons of good karma and the most beautiful head of red hair I have ever seen on any creature. I will keep a lock of it and her name collar, many memories and pictures. And I know in some powerful way, we are forever companions.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited December 2011

    Octobergrace,

    We're so sorry to hear this news :( Isn't it always incredible to experience all that unconditional love, reciprocal companionship, and genuine kindness in such a little, furry body? So nice to have been blessed with her love... and she is one lucky girl to have had you to share her life with!

    Our thoughts and prayers are with you and TL (((((hugs)))))

    Your Mods

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  • pupmom
    pupmom Member Posts: 5,068
    edited December 2011

    Octobergrace, I am so, so sorry. As I read this, my yorkie baby, my BC.org namesake, is sleeping by my feet. She turned 14 in November. She is such a part of my life and heart. Yet I know the day is coming when we will have to let her go, when she will return to Heaven, where I believe all our dear loved ones go, to await our return to them and God. You and your darling TL ARE forever companions, just like my baby and I are! We are all One!

    God bless! 

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  • everyminute
    everyminute Member Posts: 1,805
    edited December 2011

    I am so glad you have had that fuzzy little friend for so long and so sorry that it's time for you to let her go. hugs.

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  • ck55
    ck55 Member Posts: 346
    edited December 2011

    Octobergrace, I know how hard this is. I lost my little Jack Russel Aug 2009 and I still think about her and miss her. Perhaps this poem will help a bit:

                              THE RAINBOW BRIDGE POEM

      When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
      All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
      They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
      You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.  

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

     Cyndi

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  • kfinnigan
    kfinnigan Member Posts: 1,729
    edited December 2011

    Sending hugs your way and good energy.  T.L. had a wonderful family!

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  • ICanDoThis
    ICanDoThis Member Posts: 1,473
    edited December 2011

    Cyndi

    That story totally destroys me. Wish it were true...cause, see there is this collie that I would love to hug just one more time.

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  • MaxineO
    MaxineO Member Posts: 555
    edited December 2011

    octobergrace

    I am so so sorry. TL was clearly most beloved; she had such a GOOD life thanks to you.  You are a good mom to know when it's time to release her from her pain.

    Sending so many positive thoughts your way.

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  • ck55
    ck55 Member Posts: 346
    edited December 2011

    Sue, I choose to believe it is true. Innocent I am sure you will  get to hug that collie again, only I am betting you will have to wait a long time before doing so!

    Cyndi

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  • Ellie1959
    Ellie1959 Member Posts: 316
    edited December 2011

    {{{Hugs}}} for you and positive energy for TL - I am looking forward to seeing all my pets again - take care Ellie

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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited December 2011

    Sending you hugs, I'm so sorry.

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  • ICanDoThis
    ICanDoThis Member Posts: 1,473
    edited December 2011

    And OctoberGrace,

    I am so glad that you have had this loving presence in your life for so long, and that you are able to respond to her needs.

    Sorry that your friend has to leave the party before you.

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited December 2011

    Oh, I am so, so sorry. When I read your post my heart just sank for you.

    I know what a heart wrenching decision this must have been for you, but I do believe ending her suffering is the final unselfish gift you have given her. 

    My thoughts are with you tonight. 

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  • weesa
    weesa Member Posts: 707
    edited December 2011

    Oh, Molly, I can feel your anguish. Losing a pet is so damned difficult.

    I know this sounds kinky, and sometime I will explain, but be on the lookout for an odd visitation tonight, probably from a wild animal. This has happened to me a number of times, the pet coming back once quickly to make sure you are okay.

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  • sugarplum
    sugarplum Member Posts: 318
    edited December 2011

    Oh, another poodle person! We loved our black mini, Lickerish, from 1991 to 2004 & took her through cancer (surgery, chemo & radiation - she was the dress rehearsal for my own treatment!), blindness & seizures - we finally had to make that fateful trip to the vet at 11:00 pm on Monday, Dec 21, 2004. We lasted 30 days before adopting another mini puppy (a blue male). Little did we know that B.B. King of the Blues would be my constant companion through surgery, radiation & chemo in 2006. My heart goes out to you - and I am always in tears when I read the Rainbow Bridge...

    Julie

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  • Celtic_Spirit
    Celtic_Spirit Member Posts: 748
    edited December 2011

    I'm so sorry. I know so well the void a pet's death can leave in your life. What a wonderful life she must have had with you, to have been so loved and cared for!

    One week after my bc diagnosis, I had to have Toby Joe, my 17-year-old ginger kitty, put to sleep due to kidney failure. That was one of the lowest points in my life.

    Ages ago in the Celtic lands, when someone lost a family member, they would light a candle and put it in the window so that person's spirit could find his/her way home one more time before departing for the other world (this, by the way, is the origin of the Halloween jack-o-lantern). I have lit a candle and placed it in the window for each of my pets following their death. Odd (but good!) things have happened several times.

    Safe journey, little one.

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  • Ang7
    Ang7 Member Posts: 1,261
    edited December 2011

    I am so sorry also.

    I agree with weesa~

    The night our dog died my husband and I were going down the hallway and we both thought we saw "Boots" trotting ahead of us.  I remember we looked at each other and said "did you see that?" 

    Hugs to you.

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  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 2,134
    edited December 2011

    sending hugs and more hugs' positive thoughts and love for TL

    our pets know that we will take them to the end of their lives....peacefully and lovingly.

    the joy and love TL gave to you will carry you through the days ahead. 

    peace*

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  • Octobergirl
    Octobergirl Member Posts: 334
    edited December 2011

    Your stories of your beloved pets and your messages of support brought new tears to my eyes tonight. I cannot find words to adequately thank you.



    TL died peacefully as we held her. I had asked the vet who saw her the full 19 yrs. Of her life to come out to the car...one of her favorite places...to sedate her with an injection. I was able to hold her until she fell asleep and her last conscious moments were in the car. That was important to me because she always went into an uncontrolled tremble in the vet's office. Afterwards, I wrapped her in her softest pillow cover. We had a glass of wine to toast her long life in our family and reminisced a bit.



    Thanks Weesa, Celtic and all for sharing your experiences with the Spirits of loved ones. We have a candle in the window and it will be lit through the night. We have many wild animals here Weesa...and I will go outside to look for shooting stars later, as well.



    It has been a very long time since I cried so many tears. I was surprised to find that this was harder than cancer for me.

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited December 2011

    Octobergrace - there are no words to describe such a loss. I had to order my darling yellow lab Athena's euthanization over the phone on an international long distance call. The vet was on the other line. He was assisting in exploratory surgery and they had found her riddled with cancer.She had been in pain for a while. 

    I am sure you will treasure fond memories. I can look at pictures of my Athena (which gave me this screen name) with love, but I still want to cry when I think of how I was not able to join her in her last hours. It is wonderful that TL died in a familiar place in the arms of her loved one. But I am so sorry for your loss.

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  • Kay_G
    Kay_G Member Posts: 3,345
    edited December 2011

    So very sorry for your loss. Sending all good energy and thoughts your and TL's way. I can tell how loved and cherished she was.

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  • LittleFlower
    LittleFlower Member Posts: 405
    edited December 2011

    Octobergrace,

    I'm so sorry for your loss.  I do believe that there is a special place for our pets' souls once they leave this earth.  This must be true because they are so loving, unselfish, wonderful companions.  I'm sorry you lost your friend, i'm sure she's already whole and happy again in heaven, looking down on you. 

    Praying for peace in your heart...

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited December 2011

    So sorry for your loss. Our dogs are such special loves in our life. I lost my Maltese poodle mix 2 years ago and miss her every day.

    Caryn

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited December 2011

    Octobergrace,  It's so hard. I wish I had the words to comfort you.  We know it is the time, but the pain huge.  Holding you in my thoughts tonight.  G.

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  • seacretgardn
    seacretgardn Member Posts: 269
    edited December 2011

    Octobergrace I am so sorry for your sadness. What a wonderful companion T.L. Has been to those who love him.



    Next to me is a picture of my beautiful lab Bailey sleeping with my youngest daughter, then 5. He came into our lives at a difficult time and I credit him for healing our family.



    I was honored that this beautiful dog graced our lives and as terribly sad as it was, grateful that we were with him when it was time for him to leave us.



    May all the wonderful memories be with you forever.



    Laura

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  • Jaimieh
    Jaimieh Member Posts: 2,373
    edited December 2011

    TL was blessed to have you.  I just lost my 4 year old beagle this past Sept. to lymphoma and someone said something that helped tremendously and I hope you don't mind if I share it.  "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened". 

    ((hugs))

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  • weesa
    weesa Member Posts: 707
    edited December 2011

    Molly, A few years ago I had to put our cat, Socks, to sleep. He was a cat we got from the pound, and looked like a Maine Coon. He lived--and ruled the house and various golden retrievers--for 14 years before he came down with feline leukemia despite always having his shots.

    Like many cats thru the years, he had his idiosyncracies and also things that were universal to all cats. He was an indoor-outdoor cat and whenever he was outside, if he heard my car pull into the driveway, he would come tearing around from the back yard and run past the car into the front yard as I was putting the car in the garage. From there he would leap up to the deck then fly thru the air to a window box under the kitchen sink window,. There he would wait patiently for me to make my way thru the house and crank open the window to let him in.. He would never use the doors. Being able to fly off the deck railing and land in the window box two stories above the ground was not a feat any other cat before or since could duplicate. He always would land smack in the middle of the window box and then stare into the window until I let him in. We always joked about his reluctance to use the door.

    That evening I came home with him for his last trip from the vet, he was in a cardboard box on my lap and my husband was driving.I could still feel the warmth of his body thru the cardboard onto my lap. As we pulled into the driveway I had the thought that we would never see Socks streak by us again, but just at the critical moment as we were about to pull into the garage, a blur that looked cat-like streaked by us, something larger than Socks but still moved like a cat. I commented to my husband that it did not take long for something else to sense Socks, who always presided over the back yard, to be gone.(I wasn't understanding it yet.)  I stopped and put the box with Socks in the downstairs refuirgerator and then went  to the kitchen to start dinner.(It was dark by now and we were planning to bury him in the morning in the back yard.) I didn't feel like eating, this was the most broken up I had ever been about losing a pet, but I started numbly making dinner. Something made me glance sadly at the kitchen window and its window box. There was the brightest green pair of eyes staring at me. We locked eyes for a moment and like a flash the animal, the same large cat I had seen in the driveway moments before, was gone and I have never seen it again.Several years later I was in a musuem and saw a stuffed eastern bobcat, and realized that was what the animal was.

    This experience has had a lasting profound effect on me, and I think it was one last gift of many that Socks gave to me. I had always doubted the spiritual world, doubted life after death, and this simple, fleeting experience has made me rework all my thinking about the world. Sometimes I wonder if I dreamed this, yet my husband saw everything and remembers it just as I have relayed it to you.

    (As I write this I am remembering Konakat recounting a dream here where her two cats, Ursula and Chloe, jumped thru a window and impatiently waited for her to join them.)

    This is why I told you to be aware of an animal coming around your home tonight, making sure you are okay. When our pets see us grieving they have to return to make sure we are going to be okay. Whether you are aware of it or not, I am sure TL is going to make a quick visit tonight.

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  • ck55
    ck55 Member Posts: 346
    edited December 2011

    I am so glad her passing was so peaceful. Your choice to have the vet come out to the car was wonderful.



    When we had to take our dear Murphy in to be put down, although she usually shook like a leaf at the vet, she was completely calm and before we went into the room she looked deep into my eyes and at that moment I knew she was ready and that we had picked the right time. She had been suffering from liver cancer for months and I believe she was done and ready to go.



    It was still the hardest thing I have ever done, including my own cancer treatments. I look forward to seeing her again when it is my time to cross that bridge.



    Take care. Cyndi

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  • geewhiz
    geewhiz Member Posts: 1,439
    edited December 2011

    Octobergrace, I am so sorry. It was a beautful ending to a life of love. Weesa...thank you for sharing that story. It gives me goosebumps, and hope.

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  • KittyDog
    KittyDog Member Posts: 1,079
    edited December 2011

    (((((HUGS)))))

    Truly understand what you are going through. I had to make that same decision this past July with my Sweet Chihuahua.  It also didn't help that I had to do it while my 8 year old was at camp.   She was only 12 years old.  Turns out she had a rare cancer in her thoat area. She had a great life and I miss her so much.:(

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited December 2011

    Octobergrace....my condolences on the loss of your beloved TL.....what a beautiful story of her last moments.....I got 2 berner pups (brother and sister) 6 months before I was Dx.....Charley died from lymphoma in 2009 and Rosey of bladder cancer one year later....I miss them so....We stilll have one dog (my son's dog who we adopted shortly before Charley died), and I'm just beginning to think about another dog....and I feel that I should be the one to pick the dog....Charely and Rosey were mine and they represented life before BC....very weird...sorry to hijack your thread.....Again, my condolences on the loss of TL....I hope your memories of the good times will bring you peace....Hugs,

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